To ask for a 200,000-yuan gift is to sell your daughter?

Sometimes I can’t understand why an ordinary family would embarrass another ordinary family? Behind the so-called "embarrassment", are you really just doing it for your daughter's benefit, without any selfish motives?

As many people say, giving birth to a boy or a girl is the same now, but when it comes to marriage, it will be different.

It is indeed regarded as marrying off a daughter, so the man must prepare all the needs, including a house, a car and a bride price, and behave confidently.

Obviously, the idea that boys and girls are the same has become a joke if it is not self-defeating, but the premise of saying that they are all the same does not involve the issue of interests, which is even more ironic when you think about it. So many people just say one thing and act another way, being duplicitous and selfish.

In addition, have you ever thought that the source of the reciprocal relationship between husband and wife and the balance of marriage is often the word "marry" or "marry".

Even parents feel that it is the daughter who marries the son-in-law, not the daughter and the son-in-law, so they have to accept the disadvantages behind marriage and the unequal relationship between husband and wife.

The real thing is that men and women are equal, and they should be the same when it comes to marriage.

At that time, there was no such thing as marriage. Instead, the two young people separated from their respective families of origin and re-established a small family belonging to two people. There are parents on both sides, and the trip back and forth is as far as it gets.

This is an equal marriage model. The ability and conditions of the two families are used to help the formation and construction of this new family.

Betrothal gift, as a tradition, only represents a beautiful meaning and a simple blessing. Therefore, behind the high price of betrothal gift is also the greed and selfishness of human nature.

In the final analysis, the two young people lacked the determination to share their destiny in this life.

It seems that they lost to the bride price, but in fact it is not that simple at all. The source of the problem is interests. Failure to realize that two people are about to bear a fate together is interests** *The same body.

So even if one party compromises and successfully gets married, in fact, the marital crisis has already occurred from this moment on.

The woman's parents ask for high-priced betrothal gifts, which cannot rule out the possibility that they regard the high-priced betrothal gifts as one of the rewards for raising a daughter, which means that the birth and raising of the daughter are originally regarded as an investment.

When there is no way to admit the facts directly, the only choice is to seek benefit for oneself under the banner of doing good for her daughter.

The most fearful thing is that the girl is also controlled by the words that her parents often talk about, that parents always love their children selflessly, and is assimilated by the original family, so that she has no ability to think independently and distinguish right from wrong. Ability, unclear.

02

I saw a post and a mother asked:

When my daughter got married, after the man met the conditions for a house and a car, he proposed He asked for a bride price of 200,000 yuan, but the man asked him if he was selling his daughter? So I couldn't figure it out. To ask for a 200,000 yuan gift is to sell my daughter?

If you want to know the answer, it is hidden in three questions. Both parties can make judgments based on these three questions.

1. Why do you need a gift of 200,000 yuan?

As the saying goes, if you have a good reputation, you are not afraid of asking for colorful gifts, but you are afraid of not being able to explain why you need colorful gifts. Only by clearly explaining why can both parties have discussions and jointly solve the source problem.

It is logically unjustifiable to ask for a 200,000 betrothal gift without even asking for a betrothal gift.

Even if you say it is a local custom, it is so popular now. After the man confirms it, he is willing to take it out. If conditions do not allow it, it is not that there is no solution. Anyway, it is all If you show it to outsiders, it's just a formality, unless you want to keep it for yourself.

In the end, you have to find the problem to solve it. No matter what the reason is, even if the gods come, there will be no solution.

Or you can directly say that it is a guarantee for your daughter. In the final analysis, you have to express your true thoughts so that the man can satisfy your demands. If you cannot satisfy them, you can also negotiate and resolve them through other methods.

2. Is there a dowry? How much dowry is there?

As long as there is a bride price but no dowry, or the dowry is lighter than the betrothal gift, this is essentially taking advantage of the man.

Otherwise, it is because you feel that you are marrying your daughter, which makes you feel confident.

Have you ever thought that your attitude may have directly caused your daughter to live a life of dire straits after marriage and be looked down upon and looked down upon by her husband's family and not take her seriously.

In real life, everything has a realistic side.

3. Will your daughter take the bride price back home?

If you plan to keep the bride price for yourself, obviously you can only have one reason. It is not easy to raise a daughter, which basically proves the fact that raising a daughter is an investment.

Then the betrothal gift and the marriage become a transaction between you and the man’s parents, and your bargaining chip is your daughter.

If it is the other way around, no matter how much the bride price the man gives, he will eventually let the daughter take it back and use the money to build her daughter’s small home, then it is just for the sake of face, good luck and blessing. .

03

There are no problems that cannot be solved, only selfish desires that cannot be satisfied.

As long as there is no selfish desire behind the scenes, it is not difficult for anyone to take a step back, so it doesn’t matter how much the bride price is or how much is given. The key is that there is something behind the scenes.

If you keep the betrothal gift as your own, in a fundamental sense, the betrothal gift also loses its meaning.

Both the betrothal gift and the dowry are the blessings of the two families to the new family and the starting capital for the new family. When this resource is not used for the new family, the betrothal gift and dowry lose their original value. meaning.

You see, the source of the problem is still here, whether the bride price and dowry are used to build a new family.

No one is a fool. On the contrary, everyone pretends to be confused while pretending to understand. Some things are not directly revealed, and no one loses face. The more sensitive the issue, the more it can help you see a person clearly.

Of course, I have never said that there is a problem with betrothal gifts. All analyzes only talk about high-priced betrothal gifts.

In fact, I think it is human nature and understandable to ask for a house. As for the amount of betrothal gifts, even knowing that the other party’s conditions do not allow it, it is still difficult and forced. After marriage, it will inevitably become The point of contradiction lies.

In short, since two young people have decided to get married, their mutual interests must be taken into consideration in everything. From a certain perspective, this is not a test.