Three elements of efficient communication

People are social animals, and they can't live without interpersonal relationships, and they often feel pain for interpersonal relationships. Especially the special intimacy in interpersonal relationships is sometimes the source of strength and sometimes the source of pain.

Interpersonal communication is inseparable from communication, which is also the basis of intimate relationship. Poor communication can easily lead to interpersonal obstacles in people's psychology, thus making the relationship between people in a state of indifference, sadness, misunderstanding and anger. Dealing with intimate relationships well can bring happiness, but it can also cause trauma and affect physical and mental health.

So, how to communicate more efficiently and enhance the intimate relationship between partners? Intimacy written by Roland Miller and Daniel Paalmann summarizes three methods of good communication. By mastering these communication methods, you can build a responsive communication environment full of care and attention, and effectively reduce disputes or injuries caused by poor communication in intimate relationships.

First, accurate expression

As the saying goes, "the speaker has no intention, but the listener has a heart." If communication is not smooth and problems occur, it is likely to affect intimate relationships. To put it bluntly, the speaker didn't express his ideas clearly, and the listener misunderstood his meaning according to the content of the communication. For example, your partner accidentally bumped his hand and got bruises on his arm. You said a little angrily, "How careless!" "To make matters worse, the other party thinks that I have been hurt, and you are still angry with me. In fact, what you said is not really angry, but that you care about each other and care about it is chaotic, but it is completely different when you show it.

Xiao Chen, a sophomore, is a little introverted, especially when facing girls. When chatting after class, he decided to confess to a girl he liked. He asked her timidly and naively, "What are your plans for this weekend?" His original intention was to invite her to dinner and a movie at the weekend. He thought in his heart that his intention of showing love was obvious and hoped to get a warm response from the other side. He may think that his courtship purpose is obvious to his sweetheart, but it is not. The girl replied, "I'm going to the library to look up information at the weekend." Xiao Chen thinks that the girl turned him down. In fact, this girl likes Xiao Chen, too. She answered this way because she couldn't understand his intention of asking this question. She just gave a tentative answer. She hoped that Xiao Chen would accompany him to the library. But Xiao Chen thinks she doesn't want to associate with him. As a result, both sides did not express their views accurately, misunderstood each other and missed a beautiful love.

Zheng Xiao, who is also a sophomore, said this when she saw the girl she likes and confessed to her: "Hey, I like you! Can I invite you to dinner and a movie this weekend? " This confession is nothing more than two results: first, it was rejected by girls; Second, as long as the girls like him, the date will be successful. If Xiao Chen can express his thoughts and wishes directly and accurately when dating a girl he likes, will the girl who likes him refuse?

Express your views accurately, clearly convey them to each other, and let them know more about you.

Second, listen carefully.

In communication, when we receive information from others, we should accurately understand the meaning expressed in the other person's words, convey our concern and understanding to the other person, and let him know that we care about his words.

A couple misunderstood their wife because her husband didn't listen carefully in a conversation.

Wife: (sighs) I feel very happy. My mother-in-law has decided not to come to our house next week.

Husband: (angry) What happened to my mother? You always talk about her. You are such an ungrateful bitch.

Actually, my wife hasn't finished yet. She wants to say that she will work overtime next week. Fortunately, my mother-in-law won't come to live, otherwise she won't have time to stay at home and take care of her mother-in-law. Most wives will be very sad when they hear their husbands' words, and they may be tempted to have a big fight with their husbands. The wife was calm, and she was surprised that her husband would get angry and say such hurtful things. If a husband can listen to his wife carefully before he gets angry, he won't misunderstand her.

There may be painful contempt in the closest relationship. When you are in a psychological state of "hating your partner, wanting revenge, feeling hurt and wanting to fight back", you can't communicate with your partner at all. Therefore, it is a very valuable skill to stay awake when angered by your partner and calm down when you start to get angry. If you interpret anger as just another way of thinking, your communication will be better.

Unhappy couples perform poorly in listening, and almost all take it for granted that they can understand each other's thoughts, feelings and opinions without asking, that is, "If you love me, you can definitely know what I'm thinking, and I don't have to say it". Moreover, unhappy couples often show negative emotions in conversation, which can easily lead to fierce quarrels and even fights between the two sides. When poor communication leads to war, the prospect of intimate relationship can be imagined.

Many communication failures are due to not knowing how to listen. Listening carefully is also an effective way of communication in intimate relationships. Everyone wants to be respected and valued by their partner. When you listen carefully, your partner will feel respected and valued, and the distance between them will be closer.

Third, care about and respect your partner's point of view.

Carnegie said: "If you are right, try to make the other person agree with you gently and skillfully;" If you are wrong, admit it quickly and enthusiastically. This is much more effective and interesting than arguing with yourself. "In real life, when we can't agree with our partners, we tend to argue more for ourselves, especially in intimate relationships.

Xiao Jia worked overtime last Saturday. She really wanted to eat roast duck that day. Her husband was resting at home, so she asked him to buy roast duck. After coming home from work, she didn't see the roast duck bought by her husband, so she went out to the restaurant for dinner alone. After coming home from dinner, I asked my husband why he didn't buy roast duck. Her husband said he had a cold, so he didn't buy it. But Xiao Jia was still angry. She said angrily, "can't you buy a cold if it won't kill you?" She thinks that if she has a cold, she should go out for a walk, and take the opportunity to buy roast duck. Proper exercise will be good for her cold. Xiao Jia feels very wronged and sad. She is already tired from work. She washes clothes, cooks and does housework by herself. Today, she wants to eat a roast duck, but he can't buy it. And Michelle's husband, he thinks she only cares about whether she has eaten roast duck or not, and doesn't care about his health. On such a trivial matter, two people had a big fight.

Do you have such an attitude or behavior in intimate relationships? Once there is an argument, will you be unable to express your intentions accurately and unwilling to listen to each other's ideas patiently? In fact, communication is not difficult. Care and respect are the basis of good communication. If you can acknowledge the rationality of the other party's point of view and show respect for the other party's position, then communication will move forward. Then, you need to listen carefully and be polite and restrained even if there is an argument. In communication, we should also optimize our own expression and try our best to convey clear and direct information.

Communication is very important in intimate relationships. Intimate relationship also contains people's need for belonging, which you can understand as a feeling of acceptance and belonging. People's happiness depends on the satisfaction of belonging needs. In order to meet the needs of belonging and establish good interpersonal relationships, communication is indispensable in the process of communication with people.