Zhao Benshan's "Kung Fu" Lines (Sketch)

Starring Zhao Benshan, Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu,

Zhao Benshan: I heard that he changed his job as a chef to an anti-fraud hotline, and he dared to threaten not to be cheated again. The cruel reality has almost reached my psychological defense. If I don't sell him something this year, I won't be able to keep my promise with the audience for three years!

Cai Weili: Master, are you going in?

Zhao Benshan: Don't worry, dial a harassing call first!

Fan Wei: Hello, this is a pair of anti-fraud hotlines. Lao Fan, I am a senior. With years of experience, I can make a clear judgment on whether you are cheated or not. Please press 1 for abductions, 2 for cars, 3 for brain teasers and 1 10 for stretchers!

Zhao Benshan: Hello!

Fan Wei: Hello!

Zhao Benshan: Excuse me, are you Master Fan?

Fan Wei: Ah ~ you, who is this?

Zhao Benshan: This is ~ ~ ~ I have a question to ask you directly.

Fan Wei: Ah, you're right!

Zhao Benshan: We have an old sow with black background and white flowers. She got up in the morning, opened the door and ran at 80 mph. She hit a tree and died!

Fan Wei: Killed? Is there anything wrong with the pig's eyesight?

Zhao Benshan: Both eyes are 1.5!

Fan Wei: Are you mentally ill?

Zhao Benshan: I am mentally healthy!

Fan Wei: Then how could it be killed?

Zhao Benshan: Because that pig has no brains!

Fan Wei: I said you are not picky. You don't play by the rules. Press 3 for a brain teaser. In that case, I also ask a question!

Zhao Benshan: Say it!

Fan Wei:? After the Spring Festival, our family didn't buy any new year's goods, only a pig and a donkey were left. Do you think I should kill the pig or the donkey first?

Zhao Benshan: Then kill ~ ~ first and give you two a chance!

Cai Weili: Donkey meat is delicious! Kill the donkey first!

Zhao Benshan: Kill the donkey first!

Fan Wei: Congratulations on your correct answer. So is the pig!

Zhao Benshan: Hum! Sadness really makes me feel sad for you. I want to travel alone, how can I rest assured?

Wang Xiaohu: Master, kill the pig first!

Zhao Benshan: That donkey thought the same thing! I'm telling you, it's not good for you to kill anyone first on this issue! Why didn't I answer, just because I thought he had a problem! Understand? He developed from one track-minded in those days to two blocked ends now!

Cai Weili: Master, he is wonderful. I think we should go home!

Zhao Benshan: No, the kidnapper tricked him into limping, and the peddler tricked him. If I don't get rid of him in ten minutes, I can't be a teacher with you two!

Cai Weili, Wang Xiaohu: Master led us in and fooled everyone!

Zhao Benshan: OK, look me in the eye and go in! Beautiful him, look, aha, he ran away, where to run!

Cai Weili: Is Chef Fan there, please?

Fan Wei: Hey, who are you? You consult ... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The pig hit the tree. You hit a pig, didn't you? Did you rear-end the car? Why did you change three more?

Zhao Benshan: I have missed you for three years!

Fan Wei: Fool!

Zhao Benshan: I've come to confess to you!

Fan Wei: Keep joking!

Zhao Benshan: My apprentice is my witness!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Hmm!

Fan Wei: Those people tricked me into coming. It's hard to be a big fool. As long as we good people are alert to you, what can you do? Huh? Just a few brain teasers! There is a monkey on the ground, and there are seven (riding) monkeys on the tree, which are both two monkeys and eight monkeys!

Zhao Benshan: Maybe three monkeys, maybe nine monkeys!

Fan Wei: Why has it changed again?

Zhao Benshan: Pregnant with a monkey!

Fan Wei: Is it interesting?

Zhao Benshan: It's boring. I'm not giving you a brain teaser, I'm here to apologize! For three years, the most sorry person in the world is Chef Fan. What a nice guy, I always tell you, why do you think I lied to him?

How honest and honest! You hit me twice (Wei Fan tried to hit me), but you couldn't; You scold me (Wei Fan will scold me), but you can't speak. That's it. You forgive me anyway, and I won't forgive you here. Forgive me sincerely!

Fan Wei: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Look, fool around, and then fool around!

Zhao Benshan: Help me up!

Fan Wei: Ah, ah, I can stand up. I don't have any problems. Ah, ah, ah Take two steps. Take two steps. (Zhao Benshan falls on Fan Wei) Aye, aye, aye, aye. Everyone is watching, and everything has nothing to do with me! What have you been hanging around for? Get up! what can I do for you? Let's get this straight, okay?

Zhao Benshan: Do you want to hear it?

Fan Wei: I want to hear it!

Zhao Benshan: Did you get your letter?

Fan Wei: As long as you stand up, I will believe you!

Zhao Benshan: Go away, I can stand up!

(Fan Wei withdrew)

Fan Wei: Say it!

Zhao Benshan: It's a long story. I remember it was the first snow in 2003, a little later than that in 2002!

Fan Wei: What did you do with the lyrics? If you have something to say, just say it!

Zhao Benshan: I won't play with you. I will apologize to you today. Get the goods! Look familiar?

Fan Wei: Is this the hundreds of dollars you cheated me of?

Zhao Benshan: Not a penny!

Fan Wei: Which watch is this?

Zhao Benshan: I haven't seen it in my hand!

Fan Wei: Big Brother! !

Zhao Benshan: The feud between us should be settled. Wheelchairs have been the chief culprit in these years. Today, I must smash it in front of you!

Wang Xiaohu: Master can't break it!

Cai Weili: Master, this wheelchair is a witness to the reunion of your old brother!

Zhao Benshan: Don't talk nonsense, I, you can't stop me!

Fan Wei: Brother, if you want to hit me, you are too sincere. The children are right! It is not only a testimony to our reconciliation, but also a reminder to me to avoid being fooled again in the future. I have collected it!

Zhao Benshan: No, how do you accept the money the child gave me?

Fan Wei: I'll pay!

Zhao Benshan: How much is it?

Cai Weili: Two thousand!

Fan Wei: I'll give you two thousand pounds!

Zhao Benshan: I'll give 2500!

Fan Wei: I'm three thousand!

Zhao Benshan: I'm 3500!

Fan Wei: I have four thousand pounds!

Zhao Benshan: I'm five thousand!

Fan Wei: Deal!

Zhao Benshan: Put it on Chef Fan.

Fan Wei: Hey, you shouted 5000, and I dropped my hammer. Deal!

Zhao Benshan: No! You remember wrong. How did you shout?

Cai Weili: I heard it was Chef Fan!

Wang Xiaohu: No! It's master!

Fan Wei: Look!

Zhao Benshan: What a mess! What a mess! Well, it doesn't matter who shouts! Listen, let's take a nap. Who shouted first?

Fan Wei: I called first!

Zhao Benshan: How much did you shout?

Fan Wei: I'm two thousand!

Zhao Benshan: I'm 2500!

Fan Wei: Three thousand!

Zhao Benshan: 3500!

Fan Wei: Four thousand!

Zhao Benshan: 4,500!

Fan Wei: Five thousand!

Zhao Benshan: Look!

Fan Wei: No, I'll touch it myself!

Zhao Benshan: Then you are in a mess!

Fan Wei: Don't say two thousand, two thousand five hundred, three thousand, three thousand five hundred, four thousand, four thousand five hundred!

Zhao Benshan: Yes!

Fan Wei: Yes,

Wang Xiaohu: You shouted!

Fan Wei: No, no, big brother, I called 4000, and you directly called 5000, right? (Shouting to the audience) Right?

Audience: Yes!

Zhao Benshan: Well, it's a mess. Since my brother and I agreed to accept it, let's shout it again and find out who shouted this 5 thousand. That! ~ ~ What's the starting price?

Cai Weili: Two thousand!

Fan Wei: I'm two thousand!

Zhao Benshan: Deal!

Fan Wei: No, aren't you going to call?

Zhao Benshan: Yes, I'm afraid I'm confused! It's chaotic!

Fan Wei: Ah! Don't move! This wheelchair is mine!

Zhao Benshan: Let me tell you something, buddy.

Fan Wei: Stop it.

Zhao Benshan: In principle, you shouldn't ask for money.

Fan Wei: Stop it.

Zhao Benshan: You are still proud.

Fan Wei: Stop it.

Zhao Benshan: You have to take care of people, but-

Fan Wei: But!

Zhao Benshan:-It's not your character not to give it. ...

Fan Wei: If I give it to you, I will be fooled!

Zhao Benshan: I tell you, I didn't think about it at first ~ ~

Fan Wei: Eh, eh, eh? Change it to robbery, right?

Zhao Benshan: You are mistaken!

Fan Wei: Come on. From the moment you entered the room, you played hard to get, and the master and apprentice cooperated with the plan to smash the car and fell into the hammer at once. I only used one plan!

Zhao Benshan:? Let's play!

Fan Wei: This is a plan for you!

Zhao Benshan:? It is best to go!

Fan Wei: No!

Zhao Benshan: I failed. Do you know why I failed? He is a chef who only reads the art of war without reading the menu. Get out!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: (unmoved) (facing Fan Wei) Teacher ~ ~ ~ Dad! ! !

Zhao Benshan: What are you doing? Where are you kneeling? I'm here!

Wang Xiaohu: (to Zhao Benshan) Master, I'm sorry. Your IQ is too low to learn anything from you!

Cai Weili: What should you do? You're going to miss the No.2 bus soon!

Zhao Benshan: Sad!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: (to Fan Wei) Master is on the throne, and I am a disciple! (kowtow: knock, knock! )

Zhao Benshan: Aye aye! The world is crazy. Rats are the bridesmaids of cats! Oh, my God!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Master, please accept us!

Fan Wei: Yes, yes, yes, children, all of a sudden, the sea is endless. It's good to study hard. Give you a red envelope in the New Year, ah, a red envelope!

Zhao Benshan: Can you take this money? Didn't I pay you both last month? Sad, really sad!

Fan Wei: Come on, everybody, take it!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: (to Fan Wei) Thank you, Master! Stamp your feet and pretend to kowtow: knock, knock, knock! )

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: (holding a red envelope and facing Zhao Benshan) Master, take it off!

Zhao Benshan: Ha ha ha, double agent!

Fan Wei: Oh, it's impossible to prevent! But I refuse to obey you. I'm still in a wheelchair, aren't I?

Zhao Benshan: What do you want?

Fan Wei: What about your promise? Where is your stretcher?

Zhao Benshan: Develop it yourself! (Pulling back the chair)

Fan Wei: Hmm! ?

Zhao Benshan: This is customized for you. If it is short, it can be lengthened! (Lengthens the back of the chair)

Fan Wei: Oh, you took great pains for me. Fortunately, my skill is superior and I opened the red envelope!

Zhao Benshan: Huh?

Fan Wei: Spring Festival, send you a pair of couplets: "Turn year after year, fate; Thank you! "

Zhao Benshan: I'll give you another rhetorical question: "Self-taught"!

Extended data

Kung Fu is a sketch performed by Zhao Benshan, Fan Wei, Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu at the Spring Festival Gala of CCTV in 2005. It premiered on CCTV 1 on February 8, 2005.

Description of works

Kung Fu is a sketch of the Spring Festival party in 2005, and it is also the last part of Zhao Benshan's series "Unique Skills". In the first two novels "The Kidnapper" and "Selling a Car", the fool uncle played by Zhao Benshan became an instant hit, and he portrayed the liar vividly.

In kung fu, Fan Wei finally learned to "hold back", hold back his strength and not be cheated, and finally defeated Zhao Benshan. This sketch also won the first prize of the language program in the Spring Festival Evening that year.