Tell a cold joke

On December 12th, 1983, I was born into an ordinary worker's family. I didn't know who I was and what I did when I was 1-5 years old. At the age of 6, my parents forced me to send her to a factory to run Class 2, Grade 1 primary school. I started my study career in the nursery rhyme "I go to school, I'm not late every day, birds send me, get up early, why do you carry a small schoolbag?". . . .

Grade one in primary school:

Take off your pants in front of the female classmates, and lesbians call me a hooligan

Teacher's quotation: "Rogues are not terrible, but they are afraid of being uneducated! Therefore, you should study hard, make progress every day, and strive to be "educated, knowledgeable and talented" four hooligans! "

Grade two in primary school:

Pat a female classmate on the head!

Teacher's quotation: "Don't beat her, don't scold her, torture her with emotion! It is the highest state of flirting with girls, so you should strive to improve your flirting taste. "

Grade three of primary school:

Touching the face of a female classmate, I was scratched by a female classmate!

Teacher's Quotation: "Love is precious, but the price of life is higher. There are green hills left, and there is no fear of burning firewood! Remember, cherish life and stay away from beautiful women! "

Fourth grade:

Holding a female classmate's hand was rejected, and her academic performance plummeted!

Teacher's Quotation: "There are thousands of Chinese children, one can't be replaced. What you haven't picked is just a flower in spring. The whole spring still belongs to you. Don't lose heart, and you must fight and lose again and again!"

Grade 5 in primary school

If you don't flirt with female classmates, you will be molested instead!

Teacher's quotation: "Boys are not hooligans, their development is abnormal, and you are molested by girls, which means that you have a better future than ordinary boys.

In the sixth grade of primary school, I was sent to Nanjie Middle School (a graduate of 4 people) in the county town with the result of ranking 38th in this grade, and started my middle school career.

In the first grade of junior high school, I met Jin Yong, Gu Long and other senior experts, and imagined myself as the hero in the book every day, and had a pure relationship with MM in the book.

In the second grade of junior high school, I came back to reality and paid attention to the beautiful women in my class (who already have aesthetic ability), but the primitive, shy and sinful thoughts in my mind have sprouted.

in the third grade of junior high school, I really realized the true meaning of the great grandfather's sentence "study hard and want to go to school every day" (the eight-character mantra will destroy people). . . . Fortunately, I stopped my heart in time, and my handsome face was preserved. Crazy study, admitted to the county's third high school (there are three high schools in this county, and the first two are the key points. . . . . )

In the first year of senior high school, I wrote a love letter to a girl who has been in my class for a long time for the first time in my life, and I felt that she was a little interested in me. . Unfortunately, just when I was scared and as sweet as a deer, the class teacher called me to the office and took out the love letter from the drawer. . . . . . .

In the second year of high school, I chose a liberal arts class with a ratio of 4: 1 for girls and boys, but all the beautiful girls ignored me. . . .

In the third grade of senior high school, I heard my brother next door tell me about college life. On the second day, I picked up my book and began to review crazily, vowing to be admitted to the university, and to "work hard and study hard to contribute to the construction" (I don't think so, universities can fall in love freely and live together illegally. . . . . Wait a minute. . . .

There is no denying that I am a genius. Although I was not admitted to the 1st and 2nd places voluntarily (the 1st one was Tsinghua, and the 2nd one was Peking University, which was three places short), I received the admission notice from XX Agricultural University. So I put my luggage on my back, jumped on the train and came to my dream university campus. I want to be a successful man when I start my college career, because successful men are busy with JB during the day and JB at night; A failed man has nothing to do during the day and nothing to do at night. So, I want to be a successful man.

Freshman stood in front of a nude painting in the school art exhibition and kept telling himself: "This is art, I am aesthetic." But the outstanding performance of a certain part of my body betrayed me.

The person I like is taken, and the person who likes me is terrible. . So I said, "I stayed up all night surfing the Internet, went to bed as soon as I entered the classroom, called home with a phone call, and didn't say anything about asking for money."

When I am the only monk left in my dormitory, I finally have a formal girlfriend. In a sweet love, she wants me to be naked, and I want her to be naked. . . . . . . . . . It is true that men love for sex and women have sex for love. < P > My grandmother is still in the countryside. Since I was admitted to the university, my grandmother always said to me every time I went back: "The plots of land at home and this yard, all these chickens and pigs are reserved for you." At that time, I laughed at grandma for being senile. However, seeing the employment situation this year and the graduate students and doctoral students all over the street, I finally realized my grandmother's foresight and good intentions ... < P > Holding my diploma and resume, I came out of the recruitment center that almost didn't overwhelm me with nothing, and got on a manpower three-wheeled ride back. The three-wheeled driver asked me, "Are you a graduate of XX Agricultural University this year?" I said, "What a coincidence, I am a graduate of XX Agricultural University in the 88th session, and pointed to an old man who put on his shoes by the roadside:" That senior brother was earlier, in the class of 77th ". I almost fell off a tricycle.

When I got home, I saw my laid-off father repairing his bicycle in the street, and my laid-off mother selling fruit. My father smoked inferior cigarettes, and my hands were covered with oil stains. My mother had already climbed up her face in the wind and sun, and her hair was much whiter. For the first time in 23 years, I looked at my parents seriously and carefully, and suddenly I felt like crying. "Over the years, that's how they live, poisoning people for me to read the damn university. And I ... People always regret when they are scarred, but at this time the rules of the game have changed, and life is like this. I left the little red book I bought for four years of youth in the corner, rolled up my sleeves and helped my father push the cart. From now on, I began to pay my debts.