Funny joke phrases

A joke, a phrase, a humorous joke, a complete set of funny jokes.

1. Marriage is to wear cotton-padded clothes freely. It's inconvenient to move, but it will be warm.

2. It's not that I don't fold the quilt, mainly because I loved it, or I like the quilt that I slept the day before. I have to raise this living habit problem to personality cultivation.

It's really too expensive to go out for consumption. If you want profit, prepare yourself. Buy some meat, and the price of meat will fly; Buy some vegetables and double the price; The wallet is too flat, so you can only have a bowl of instant noodles; The ticket price has also increased, so we have to draw cakes to satisfy our hunger!

4. Returnees are called turtles for short, but it is hard to find jobs after returning to China, and many turtles are unemployed, so a new word-kelp has emerged. Others, forced by the life of returnees, become pirates and are called pirates. It is said that there is another one who lost his hair because of his talent, and everyone actually calls him father-in-law Hai.

5. Being busy is a kind of happiness, which makes us have no time to experience the pain; Running around is a kind of happiness, which makes us truly feel life; Fatigue is a kind of enjoyment, which leaves us no time to be empty.

6. When you are dissatisfied or disappointed with your present situation, how to adjust your mentality? It's simple. Imagine a worse state than you are now, and then you will feel lucky.

A Dai failed in the exam, so he sent a telegram to his brother to prepare his father psychologically. After a while, my brother called back: Dad is ready. Now please be prepared.

8. Let you see through the seven sentences of life: the past will never come back, and what comes back is no longer perfect. If you are not strong, who will make you weak? Look at a complicated life with a complicated mood and take a complicated road. Live a happy life with an indifferent attitude. Occasionally recalling the past makes me feel that my life is going backwards. Looking forward to waiting for failure, life is so tangled. It's not that we are not suitable, but that you are more suitable.

9. The journey of exploration lies not in discovering new land, but in cultivating new perspectives.

10. The hero is very sad about Beauty Pass. I'm not a hero, but the beauty let me through.

1 1. A person often has the same dream, in which he always finds that he has discovered a major world secret, but when he wakes up, he doesn't remember anything. Finally, one day, he made up his mind to dig out the secret, so he put a pen and paper by the pillow and went to bed. When he dreamed again, when he seemed to wake up, he wrote down the secret of this world. When I woke up, I saw on the paper that bananas are big and their skins are big!

12. A: A man and a woman kissed and haven't separated for a long time. Do you know why? B: Because they love each other deeply, or get carried away? A: None of them are right! Because men talk, women gossip!

13. The horse and the tiger fell in love at first sight and registered to get married after three days of love. But after marriage, the couple's eating habits are very different, and they will divorce soon. On the day of the divorce, Ma sighed in his diary: This marriage is really sloppy!

14. I said, big brother, I'm not a straw boat, and you bitch don't have to send me messages all the time!

15. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me? !

16. If you are angry for one minute, you will lose two seconds of happiness.

17. Lu Su: Mr. Zhuge is really a god and can borrow the east wind. Zhuge Liang: No, I watched the weather forecast of CCTV yesterday.

18. When I have money, I will buy a bus, take the bus lane and stop at the bus stop. When someone wants to get on the bus, I will say: Sorry, this is a private car.

19. I saw a monk buying steamed bread in the street yesterday afternoon, so I ran over and asked, "benefactor, are you here for alms?" As a result, the master replied humorously, "You should be the benefactor …" and then left me sweating! This is the second time to call the monk "benefactor"! !

20. There are three kinds of people in the world: those whose conscience is eaten by dogs, those whose conscience is not eaten by dogs, and those whose conscience doesn't even eat dogs.

2 1. A fool stole a beggar's wallet and was seen by a blind man. The deaf man was startled by a loud roar. Camels come forward and lame people fly. The wanted man wants to take him to the public security expert bureau. Asako said, look at my face.

22. A professional consultant protested to the manufacturer after getting the newly printed business card: My business card is printed as "Professional Home Care", and there is a missing mouth! A few days later, I received a new business card with the words "Professional Door Care" printed on it.

On that day, we met in KFC. I was drinking coke and peeking at you. You sit quietly next door, smelling charming. I can't help but announce loudly in public: give me a pork chop!

24. Playing to the limit requires safety; Playing music requires inspiration; To play online games, you need to surf the internet; Playing with feelings requires taking the blame; Play with you-just a short message!

25. Father Snail said, "When shall we change to a better house?" Mother snail said, "We are not hermit crabs, we can change them!" " "

26. After the two broke up completely, every year on each other's birthday, either party sent a message to send a blessing, proving that although we broke up, I still remember you and even remember your birthday. It's totally unnecessary bullshit. Do you regard people as martyrs' cemeteries?

27. Knowledge is like underwear, which is invisible but important.

28. Don't listen to things outside the window, just watch soap operas.

29. I don't tidy my room. I am a beauty in a messy room.

30. When life turned everything into black humor with malice, I went with the flow and turned myself into a hooligan with higher education.

3 1. Guan Xituo I have a word for you: If Valentine's Day is romantic, you must not take selfies; If you take a selfie, you must never archive it; If it is archived, never repair the computer; If you repair the computer, remember. You must find me!

32. The Spring Festival is coming. Wang Anshi of anxious to return came to the railway station. He was shocked by what he saw. He wrote a famous sentence: there are several thick shirts between the ticket windows of the station. When will the train take me back?

33. Snowflakes are floating in the cold sky, ice stubbles are hung on green trees, and beautiful shoes show your feet. You are a fool.

34. At one time, we all thought we could die for love. In fact, love can't kill people. It will only stick a needle in the most painful place, and then we want to cry. We tossed and turned, and after a long illness, we became a doctor. You are not the wind, and I am not the sand. No matter how lingering, you can't reach the end of the world. Dry your tears. Tomorrow morning, we will all go to work.

35. The opposite dormitory doesn't turn off the lights at midnight. I guess everyone is having a sleeping party again.

I didn't mean to be different, so I can't have outstanding taste.

37. You think you are redundant, but in fact … you are really redundant!

38. Instant noodles have gone up in price, eggs have gone up in price, flour has gone up in price, gasoline has gone up in price, down jackets have gone up in price ... Except wages, almost everything around us has gone up in price, but we still have to be strong, because now the cemetery has gone up in price!

39. Bajie: Brother Monkey, my name is Sai Pan An, and many beautiful women are waiting for me! Wukong: Unless you surf the Internet, you idiot.

40. The first lovelorn: once the sea was difficult for water, it was amber forever; The second lovelorn: once the sea was water, except Wushan or clouds; The third lovelorn: once a drop in the ocean, except Wushan.

4 1. The tiger and the lion are drinking in the bar. Drinking and drinking, I burst into tears! At this time, the waiter fox came over and asked, "Why are the two big brothers crying so sad?" The lion patted the fox and pointed to the tiger and said, "He has a tigress at home, and I have a Hedong lion at home! I can't go on this day! " Hearing this, the fox immediately burst into tears and said with grievance, "Two big brothers, my fox is not at ease!" " "

42. Happy Valentine's Day calculation: Add up the numbers in your mind, multiply, subtract, divide and subtract ten times the numbers in your mind. The result is so romantic.