Short joke story

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. I have sorted out the relevant contents for your reference!

valuables

The father held his five-year-old son in his lap and watched the basketball game with rapt attention. Seeing the athletes return to the revolution to grab the ball, the child asked, "Dad, basketball must be very expensive, right?" Dad said in surprise, "honey, what makes you think so?" The child said, "If it's not expensive, why do you want them?"

I don't know who you are.

Kennedy gambled with others and lost miserably. After a little thought, he said to himself, "well, I'll bet on the most precious thing."

The gambler asked quickly, "What good things? Take it out and see! "

Kennedy took out his heart and shouted, "I bet my life!" " "

The gambler burst into laughter: "What is the value of life? We have been dead for a long time! "

time flies

When the pension system was implemented before the First World War, there was an old fisherman named Dai Lewis, who was over 70 years old and fully qualified for a pension. However, he could not produce a birth certificate to prove it. One day, a local official visited him.

This is their conversation: "Dai, where were you born?" "Cork County"

"Don't you remember when you were born?" "I don't remember. That was a long time ago. "

When did you leave Ireland? "I left home at the age of thirteen and went to a farm in northern Scotland, where I lived for nineteen years. Later, he worked as a guide for a fisherman in southern Scotland for 25 years. After that, I worked as a gamekeeper for seventeen years and then moved here. " Dai, how long have you lived here? He asked his wife who was cooking in the kitchen loudly, "Mary, how long have we been married?" 34 years? "

The official put down his pen and said, "According to what you just said, you should be 108 years old." "God, how time flies!"

Clever chief

A chief has a hobby of listening to stories. One day, he entertained his guests. At his repeated request,

A foreign guest told a very interesting story:

The guest met a very pretentious person in the city and said to him, "Please."

Guess what I put in my pocket. If you guess right, I will give you half of these eggs;

If you can guess the number of eggs, I will give you ten. "

The man thought for a long time and said, "friend, although I am not stupid, I can't know everything." I guess

I can't help it. "

The guest said, "Guess again, this thing is white outside and yellow inside."

"I guessed it!" The man said loudly, "It must be a pile of white radishes with a layer of soil hidden in the middle."

Beans "

Hearing this, the guests all laughed, and the chief laughed even more. Finally he asked:

"That's a fool. Dear friend, please tell us that it is in your pocket.

What's down there? "

A clever daughter

Daughter: "Mom, do you like apples?"

Mom: "I like it."

Daughter: "Do you like it very much?"

Mom: "I like it very much."

Daughter: "Then don't buy me an apple."

Mom: "Why?"

Daughter: "You will eat it all on the way."

Careless professor

Professor Foldin is always careless. His wife asked him to throw a bag of garbage into the dustbin outside the building, but he got on the subway in a daze, went to the laboratory and finally went home with the garbage.

The wife was surprised: "What do you have?" Foldin said, "Oh, I forgot to throw out the garbage."

The wife took it and looked even more surprised: "Where did you get a pack of ham?"

get a ride

A naval officer stood next to the driver on a bus and didn't sit down to avoid damaging his ironed uniform. A drunk got on the bus, walked up to the officer, pulled his sleeve and said he wanted to buy a ticket. The officer ignored him. But the drunk insisted, so the officer turned and said, "Friend, I'm not a conductor, I'm a naval officer."

"Then," replied the drunk, "stop the boat. I want to take a bus. "

answer

Customer: "Waiter, can you explain the flies in my soup?"

The waiter bent down to look at it carefully and replied, "it's swimming, sir." It's swimming. "

Dial the wrong number.

As soon as the lights in the cinema went out, a thief put his hand into Regal's pocket and was immediately found by Regal. The thief said, "I tried to get my handkerchief, but I was wrong." Please forgive me! " "

"It doesn't matter." Regal calmly replied.

After a while, the thief got a heavy slap with a bang.

"Sorry, wrong number, there is a mosquito on my face." Rega said.

Mosquitoes play lanterns

Two Scottish immigrants who had just arrived in new york spent the night in a hotel. They were harassed by mosquitoes all night. The last one said, "Sandy, cover your head with a quilt so that mosquitoes won't bite us." After a while, Sandy stuck her head out to breathe the fresh air. Just then, she saw a firefly she had never seen before, so she cried, "God, it's no use covering your head." Mosquitoes are looking for us with lanterns. "

Careless professor

A professor always forgets three things, either his glasses case or his walking stick. Especially umbrellas, his wife buys him one almost every month. The professor secretly made up his mind to be more careful in the future. One day, the professor went out in the morning and came back in the afternoon. He proudly said to his wife, "Hey, Tao Le, I didn't lose anything today. I brought my umbrella back! " With that, he flashed an umbrella. "Oh, look at you careless person, you didn't take your umbrella out today!"

Different wording

The cardinal was driving very fast, and a policeman caught up with him on a motorcycle and stopped him. The bishop asked, "Am I driving too fast?" Policeman: "No, your eminence. Your car is not driving too fast, but flying too slowly. "

wager

John and Mike bet two thousand dollars that he could dance with Madonna, and he really won. Then he bet that he could have dinner with Clinton, and Mike lost again. Finally, John made a bet that he could talk to the teacher.

The emperor attended a major religious ceremony together. At the ceremony, John stood with the Pope. In the distance, he saw a man beside Mike whispering to him, and Mike fainted on the ground.

Afterwards, Mike explained that I wasn't surprised that you were with Madonna, and there was nothing wrong with having dinner with Clinton, but when you and the Pope appeared, the person next to me asked me a question, and I was surprised.

I feel dizzy. He asked, "Who is the man next to John?"

Two little raccoons.

Two little raccoons, one with a black nose, called Xiaohei; One is a white nose, called Xiaobai. They are neighbors and good friends. However, one day, Xiaohe and Xiaobai quarreled. After that, they never spoke again. One night, Xiao Bai came home and felt very hungry. However, there is nothing at home except cooking corn. At this time, the smell of bees came from next door. Xiaobai suddenly thought, "I wonder what Xiaohei is doing?" So he decided to have a look. There is a small hole in the wall between Xiao Bai and Xiao Hei's house. Xiaobai looked into the hole and saw Xiaoheijia looking here, too. Xiaohe smiled shyly: "Come and eat bees!" " "The little white said," come on, I'll treat you to corn! Xiaohe added, "Why don't we tear down the wall and become a family?" So, they started work together and soon pulled down the wall. Xiaobai and Xiaohei are singing, eating boiled corn and bees. How happy they are!

Drink soup.

One day, mother cat caught a big loach in the river. Ha! Children can drink delicious loach soup. The mother cat goes home, washes the loach and orders loach soup. Mother cat put some salt in the pot for a while, monosodium glutamate in the pot for a while and onion and ginger in the pot for a while. When the soup was cooked, Mother Cat brought the delicious soup to the table and cried happily, "Come and eat delicious loach soup, children!" " "Mother cat and the children drank loach soup and went to wash the dishes when they saw the loach still swimming in the basin. Just now, mother cat was busy putting salt and monosodium glutamate. Mother cat put loach soup into the pot. Clear soup!

Restaurant promotion

A restaurant near the community has just opened, and there is a sign in front of it that says: "Anyone who eats in this restaurant and spends more than 100 yuan will have a chance to win the prize, and the highest prize is 100 million yuan. The lottery process will be notarized by an authoritative national notary office on the spot to ensure fairness and notarization. " 1 ten thousand! How many years will this small restaurant earn back? Obviously it is a false advertisement.

When my daughter and son-in-law came home suddenly that day, we decided to go to a restaurant outside and pass by. The daughter said that this is the only thing that can help ourselves. Because the meal is over, there are not many customers, the environment is relatively clean and tidy, the food price is moderate, and the service is thoughtful and enthusiastic.

I ordered a good dish and asked the boss, "I have exceeded 100 yuan." How can I draw a lottery? " The boss smiled unhurriedly and replied, "We will draw a lottery when we check out." With a sense of mystery, we finished our meal in a hurry and asked the boss to pay the bill. After a while, the boss gave me change and handed me a red envelope. He smiled and said, "Congratulations on getting rich! Don't forget to receive the prize tomorrow. " I opened the red envelope and looked intently. It turned out to be a sports lottery ticket with 2 yuan money in it.

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