Stupid joke

Sun Bin's The Art of War: Original and Translation

Poor sector

Author: game master compilation

Serve in vain

Seeing the door keeper standing at night, the night watchman asked piteously, "When you grow up, how can you be a door keeper and wait on him in the morning and evening?" The keeper said, "Out of helplessness." Said, "But is there anything to eat?" Answer: "if he wants to eat, he doesn't want me to come to the door."

Eat spoiled cakes

When a family is poor and can't drink well, two cakes spoil at a time, and they will have a sense of humor. I met a friend and asked, "Do you have a drink in the morning?" Answer: "no, eat bad cake." Back to his wife, she said, "Idiot, just say the wine is right and pretend to be decent." Husband's chin. When I came out, I still met this friend and asked the same question. When eating wine, my friend asked, "Is the wine hot or cold?" Answer: "Yes." The friend laughed and said, "It's still a rotten cake." Now that I have returned it, my wife knows it. Answer: "What do you say? Xuyun drinks hot. " The husband said, "I see." When I met this friend again, I boasted, "My wine is hot this time." The friend asked, "Do you eat geometry?" The man stretched out his hand and said, "Two."

Good antique

Rich people love antiques, but they don't distinguish between true and false. Or fake a lacquer bowl made by Yu Shun, the aide of the Duke of Zhou, and sell Confucius' apricot altar seat for 1000 yuan each. His purse was empty, but he was begging in the city with Yu Shun's bowl in his left hand, Duke Zhou's staff in his right hand and Confucius' chair. He said, "Please give the money to Taigong and Jiufu."

Not to get rich.

The daughter proudly said, "I am rich. Why don't you flatter me?" The poor man said, "If you have rich gold, I will guarantee and serve you." The rich man said, "What if I split it with you?" Answer: "You 500, I 500, I'll wait for you. He Feng? " Then he said, "I know I will send it to you, but you still won't give it to me?" Answer: "You lost your daughter, but I got it. You must obey me again. "

Poor100000

The rich said, the poor said, "My family has money." The poor man said, "I also have a reserve of 100 thousand, so it is not surprising." The rich man was surprised and asked, "Where's your hundred thousand?" The poor man said, "You always have it and refuse to use it. It's no use if I want to use it. What's the difference with me? "

catch fire

A poor man is drinking or reporting a fire at home. The man was about to dress up, but he was still sitting on the cloud: "Might as well. Everything is in the body. " Or: "What about the order?" Answer: "She is afraid that no one will take care of her."

Sandwich quilt

Some people lie in summer. Still ask why. Answer: "Ayo, the quilt is hot."

Gold and silver ingot

The poor man was walking in the market with a gold ingot. Gu sighed and said, "If you are hard, I will have a good life." Others replied, "I can't be tough." Unless it's hard for you to join me. "

Qiluancha

Guests are scarce and tea is rejected. The wife was helpless and had to send tea herself. The husband pretended to snore, but shouted, "Where is your man?"

Call tea

When the family arrived, her husband called for tea. The woman said, "If you don't buy tea all year round, where can you get tea?" The husband said, "Plain water." The wife said, "Without a piece of wood, how can cold water be hot?" The husband cursed: "Dog!" ! Aren't there some straws in the pillow? "The wife scolded," son of a bitch! Are those bricks and stones burning? "

Hexagon

Those who stayed for tea had no tea, so they borrowed it from their neighbors. After a long time, the soup overflows to add cold water. After a long time, the kettle is full, but the tea will not last. The wife said to her husband, "I can't drink tea. Let him take a bath."

Afraid of dogs.

When the guest arrived, he was tired of the servant, secretly borrowed a page from his neighbor, and after drinking tea in the living room, he lingered. The man snapped, "Why not?" He said, "I'm afraid of you, evil dog."

Eat porridge

When a family is poor, they scrimp and save and eat porridge every day. They are afraid of being laughed at and tell their children not to talk about it. People only say eat in front of people. One day, my father was chatting with a friend, but he didn't come in for a long time. The son shouted, "Come in and have dinner." Father said: "Today's means are fast, why do you cook early?" Confucius said, "It's getting late, and some clear soup has been cooked today."

Footwear and socks litigation

A person's shoes and socks are broken. Shoes blame socks, socks blame shoes, and they sue officials. The official couldn't make a decision, but he was caught by the heel. The heel said, "The little one has been driven out all the time. How do you know? "

Bread crumbs hanging beard

The poor family covered the manuscript, but the children didn't know how to hide it. Father denounced and warned: "Someone asked later, but why did the cloud cover the quilt?" One day, my father saw the guests. But there is grass. The son shouted at the back, "Dad, get the crumbs off your face."

Boil in yellow

Diners saw that Dong Weng was burning yellow and ripe incense, so they wanted to cover their noses and disdained it because of their meanness. The host said: "Although yellow ripe is not good, it is better than burning people's words and sawdust in your home." The diners asked, "Why did I leave these two pieces and burn them?" The host said, "What is mosquito smoke made of?"

Yinse club

Someone invited a friend to a meeting, but the friend refused. Nye said, "If I want to attend the meeting, I have to kneel down." The man knelt down, but promised. The bystander said, "Some people need to know how to pay back the money, so I won't take it." Answer: "I don't make ends meet." I will ask for money every day, and I will pay it back on my knees for many days. "

exchange currencies

A man was facing a guest when he suddenly turned around and said, "Brother, please sit down. I'll change some money for the main venue, and I'll accompany you. " Just in and out. The guest asked, "Why not change it into silver?" The man smiled and said, "I counted him stupid and gave me the money." If I give it back to him, I'll be stupid. "

Residual stone sand

A poor man stayed for dinner, and his wife put pebbles under the rice for lack of food. If you add rice, you will find that. The master was very ashamed when he saw this, but he still blamed his wife and said, "Blind slave, where did you get your eyes in the season of rice washing?" Such a big stone and sand are not picked out. "

Glutinous rice

A man lost his fan and scolded, "Make soup and rice with my fan!" " "Others said," How can a fan make soup? "The man said," You don't know, there is a lot of rice stuck on my fan. "

Shabby clothes

A person's clothes are riddled with holes, or the play says, "Your clothes are like a chessboard, all the way." The man smiled and said, "I dare not bully you." Try again and tie a knot. "

Borrow clothes

People who want to attend the wedding banquet because they live in a clothing system can borrow a sheepskin coat from others and wear it. People know they have clothes because they will ask, "Whose clothes are these?" When a friend asked him, thinking that he was mocking the clothes he was wearing, he looked at himself and said, "It's mine. Ask him what? "

The wine jar is huge.

A poor man who has accumulated three or four cans of rice claims to be extremely rich. One day, my companion and I were walking in the market and heard a passerby say, "How many meters I confiscated this year, but I stopped at more than 3,000 stones." The poor man said to his companion, "You believe this man's lies and don't believe that there are so many jars in his house."

Encounter theft

Stole a son into a poor man's house and found nothing, so he had to spit and open the door and leave. When the poor man saw him in bed, he cried, "thief, slow down, you close the door for me." The thief said, "You are such a family and call me a thief. I ask you, why is your door closed to him? "

The stolen

Dressed in poverty, the family will only store rice in the urn and put it on the bed. Steal skirts and cloth, and then pour rice with the urn. The man on the bed took a peek, secretly took out his skirt and called the thief. The thief replied, "There really are thieves. A skirt was here just now and was stolen by a thief. "

Shameful thief

Stealing a house through a hole, I saw the owner sleeping outside and suddenly turned inside. The thief suspected that he had known him before and wanted to escape. The man cried, "well, I might as well, because there is nothing decent at home, and I am ashamed to see you."

Wang baohuang

The poor are extravagant, stealing children at night and leaving them to be reviled. The poor man touched the bed and counted the money. He said: "Although you have been negligent in coming here, you still hope to be short of money in front of others."

make a touch

Some people borrow money with coupons, and the master said, "You don't have to write coupons, just draw a pleasure map." The borrower asked him why, and he replied, "I'm afraid I won't have this face and ears when I collect debts in the future."

Bianye

A poor man was heavily in debt before his death, and when he died, he met the keeper. The king ordered the ghost to check his resume. Accustomed to relying on other people's debts. In the afterlife, I will be punished as a dog and a horse to pay my old debts. The poor man said, "The reward for dogs and horses is limited. Unless you change relatives, you can only get it back." The king asked why, and replied, "As his grandfather, try your best to earn, and whatever you earn belongs to them."

Dream of paying off debts

The debtor called the debt collector and said, "I'm dying. Last night, I dreamed that I was dead." The debt collector said, "Yin and Yang are opposite, and they can be born." The debtor said, "There is another dream." Q: "What dream?" Yue: "I dreamed that I paid your debt."

say it out

A man was forced by a debt collector, but he was in a hurry and said, "Do you really want me to say it?" The debt collector suspected that he had a heart attack, but he let it go. So many times. One day, he said, "I'm not afraid of you, even if you say it." The man said, "Say it?" Yue: "I really want you to say it." He said, "I won't return it."

Sit in a chair

There are many debtors in a family, and all the chairs and benches are full, so there are more people sitting on them. The host said to the nanny privately, "Come early tomorrow." The man was overjoyed and wanted to finish his own business first. He threatened to disperse the crowd. I will leave tomorrow. Knock on the meaning of meeting. He replied, "I was very upset when I sat down yesterday." Today, you can sit on the top spot. "

Debt to a family

If someone repeatedly demanded debts, the master became angry and ordered the servants to wait and carry them back. Halfway through, the servant had a rest. The man said, "Let's go. It's none of my business to stay here and be carried away by others. "

Essence of debt seizure

Hades ordered the arrest of Cai Qing, and the ghost soldiers mistakenly heard that he was also arrested for debts, so they brought a debtor to the case. Wang Xun knew this was ridiculous and ordered the ghost pawn to be put back in its original place. Debtor Jing said, "Actually, I don't want to go back. The dead have nowhere to hide, so I will hide here. "

Classical Chinese translation:

Serve in vain

The night watchman saw the janitor standing at the door at night and felt sorry for him. He asked, "You are so tall, why do you want to be a janitor?" Waiting day and night, suffering like this? "The keeper replied," I am helpless! "The night watchman said," In that case, is there anything to eat? " The watchman replied, "Where shall I eat? When he is eating, he doesn't want me to come again. "

Eat spoiled cakes

There is a poor man who is not good at drinking. Every time he goes out to eat two bad cakes, he gets drunk. Once, I happened to meet a friend. A friend asked him, "Did he drink this morning?" The poor man replied, "No, I just ate a bad cake." When he got home, the poor man told his wife. The wife said, "Fool, just say that if you drink it, you can pretend to be decent." The husband nodded in agreement. When I went out again, I met that friend again My friend still asked him like last time, and he replied by drinking. A friend asked him, "Is the wine hot or cold?" The poor man replied, "It exploded." My friend smiled and said, "I still ate the bad cake." When I got home, my wife found out and scolded him: "How can you say it's fried?" ? I should say eat it while it's hot. The husband replied, "I see. "When I met that friend again, the poor man immediately boasted," My wine is very hot today. A friend asked him, "How much did you eat?" "The poor man held out two fingers and said," Two. "

Good antique

There is a rich man who loves antiques, but he can't tell the truth from the false. A man lied that he had a Yu Shun-era lacquer bowl. Duke Zhou's bird-tart cane and Confucius' apricot altar mat were for sale, and the rich man took his daughter to buy them. The rich man had already sold his property, holding Yu Shun's bowl in his left hand, leaning on Duke Zhou's staff in his right hand and wearing Confucius' seat, begging in the street and saying, "Please give Taigong and Jiufu a penny."

Not to get rich.

A rich man with his daughter proudly said to the poor, "I am rich. Why don't you flatter me?" The poor man said, "You have a lot of money. What does it matter to me that I flatter you? " The rich man said, "If I give you half the money, how about kissing my ass?" The poor man replied, "In that case, you have 500 and I have 500. We have the same amount of money. Why should I flatter you? " The rich man said, "I'll give you all the money, so don't flatter me." The poor man replied, "In this case, if you have no money and I have money, you should worship me."

Poor100000

The rich man said to the poor, "My family has a hundred thousand dollars." The poor man said, "I also have 100 thousand deposits, so it's not surprising." The rich man was surprised and asked, "Where's your hundred thousand?" The poor man said, "You have always had money and refused to use it. I want to use the money but I can't. What's the difference between you and me? "

catch fire

A poor man was drinking happily outside, and someone told him that there was a fire at home. The poor man immediately tidied up his coat and hat, but still sat still and said, "I'm not afraid, all my things are with me." The messenger said, "Where is your wife?" The poor man replied, "She is afraid that no one will take care of her."

Sandwich quilt

On a hot day, a man was lying with a quilt in his arms. Someone asked him why, and the man replied, "The quilt has cooled down."

Gold and silver ingot

The poor man walked in the market with gold and silver ingots made of gold paper and silver paper, looked at these gold and silver ingots and sighed, "If you get hard, my life will be easier." Others replied, "I can't get hard unless you get hard and mix with me."

Qiluancha

When the guests arrived and no one came out, the guests called for tea. The wife had no choice but to deliver the tea in person, and the husband didn't want to see the guests, pretending to snore and sleep, so as to prevaricate. So the guest shouted, "Where are the men in your family?"

Call tea

A guest came to a family, and her husband kept asking for tea. The wife said, "If you don't buy tea all year round, where can you get tea?" The husband said, "Just boiled water." The wife said, "How can cold water get hot without firewood?" The husband scolded: "Dog, aren't there some straws in the pillow?" The wife retorted, "Bastard, can those bricks and stones burn!" " "

Hexagon

A man invited a guest to tea. Because there was no tea, he was worried and went to his neighbor's house to borrow it. Neighbors haven't sent it for a long time. After the water boils and overflows, keep adding cold water to the pot. After a long time, the pot was full of water, and finally the tea was not delivered. The wife said to her husband, "You can't drink tea. You might as well let him take a bath. "

Afraid of dogs.

The master is vain and proud. One day, a guest came, and the host secretly borrowed the neighbor's child, not the servant. After the child poured the tea, he strolled into the living room and dared not go forward. The host shouted, "Why don't you go forward?" The child said, "I'm afraid of your fierce dog."

Eat porridge

A person's family is poor. In order to save food, he only cooks porridge every day. Afraid of jokes, I told my son not to say anything, but to eat in front of others. One day, I was chatting with my neighbor. After waiting for a long time, my son shouted at the door, "Dad, come in for dinner." Father said, "You are so fast today. Why are you cooking so early? " The son said, "It's getting late. I made another pot of clear soup today."

Footwear and socks litigation

Some people have broken shoes and socks. Shoes blame socks, and socks blame shoes. The two were prosecuted by officials respectively. The officer couldn't tell the difference clearly, so he took the heel as evidence. The heel said, "How do you know that the younger one has been expelled from the outside?"

Bread crumbs hanging beard

A poor family sleeps with a straw curtain, and the children don't know how to hide it. After hitting him, his father warned, "If anyone asks, he can only say that he has been deceived." One day, the father met a guest with grass clippings on his beard, and his son shouted from behind, "Dad, remove the grass clippings from your face."

Boil in yellow

A helper, seeing that his master cooked yellow delicious, always covered his nose to show that yellow cooking was worthless and useless. The host said, "Yellow cooked is not expensive, but it is better than the sawdust burned in your house." The doorman was very surprised and said, "When did my family ever burn sawdust?" The host replied, "What is mosquito smoke made of?"

Yinse club

A man invited a friend to help the association. The friend was scared to death and said, "If you want me to help the association, you must kneel down for me." The man immediately knelt down and his friend agreed. The bystander said, "I just borrowed some money and I will pay him back sooner or later." I don't agree. " The man replied, "I won't lose money." There will be many days when he will beg me for money and kneel down! " "

exchange currencies

Facing the guest, a man suddenly turned and said, "Brother, please sit down. I'll cash someone's club money and be right back. " As soon as I entered and exited, the guest asked, "Why didn't I change the money?" The man smiled and said, "I see. He was crazy, so he gave me money. If I give it back to him, I will go crazy. "

Residual stone sand

A poor man left a guest for dinner, and his wife used pebbles to pad her rice bowl because she had no food to eat. When adding rice, the rice in the rice bowl was almost gone, and pebbles were exposed. When the master saw this, he was very ashamed, so he scolded his wife and said, "Blind slave, where did your eyes grow when you washed rice?" Don't take out such big stones and sand and throw them away. "

Glutinous rice

A man lost his fan and scolded, "Make soup and rice with my fan." The person next to him said, "How can fans make soup?" The man replied, "You don't know, my fan is covered with a lot of rice."

Shabby clothes

A person's clothes have many holes, and others jokingly said to him, "Your clothes are like a chessboard, line by line." The man smiled and said, "To tell you the truth, you will tie a knot if you wear it again."

Borrow clothes

A man went to a wedding reception in mourning. He borrowed a sheepskin coat from others and left without a hat. When people knew he was in mourning, they asked him whose fur coat he was wearing. The man thought he was mocking the clothes he was wearing, so he looked at his body and said angrily, "This is my own house. Why do you ask it? "

The wine jar is huge.

There was a poor man who accumulated three or four jars of grain and thought he was rich. One day, my companion and I were walking in the market and heard passers-by say, "There is not much rice this year, only 3 thousand stones." The poor man said to his companion, "You can lie, but you don't believe there are so many jars in his house."

Encounter theft

The thief went into a poor family, but he couldn't find it anywhere, so he spat and opened the door. Seeing this scene in bed, the poor man greeted him and said, "thief, you are negligent." Please close the door for me before you leave. " The thief replied, "Your family still calls me a thief." I want to ask you, why is your door closed? "

The stolen

The thief entered a poor family, and there was only a jar of rice in the family, which was placed in front of the bed. The thief took off his skirt and spread it on the ground. He is preparing to move the urn to pour rice. The owner of the bed secretly saw it. The shopkeeper quietly took the skirt away and called the thief. The thief replied, "There really are thieves. A skirt was there just now and was stolen by a thief in a blink of an eye. "

Shameful thief

A thief went to a house to steal, saw his master sleeping outside, and suddenly turned and walked inside. The thief suspected that his master had known him and planned to escape as soon as possible. The host shouted: "Come on, I might as well, because there is nothing to send at home, I am ashamed to see you!" " "

Wang baohuang

There was a poor man who was always extravagant, and thieves came to steal things at night, but there was no one at home, and he was scolded and left. The poor man counted the money by the bed, caught up with the thief and gave it to him. He told him, "Although you are very careless this time, please put in a good word in front of others, and don't call me poor."

make a touch

A man borrowed money from someone with an iou, and the owner said, "You don't have to write an iou, just draw a picture and be happy." When the borrower asked him why, the host replied, "I'm afraid it won't be like this in the future."

Bianye

There was a poor man who owed a lot of money before his death. He met Hades after his death, and Hades asked the ghost judge to find his resume. After investigation, the man has been in debt, and Hades sentenced him to be reborn as a dog and a horse to repay what he owed in his previous life. The poor man said, "What dogs and horses can repay is really limited. Only by becoming your own father can you repay your kindness. " Hades asked him why, and the poor man replied, "Being his father earned thousands of dollars, and most of them were theirs."

Dream of paying off debts

The debtor said to the debt collector, "My life is running out. I dreamed of death last night. " The debt collector said, "Yin and Yang are opposites, and dreaming of death is living." The debtor said, "There is another dream." The debt collector said, "What dream?" The debtor said, "I dream of paying you back."

say it out

A man was forced to lie by a debt collector and said, "Shall I tell you?" The debt collector suspected that he had a heart attack and reluctantly left. Many times in a row, it's the same. One day, the debt collector made up his mind to say, "Just say it, I'm not afraid of you!" " "The debtor added," Do you really want me to say it? " The debt collector said, "I really want you to say it." The debtor said, "No more. "

Sit in a chair

There is a family with many debt collectors, all chairs and stools, and some sitting on the threshold. The host whispered to the man sitting on the threshold, "Come early tomorrow." The man was glad that he had to pay his debts first, so he advised the others to disperse. The man immediately told the meaning of meeting the day before yesterday at dawn the next day. The debtor said, "Yesterday was blasphemy, which made you sit on the threshold. I'm very upset. Today, if you come early, you can take the top spot first. "

Debt to a family

There was a debtor, and the debt collector repeatedly asked him not to pay him back. The debt collector was very angry and asked his servants to peek out and move his things back. The servants came back with things on their backs and stopped for a while. When they met the debtor, the debtor said, "Let's go here and have a rest. It's none of my business if others take it. "

Essence of debt seizure

The watchman told Cai Qing to arrest him, but the ghost soldiers misunderstood him and thought he was a debt collector, so they arrested a debtor. After asking, Pluto knew that he had caught him wrong and asked the ghost to put him back. The debtor said, "I don't really want to go back. There is nowhere to hide in the world, just to hide. "

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