Classic joke

Complete works of jokes

I'm from TV University.

A college student was caught by the enemy, who tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Where are you from?" ? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! "College students replied to the enemy's words and were electrocuted. He said, "I'm from TV University. "

A stunning beauty is unlucky.

Teacher: A peerless beauty refers to the most beautiful woman of our time.

Student: Beautiful women are unlucky, and beautiful women will not have offspring.

Quantifiers sometimes cannot be omitted.

In Chinese class, the teacher asked, "sometimes quantifiers can't be omitted at will." Who can give an example? "

Xiao Qiang immediately replied, "For example," he gave me a gun. "If I omit the quantifier" zhi ",my fate will be different!"

Kill the chicken to get the egg-kill the chicken to get the egg

Once in a Chinese class, after the teacher finished this idiom, please think about another similar idiom.

A boy replied: Kill the goose that lays the golden egg.

Teacher's correction: Wrong, begging for fish from the edge of wood means doing things without results!

The boy answered frankly: teacher, I killed a rooster!

ask for leave

A classmate in the back row slept for a long time and woke up in class. I vaguely said to the person next to me: I'm hungry.

After a while, he raised his hand to ask for leave and said, teacher, I'm going to the toilet.

People on both sides burst into laughter.

Turn a pen

In high school, a class teacher (in her forties) saw a girl spinning a pen in class and said, stop spinning, which kept me worried that the pen would fall off. How can I concentrate on the class?

How to get to the toilet

Some time ago, the teacher asked us to recite the main contents of the "Chinese Dream".

It is said that the leader will come to ask questions the next day.

He also told us, "I really can't remember, but I have to say it." What the teacher said, I forgot. " "

As a result, the next day, the leader asked a very slow-moving classmate in our class: "Little friend, how can I get to the toilet?"

He stammered, "The old ... teacher said ... I missed it, and I forgot ..."

I still remember the leader's expression. . .

The bath water is too cold.

Take a bath at school. The bath water is called a perm.

After washing, the uncle who finally adjusted the water temperature said, the bath water is so cold today, and it's freezing to death. ......

After a while, I heard the screams of killing pigs from inside. ......

Lick someone's shoes.

The teacher wrote the blackboard in class, and it was full. A classmate volunteered to help the teacher clean the blackboard. The students all said that he pretended to be a good boy. Then he said, "Can't I kiss the teacher's ass?" Xiao Lei said, "Teacher, he said you are a horse!" Xiaoguang said, "Teacher, he spanked you!" "

What storms have you experienced?

There is a girl in my dormitory. She looks rather vicissitudes, but her actual age is not big, but she always likes to pretend to be mature.

One day, chatting in the dormitory. They chatted about their previous experiences and had a good time. Suddenly, he said in an affected tone: My life has experienced ups and downs. ......

The words were interrupted before they were finished. Others said: What storms have you experienced? Don't you take an umbrella when it rains?

He was speechless ... we laughed. ......

Campus queen

When a freshman reported to school, she saw a wooden sign posted at the school gate, which read: Osmanthus fragrans, the school flower of our school. Freshmen ask their classmates, "Who is the beauty queen of our school? Why is it so tacky? Is her name still posted at the school gate? "

As soon as the students listened to the music, he took the freshmen to the school garden and pointed to a osmanthus tree and said, "Look, this is the school flower of our school."

How can they echo and shout out?

When I was living, one night I said there was a meteor shower, so a group of people crowded in the window and shouted.

I just didn't see a meteor, so my roommate discussed pretending to have a meteor, ho ho! Meteor! ! !

Shouts rang out again in the quiet campus. ......

We laughed. I don't understand. How can they respond to a meteor without it? ......

A letter of dried cold rice noodles

One of my classmates, Yu Jingbo, wrote a letter one day, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the dormitory door: A letter of dried cold rice noodles!

Who's afraid of who?

Student A: If you bully me again, I'll kill you with an ear spoon!

Student b hesitated for 2 seconds and said, then I'll find an ant to step on you!

Review the past and learn the new.

Today my roommate is watching a small movie again.

Clearly said, "watch this movie again?"

He said, "Yes, it's too hot. It's good to look back at this cool movie. "

Obviously, he said, "That is, that is, looking back and learning new things can be a teacher."

He said, "Yes, yes, my dear friend. It's never too old to learn! "

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