Mathematical humor short story joke

Three scientists went to Scotland from London to attend a conference. Soon after crossing the border, they found a black sheep. "This is very interesting," said the astronomer. "All sheep in Scotland are black." "This inference is unreliable," replied the physicist. "We can only conclude that some sheep in Scotland are black." The logician immediately went on to say, "What we really know is that there is at least one black sheep in at least one place in Scotland." Mathematicians fall in love Mathematicians and their girlfriends are walking in the park. His girlfriend asked him, "Do you really mind my freckles?" The mathematician replied softly, "Absolutely not! I was born to like dealing with decimal points. " Measuring the height of flagpole A group of engineers are measuring the height of flagpole. They only have a tape measure, so it is difficult to fix it on the flagpole, because the tape measure always falls off. A mathematician passed by and pulled out the flagpole, so it was easy to measure the data. After he left, one engineer said to another engineer, "Mathematicians always do this." We asked for height, but he gave us length! " "There are two kinds of people who like to drink beer, one likes to drink temptation and the other likes to drink XO. One day, they argued endlessly about whose wine was stronger. Finally, they reached an agreement to catch two mice and fill them with wine to see who has the strongest wine. As a result, a black man drank XO and a white man drank temptation. After drinking, the black one fell down and the white one squeaked out. The guy who drinks XO is so proud that he just wants to insult the man who drinks for nothing. I saw the mouse come back again, standing in the middle of the room with half a brick in his hand and shouting, "Where's the cat?" "Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied." "How do you know? Did she tell you herself? " "Of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me, "If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once." This shows that I have learned everything. "Report card" Where is your report card? "The father inquired about the child who had just returned from school." I lent it to Tom to scare his parents! "A student asked a famous economist to define the terms" recession, depression and panic ". The expert smiled: "In a recession, people need to tighten their belts. It is difficult for people to buy belts during the depression. When people can't afford to wear pants, panic begins. "Final preview says that a student is going to pre-select classes for the next semester at the end of the term, but the content of this system is different. Its contents are as follows: "Hello, XX University, please enter your student number and press #, press 5 for quitting school, 6 for suspending school and 7 for resuming school". Driven by curiosity, the students pressed "5", and then only heard the system answer "successfully dropped out of school". The student's face suddenly changed. At this time, another hope came out of his heart. Didn't he just hear that he resumed his studies by pressing 7? So he pressed "7" and only heard the system reply: "Sorry, non-school students are not allowed to use this system ... A statistician who has never been in charge of his children reluctantly agreed to look after four young and active children on a Saturday afternoon when his wife was out shopping. When his wife came home, he handed her a note that read: "Wipe your tears 1 1 time; Tie shoelaces 15 times; Blow toy balloons for each child five times, and the average life of each balloon is 10 second; Warning children not to cross the road 26 times; The child insisted on crossing the road 26 times; I want to do it again on Saturday. A male teacher said to two noisy female students, "The voices of two women are like the cries of a thousand ducks. After a while, the teacher's wife came to visit him. One of the female students came to report. " Teacher, there are 500 ducks outside the door to see you. "A statistician met a mathematician, and the statistician teased the mathematician and said, didn't you say that if X = Y and Y = Z, then X = Z! Then I think if you like a girl, then you will also like the boy that the girl likes! ? "The mathematician thought for a moment and asked," So you put your left hand in a pot of 100 degree boiling water and your right hand in a pot of 0 degree ice water, and it's all right! Because they are only 50 degrees on average! " There is a couple, really desperate, the husband had to let his wife do princesa. One day, a guest who was driving stopped in front of his wife and asked, "How much did it cost to sleep last time?" The wife said, "Please wait a moment. So he ran to ask her husband, and he said, "Three thousand. ""The wife ran back and told the guests the price. The guest said, "I don't have much money with me, so how much does it cost to help me?" So the wife ran back and asked her husband, who said, "1 thousand." "The wife ran back to tell the guests the price. When the guest agreed, he took out a 20-cm-long reproductive organ from his pants! ! So the wife ran to her husband and asked him, "can we lend him 2000 yuan?" "This error comes from the calculator that came with Microsoft windows (start the attachment calculator). 1. When you try to divide 92 16 by 96 and press the = key, the calculator doesn't respond! ! ! And 92 16 divided by 97, 98 is normal. There's another mistake. When you try to divide 24000 by 96 and press the = key, the computer actually shows your name! ! ! Very interesting ... 1, the unreasonable arithmetic teacher said, "here are 10 pears, and I have eaten six." How much is left? A greedy student replied, "I think we should eat the rest together." "Zaizai came back from school happily and asked his mother," Where is Dad? " Mother saw Zaizai's excitement and asked strangely, "Is Dad at home? What do you want from dad? " "I asked my father for fifty cents." "Why? "mom asked." Before taking the math test, my father said to me,' If I get a score of 100, I'll get 1 yuan, and 80 will be given to 8 cents.' Today, I got 45 points in math. "Aberdeen replied. My mother was surprised and asked, "What! Only 45 points in math? Zaizai proudly said, "Yes, it takes 4 points to give up math, and 5 points for math, so dad has to pay 50 points." "A fashionable girl walked into the remittance office of the post office, filled out the money order and handed it to the clerk. When the clerk saw it, he returned the bill and said, "The figures should be capitalized." The girl cocked her head and said, "Capitalized? The grid is so small, how to write it big? " 4. There is nothing wrong with Min Min: "How to write 7+3= 10, 7+3= 1? "Baby:" I just didn't write 0 at the end! "Min Min:" That's wrong! " The baby said, "0 means nothing." In Wu Zetian's history class, the teacher asked, "Who knows who Wu Zetian is?" Student: "Wu Zetian is a mathematician. Five days later, she will be the great mathematician who invented rounding." 6. Waiting for the bus "Dad, the No.4 bus is coming!" "Fool, that's not No.4, it's No.31!" "The teacher said, 3+ 1=4!" The little boy said confidently. 7. The difference is that our teacher asked Axi in math class, "What's the difference between one-half and one-eighth?" Asi didn't answer. Teacher Fang said, "Think about it. If you had to choose half an orange or eight sixteenth oranges, which one would you choose? " Axi: "I must have half." "Why?" "A lot of orange juice has been squeezed dry when the oranges are divided into one sixteenth, don't you think so, teacher?" 8. In the examination test, a student took out the dice and shook out ten multiple-choice answers. At last he suddenly took it out and shook it. The invigilator finally couldn't bear it: "What are you doing?" The student replied, "I'm checking." 9. Zaizai came back from school happily and asked his mother, "Where is Dad?" Mother saw Zaizai's excitement and asked strangely, "Is Dad at home? What do you want with dad? " "I asked my father for fifty cents." "Why?" Mom asked. "Before taking the math test, my dad told me,' If you get a score of 100, you will give me 1 yuan, and 80 will be given to 8 cents. Today, I got 45 points in math. "Aberdeen replied. My mother was surprised and asked, "What! Mathematics is only 45 points? " Zaizai proudly said, "Yes, it must be rounded off in mathematics, so Dad has to pay 50 cents. "10, the multiplication table teacher found a student's name in the exercise book: Mu (1+2+3). The teacher asked, "Whose exercise book is this?" A student stood up and said, "It's mine!" Teacher: "What's your name?" Student: "Mulinsen!" Teacher: "Then how did you write your name like this?" Student: "I used multiplication and division!" " " (^_^)