God replies to classic funny quotations

God replies to classic funny quotations

There are always a group of wonderful gods in life. The following are the classic funny quotations I collected for you about God's reply. Welcome to reading.

Q: My girlfriend's income is 30,000 times that of mine. I really want to work hard, but I have no talent. How can I improve this dilemma?

Li Peng: Your income is zero, and so is your girlfriend's income. Stop it, children. Have you finished your summer homework?

2. Q: If you say angrily: Say it again! ? Someone else said it again. What should I say after that so as not to weaken the momentum?

Liu Yu: Keeping a low profile without losing momentum can effectively kill the enemy.

3. Q: What are the criteria for a girl's good figure?

Senior engineer: Let me get this straight: it's beautiful and easy to use. It's really good.

4. Q: Why do so many people say that they are lonely and want to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, but they are still single?

Xu Tiantian: Because not only are you ugly, but you also think others are ugly.

5. Q: What if I don't have a lover on Valentine's Day?

Mao Bao: If you are sad because no one loves and cares about you on Valentine's Day, please remember that no one loves and cares about you every day except Valentine's Day!

7. Q: Divide an earthworm into nine sections. After these nine segments grow into nine earthworms, what is the relationship between them?

Zhong Yezi: The most familiar strange Qiu?

8. Q: How big is 70A's chest?

Zero Flower: You straighten your legs and touch your knees. That's the feeling.

9. Q: What do you think? Wow! You can still do this?

Chang 'an: My little niece plays Plants vs Zombies on the ipad. She does two things: collect the sun and grow potatoes for zombies. She thinks this game is raising zombies? Hey, why am I cute?

10, q: if I send a piece of shit to Gao Peng, what consequences may I bear?

Wang Tonghe: Gao Peng will send it to the American delegation. Meituan and Fanfan are in the same office. As a result, they mistakenly thought that it was sent to Fanfan by Sina Weibo, and sent it back to Sina Weibo. People in Sina Weibo gritted their teeth and thought, Shit, Tencent Weibo shouldn't be so damaged, so they sent it to Tencent. Tencent News people looked at it and said, Hey, Netease News has a mobile phone client. What a pity! So I sent it to Netease. When Ding Lei saw it, it must be an encouragement to my pig-raising career!

1 1. Q: What are some examples of low emotional intelligence?

Liang Lijun: Respect strangers, but be angry with people close to you?

12, q: how would you write a three-line suicide note?

Xia Bo: I went to visit a classmate's house in Changsha.

My classmates asked me if I ate spicy food.

I said it was slightly spicy.

13, Q: What embarrassing things have you encountered when chatting with foreigners?

Zhan Ci: My father taught the Japanese to sing on the Lijiang River when they were playing in Guilin? The sword was cut on the devil's head? The Japanese study hard and they have a good time all the way.

14, q: There are 1000 identical bottles, of which 999 bottles are ordinary water, and 1 bottle is ◇ ◇. Any living thing will die after drinking it for a week. Now, you only have 10 mice and a week. How can I find out which bottle contains ◇ ◇?

FelixPF: Chop 10 mice into stuffing and divide them into 1000 bottle caps. Pour an appropriate amount of liquid from the corresponding bottle into each bottle cap, put it outdoors, and replenish an appropriate amount of corresponding liquid every day. Observe for a week to see which bottle cap is free of carrion and maggots.

15, Q: Do you have the patience to read Zhihu's answers above five lines?

Jing Lei: It was always mentioned before? 140 words? Say it again now? I just want to say that people who care about size are often inexperienced or have never met a good job.

16, q: most of the graffiti in men's toilets is abusive and sexually suggestive, while the graffiti in women's toilets is mainly riddles and short stories. What do you think is the difference between them?

Xu: I admire those students who are familiar with men's and women's toilets?

17, q: why do some people like to draw crosses on mosquito bites?

Because vampires are afraid of crosses?

18, q: which dynasty in China had the highest degree of sexual openness and why?

Anonymity: primitive society is good, primitive society is good, primitive society streaks, men chase, women run, and after being caught, they press on the ground. Set off the X climax of primitive society.

19, q: every time I tell a joke, which one do you want to tell?

Xie Sheng: The name of my hometown province begins with H. Guess?

B: Henan?

A: No.

B: Heilongjiang?

A: That's not right either.

What is that?

A: Lake construction.

20、? Look at Miss Yang Guo's life? How to translate it into English?

Magasha: Young mistakes last a lifetime.

2 1, Q: How can I talk to an unfamiliar girl when she goes to dinner?

Qin Chunshan: I have read a sentence that some people find communication difficult or tired because they always try to show qualities they don't have.

22. Q: What is the funniest joke you have ever heard?

Yao Hang: An operator received a call from a customer. The customer stuttered and was a little slow: me, me, me? Think about it and ask, me, me, me? Electricity? Telephone charges? The nearest? Why is it so expensive? The operator just said, big brother, big brother, it's you. Can it be free? Then he was fired!

23. Q: Huang Rong wore a soft breastplate. Why does it hurt when Ouyang Ke touches her body, and Guo Jing hugs her tightly, but it's okay? Can you automatically adjust whether the thorn stands up?

Su Lian: QQ has it? Invisibility is visible to it? Soft armor, too? Can a thorn touch it? .

24. Q: Why do cold jokes start with Xiaoming?

Zhang Chun: Because people who tell low-level jokes start laughing when they see Xiaoming.

25. Q: How can you judge whether a girl is good-looking through Weibo's photos?

Zhang Ke: Two simple steps: First, find her sister who often @; Secondly, I found her photo in her sister's post. Believe me, women always put the best-looking photos of themselves on it. As for what others look like? What the fuck is this? . )

26. Q: What moments have you experienced that killed you?

Lin Xiaochai: I just read a joke yesterday and almost laughed into a mental illness. A teacher corrects pupils' Chinese homework, and one of the topics is: rewrite the following sentences into anthropomorphic sentences. A teacher corrects primary school students' Chinese homework, and one of the topics is: rewrite the following sentences into anthropomorphic sentences. This sentence is:? Birds are chirping in the tree. ? Most children usually switch to? Birds are singing in the tree? Suddenly I saw an answer that said:? The bird cried in the tree and said, I am human! ! ! I am human! ! ! ?

27. Q: A beautiful woman is eating Sugar-Coated Berry. How can I convince her that I'm not here to strike up a conversation but to know where I bought the candied haws?

Tu Hao Wei: Actually, you can reverse the order of chatting up. ? Hello, beauty, you are so beautiful. I saw you from far away and just wanted to say hello? Well, I want to ask, where did you buy your Sugar-Coated Berry?

28. Q: How do boys spoil them?

He Tianjun: Is it such a thing as coquetry? How can people know!

Don't go to the aquarium with children who grew up by the sea. When you point to the glass in the underwater corridor, you say, Wow, look at this, look at that, wow, it's so cute! ? All they can say is. This is too suspicious. It needs curing for a while. Which is the best when baking?

Let's guess a riddle. You, stand up Eat a Chinese herbal medicine. ? It's simple. I am alone. When I stand up, I am a ginseng. ? Wrong, it's Lycium barbarum! ? Don't run! ? Let's guess a riddle. You, stand up Eat a Chinese herbal medicine. ? It's simple. I am alone. When I stand up, I am a ginseng. ? Wrong, it's Lycium barbarum! ? Don't run! ?

I often meet a beautiful sister paper and her mother when I go home to take the elevator at night. The landlord is bold and often makes eye contact with his sister-in-law, who is always shy and ready to start work. Just now, the elevator suddenly lost power and it was dark. The landlord thought that the opportunity had come, and reached out and held the hand of sister paper. Sister paper also reached out and kissed her without saying anything. Anyway, it's not the first time to play hooligans. Just as the elevator lights up, I caught a glimpse of a frightened sister paper next to it!

4. When I was in class, I suddenly felt that the abdomen was heavy. I wanted to break away from my body and patted my deskmate. Me. . . Me. . ? The deskmate said:? Let it go if you have a fart! ? I have a wave. Laughter: You still understand me.

5. Madam President, many people are doing business today. Just work hard and don't rest. Let me buy you something to eat. Tyler, I want to go to the bathroom. Governor, please bear with me one more time. I'll arrange for you to have a rest when there are fewer people waiting. Tyler, I want to go to the bathroom.

6. I caught a cold yesterday, so I went for an intravenous drip. A small bottle of medicine cost more than 100. So I asked the nurse, it used to be a big bottle of liquid medicine, but now it's so small. Nurses, save water, starting from a little bit.

7. The class is almost over. The teacher said how many points were left in the mobile phone after class. A great god in the corner of the class said that I brought two batteries, and the second one was more than 60%. . . The teacher on the podium silently replied, that's your make-up exam result.

After his death, the old bachelor went to heaven to see God and complained. I have never met anyone who wants to spend my life with me. Why are you so unfair? ? I sent it to you. When you were 23, you see, it was her. ? When God reached a finger, a beautiful woman appeared in front of the old bachelor. However, I have never seen her! ? God replied? Oh, you just missed her when you bowed your head and brushed a cold joke with your mobile phone.

9. I failed in the exam today, and I feel very depressed. Dad comforted me, son, in the future, it is not only good grades that will lead to food. Don't be discouraged! I was deeply moved and said, yes, you were so scum when you were a child, and now you still live the same life.

10, shopping for a friend in the mall, passing by an instrument that can measure IQ, I:? Who has a higher IQ? I stood on it and the machine said, Sir, your IQ is 52 1. My friend is standing on it, and the machine says, please don't put stones on it, sir. ? He went home in despair. I have been tested for IQ these days, and mine is still 52 1. He went up and the machine said, Sir, this stone looks familiar.

1 1. Don't go to the aquarium with children who grew up by the sea. When you point to the glass of the submarine corridor, for example? Wow, look at this, look at that, wow, it's so cute! ? All they can say is. This is too suspicious. It needs curing for a while. Which is the best when baking?

12, a couple loved durian, but they were afraid to give it to their five-year-old son, so they hid in the kitchen to eat it. At this time, the five-year-old son pushed open the door and was shocked. You eat. . . Is it shit? !

13, having dinner with my girlfriend and her friends. During the dinner, someone said that a good cabbage has been arched by pigs again! Hearing this, how can I swallow my pride and slap him? Dare you say that my wife is a pig?

Someone has a girlfriend. Very beautiful. One day, I showed my girlfriend's photo to my friend. He said, "Is my girlfriend beautiful? The friend looked at him triumphantly and said, "If I can describe her as a bird, she is like a swan. "If I can describe her as a vegetable, she is a good cabbage. If I can describe her as a flower, I can only say that she is a flower.

15, chasing the goddess for a long time, and finally succeeded today. The goddess asked me what I felt, and I said it felt a little incredible. She said, I don't believe you pinch your face. Yes, and then I woke up. Stop it. Move the bricks?

16, a couple aged 100 divorced, claiming that their relationship had already broken down. People from the Civil Affairs Bureau asked? After all these years, if it is to break up early, why divorce now? The old couple said,? I used to take care of my child's face, but now that the child is dead, there is nothing to worry about, so I decided to divorce.

17, the passenger ship was sinking, and the leader robbed a life jacket. The secretary reminded me that there were still many women on board, director. The leader growled, this is no time to think about this!

18, when I was in college, six people in the dormitory smoked. After a while, a sister in the class came to the dormitory. Sister? Can't stand you old smokers? At this moment, the supervisor spoke. We all filter with our bodies and leave the best part to you! ? Sister.

19, my sister asked me if I had ever kissed a girl, but I said no, and my sister said she could teach me. I said you don't need to teach this thing. It will be fine by then! A few years later, I reacted. Hey, hey, hey, I am so stupid!

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