What is pua behavior?

PUA, the full name of "Pick-up Artist", refers to a kind of mental control behavior that destroys your ability to think independently by attacking your self-esteem, making you feel that you have nothing to do, and then taking advantage of it. It makes you dependent and makes you feel that only a certain person can help you, thus being manipulated by him.

1. 7 common PUA behaviors

1. Questioning

This is also known as the kerosene lamp effect. It is a very common form of emotional manipulation. The key is that the other person uses words to make you doubt your own reason, experience and thoughts, and believe that what the other person says is true. Right.

Example: That’s not the case. You think too much and are too sensitive. I have never said that, but you always misunderstand me.

2. Humiliation.

This form often appears in harsh criticism or sarcastic jokes, and its content is mainly to deny your character ability or even personality.

Example: She is such a person. Well, I don’t even understand how her strange thoughts came about.

3. Threats

This kind of existence can take many forms, and it may be direct or subtle. . And the threat may not be you personally, it may be someone or something you care about, which is designed to arouse your fear or suspicion and finally make you give in to what they do.

Example: What our parents want to see most is that we two are well, and you don’t want them to feel sad for us two, right?

4. Responsibility transfer

The focus of this behavior is to transfer you Shifting your focus from your feelings and needs to what you are not doing can cause you to feel guilty and uneasy.

Example: I just spoke a little louder, and you clearly knew how I was doing today. It sucks to keep holding on to this

5. Isolation/Isolation

Isolation can happen discretely and gradually over a long period of time until you find yourself. Realizing after disconnecting from family and friends and losing their support

Example: You knew I wouldn’t feel comfortable hanging out with them and I can’t believe you chose them over me.

2. Who are more likely to be PUA

1. People who constantly belittle themselves

Habitually belittle themselves verbally, then it may be easy to Falling into the trap of being manipulated by others

2. People who think in black and white

When a person falls into a black and white thinking mode, he will use "extreme" or "extreme" thinking. When you look at everything in an "absolute" way, you will lose the ability to understand the outside world and complex relationships.

3. People who lack independent opinions

People who are afraid of challenging other people's ideas and behaviors, especially People who feel guilty for challenging others will also become "prey" for emotional manipulators.

4. People who have insufficient sense of security in the environment

Are afraid of being criticized. Abandoned, eliminated, afraid that they may have no place to live. Although there is no harm in constantly reflecting on your own shortcomings in the face of criticism, if you are too sensitive to external criticism, you may be more susceptible to PUA than ordinary people.

3. How to get rid of PUA. You need to have a clear self-awareness, be sure to stay awake, and tell yourself that "the manipulated state can be broken." Secondly, you must not let yourself be isolated, communicate more with friends, find isolated relatives and friends, and do not cut off your emotional outlet. Another thing is to learn to say no, start with small things, and regain control. When the manipulator manipulates you, he is actually a manipulated person. Every compromise and contribution you make is a positive reward for him. If you start to refuse, the manipulator will have a strong sense of frustration. He will also They will also expect rewards from you, but there is no need to change a manipulator, just choose to leave in time. Love yourself well and focus your life on yourself.

We can often see related cases caused by PUA, which all warn us that we need to pay attention to this. In fact, many times we will unconsciously, deeply or It is easy to be PUA, but the most important thing is that we must learn to stay awake and independent in various intimate relationships, believe that we can live well, and say "NO!" to PUA!