A complete set of jokes makes your stomach break.

1, I put on my new clothes today, and my colleague praised me in the office: Your clothes are really nice! This color, this style, huh? I walked up and down in front of her happily, and then said, is it nice to be naked? Like face and figure? The goods said without thinking, with those, who will look at the clothes?

2. The girl in the same car stared at me silently all the way. When I got off the bus, I finally couldn't help but come and ask my red number. I shivered and opened my mouth: freeze!

I packed my niece's luggage for school in the morning. Before going out, I felt the wind outside was particularly strong, so I wrapped my cotton-padded jacket around my niece to prevent catching cold on the road. The girl looked at me in thin clothes and said, mom, are you cold? I quickly said a few words about the greatness and selflessness of maternal love, then turned and got into bed and shouted to her father: Stop dawdling and go to see the child off!

A man was very happy when he learned that his wife was pregnant. He bought a bottle of Butai Ling and said to his wife, "It will definitely help the development of the fetus after you eat it." His wife looked at it for a long time and then threw it into the trash can. The man asked why. The wife scolded: "Silly goods, this is glue for mending bicycle tires."

I went out to play with my crush sister yesterday. On the way, she accidentally stepped on watermelon skin. Fortunately, lz was agile and hugged her waist. Like the TV story, I love each other deeply in both books, and no one has broken this wonderful romantic time, so I held her in my arms and looked at her affectionately! I thought it would be better to kiss. I was just about to do something, and I drooled so early.

6. My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beautiful women, and my father slapped me hard. I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively. China's Chinese characters are extensive and profound.

7. There is a little wolf. He was born a vegetarian, not a meat eater. His parents are very worried. As a result, my parents were very pleased to see the little wolf chasing the rabbit one day. Then the little wolf grabbed the rabbit and said, give me the carrot!

8. A few years ago, after graduation from lz University, six brothers in the dormitory had a dinner party. During the dinner, all kinds of sadness and parting feelings. One second before the heroic sacrifice, they took lz's hand and said something lz has never forgotten: Boss, wake me up when the braised pork comes up!

9. Accompany your girlfriend to her home for the first time? After arriving at her home, she received me warmly. Her father asked, "What does a young man do?" Me: "Uncle, Light Light Blue and I are colleagues." Girlfriend: "Dad, he is the vice president of our company!" " Her father: "Why are you here today?" Me: I take a taxi. Girlfriend: "Dad, his car was maintained in a shop in 4S, and he didn't come today." . "Her father is very satisfied with me. When I got back, I said to my girlfriend, "I'm just an ordinary clerk. How can I get a car? "How can you cheat them like that? ? "Girlfriend:" My dad is a snob. If you don't tell me, my dad has kicked you out. You are going to get me pregnant! " I'll solve the problems in the future.

10, hilarious, I don't know who wrote a piece of Liu Xu Wang Xing on the classroom door in red paper after the calligraphy class in the sixth grade. The Chinese teacher looked at the door and left, only to come later. Then he said: I didn't want to come in when I saw those words, but then I came in as soon as I thought that pigs had to be fed!

1 1. Primary school teachers have taught one of the most useful experiences. Ask dad for money in due course. You can't ask for money in the morning, because you have a bad temper just after getting up. The best time to ask for money is after dinner in the evening, ten times and nine times. Love for teachers is suddenly like a raging river ~

12, bought two white coconuts for my five-year-old son. When I came back from work the next day, my son brought me a water cup and said, "Please ask dad to taste my coconut milk." I'm a little touched. After drinking it, it tastes really good, with the taste of natural coconut milk. I asked, "How did you do it?" "The son said," I'll suck the coconut juice out with a straw first, and then spit it in the cup.

13, my buddy is lovelorn and in a bad mood. I've been trying to persuade him. He was very angry and shouted at me, "Fuck off!" I said indignantly, "Do you scold with quality? ! "He:" Run, brother! " "Elder sister, a good scolding!

14, opened a canteen at the gate of the community. The courier asked me to help collect the express mail and put a lot of cartons in it. . . Just now, I asked the courier to send me some cartons. The courier brother sent me a paper box and asked me, "A courier was confiscated. Why is the box so expensive? " I faltered and replied, "I accidentally sold it as waste paper." I am afraid that the guests will send something, and there is no box for others to pack? " The courier brother put down the box and rode away with a convulsive face!

15, that year, I dated my boyfriend several times, and he didn't even touch his hand. Once, we dated in the park. Not far away, there is a couple. The girl leaned against the boy. The boy feeds the girl ice cream bit by bit and kisses the girl's face gently from time to time. I looked envious and pointed to the couple to show her boyfriend, suggesting that he was going to act. If Hall realizes something, he will stand up and say, "Do you want to eat ice cream? I bought it! "

16, I went to the market to buy fish this afternoon. Several people bought fish and waited for the boss to kill them. One of them said, "Boss, kill me first, I can't wait." The owner of the fish stall looked at us and said, "Why don't you wait first? If brother can't wait, can he kill you first? Shit! Can you still buy good fish?

17, it's getting cold today! Before dawn in the morning, there were children in school uniforms waiting for the bus to go to school in the category 5 cold wind on the stop sign. Just because my car is crowded with elderly people visiting the morning market. The children couldn't squeeze in, so I had to leave those students in the cold wind and wait for the next bus. Once again, please help me to suggest that the elderly should travel at the wrong peak during the free ride. Please make room for office workers and children, especially middle school students who are not late for the first bus. It is really not easy for students to go to school.

18, there is a tall girl in the class, who wears sportswear all day and has sports cells at first glance. The school held a women's basketball competition, and she also participated! When she dribbled on the court, someone from the other side rushed to grab it. The goods were so scared that they directly handed the ball to each other and said, "Don't rob it, I'll give it to you myself."

19, my parents ate, and I drank some yogurt to lose weight. My mother looked at me and said to my father, "Look at your daughter, she can make a living and even drank a plate of yogurt through a straw."

20. Xiaoming is a junior, but he still doesn't have a girlfriend. Egged on by his dormitory buddies, he decided to go after a girl he had long admired. One day, he saw the girl walking alone on the playground and followed her. Xiao Ming is very anxious because he doesn't know how to speak. Seeing the girl getting farther and farther away from him, he had to pick up something from the ground and catch up and say, "Miss, did you drop this brick?"