Barracks joke

Ma Su: I-I stood in the wind [immediately fanned the wind below], wishing I couldn't, and took Sima Yi's life. Look, heaven, clouds are everywhere. [Sword drawn] Sword in hand, see who is the hero in the world! Wow, what a high mountain. We are camping here today.

Captain 1: absolutely not. What can we do if the enemy surrounds us?

Masu: Look at this mountain. It's dark and damp. [Touching my face and changing my tone] ... Take good care of my skin. Take the troops up the mountain first.

Masu: Stop! -climb high and overlook, and you can have a panoramic view of thousands of miles. I improvised a poem, "The scenery in the north is clear, and the water in Wan Li is floating." ...

Captain 1: Are you kidding? Where did the water come from this day?

Captain 2: No, it's a poem by Chairman Mao, isn't it?

Masu: You ... you ... I do, my ass.

Captain 2: General, do you want to irrigate again?

Masu: Why, I am the boss here, and I am what I say.

Captain 2: I have put up with it again and again, and now I can't take it anymore.

Captain 1: bear with it. If unemployment doesn't get worse, you will get sick at work.

Captain 2: What else can we pursue in this life besides completing the task and getting the bonus?

The phone rings, Masu answers: Who is drinking? Ah, strategist, right, right, right, guarantee to complete the task.

Ma Su said to Zhuge Shijun, the lieutenant: We were in a mouse country just now. The mailbox of Com website is broken again. The military asked me to learn DOS Daquan at once and fix it quickly. If I can't finish the task, my bonus will be gone.

Captain 2: Damn, the strategist is dark enough.

Captain 1: Hey, what should I do?

Captain 2: If you can't, send a gift.

Captain 1: What are you sending?

Captain 2: There are no gifts this year, only melatonin.

Captain 1: I think it is more economical to send rice and white flour.

Captain 2: Come on, the landlord's family doesn't have any surplus food these days. You won't be scolded for sending these.

Masu: Silly, I can't even give gifts. SARS is prevalent this year. White vinegar, salt, Radix Isatidis-for my beloved!

Captain 1: Look ~ ~ ~-The enemy has reached the foot of the mountain.

Masu: Right, volunteers, wait for the news of our meritorious service (three pendulum)

Voice-over: Now broadcast the news.

There are two people coming from outside.

Man: It's a news broadcast now.

W: First of all, Harbin News.

M: With the encouragement of the state and the efforts of all the staff, we in Heilongjiang Netcom have made outstanding progress.

The glorious title of the collective. A word can be summed up in a thousand words, Harbin, awesome! (thumbs up with both hands)

Woman: Inspired by the people of the world, under the leadership of the company and under the brick of netizens in Harbin, we succeeded.

Completed this year's flood control task, deleted more than 365,000 water stickers and cancelled irrigation ID9 1 1 ...

He: Yes! (v-hand)

W: The significance of completing the task is far-reaching and great. How should we face the road ahead?

M: A thousand words are summed up in one sentence. You can't run away if you irrigate Sun Island!

W: Here are the headlines. The well-prepared sketch "Masu Street Pavilion" is being staged. Due to the hasty rehearsal time, the program is still immature, but the purpose of the sketch is only one, bringing joy to netizens. The Harbin-Hong Kong Forum is a gathering of talents, and a piece of true feelings is a joke. Looking at the world situation, the scenery here is the best, thank you! The news broadcast is over, thanks for watching!

In the news, two people left the stadium with placards-Ma Su was defeated and Zhuge was depressed in the military camp. ...

Zhuge: The current news broadcast is so bad that there is no professional standard at all. The man's hair is split, but the woman's skin is not good. At first glance, using Dabao is useless. ...

Captain 1: Report to the Prime Minister! This is not good!

Zhuge: Who's here? !

Captain 1: Tan, the last general, will send a letter to the Prime Minister!

Zhuge said after reading the letter, "Only you, can you give me the letter?" Only you can remind Masu, and only you can guarantee it.

Protect his hordes back, only you have the strongest execution, ouch ~ ~ ~ "

Captain: Oh, what? Oh, I don't estimate the feelings of the audience at all. Be careful of me.

Masu, go.

Ma Su: "Prime Minister, Sima Yi did not abide by the UN Security Council resolution 188 and suddenly attacked me. This shameless and immoral behavior should be condemned and reviled by people all over the world. I implore Wei to attach importance to the friendship between Shu and Wei Chuantong and not to interfere with the normal development of the relationship between Shu and Wei. I will reserve the right to further investigate this attack. "

Zhuge said, "Somebody, chop Ma Su."

Masu: Now this sword is only 0.0 1 cm from my throat, but after 30 seconds, the person who wants to kill me will give up the idea completely because I have decided to tell the truth. Although I have told countless true lies in my life, I guarantee that this sentence is the most perfect and true truth.

Masu: There was once a very detailed and complete irrigation plan in front of me. I didn't give a hopeful answer, and I didn't know how to fix it. I think the most cowardly thing in my life is to go to the toilet without toilet paper. If the sky is empty, I want to say to that battle plan: "I cherish you, Sun Island BBS." If it takes a whole year, I hope it will be 10 thousand years! "

Cast: Amayi Zhuge Liang

C- Captain 1D- Captain 2

Son-male broadcast ugly-female broadcast