Bus joke

At night 10: 30, there are not many people on the subway. As usual, I got on the subway after work and went to our village from the busiest place in Pudong. Yes, I live in the suburbs, and I can't afford to rent it in a busy area.

I was sitting on the subway, admiring the girl sitting opposite me wearily.

Well, staring at the computer all day to relieve visual fatigue.

The phone call interrupted my process of judging the ugliness of my mind. It's my friend calling.

I am lonely in this city. There are few friends outside my colleagues, so the word buddy means a lot to me.

Although I am a man, it is inevitable that I will be lonely and helpless when I am alone in a city.

In this lonely foreign land time, the buddy is not only a person who chats with himself, drinks and eats, but also a relative, who relies on him and even plays the role of a girlfriend to some extent.

Huh? Why do I think this expression is not appropriate?

Forget it.

In short, in the past five years, there have been joys and sorrows, and men have not shed tears lightly. In the past five years, when I shed tears, he must be the only witness.

What brother!

By the way, what's his name again? I can't remember the name at the moment. Let's talk about it later.

Of course, although I introduced him so much, I actually got through quickly: "Hey, what is harassing the phone in the middle of the night?"

He said, "When you answer the phone so late, you won't have sex at first sight."

"Get down to business."

"It's no big deal, just check if you have sex."

"Yes, I just met Fan Bingbing yesterday. It's very expensive and pure silicone." When I finished, a girl across the street looked up and gave me a contemptuous look.

This should be the ugliest girl in the world.

I smiled and blinked at her left eye, which scared her to hug the arm of the girl next to me.

"Then I'm relieved. Goodbye. " After that, he hung up the phone.

Without rhyme or reason.

Five seconds later, the phone rang again.

"Did you really forget?" He said.

"Forget what? Security measures? Do you still need silicone? " I asked.

Say that finish, I took another look at the "ugly mind", her brow has wrinkled into a line, deliberately facing me with her side face. I "cut" my heart and thought, I have no sense of humor.

"Tomorrow is Saturday!" Said on the phone.

"What's the matter with Saturday? Can you fart all at once? "

"It's stupid of you to work overtime, Alumni Association!"

Oh, yes, the alumni association. It suddenly occurred to me that there will be an alumni association of our university tomorrow Saturday. Because of my busy work, I haven't attended any parties in the past few years.

Oh, by the way, I finally remembered the name of the person on the other end of the phone. His name is Vae, and he was my best friend in college.

Shame, shame, shame, best brother, good brother who just remembered his name.

Vae said, "boy, don't work overtime tomorrow. Dress up and join in the fun. By the way, see if there is a suitable opportunity. Don't miss it again Don't blame me for not reminding you that some girls who were single at the party last year have got married this year. "

I thought about it and asked, "What's your name again?"

I want to make sure the name I remember is correct.

Justin Bieber. He hung up the phone when he finished speaking.

......

Shit, why are you so fierce? I'm just kidding.

On Saturday, get up early and go to the company to work overtime.

At four o'clock in the afternoon, I suddenly remembered that there was a classmate party at seven o'clock in the evening.

I went to the bathroom mirror and looked at myself. Well, I haven't shaved, my hair is unkempt and my clothes are wrinkled.

Do you want to attend the reunion?

Yes, I must be the man in the corner. If I don't attend, I'm really worried about my lifelong event. After all, I'm afraid that I'll be called "charming" or "hale and hearty" in two years, and another baby will be called an old man.

I look at myself in the mirror, stupid.

Anyway, to be honest, I'm not ugly, but in fact I'm beautiful. I haven't found a suitable partner before.

Stepping into the society, you will find more and more that if the appearance is X, the other eight things are Y, and your personal comprehensive score =0.00 1X+ 1000Y, the length is really not that important to a man.

So, I almost wore slippers to the class reunion. Fortunately, I didn't wear slippers today.

Of course, no matter how I look at it, it's still necessary to tidy up myself, but I don't think I can meet the right person in my heart today. Moreover, I think with my handsome facial features and charming figure, I can break the tender and smooth skin like a baby, and I will definitely make up for my sloppy dress and be fascinated by the man waiting for me at the starting line of love, no, woman.

The meeting place is set at a restaurant in Guoding Road, Yangpu District. I arrived in a hurry, just at seven o'clock.

Although I don't really want to attend, it's always bad to be late.

At the elevator door, Vae called to ask where I was. He said that everyone was basically here.

I said, wait for the elevator downstairs.

I was holding down the first elevator on the phone, and suddenly there was a quick and urgent "dadada" high-heeled shoes sound in my ear, followed by a female voice "Ah!"

Then my mobile phone was knocked to the ground.

I was hit by someone.

I was confused at first, but then I was angry.

Walking will also hit people. This man is not a fool, is he?

The screen of the mobile phone won't break, will it? This is my new mobile phone. I almost sold a kidney to buy.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I'm in a hurry." The fool who hit me opened his mouth.

I picked up my mobile phone and saw that it was not broken.

I was very angry, said "nothing" calmly and friendly, and then gave her a look. She is well-proportioned, tall, with delicate facial features, fair skin and light makeup. She is an absolute beauty, even amazing.

What's the use? What a fool!

The elevator door opened and we followed the crowd into the elevator.

The elevator is often a time when everyone is embarrassed collectively. Fortunately, I got off the elevator on the third floor and went to find the party room.

I noticed that she also got off the elevator on the third floor and went in the other direction.

The room is called "Colorful Xiangyun".

I admire you for making so many customs after one meal.

Judging from my bad sense of direction, I must have turned half a circle and stopped at the gate of colorful Xiangyun.

I looked up to confirm it again, and suddenly I heard the sound of "dadada" high heels stopping beside me.

I turned my head, and the "fool" was also looking up at the "colorful auspicious clouds".

At that time, the private room door suddenly opened.

"Hey, just right, you're here. Come on, come in."

At this time, the "fool" also found me, full of surprise and embarrassment, smiled and nodded to me and then entered the private room.

Round table. The remaining two seats, I and the "fool" each have a seat, just opposite.

At the beginning of the dinner, everyone chatted for a while and began to introduce themselves.

I noticed that the "fool" across the street was smiling all the time, slightly nervous and looked a little green.

Occasionally, I looked at her, a little embarrassed. I smiled, ready to look away. Unexpectedly, when I laughed, she suddenly opened her eyes in surprise, then frowned, looked incredible, and finally gave me a complicated look.

I have ten thousand people in my heart. Oh, my God, what's going on? You hit me. You were shy and embarrassed just now, and now you're glaring at me?

This man is not really a fool, is he? Blindfolded, I just wanted to blink my left eye with a smile and suddenly froze.

This, this ... this is the ugliest girl sitting opposite me when I told Vae the love story of "Silicone and Fan Bingbing" after work last night. .........

A "Oh, my God" came out instantly in my mind. At the end, I was embarrassed. Embarrassing terminal cancer, my reputation is about to be lost in the alumni circle. I just covered my face with one hand and meditated. By the way, I really meditated.

A big face can't be covered with one hand, just two hands.

Well, I'm really free. Don't come to any party to work overtime today?

"Hey, Chen Heng, it's your turn." Vae quietly pushed me with his hand.

"I ..." I put down my hand and smiled at everyone. My brain was blank and my heart was in a closed loop, close to the edge of collapse.

"I ..." I started again with a smile, but I didn't even fart. I kept a stiff smile and looked at all the people who looked at me, including Vae, who was surrounded by a face and had ten thousand grass mud horses in his heart.

I am most afraid of the sudden silence of the air and the silence of the whole room, but I still keep smiling.

"I'm here for dinner." For a long time, who knows why such a neurotic sentence flew out, probably because I subconsciously wanted to stay away from this circle to avoid embarrassment.

After this sentence, I saw a circle of black question marks around the round table.

Fortunately, I finally woke up before I was even more humiliated.

"Just kidding, hahaha." I gave myself a round of embarrassment, and then began to introduce myself in a serious way, even impassioned and almost turned over my family tree.

After introducing a circle, I finally know that the girl opposite me is called Yu Wenwen. I just graduated for a year and didn't listen to other information.

Perhaps because of her beauty, some mature alumni began to introduce boyfriends to Warm, and some even moved out of their children who were still in college.

Vae saw this and gave me a push, which probably means you're fucking on, don't get robbed.

I kicked him and told him that even if the sow had a chance today, the girl didn't have a chance.

Obviously, he didn't understand me, but kicked me and stopped talking.

Maybe a beautiful young girl can easily become the focus, so someone asked, "Hey Wennuan, what do you think of what I just said? I know a little boy who is really nice. Shall I introduce him to you and see what you want? "

Yu Wenwen obviously hasn't experienced this kind of scene, which seems awkward and awkward. She was silent for a while, as if she were calm, then smiled back, then gave me a meaningful look and said to the man, "A serious person is good, and the rest depends on fate."

Bah, why am I not serious? Isn't it serious to play dirty jokes while I'm chatting? Dude, I'm serious. I'm ten thousand times more serious than I don't know how many seemingly respectable people are. I haven't touched a woman at all in five years, except silicone.

I also echoed in a low voice: "Haha, yes, being serious is the most important, being serious is the most important."

This meal was embarrassing, and I had a successful career, and I couldn't blow out the cows with happy families. There is also a cactus opposite, which glances at me from time to time and pokes me.

People are hard to push down, and even Vae is going to have a baby. What do you think I am doing here today?

It suddenly occurred to me that since I met Yu Wenwen on the subway after work yesterday, I used my thumb to reason that she must have stopped by to accompany me when she went back today, which was a bit embarrassing.

I thought, do you want to find an excuse to slip away first, so as not to be embarrassed to go together in the future, and then, suddenly, the party ended.

......

Applause, the meeting is just in time.

I glanced around, but was surprised to find that the warmth was gone. I was relieved, but just in case, I decided to go back by bus.

When I arrived at the bus stop, I found that the bus had just arrived and several people were still queuing up to get on the bus in twos and threes.

Timely! I hurried to running all the way, took out the energy of college physical education examination, and caught the bus at a speed of 100 meters and two minutes.

As soon as I got on the bus, my eyes turned on the radar mode, locked the empty seat for one second, sat on it for two seconds, took a long breath proudly, glanced at the seat next to me, took out my mobile phone and spent a long time driving.

No, please play it back.

Does it look familiar? ......

I held up my mobile phone for two seconds, then slowly turned my head and found Yu looking at me in despair.

I am expressionless, and the lake inside is very calm, except that there are 10 thousand lovely horses named "grass mud horse" running on the grassland by the lake.

The bus starts like Lamborghini and has a strong sense of pushing back. But time seems to freeze at this moment, and there is silence around.

I swallowed and forced out a smile: "What a coincidence."

Yu Wenwen narrowed his eyes politely, smiled slightly, then turned around and stopped looking at me.

The long drive seems longer now, and I'm even a little annoyed. I've been wondering if I should explain yesterday's misunderstanding, but I'm afraid things will get worse. Besides, she didn't say anything, just looked out of the window with headphones on.

Forget it. What's there to explain? I just heard a dirty joke, and after today, I am a stranger. The pace of life is fast, and everyone is busy. Who has leisure time to care.

I leaned back and squinted for a while. When I opened my eyes again, I glanced sideways and found that she was still looking out the window.

In the window is a beautiful woman wearing headphones. Outside the window is colorful Shanghai, so beautiful and charming that even the fallen leaves that suddenly float to the window are reluctant to float away, just hanging on the window and beating gently with the wind.

I suddenly have the illusion that I am going home by car with my girlfriend.

I smiled at myself and thought, I have no image, so I don't have a girlfriend. Besides, I can't control such girls. At first glance, it is not a fuel-efficient lamp. I feel very tired and completely uninterested.

Not surprisingly, like me, she got off at Century Avenue Station and was ready to transfer.

They seem to walk side by side consciously, but they just don't talk to each other.

She didn't talk and I ignored her. Her high heels pattered on the road, forming a regular rhythm. I am bored listening to this rhythm, and the regular rhythm is suddenly accompanied by an "Ah!" Suddenly, her heel was inserted into the sewer, hahahahahaha, perfect, making you feel noble.

To say that life is a TV series, the plot in this TV series hit me today, but the subsequent development should be different, because I am not in the mood to play romance with her.

I looked at her. She squatted on the ground with her head down. I don't know if she sprained her foot. She looked up at me as if asking for help, and her expression seemed quite painful.

My heart suddenly relaxed, pretending not to see it, cutting and moving on, almost skipping away.

But I only took two steps. Under the condemnation of conscience, I can't help looking back. I looked at her poor and delicate body and remembered the beautiful face reflected in the bus window.

It's just that I feel embarrassed and ashamed. What happened to her?

I resolutely turned my back on her and helped her pull out her high heels.

"Is your foot twisted?" I asked.

"It's twisted, it's not serious." Her tone seemed to suppress the pain.

"Do you need artificial respiration?" I asked.

"You! Fuck you! Why do you want artificial respiration when you twist your feet! "

"What are you excited about? There is no sense of humor at all. "

I crouched down and said, "Come on up."

"No, thanks."

"You're welcome. I'll carry you."

"I really don't need it, thank you. I can do it myself. "

"What are you doing wriggling? How can you go if I don't carry you? Don't be brave. " I said, get ready to pull her.

"Hey hey, rogue!" She suddenly became anxious.

WTF！ What the hell? I kindly carry you, and you call me a rogue?

Huh? Fortunately, I felt guilty just now, but I also felt pity. Just feed the dog with conscience!

Stay here for one night and see if there are any good people to save you. If not, you are out of luck.

I am indignant and ready to go, but I can't bear to part with it. I simply helped her up, then turned around and carried her up.

Fortunately, she didn't really struggle again, otherwise it would cost me at least twice as much physical strength.

The nights in Shanghai are beautiful, especially in Lujiazui.

At the end of September, the wind was a little cold. 10, Lujiazui is still full of traffic and people are coming and going. There are many tall buildings on both sides of the road, and the trees on the roadside are lush. I carried her on my back and walked on the century avenue, with lights and street lamps interlaced, and behind me was the Oriental Pearl with changing charming colors.

It is forbidden to whistle on the roads here, so although there is a lot of traffic, it still shows the tranquility at night, which is the unique tranquility of Lujiazui at night.