Joke raising chickens

A man kept a pig, so he hated it and wanted to throw it away, but the pig knew the way home and threw it many times without success. One day, the man abandoned the pig and took a bus. He called his wife that night and asked, "Does the pig return?" His wife said, "Go home." The man was very angry and shouted, "put it on the phone quickly, I'm lost." A wise man was walking in the country and saw a donkey grinding in the mill with a string of bells hanging around his neck. So the wise man said to the miller, "Why do you want to hang a string of bells around the donkey's neck?" The miller replied, "When I doze off, the donkey often slacks off. After hanging the bell, it doesn't ring. I know this beast is lazy again. " The wise man thought for a moment and then asked, "What if the donkey stops at the same place and just shakes its head, and you can hear the bell, but it doesn't work?" The miller was shocked and said, "Sir, how can I buy a donkey as smart as you!" " Three turtles Three turtles came to a restaurant and asked for three cakes. As soon as things were served, they found that there was no money. The tortoise said: I am the oldest, of course, I don't have to go back to withdraw money. The tortoise said: it is most suitable to send a small tortoise. The little turtle said, I can go back and get the money, but after I leave, none of you can touch my cake! The tortoise and the tortoise promised, and the little tortoise left. Because their bellies were empty, the tortoise quickly ate up his cake. However, the little turtle has been missing for a long time. On the third day, the tortoise was so hungry that they all said, let's eat the tortoise's share. Just as they were about to start eating, the little turtle's voice came from next door: "If you dare to touch my cake, I won't go back and get the money!" " "Mosquito's suicide note In the morning, when you woke up, there was a dead mosquito lying next to your pillow. There is a suicide note next to it: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. Too thick, I have no face to live in this world, Lord! Please forgive him, I killed myself. A frog who practiced magic jumped into the forest happily. When he entered the forest, he saw a bear chasing a rabbit. The frog stepped forward and said, "Stop, stop! You are the animals I saw after practicing magic, and I will fulfill your three wishes! " This bear is greedy. He said, "I'll go first! I want all the bears in this forest to become females except me! " When! Bear's wish has come true. The rabbit said, "I want a helmet." When! The rabbit's wish has also come true. The bear said his second wish: "once again, I want all the bears in the nearby forest to become females except me!" " "When! As it wishes. The rabbit said quietly, "I want a motorcycle." The frog wants to know why the rabbit doesn't directly ask for money to buy a motorcycle. Anyway, the frog promised to give the rabbit a motorcycle. The bear finally said excitedly, "Haha! My third wish is that all bears in the world, except me, become females! "When! The wish has come true. I saw the rabbit put on his helmet, started the motorcycle and said his last wish: "I hope that bear is gay!" " !" A breeder in a chicken farm was a little old, so the farmer decided to buy a new rooster to breed. The little cock bought it and proudly saw the old breeder. The old chicken said, "I know you look down on me." Remember, everyone is young. How about we have a game today? If you win, see? The old hen pointed to the little hen in the yard and said, "It's all yours". The rooster has an answer and asks, "How to run? "The old chicken said," Run 20 times around the house, and whoever runs first will win. "Only two or three laps after the start, the rooster is half a lap ahead. On the eighth lap, the little cock is only two meters away from the old cock. Just then, the old chicken screamed, and the owner of the house thought that the weasel was coming and rushed out of the house with a shotgun. I saw the new rooster chasing the old rooster. The master was so angry that he raised his gun and killed the rooster. Growling, the host came into the room and said to himself, "What a fucking misfortune. Why are all the cocks bought gay? "Kill four!" play finger-guessing game

Answer: "Scorpions and crabs guess boxing, and after a day's guessing, they are still tied!" " "

B: "Why?"

A: "It's really frustrating. They always hand out scissors. "

marry

The king wants to choose Xu by taking part in a competition, and the winner can marry his daughter and get a considerable sum of money.

Wealth. On the day of the competition, all the called unmarried men were taken to a pool full of crocodiles. The king first asked someone to put

A lion was put into the pool, and soon, the lion was eaten by crocodiles with only a few bones left. The king shouted at this time

Tao: "I will marry my daughter to the first person who swims there!" " "

Suddenly, with a bang, a young man jumped into the pool and swam to the other side at a fast speed. When he climbed up,

Later, the king was very happy to go over and congratulate him and said, "Well done, you must really want to marry my daughter." . "

"yes! The pale but lucky young man said angrily, "What I want to know now is, where was it just now?" "

Son of a bitch pushed me down! "

3. and

A fool parrots and tells a proverb: "A cat is a tiger in the eyes of a mouse and a mouse in the eyes of a snow leopard."

Others joked with him: "So, what animal is this" harmony "?"

The fool said solemnly, "and this animal is bigger than a cat and smaller than a mouse." "

Words can't express meaning

A regiment of the British army bought a donkey as a mascot. Unfortunately, the donkey died in a few days. Due to the head of the delegation

The difference is outside, so the deputy head sent a telegram to the head: "The donkey died unfortunately. Buy another one, or wait for you to come back

Coming? "

Advertise like this

A milkman posted an advertisement like this:

"If you drink a glass of milk every day for 1200 months, you will live to 100 years old!"

Step 6 be careful

Mosquito begged his mother to allow him to go to the theatre. After a long struggle, his mother finally agreed. "Well, you

You can go, "she advised," but you should be careful when people applaud. "

7. Easy life

She has eaten delicious dishes, and she has been to beautiful cemeteries. She is also good at attracting people's attention to him. If you like.

Then, she can go for a ride on an elephant or sit on a celebrity's knee. But at best, she is a pale person.

Fly.

8. Love

"My wife cries at the caged animals every time she enters the zoo."

"She is really sweet."

"She can't stand so many beautiful furs staying in cages for nothing.

9. Mermaid

The husband is keen on fishing. He took pictures of the big fish and valuable fish he caught and stuck them on the wall of the bed one by one.

Write down their names, weights and fishing positions, and enjoy it. When the wife saw it, she hung her jade photo on her husband's bed.

Head, there is a note next to it: mermaid 49.5 Kg, fishing in People's Park.

10. Mad cow

One day, two cows were chatting. . .

A Niu: I heard that mad cow disease is very popular in Britain recently. I wonder if it will infect us?

B Niu: No way! ? We are kangaroos.

Already crazy.

1 1.

A male crab met a female crab and proposed to her. The female crab found that the male crab walked straight, unlike the normal crab.

Crabs run wild like that. She thought the male crab was very distinctive and married him at once. Woke up the next morning, the mother crab found it.

Her groom is no different from other crabs, and he is also very rampant, so he asked angrily:

What's going on here? You didn't walk like this before you got married.

Dear, the male crab replied, I can't drink that much every day!

12. Master a foreign language

One day, an old mouse and a little mouse were wandering in the room. Suddenly a cat appeared in front of them, so they turned around.

As soon as they ran away, the cat caught up with them. Just when they were at the end of their tether, the little mouse running behind shouted at the cat twice.

Voice: woof, woof. The cat was scared away by these two sounds. The old mouse patted the little mouse on the shoulder and boasted, Yes, it will bark. Little mouse wiped it.

Sweat and say: how important it is to master a foreign language!

13. Ugly girl

A flock of crows always steal the farmer's corn. The farmer found the ugliest woman in the village and stood in the field chasing crows. The crow was caught.

Scared to flee everywhere.

The farmer was overjoyed when suddenly a crow flew by in panic. The farmer quickly asked him, how dare you come over?

The crow stammered, I ... I'll give you back the corn I stole before!

14. Thank God

A Christian met a lion in the forest, and the lion chased him to eat him. When the Christian was helpless, he knelt on the ground.

Pray loudly: "Lord! Please influence this lion and make it a Christian! 〃

Unexpectedly, the lion fell to the ground and said loudly, "thank god for giving us rich food." Amen! " ! 〃