Where are the good jokes?

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The scold said: Don't do this, who is going to pour boiling water on me?

2. Waiting for the bus

Catch the bus to work this morning , when we arrived at the platform, the car had already started. So I chased and shouted: "Master, wait

I, master, wait for me!..."

This is a passenger who stuck his head out of the car window and said to me: "Wukong, please stop chasing me."

3. How unreasonable

Outside the delivery room of the hospital, a group of The man was waiting to become a new father. A nurse hurriedly walked out of the delivery room and said to one of them: "Congratulations, your wife has given birth!"

The other one The man threw the cigarette butt on the ground, jumped up and shouted: "That's unreasonable! I arrived before him, why hasn't it been my turn yet?"

4. Acupuncture

A arrived During a health checkup at the hospital, the nurse took a needle to draw his blood. A looked at the shiny needle and couldn't help but ask, "Will it hurt? I'm afraid of pain!" The nurse said, "Don't worry. I have been a nurse for more than 20 years..." A said, "That's great, I'm relieved!" Then the nurse inserted the needle, and only heard A's scream like a pig being killed, and then the nurse slowly stopped. He continued: "There is no pain.

"

5. Self-defeating

In the bar, George was drinking beer alone. He suddenly felt that he was going to the bathroom. He was afraid that someone would drink his beer secretly after he left, so he wrote a note on the table: "I spit in the cup." When he came back, he found that another note had been added to the paper. One sentence: "I also spit out a mouthful.". . .

6. The voice is too loud

Zhuge Liang is a man who is proficient in eight kinds of skills, one of which is ventriloquism. But on this day, Zhuge Liang was discussing things with Liu Bei in the tent. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, but he was afraid that Liu Bei would hear him, so he was embarrassed. He had an idea and said: "My lord, in order to adjust the atmosphere, how about I imitate the woodpecker call and call it to you?" Liu Bei nodded. Zhuge Liang imitated the sound of a woodpecker and took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked: "How is it, my lord? Do I learn the same thing?" Liu Bei said: "You can learn it again. You farted too loudly just now, and I didn't see it."

7. < /p>

There was an ugly girl who could not get married and hoped to be abducted. One day, her dream finally came true. She was kidnapped. The kidnappers thought she was ugly and sent her back to where she came from. The girl refused to get out of the car. The kidnappers gritted their teeth and stamped their feet. Said: Go! I don’t want the car anymore!

8. The train was very crowded during the Spring Festival travel rush. A certain person took advantage of the stop and stuck his butt out of the window to defecate. The inspector under the car noticed and yelled: Fat man holding a cigar, put your head back

9. I was on the side of the road and saw a penny. I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. I *, damn mother, who vomited so roundly?

10. During a military drill, a cannonball strayed far away. The soldiers sent to investigate found that the shells had fallen in the farmland. There was a farmer standing in the field. His clothes were torn and his face was dark. He said with tears in his eyes: Is it worth using shelling to steal a cabbage?

11. Do you still remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students: "The first row counts!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly: "Count!" So, you turned around reluctantly and hugged the tree!

12. The weather is hot and cold, and it’s difficult to calm down in this season. I always miss you in the distance. I would like to raise a homing pigeon and let it fly to you every day, even if it can only do a simple job. A simple action: shit on your head!

13.

One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You didn’t fucking see me. A naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from!

14. A woman from a village came to the city for the first time. She wanted to go to the toilet, but she had not seen her for a long time. She had no choice but to ask the police for help: Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the maternal toilet?

15. When the nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, she walked over and whispered to him: "Be careful!" The patient smiled and said: "Baby.

”

16. An old man lost his car. When he put the newly bought car downstairs, he put three locks on it and put a piece of paper: Let you steal it! Second The crane is not lost, and there are two more locks and a piece of paper that says: Let me ride!

17. The teacher wants the sports committee member to confirm whether all the girls in the class are here. He said: "Go and clear out all the girls in the class. "The sports committee was a little pervert and asked hurriedly: "Which one should I kiss? "Teacher￥#...￥%

18. In the junior high school mathematics class, the teacher was talking about equation transformation. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted loudly: Students, pay attention! I am going to transform!...