A line eager for somersault

Meet the governor in magistrate of a county

1 building

There were many strange things in the old society. Especially in officialdom, all kinds of strange things are jokes. At that time, there were two kinds of officials: one was born in the imperial examination and passed the exam by virtue of his ability; One is to donate classes and buy them with money.

People who came from the imperial examination shook their heads and read stereotyped writing since childhood. Nine times out of ten, they all read a pot of porridge: people who donate classes can be officials as long as they have money. For example, in the Qing Dynasty, there was a special agency for selling officials, and they were sold at the same price, and the price was clearly marked. Just like the grocery store now, tofu brain is one price, and stinky tofu brain is one price. Some children who have just become an outlaw are still riding diapers, because his father is rich and bought a seven-level title-county official! It can be seen that this fairy is really worthless.

Tell an official joke of the Qing Dynasty today.

During Guangxu period, there was a tea shop named Dafa in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province. The shopkeeper is surnamed Qian and knows how to make money. In more than ten years, he opened several semicolons and bought a tea mountain in Anhui, where he picked tea and made a fortune. But it's the same. The money shopkeeper doesn't know two sacks, and he is a big illiterate. The more money you have, the more money you can have. When you are doing business, he thinks being an official is better than doing business, making money and imposing. He spent eight thousand silver to buy a vacant magistrate of a county, paid the price, received the seal, arranged it properly, and took office.

Money, like life, is an official, that is, a businessman. Although he doesn't understand the etiquette and rules of officialdom at all, his ability to make money is not worse than others. He is no different from the general county magistrate, and he also takes bribes to sell officials and harms the people. In a year, the ground scraped three feet, and even the land Lord was driven "flying" a lot by him! Because the land Lord knows that he is made of mud, and he is afraid that money will blow the land into eight pieces like life!

However, money is like life, but it is different for the dragon prince. There is a river in his county. Because of long-term dredging, the river is silted up, causing disasters every year and flooding as soon as it rains. Money is like life, desperately sending donations to the people who repair the river to increase taxes. In fact, he didn't dig any river mud, and all the money went into his pocket! Money is like life. In order to thank the Dragon King for his kindness, he kowtowed three times in the morning and evening and burned incense in the morning and evening, praying that the Dragon King would drown more times to bless him to make a fortune. When he did this, the earth god did not unite with the dragon prince, saying that we are all immortals. Why do you get burned when I fly around? ! Two kinds of treatment, so unfair!

Qian has been a magistrate for more than a year, and the book of 8 thousand silver has been rolled several times, and the fairy addiction is growing. I wanted to find a magistrate to do it again, so I took a lot of money to the provincial capital for activities.

Money came to the provincial capital like life, and the trustee gave the governor a generous gift, plus a silver ticket of 12 thousand silver. When the governor received it, he saw that the gift was really not light, so he sent someone to summon it. When he heard that the governor had summoned it, he was very happy and muttered to himself. I'm glad the governor took care of me like this. I have hope as a magistrate, and the money is really not wasted; Whispering that although I have been a magistrate of a county for more than a year, I really don't understand anything, and I don't understand the rules of officialdom. This is the first time to see the governor. I feel a little scared, but I can't go. Besides, why are you here?

Money is like life. Make up your mind. When you meet the governor, be polite and answer any questions. He put on his new official uniform, went to the yamen, met the governor, finished the ceremony, sat down, and sent someone to serve tea-let's make it clear here first: the tea given by the senior official to the junior official is a sample and must not be drunk. The official gives the guest a cup of tea, which tells you it's time to go. As soon as an official like the governor picks up the tea bowl, the policeman underneath immediately calls "Fujian". If you haven't talked about anything important, you must leave. This official rule is called "sending tea to Fujian"-money is like life, and he is the shopkeeper of a tea shop. He doesn't understand this set of wow! I thought to myself: He is the governor and I am the magistrate of a county, so I should be polite. Immediately, he took the tea bowl in his hand and said to the governor, "Marshal, have tea!" " "

The governor was shocked and said to himself, What's the matter? You came to see me "bring tea to see the guests off"? ! Where are you going to blow me? Seeing that the governor had nothing to say, Qian Ruming was flattered: "Marshal, your tea is really good. I knew it was authentic West Lake Longjing as soon as I tasted it! "

Oh, you came to my house for tea! The governor said to himself, "How can this man be so rude?" Who asked you that you are West Lake Longjing?

The governor was unhappy, but his face didn't show. In fact, it's not the generosity of the governor, it's really the points of the silver ticket, otherwise it would have turned over the book. He can recall the county magistrate just because of drinking tea. The warden thought, I don't want him to say any more. He just talked about "West Lake Longjing". If you let him talk again, you must talk about "before the rain, before the hair, before the iron leaf, before the generosity"! He opened a tea shop, and my governor's office was changed into a teahouse! ..... The governor thought of this, and wanted to say a few words in Mandarin to Qian Ruming: "Guixian, I heard that rivers are plagued every year. I don't know what this year is like? "

Governor: Because of river siltation, your county floods every year. I wonder how this year will be? However, he was so elegant that he confused the county magistrate. Money distorts the life-like "river". Listen to the governor's question: "Gui Xian, I heard that the river is becoming a disaster every year. I don't know what this year is like? "

"Back to the guard. You ask the road to peace-this river wow ... this ... small county monks are all good monks; That's the old road. It's disgusting. Either drinking and gambling, or fighting and making trouble. "

Huh? Hearing this, the Governor said: The river course is a monk and an ancient road. I want to ask you about river mud, which is monks and nuns! Confused to the extreme. The governor thought so in his heart, but he didn't say it. Holding back, he asked, "Guixian, is there much rain there this year?"

"Back to the guard. The moon in Beizhi is not big, just the size of a baked wheat cake (hand-painted), as big as yours! I came here yesterday and saw that the moon here is really big, like a big tea tray. " -He made another mistake!

The governor said, "Hey, I asked about water."

"Oh, water, humble water is sweet, but there is no bitter water. Making tea is delicious. " -Did not leave the tea!

The governor was angry and funny: why is this man so confused that he doesn't know anything about rivers and rainfall! Just ask something else and let him go.

"What is your local customs in your county?" The governor asked about the local conditions and customs, and money was like life: "Marshal, you ask about the local conditions and customs. I have been in a humble position for more than a year. There is no strong wind or dust, but it often rains heavily. " He regards local conditions and customs as sandstorms!

The governor frowned and asked, "I asked about the folk customs in your county."

"bees! There are not many bees in the north, but there are many wasps. It's too thick (thumbs up) and it stings badly. Haven't you eaten? "

The governor was so angry that his beard curled up. He said to himself, how did he become a magistrate? Why don't you even understand a word of officialdom? I asked the river, and he said that monks are old-fashioned; I asked about the rainfall, and he said that he said that the moon there is like a scone, and the moon here is like a tea tray-one moon is two sizes; I asked about water, and he said that there was no bitter water, it was all sweet water, just drinking tea. I asked the local situation, and he made a lot of wind and sand; I asked about folk customs, and he said there were not many bees, but many wasps, such as finger thickness, stinging people, and asked me if I had eaten them … at sixes and sevens! If it weren't for that silver ticket, he wouldn't say he wanted to be a magistrate, and I can't even cook tofu. Hum, hang it all!

The governor wanted to reprimand a few words, but the words came to his mouth and he swallowed back-it was still a silver ticket. I thought to myself: Ask casually again, find a step and let him go quickly.

"Gui Xian, how are the people there?"

"Old white apricot? White apricot is not good, it is too sour. Beizhi can't find a good apricot. I'll look for it later and bring you two baskets next time. "

This time, the governor was really angry: the long locks on the back of his head were shaking with anger and panting! I stood up and pointed at the money like a life: "I asked you about the king!" " "

Money stood up in a hurry and bowed his head again: "If you go back to the guard. The nickname of Beizhi is' two dog'. "

He also said his nickname!