Many short and pithy jokes.

The best dialogue on the bus (hilarious) participates in the discussion and recommendation.

Author: womenquxizangba published in 2006-10-0714: 40:10.0 from: SMS.

1: A foreigner waved in front of the conductor with a ticket from 50 yuan: Did you see it? Have you seen it? ……

The conductor was stupid, so he simply took out a program of 100: Have you seen it?

Finally, I learned that the man wanted to go to "Jianguomen!"

charge

Going home by bus, I found that there was no one yuan change in my wallet. When I was in a hurry, I took out a ten-dollar bill and put it in the slot. Later, the more I thought about it, the more I felt timid. I discussed with the driver whether I could stay at the door and keep the money that the next passenger should have put in the slot for myself. The driver agreed.

The bus soon reached the next stop, and many people scrambled to get on. I stopped at the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money." The other party was stunned: "Why?" Without a few words, I said, "Just give it to me, and don't worry about the rest." The other party stared at the driver, and the driver nodded by default. So, I got a dollar. According to the law, and soon received eight Zhang Yiyuan money. At this time, a big man came over, hunched back, shaved, and tattooed. Seeing that I stopped him, I said angrily, "Why? Dude? " I said, "Talk to you later. Give me the money first. " The other person's eyes are round: "What are you talking about?" I said, "Give me the money!" Another man opened his mouth and asked the driver, "What does this kid do?" The man was blocked at the door, and the people behind him couldn't get on, but the people in the carriage were anxious to start, so everyone shouted, "What are you busy with?" Give the money quickly! "The big fellow soon fell. I saw him take out his wallet from his pocket and hand it over. He said sadly, "boss, this is the only money I have." There are many of you. I'm sure. "

3 thief

A gentleman often loses his wallet on the bus. One day, before getting on the bus, a gentleman folded a thick stack of paper and put it in an envelope. After getting off the bus, he found the envelope stolen. The next day, a gentleman just got on the bus and felt a hard object around his waist. He felt it and saw it. That was yesterday's envelope, which said: Please don't joke like this, it will affect his normal work. Thank you!

4 get off

When the bus was waiting for the red light, a man shouted, "driver, open the door, I want to get off."

"Is this the bus stop?" The driver growled.

"Just because this is not a bus stop, I will give you a chance-the driver is speechless.

5 chase the car

I caught the bus in the morning, and when I got to the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " Then a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Stop chasing Bajie."

6 pull ring

A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the pull ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver suddenly braked, and the fat woman pulled off the pull ring and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring on her hand and said angrily, "There are three sets. Send the driver an autographed photo!" "

7 seats

A beautiful lady took out a tissue from her bag and wiped her seat hard after getting on the bus. When she was about to sit down, she farted. A gentleman next to him listened and joked that the young lady really loves hygiene. After rubbing for so long, she still wants to blow!

Give me a smile. Your support is my motivation.

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Be sure to be dizzy: the "genius" answer of students with "talent" participates in the discussion and recommendation

Author: Zero Space was published in 2006-10-0810: 39: 210 from: texting.

1. In a Chinese exam, my deskmate suddenly had an epiphany while writing words silently ~ The first sentence: Asked how worried you were, he added: It seems to be a red cross roll (original sentence: it seems to be an eastward flowing river). The teacher made an X on the paper rudely, and he said smugly, "My inspiration is great!" "

2. It's also a dictation of Chinese exam. The topic is: Jade is rough. As a result, a strong person in our class replied: My friend's wife, you're welcome. The parents were called to school the next day.

3. It's another Chinese exam. Title: The back waves of the Yangtze River push the front waves. Someone replied: the waves are getting bigger every generation. The result is naturally parents, and parents see it again.

4. In high school, there was a question in the exam: Please write the full name of Mr. Fujino in Lu Xun's work "Mr. Fujino". The answers are as follows: Fujino potherb, Fujino Hideyoshi, Fujino Wu Dalang, Fujino Wildflower Road, Fujino 56, Fujino Neifeng, Fujino Takashi, etc. The most prominent ones are: Little Sheep Fujino, and the angry teacher called us ignorant on the radio.

5. Revise the paper, saying "clear water produces hibiscus", or answer "heroes in troubled times", or answer "beauty in mountain villages", or answer "dragon in the deep sea" ... which makes people laugh and cry.

6. Another time, the topic was: Good medicine tastes bitter and is good for the disease. Occasionally, some students replied that smoking and drinking are harmful to health, and finally added an exclamation point at the back-ah! ! !

7. The exam has a theme: luminous glass of wine. A classmate wrote: "There are many beautiful women with money. The result is self-evident.

8. The last sentence: If you are poor, you will be immune to it. Some students will take the next sentence: if you have money, you have wives.

9. A teacher asked, "What is the next sentence of a martyr in his twilight years?" I haven't heard this sentence before, but I recognized it as "in front of the tomb of the martyrs", so I opened my mouth and said "on the way to the grave", and the whole class fainted.

10. The materials provided by the Chinese teacher were written orally: there were other ladies in his court, three thousand rare beauties, and one student: iron bars were ground into rusty needles.

1 1. There was a Chinese exam in junior high school, and then several other students and I were called by the teacher to help correct the papers in other classes. There is a famous saying that my life is limited, and a student took a sentence to counter espionage: my death is infinite.

12. Worry and fatigue can rejuvenate the country. Yes, closing your eyes can refresh you.

13. The cicada's voice makes the forest quieter, saying that dogs make people happier. (extremely cold)

14. When I was in junior high school, I took a history test and asked, "What is Liu Bang's recuperation policy?" One of my classmates replied: Smile, ten years old, marry fewer concubines and sleep more.

15. once I took a Chinese exam, I asked: what is in front of them and has grown taller in the spring breeze? A: Cut the grass without removing the roots. I read too many martial arts novels in those days.

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Stupid Association Joke Supermarket: A Joke of Tourism

After the National Day holiday, many netizens went out to travel. There are a number of new travel jokes in the supermarket. Welcome to buy.

Go out by plane

When the plane was about to land, the stewardess said to the passengers, "Please use gum to prevent your eardrum from being broken." .

After the plane landed, a passenger found the stewardess and said, "Your method is so good that I can't feel my ears."

Flight attendant: "Really? Great. "

"But," said the passenger, "can you tell me how to get the gum out of my ear?"

Take a taxi after getting off the plane.

Taxi driver: "Sir, here we are, 200 yuan."

Passenger: "Ah! Excuse me, can you drive back a little? I only brought 100 yuan!

Stay in a hotel at a tourist destination.

Tourist: "Your hotel has only dozens of beds. Last year, tens of thousands of people came to visit it. It's amazing."

Hotel manager: "What's strange about this, because most people leave at a glance."

Choose the staple food for dinner.

Go to the designated tourist hotel for dinner, and order a few dishes to order the staple food.

Tourist: "Do you have any rice?"

Attendant: "Sorry, no, you can choose again."

Tourist: "Do you have steamed bread?"

Attendant: "Sorry, no, you can choose again."

Tourist: "Do you have buns, rolls, jiaozi and fried rice?" ...? "

Attendant: "Sorry, no, you can choose again."

Tourist: "What do you have?"

Waiter: "We only have noodles."

Tourist: "So let's choose again?"

Attendant: "You can choose whether to ..."

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Just kidding: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?

Source: Development Forum

Thank you for your recommendation.

Good news and bad news.

A student likes playing tricks on others. One day, he said to his roommate, "I have good news and bad news for you." My roommate said, "Tell me the good news first."

He said, "The good news is that your girlfriend called you just now."

"What's the bad news?"

"I'm lying to you."

Another day, he said to his roommate, "I have good news and bad news for you."

Worried about being cheated again, my roommate said, "Tell the bad news first."

He said solemnly, "I saw your girlfriend go to the movies with another boy."

"What's the good news?"

"I lied to you again."

Miser's last words

Mr. Hassan, his wife and children went for an outing in an old car, but the car broke down at the intersection of the railway, and a train had already come in the distance! His wife and children shouted to abandon the car and run for their lives, but Hassan refused. He said: "I won't leave a car worth 6000 yuan on the track!" " If you can keep calm, I can get the car started again. "

After a long struggle, the car still didn't move, and the train was getting closer and closer. His wife and children desperately turned over and jumped out of the car to escape, but Hassan was unmoved. On the verge of hitting the train, Hassan suddenly shouted, "Ruth, if I die, the key to the safe is behind the complete works of Shakespeare in my study!" " "The train braked in time, and Hawson escaped. He said to himself, "Now I have to find another place to hide my keys ..."

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Why do you meet such a hospital that makes people laugh and cry?

Source: Development Forum

Thanks for the recommendation of [User: Migratory Birds].

Emergency instruction

A hospital stipulates that doctors and nurses leave work at 5: 30 pm. In order to facilitate the treatment of emergency patients, a sign was hung at the entrance of the outpatient department of this hospital to tell people how to treat emergency patients after work. The sign lists various details in a long space, such as where to find a nurse, how to contact the nurse, what to do before the nurse comes, and so on. Then, the last paragraph of the sign reads: If you really have time to read the details, then your illness is not an emergency. The doctor will come back after work tomorrow.

The role of cecum

A person has appendicitis, but he won't have an operation anyway. His family forcibly sent him to the doctor. In the painful struggle, he kept shouting: "Since God gave the cecum to people, it must be useful ..." "Of course it is," the doctor said with great certainty. "If humans don't have that annoying appendicitis, how can I buy a car to send my daughter to study abroad?"

The mystery of initial diagnosis and follow-up diagnosis

When a person went to see a doctor, he heard in advance that the doctor would charge 6 pounds for the first time and only 2 pounds for the second time. So when he got there, he first said, "Doctor, I came to see a doctor again." "I don't think I've seen you before," the doctor replied. "Oh, then you must have forgotten. I came last week. " The patient emphasized his tone. "Probably forgot. How do you feel now? " The doctor asked. "The effect is not good, and it is not getting better at all." "Then come and check." The doctor examined him and said, "Take the medicine for another week according to the last prescription. Please pay 2 pounds now. "

By the Grace of God

The doctor said to a recovering patient, "You are so lucky. You can recover because of God's help. " The hospitalized patient was very happy and said, "You said my recovery was God's help? You did a good job. Thank goodness, I thought I was going to pay you? "

Treat your eyes first.

A patient went to see a doctor and said, "I have a stomachache." Can you give me some medicine? " "What did you eat today?" The doctor asked.

"carrion pie." The man said. "Well, I'll prescribe some eye drops for you first." The doctor said. The patient felt strange and asked, "I have a stomachache." How to prescribe eye drops? " "You should treat your eyes first. If you can see clearly, will you still eat carrion pie? " The doctor explained.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++I had to carry God out for this matter.

Source: Development Forum

The netizen always recommended it.

Embarrassment of students

At the end of the semester, a student will go to the pre-selection class for the next semester, but the content of this system is different. Its contents are as follows: "Hello, students, please enter your student number and press #, press 5 for quitting school, 6 for suspending school and 7 for resuming school". Driven by curiosity, the student pressed "5" and only heard the system answer: "Quit successfully". The student's face suddenly changed. At this time, another hope came out of his heart. Didn't he just hear that he resumed his studies by pressing 7? So he pressed "7" and only heard the system answer: "Sorry, students who are not in our school are not allowed to use this system ..."

The benefits of eating fish

Classmate A: "Do you know the benefits of eating fish?"

Classmate B: "Eating fish can prevent myopia."

Classmate A: "Why?"

Classmate B: "Have you ever seen a nearsighted cat?"

God is fair.

Teacher: "Why don't you study all the time?"

Student: "God is fair, he didn't let me do that!" " "

Teacher: "This is nonsense! What did he tell you? "

Students throw coins into the air: "face up, play, face up, go to sleep, and when the coins stand up, go to study."

Who is the king of beasts?

"Students, who is the king of beasts?" The teacher asked.

"The director of the zoo." Little John answered.

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repost

About rationality

Husband: You are unreasonable.

Wife: I have never reasoned with you. Home is an unreasonable place. Besides, you are a man, eight months older than me. You must let me go.

About money

Husband: I will give you the money I earn in proportion in the future. I earn more and stay more, so I have motivation.

Wife: OK.

Husband: What percentage do I give you?

Wife: 120%.

About sleeping (1)

Husband: You little man, how can you take up so much?

Wife: Of course, turn over and stretch!

About sleeping (2)

Wife: Let's cover that double quilt.

Husband: No! Then it will be wrapped up by you the next morning. I can't report anything. Or build your own, in my heart.

Solid.

Wife: Hum! Even if you build it yourself, you will still be wrapped up by me tomorrow morning!

About the center

Wife: I have always been the center in our family, and I have always been the center in your family.

Husband: Then I have always been the center of our family.

Wife: But my center is more important than yours.

Husband: Why?

Wife: Because I am a daughter and you are just a boy.

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What an exaggeration! The old man has such a long-term vision.

Source: Development Forum

Netizen sees the rough road and recommends it three times.

1. You can't talk.

On the plane, a young man and an old man sat side by side.

"Excuse me, what time is it?" The young man asked.

The old man replied, "I can't tell you." If I tell you what time it is, you will thank me. " . In this way, once the chatterbox is opened, it is not easy to end it. After a while, we will get off the plane together. When we get to the airport, please invite me into the cafe again, and I'll invite you to my home. I have a little daughter at home. She is very beautiful. Then you will fall in love with her and she will fall in love with you, so you decide to get married. But, you know, I would never marry my daughter to a poor man without a watch! "

2. Take one as two

Two people drank too much wine, and one of them slurred his words. "Now everything I see is two floors."

After listening to his words, the other party quickly took out a dollar from his bag and said, "Watch this! This is the 2 yuan money I owe you. "

3. No brakes

The husband bought an old car. One day, he took his wife out for a ride. On a downhill slope, the wife said to her husband, "Look how dangerous this ramp is. If your brakes fail, then we are finished. "

The husband said indifferently, "absolutely not, our car has no brakes!" " "

Pretend to be nearsighted

If a young man wants to avoid conscription, he pretends to be highly nearsighted. During the physical examination, the military doctor pointed to the examination table and asked him to signal. He looked around and said, "What test table? Where is it? "

That night, he went to the movies and suddenly found that the doctor in charge of physical examination was sitting next to him. The military doctor also recognized him and was about to ask questions. He said first, "Doctor, is this a hotel?"

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Be strong! The little girl cheated her boyfriend like this.

2006 10 07:04:4 1 Source: Development Forum.

Thank you for recommending [I am under the Northern Lights].

What's the matter with you?

GG: ... (No SMS, the same below)

Are you mad at me?

GG: We have already broken up, so there is no need to get angry.

MM: oh! When did this happen? Why don't I know?

GG:……

Come and see me after work!

We have broken up. Don't do this.

Well, are we still friends?

Gabby: Yes.

As a friend, you will still care about me, won't you?

Yes, but just concerned.

If I am sick, you will come to see me, right?

Yes, but you're not sick!

I'll get sick. Don't come today, but come tomorrow!

GG:……

MM: I decided to take a bath in cold water tonight and never cover myself with a quilt again. Don't worry, I'll catch a cold tomorrow.

GG:……

MM: (so depressed. I washed it in cold water for five minutes. I didn't dry myself or cover myself. Why don't I have a cold?

GG:……

MM: I will continue! !

GG:……

MM: Report! I'm getting a headache now. It is estimated that Mr. Leng will come at noon. I will report to you at any time to keep you informed of the latest situation.

GG:……

MM: I finally caught a cold. I am so cold. This is the result of four cold showers. When did my figure become so good?

You are so stupid! Do you really bathe in cold water?

MM: Yes, when it comes to doing it.

GG:……

MM: That's it. I have a fever. What should I do?

I'll be right there! ! !

You should continue to visit me tomorrow night!

Listen to me. We're really separated. You should take care of yourself. Don't do this again.

I know, but I am sick!

GG: Go to the hospital for injections regularly! I usually remember to take medicine.

MM: The doctor said: Sick people are psychologically fragile, and their families should pay more attention, but their mothers are not around. I can't tell my mom either. She will be worried. You should take care of me like a friend. My mother will thank you very much.

GG:……

MM: The doctor also said that patients should keep an optimistic attitude, which is good for their health. But if you don't come with me, my mood will suddenly fall to the bottom. Do you want me to die?

GG:……

MM: The doctor also said: Patients need constant care to have a good mental state! But without anyone around, I will become depressed.

GG:……

Can you give me a holler?

GG:……

Hmm: er ... I'm too poor. Nobody gets hurt when I'm sick. I don't take medicine or cover myself. I wish I were dead.

Gabby: Aunt ... I'm afraid of you. All right, all right, I'll come and stay with you tomorrow! Baby, be obedient and take your medicine on time.

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Dizzy! I married such a wife.

Thanks to the recommendation of the netizen [Niu Wangmo's tears].

I married such a wife.

The company sent me to Hangzhou on business. Just after I checked into the hotel, I received a phone call from my wife: "Husband, it's not good. Today, several thieves mixed into our community and our home was visited. "

I jumped up and asked, "Did you lose something? Is there an alarm? "

"The house was turned upside down, and the 1000 yuan in the closet was gone. I lost something else. " "I'm packing. The police came to see it this afternoon." My wife recognized my anxiety and quickly comforted me: "fortunately, those thieves have been caught by the police." Now let everyone report the stolen list as soon as possible. "

I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly told my wife: "Go and see the wedding photo hanging on the bedside. There is a red envelope stuck with double-sided tape behind the photo frame. " Wife put the phone down. Two minutes later, he asked, "I took down the photo frame and looked at it." Nothing. " To find such an unpredictable place. It seems that what we met today is no ordinary thief. I quickly asked my wife to go to the bathroom again: "There is a crack on the side of the toilet tank against the wall and a plastic bag is stuffed. See if there is. " Ten minutes later, my wife called: "No way, did you remember the wrong place?"

I said anxiously, "Impossible. I checked before my business trip. A total of 4000 yuan, all even hundred-dollar bills. That was deducted from the technological innovation award sent to me by the company last year. " "That's it? Have you forgotten anything? " My wife asked on the phone. "No, only this 6000 yuan. You must explain the characteristics of the money to the police. " I reminded my wife. A few seconds later, I heard my wife sneer: "All right. Thank you for your excellent performance in this family burglar drill. The 6000 yuan in your vault will be counted when you come back. " I almost fainted after listening to it, and the last vault was gone. ...

Brother, then you got married very late.

When I was in high school, a buddy in my class was born at 8 1. He is very old. Here are some things that happened when he took the bus: When he was a sophomore, this guy took the bus to school.

Because of the long journey, when he was bored, a 35-year-old man in the seat next to him spoke to him: "Brother, where are you going?" This guy may have been treated so much, but he's not very surprised. He answered quite calmly: "No.3 Middle School." The man's second sentence: "Oh, went to see the children?" It's hard for children to go to high school ... "

The buddy twitched his facial muscles and didn't say anything. The third sentence: "Big Brother, where are your children?" That buddy was really annoyed and didn't explain, so he slipped a sentence: "Senior one."

At this time, the classic appeared. The man stared at his buddy in surprise for ten seconds, and then said, "Brother, you got married very late."