Looking for a collection of English stories, humorous stories of about 200 words. Note that this is not a short joke book, but a humorous story book. All in English.

The World's Greatest Swordsman

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced ??a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the The insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to greatest smile.

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

The greatest in the world Fencers

In a show of the best fencers in the world, the third ranked fencer takes the field. A fly was released, the sword made an arc, and he split the fly in half. The audience cheered. Then the man in second place cut a fly into quarters. There was a moment of silence as people looked forward to the appearance of the greatest fencer in the world.

His sword edge drew down in a huge arc - but the insect continued to fly! The audience was stunned. The greatest fencer completely missed his mark, and yet he was still smiling.

“Why are you so happy?” someone shouted, “You missed!”

“Ah,” replied the swordsman, “you didn’t look very carefully just now. The fly is alive, yes - but he will never be a father.

”

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A Mistake

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

"Where are the others?" asked a medic.

"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

Wrong

An American, an Englishman and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived At the gates of heaven. There, a drunken St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me five hundred dollars each," he said, "and I will send you back to earth as if nothing had happened." "

"Deal!" said the American. Immediately, he found himself standing near the scene, unharmed.

"Where are the others? " asked a doctor.

"Before I left," said the American, "I saw the English bargaining, and the Canadian arguing that his government should pay. This money. ”

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Pig or Witch

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

A pig or a witch

A man was driving on a steep and narrow mountain road, and a woman was driving in the opposite direction.

When they met, the woman stuck her head out of the window and yelled: "Pig!!" The man immediately stuck his head out of the window and shouted back: "Witch!!" They continued on their way. When the man turned at the next intersection, he hit a pig in the middle of the road. If only this man could understand what that woman meant.

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Response Ability

An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, " It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."

Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all , I may be wrong."

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"

The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

Q&A skills

One from Ogegan, Iowa A pastor was playing coin guessing with a church member over a cup of coffee. When someone asked him if that constituted gambling, the pastor replied: "It's just a scientific method of deciding who will do a good deed."

When I asked the philosopher Russell if he was willing to do it for When he dedicated himself to his faith, he replied: "Of course not. After all, I could be wrong."

A newspaper organized a contest to collect the best answers to the following questions : "If there was a fire in the Louvre and you could only save one painting, which one would you save?"

The winning answer was: "The one closest to the door."

”

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Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground , groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

The great hunter Jonesie

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. The village chief sent someone to ask the great hunter Jonesie to kill the beast.

The hunter lay waiting for several nights, but the lion never appeared. Finally, he asked the village chief to kill a sheep and kill it. Give him the scalp. After putting the sheepskin on his body, the hunter went to the grassland to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers were awakened by hoarse screams coming from the grassland. As they approached cautiously, they saw the hunter lying on the grass groaning in pain. There was no sign of a lion.

"Jonesie, what's wrong? Where is the lion?" asked the village chief.

"There is no lion!" the hunter roared, "Which fool let the bull loose?"

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Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert . One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." " The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."

Weather Forecast

A film crew was working deep in the desert. One day, an old Indian man came to the director and told him, "It will rain tomorrow." Sure enough, it rained the next day.

A week later Later, the Indian came and told the director, "There will be a storm tomorrow." Sure enough, there was a hailstorm the next day.

"The Indians are really gods," the director said. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to forecast. Weather.

Several forecasts were successful. Then, for the next two weeks, the Indian disappeared.

Finally, the director sent someone to call him. "I We have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," the director said, "It depends on you. What will the weather be like tomorrow?"

The Indian shrugged. "I don't know," the Indian said, " The radio is broken."

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I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women

.

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowded.

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. " Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

I want to behave like a lady

One day, there was a sale on women's clothing at the Far Eastern Department Store, and a noble middle-aged man wanted to buy one for his wife. However, not long after, he found that he was staggered by the crazy woman.

He tried his best to endure it. Later, he lowered his head, waved his arms, and squeezed through the crowd.

“What are you doing?” someone screamed, “Can’t you act like a gentleman?”

“Listen,” he said, “I already act like a gentleman. Behave like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I'm going to act like a lady.

”

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on , when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeeded in having the company of the girl during the whole trip.

English humor: A clever trick for soldiers to fly with beautiful women

Due to business matters, Mr. Robinson had to travel. Because it was a bit urgent, he decided to take a plane. When traveling by plane, he likes to sit by the window, so as soon as he boards the plane, he looks for a window seat. He found that only one window seat was empty.

Next to the empty seat sat a soldier. To Mr. Robinson's surprise, the soldier did not take a window seat. Mr. Robinson didn't care about that. He immediately walked straight to the empty seat.

However, when he got there, he saw a notice on the seat, written with a pen: "To maintain load balance, this position has been preset. Thank you for your cooperation." Mr. Robinson had never been on an airplane before I've seen such an unusual announcement. However, he thought there must be something particularly heavy on the plane, so he found a seat not by the window.

Two or three more passengers tried to sit in the window seat next to the soldier. They saw the notice and walked away. When the cabin was almost full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the cabin. The soldier who had been paying attention to the passengers entering the cabin quickly removed the notice on the empty seat next to him. In this way, the soldier successfully found a girl to keep him company all the way.

Nail or Fly?

An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilled all over the floor.

When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favorite.

So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.

Now the old man entered is room. The smell of the spitt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength.

On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To er great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!

The nail is still Flies?

An old gentleman with failing eyesight checked into a hotel room. He held a bottle of wine in each hand. There was a fly on the wall, which he mistook for a nail. He hung the two bottles upwards. The bottles fell and broke, and the wine spilled all over the floor. When a waitress found out what had happened, she took pity on him and decided to do him a favor.

So, when he went for a walk in the rooftop garden the next morning, she hammered a nail into the spot where the fly had stopped.

Here, the old man returned to the room. The smell of spilled wine reminded him of that incident. He looked up at the wall and saw that the fly had stopped there again! He approached lightly and slapped it with all his strength. Hearing a loud shout, the kind-hearted waitress rushed into the room. To her great surprise, the poor old man was sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched, and his right hand was bleeding.