Jokes at the end of the month

Party A, Party B and Party C went out together, and Party A caught a cold?

Everyone sleeps in a bed at night, and A sleeps in the middle. ?

?

In the middle of the night ... A sniffled.

B-C's whole face is the crystallization of a?

Let us know next time ...?

?

Half an hour later,

A: Attention?

B, c smell speech quickly got into the quilt.

And make sure there is no contact with the outside world. ...

As a result, a fart. ?

I once talked with several classmates.

Go to the high school teacher's house to see him.

That's an old man. He's leaving.

Let's leave some fruit for the teacher.

But the teacher clutched the monitor's computer bag tightly and said:

"Look, come and see what I brought ...?

Right at the door?

5. Take a taxi with friends to meet netizens.

When time is running out,

A friend pointed to an ugly girl not far away and said to the driver,

"See that woman?" ?

?

"See, stop here?" ?

"No, kill her! ! ! "？

6…… ?

7. The manager of a company asked the secretary to forward the official document to the boss:

"Report the boss, there will be a batch of orders in Europe next month.

I think the company needs to bring people to the meeting. " ?

The boss simply signed "go to the head" at the back of the official document. ?

Upon receipt, the manager immediately instructed his subordinates to buy the machine.

I plan to travel. I'm packing. ?

On the day of departure, I was stopped by my secretary. ?

Secretary: "What are you going to do?" ?

Manager: "Go to Europe for a meeting!" " " ?

Secretary: "Does the boss agree?" ?

Manager: "Didn't the boss say to give me a head start?" ?

Secretary: "Have you been in the company for so long?

Don't you know the boss's English level? ?

The boss means: go to the head! " ?

8. A brother likes to eat fish. ?

9 yuan, a kilo of perch from Wal-Mart.

If you die, it is 7.20 on the ice.

As fresh. A brother got off work.

Just go to buy, or are you often bought?

There's a brother standing in front of the fish tank waiting, huh?

Sometimes they don't die for a long time. ?

A brother fished it in with a net and hit the fish on the head with his hand. ?

The waiter can't watch any more.

Come and say to my brother:

Sir, don't you count those who passed out?

9. I am an old woman in her fifties. ?

Visit the boys' dormitory one day?

It happened that a boy ran around in the field without wearing anything ~?

Ban jen saw it?

Jump on the bed with a loud cry at once.

Cover the quilt ~

Ban Ren left a message:?

What have I not seen at my age?

What's your name?

This classmate is extremely cold-! ! ! ?

1 1. When I was a freshman,

A buddy in my dorm?

Get up one morning?

I found half a big black moth on the pillow.

I feel depressed?

?

I was just about to throw it out.

Suddenly found the tooth marks on the wings of moths. . . . . . ?

?

?

The whole dormitory was cold for a semester! ! ! ?

16. There is a buddy in the university dormitory who likes to talk in his sleep.

One night, I got up to drink.

Who knows, he suddenly shouted: "Hello!" ?

I was so scared that I broke the cup ...?

One night, I continued to talk in my sleep.

Muttered:?

Actually ... actually ... I'm pregnant ... (slightly crying)?

17. I once ate a snack outside in summer.

There is a naked fat man sitting on the table next to him. ?

Huge fat, upper body meat hanging. ?

Half eaten?

The pager rang (for more than nine years) and we didn't even look at ours. ?

?

As a result, I saw the fat man turn up the meat above the waist.

After watching the pager, I put down the meat and began to eat. ?

At that time, all the beautiful women at our table were spouting rice. ?

18. Does Baidu know?

Urgent Paper: On the Artistic Conception Beauty of China's Art?

Reward score: 0- solution time: June 22, 2007 18: 24?

Urgent Paper: On the Artistic Conception Beauty of China's Art?

2500 ~3000 words?

Everyone helps, thank you in advance! ?

On the Artistic Conception Beauty of China's Art?

Reward score: 0- Solution time: June 24th, 2007 14: 12?

Students of Hohhot University of Arts and Sciences, I am Mr. Cao who teaches you the introduction to art! About this paper about the artistic conception beauty of China's art, in order to prevent you from copying! I have browsed the first 40 pages of Baidu search about the artistic beauty of China! I'm still browsing others! Please pay attention! Think for yourself! ! ?

19. A classmate, his computer automatically turns on every morning (probably because the dormitory suddenly opened when he called in the morning). ?

As a result, his old man took a symbol and posted it on the computer. . . ?

20. One day, Mr. A took a shit in the toilet.

I don't think I can pull it out.

Scream in the toilet. ?

?

At this point, Mr. B outside heard it?

So he sang loudly:?

"I can't pull it out!" ?

What's more,

C jun immediately went on to sing:?

"If you can't pull it out again, just dig it by hand!" ?

Since then, this song has become an indoor song in our dormitory?

2 1. Let everyone gather at five o'clock in the morning according to the subject three exam. I was in a daze during the science exam. ?

It's my turn to get on the bus, start, walk and drive safely. The examiner didn't speak and sat next to me. ?

Suddenly the examiner said to me, Come on, classmates. ?

I was flattered and felt a warm current in my heart. I think, what a good examiner, who knows I'm nervous and encourages me. ?

So, I smiled and said to the examiner, thank you. ?

Examiner one leng, seem a bit helpless. Just after driving and turning, the examiner added, Come on! ?

I was warm and moved, but I still smiled and said, thank you, examiner! ?

The examiner seems to be more speechless, brimming with facial expressions and shaking his head. ?

Almost to the end, the examiner said impatiently for the third time, come on! Come on! Classmate. ?

Before I could say thank you, the examiner pointed to my right foot and said:

I told you to step on the gas, not to refuel! You think this is the Olympic Games, I'm here to watch you play! ?

22. I slept alone in the dormitory for four at night.

After chasing girls for the first time 1, there are still three people discussing how to express their love.

The discussion was lively.

Wake up from sleep:?

Don't say anything, let's go to bed ...?

23. The graduate campus and undergraduate campus in Peking University are separate.

Graduate students are in a campus called Wanliu. ?

?

On the undergraduate campus,

There is a bicycle parking lot in Xiaoximen, the headquarters of Peking University.

Specially prepared for graduate students.

The wall says "Wan Liu classmate parking place". ?

?

I once lived there with a friend.

Look at him, awkward?

Finally, I struggled for a long time and finally asked me doubtfully:

Who do you think this Wan Liu classmate is? That's awesome. There are so many bicycles! " ?

24. Just started school.

There is a new English teacher.

?

He asked us to answer all questions in English in the future.

?

Then he began to call the roll: 65438 +0.

He shouted. ?

Our class 1 stood up.

Shout: Here we are! The teacher said:

Please use English! Please answer in English?

My classmate scratched his head.

Suppressed for a long time and answered:?

Lead ~ ~ ~ (pronounce the second sound)?

?

25. Our dormitory buddies are violent.

One day, he found a mosquito in a mosquito net.

I was busy catching it for a long time, but I didn't catch it.

The elder brothers sighed and said:

"Mama of, starve to death you!" ?

Then quickly put away the mosquito net.

I endured for several days without hanging mosquito nets.

Finally, mosquitoes starved to death.

Our sweat ~ ~ ~?

?

?

Or mosquito nets:

One day, he found a fly flying into the mosquito net.

Tell us, "I have to kill him"

We said, "The flies are hungry. It seems that you can't rely on them." ?

"Look"?

The man grabbed a novel and got into the mosquito net.

Sealed. ?

While reading a novel, I kept shaking my fan.

Just don't let the flies fall to the ground.

It turned out that two hours later,

The fly finally stopped flying. ?

?

He leaned over poking him at the fly and said:

Fly, demo, I haven't read enough books?

26. Dialogue between a student admitted to a university in Beijing and his alumni:?

Are you from Yunnan? ?

Is it?

Wow ... so far ...?

..........？

"Is Yunnan liberated?" ?

No, we all carry guns in class?

"You can speak Chinese ~!" ?

I learned it on the train when I first came here.

"Do you live in a cave?" ?

No, we live in a tree?

"Is Yunnan in Kunming?" ?

"Well, Yunnan is the capital of Kunming." ?

"Where are your many pigtails?" ?

"In order to go to college, I had to cut it off!" ?

"Do you still eat raw meat?" ?

"Our boss invented' burning wood to make a fire', and we have a barbecue?

"Are you from Yunnan?" ?

"yes." ?

"That's great. Next time I travel to Lhasa, I will stay at your home. " ?

"helliphellip is fine, but my home is a little far from Lhasa." ?

"Then how do you come to school?" ?

"Riding a donkey to Beijing by plane." ?

"It must take a long time to get there.

"Get used to it, just leave half a year in advance!" ?

“helliphelliphelliphelliphelliphellip！ ?

Why not ride a horse? ?

"In Yunnan, riding is done by the poor, and we have already tested it.

They all ride camels and donkeys. ?

Then there is no college entrance examination in Yunnan, and the exams are all archery competitions.

Put a sign one kilometer away.

Write "Tsinghua", put "Peking University" next to it, and then each person has three chances.

The first shot of Tsinghua and the second shot of Peking University failed. Finally, to be on the safe side,

Take the nearest sign. This is the school.

27. When I was in college.

The dormitory toilet is blocked.

A buddy volunteered.

Said he'd make it.

Poke hard in the toilet hole with a two-meter-long stick.

After three times, it really passed.

How many times did you flush?

The effect is very good.

?

?

I was just about to praise him when I found a bright light in that hole.

Take a closer look. The sewer was punctured.

Someone is playing tuba downstairs.

We all left before the one downstairs rushed up. . . . ?

28. My roommate in technical secondary school?

Have a drink before the holiday?

Then I drank too much.

Go up the stairs on the third floor and see water in the corridor.

?

Suddenly got rid of helping his two brothers.

Say:

I want to swim to our dormitory?

?

And jump forward?

Jump into the corridor and do breaststroke.

People around you fell down! ! ! ?

After swimming for four or five meters like this, you were finally pulled up?

29. Our dormitory?

Did you stay up late at night or go out to play field games with your wife?

How about coming back late?

Tell us to open the door.

Then we will ask them to answer the slogan.

?

King Gehudi?

Baota Town River Demon?

Hum?

Why is your face yellow? ?

They will never open the door unless they say they eat shit and eat yellow. ?

?

Once I went fishing on a winter night.

It's windy again

?

A buddy is freezing.

Knock on the door when you come back

It's not code.

How about shouting right there?

My face is yellow with shit.

Open the door. ?

?

It's very loud. We live in 1 building, and everyone on the third floor heard it. . . . ?

3 1. There are many people selling pornographic films from the left bank to Guanzhong Avenue?

See you coming?

Just ask?

Dude, do you want to see a movie?

We were disgusted at first, but then we got used to it?

?

There is a dormitory. A partner?

Go to Zhongguancun with your girlfriend to match the computer?

Especially depressed to come back?

About being harassed by selling films?

Everyone says it's nothing.

?

?

?

This guy said:?

The question is, what about that idiot?

Come over and ask me, "Dude, do you want to make porn?" ?

32. There is another one, which I heard from others. ?

Speaking of the poorest time at the end of the month,

No one in the dormitory has any money.

If you dare not ask for it from home, you will go on a diet collectively. ?

In order to save energy, everyone skipped classes. ?

?

The counselor came to the dormitory at noon.

See one by one lying in bed feebly?

Very surprised. ?

Before I could speak, I heard the dormitory owner say slowly, "It's time for lunch".

Everyone staggered out of bed, went to the water room to drink tap water, and went back to sleep ...?

33. There is a female classmate in the university.

Beijingers?

That cold humor. ?

She talked about her score after the college entrance examination. ?

?

?

Call the sorting desk to check the scores. ?

When you find the math score,

Telephone report:?

"Your math score is 6-?

Do you hear me?

She secretly pleased:

"Hey, did you give me more than 60 points in math?" ?

"-points!" Continue to report by phone. ?

34. Freshman, Shijiazhuang,?

In winter, it is very cold every day.

Just having dinner after class in the morning.

The road is full of people walking to the canteen.

Several students in our class came to the front of the library.

There is a big pond and a thin layer of ice.

?

Let's discuss it with some southerners.

Can this ice bear the weight of a person?

At this time, the boss from Shaanxi jumped on the ice.

Say: no problem, let's see if we can go.

You can not only walk, but also jump. ?

?

Say it,?

I saw the boss slowly sink from the ice to the bottom of the pool.

That hand is still waving to us.

Most students in the school were stunned by this wonderful moment. ?

?

The boss has good reaction ability.

A few fluttered to the shore.

Then get up and run like lightning.

When we returned to the dormitory, I saw him holding the bed and saying:

Needless to say, whoever mentions it again in the future will be ruined. ?