What really brings you down is "internal thinking"

Yataro Matsuura has a clear life motto: "The so-called difficulties in life are just shackles set by your random thoughts and self-imposed."

Sometimes, it is not the difficulties that trap us. But your own thinking.

If you worry about gains and losses, you will find it difficult to move; if you care too much, you are destined to be exhausted mentally and physically.

This feeling of internal friction is like there are always two villains fighting inside, doing nothing every day, but feeling exhausted physically and mentally.

Once a person falls into a state of self-depletion, sooner or later he will drag himself into the quagmire of life.

Lu Xun wrote in an essay:

The so-called bad memory does not mean completely forgetting the people and things in the past, but it means no longer clinging to the gains and losses of the past.

If a person is always dwelling on the past, he will be unable to extricate himself.

My aunt is such a person.

My aunt got divorced when she was in her thirties. More than twenty years have passed and she is still alone.

We often urge her to find a partner and enjoy the rest of her life, but she always refuses.

She seems to have some obsession with her ex-husband who had cheated on her.

My aunt always likes to tell us about all the hurt her ex-husband did to her in the past, and she cries every time she talks about it.

But the strange thing is that she seems to never forget the person who once hurt her deeply.

She remembered the letters her ex-husband once wrote to her, the quarrels she had when they were in love, what she liked to eat and what she didn’t like to eat...

Her daughter is now married and has a family, but when At her daughter's house, she still mentioned her ex-husband again and again.

Her daughter once comforted her and said: "Even if my dad hadn't cheated on him, given his personality, when you two retire, you still have to serve his temper. It's better to be free now."

But the aunt said: "That's not necessarily the case. At least there is a companion. Many men may be fine when they get older."

When my cousin told me about this, I realized that after all these years, my aunt still couldn’t let go.

She never seems to understand why two people who love each other can turn around and become strangers.

This feeling of being confused and unclear has been holding her back for more than 20 years, and it has never faded.

In more than twenty years, she could do a lot of things, but she only used them to remember them.

A past that cannot be let go is like a vine rooted in the mind. Day after day, the older it gets, the stronger its entanglement becomes.

In a relationship, breaking up is not terrible, and divorce is not a failure.

The terrible thing is that this wrong relationship eventually led to a huge and long-lasting self-depletion.

Sometimes, what makes you suffer is not the loss, but the time and energy you have devoted to the "uneasy peace" in your heart.

In relationships, letting go of the other person also means letting go of yourself. Learn to say goodbye. Saying goodbye to your former lover means saying goodbye to your past self.

When I was browsing Douban, I saw such a story and was deeply moved.

Someone wanted to apply for promotion to a higher position in the company, so he asked his friend what would be the best way to do it.

My friend explained everything in detail and found a lot of information for his reference.

A month later, a friend asked him about his promotion status. He said he hadn’t started writing the application form yet. When his friend asked why, he said he wasn’t ready yet.

The so-called good preparation means that he has been thinking about some things that have not happened, such as:

"What if I fail to apply? Will the boss think that I am eager for quick success?" /p>

"If my application is not successful in the end, will my colleagues laugh at me?";

"There are only a few people who successfully apply every year, will I be dismissed in the end?";

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...

These questions have been lingering in his mind, and he was exhausted before he started writing.

What hinders your actions is often not unknown difficulties, but your redundant thoughts.

If a person puts all his energy into thinking, he will naturally not have the strength to take the first step.

On the contrary, those who do what they say can achieve good results.

The son of time management instructor Ye Wubin once asked him: "Dad, what is your dream?"

Ye Wubin replied: "Dad wants to travel around the world."

Son: "Dad, why don't you go now?"

When Ye Wubin heard his son ask this, he thought about it all day, and the next day he posted "I'm going to travel around." world” circle of friends.

Ye Wubin’s circle of friends was not just for fun. After posting, the action followed.

Traveling around the world is a big dream, and obviously there is no way to achieve it in one step, so he began to split his goals and planned to complete five continents in five years.

Among the five continents, he chose Africa as the starting point because the travel cost is relatively low, and it is "fresh, fun, and can be taken with children during the summer vacation" and it is easy to find more companions to form a group. .

In this way, nine months later, he and his son successfully embarked on a journey to Africa.

In the next seven years, they experienced the mystery of the North and South Pole, appreciated the magnificence of deserts and glaciers, felt the vastness of the ocean, and traveled to more than 50 countries and regions.

Later, he wrote these travels into a book, which influenced millions of readers.

Nothing can be accomplished just by thinking about it. Only by taking action can the answer to the problem be solved.

Just thinking without doing it is not only meaningless, but also serious internal friction.

Yes, no matter how far the road is, it lies at your feet, and no matter how good your idea is, you need action to achieve it.

Don’t delay the realization of your dreams by overthinking.

In cognitive therapy in psychology, there is a technique called decentralization.

Centralization means: the habit of believing that other people’s feelings are related to oneself, and that one’s own actions will affect everyone’s feelings.

Imagine yourself as the person in the spotlight and feel that your every move is being watched by others.

My friend Nana is such a person. She has a sensitive and suspicious personality and is prone to over-interpreting other people's words.

Once, she sent me a message: "Are you there?"

I replied: "Yeah."

She said: "Are you angry? "

I said: "Of course not, what's wrong?"

She replied: "Your 'um' looks angry. "

Just. She can interpret the word "um" as someone else's anger towards her.

Sometimes being too sensitive creates obstacles in your life.

In life, she is like a walking "sensitive instrument". No matter what happens, she can blame it on herself, such as:

Today, my colleague forgot to ask her to come with him. When eating, she will feel that the other person does not like her;

When friends go out to play together, everyone makes a joke, but she feels that they are deliberately laughing at herself;

When others are together If she is not called during the chat, she feels that everyone is talking bad about her.

Once a person falls into this state, it is like falling into a quagmire, endlessly entangled, internally frictional, internally rotating, consuming energy and wasting life.

Always feeling that you are not good enough is the biggest internal friction in growing up.

There is a topic on Douban: "What is it like when you break away from the 'eyes of others'?"

There is an answer that is very heartbreaking: "When my eyes are not on others, but When we are on our own, life gradually becomes clearer. ”

When we care too much about what others think, we will habitually associate every move of others with ourselves, which can easily constrain our own spirit.

Once a person's thoughts are led away, there will naturally be no happiness at all.

In life, most of the troubles and frustrations are self-abuse, and all the worries and worries are just too much thinking.

In fact, in the minds of others, you are as light as a feather, and the things you care about are simply insignificant in the eyes of others.

When you try not to care too much about other people’s words, your internal friction will naturally decrease and your life will become more open.

A writer once said: "The most terrifying state I have ever seen a person in is continuous internal friction."

After all, what kind of life we ??want to live depends on it. On your own.

If you are always in a state of internal friction, your life will naturally become darker and darker.

Only by getting rid of internal friction thinking can we create a better future.

***Mian.

Author | An He, likes a slow life.

Pictures | Visual China