Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - You can persist or give up, love or hate.

You can persist or give up, love or hate.

as mentioned earlier, you can be good or bad. Don't hesitate to be a good person, and be clean when you are cruel, and everything you do can promote the good side.

You can develop any kind of human nature, which is beyond the "good or bad" originally, which is a supreme state of integrating "good and bad".

A healthy mind means "I can be both A and -A", which means integration and flexibility; The relatively split mind is "I can only be a, not-a"; The most problematic mind is "double bondage", that is, "I can neither a nor-a."

Teacher Wu first told a story written in a short story by Haruki Murakami, a Japanese novelist, Robbing the Bakery Again. The story goes like this:

One night, a newly married couple suddenly woke up, so hungry that they swept away all the food in the house, but they were still hungry. The wife said, "I have never been so hungry."

At this moment, the husband replied involuntarily: "I once robbed the bakery." It turns out that when he was young, this man once robbed a bakery with his best friend, not for money, but for bread.

The robbery went well, and the bakery owner didn't resist. However, in exchange, he asked two young people to listen to Wagner's music with him.

the two young men hesitated, but they agreed. After all, in this way, it is not a "robbery" of bread but an "exchange".

Afterwards, the man and his partner were very shocked. For several days, they discussed whether it was better to rob or exchange bread. Later, for no reason, they never contacted each other again.

When telling this story to his wife, the husband said, "There is no doubt that we are cursed!" " The wife said, "Not only are you cursed, but I also feel cursed."

This wife thinks that this is the source of this strange hunger, and to resolve it, we must fulfill this unfinished wish-really rob the bakery again.

In the end, the newly-married couple robbed McDonald's in a down-to-earth manner, driving a car and holding a mask and a gun that his wife had already prepared.

Teacher Wu read this novel as early as when he was a graduate student. At that time, he felt puzzled and didn't know what Haruki Murakami was talking about, but the novel left a very deep impression on him and made him remember it clearly.

many years later, when he was chatting with his friends, he suddenly understood the moral of this novel: unfulfilled wishes have cursed power.

That's what the "curse" in the novel means. Originally, two young people could take the bread directly by force, and this time they have the final say.

But at the suggestion of the boss, they finally agreed to listen to Wagner with the boss. Therefore, this matter became a deal, and the boss's will prevailed.

In a very weak situation, with this proposal, the boss reversed the form in one fell swoop, which can be said to have defeated two young people in a way of four or two.

these two young people didn't understand what happened in their minds, but they both experienced the feeling of being defeated, so they felt ashamed. Later, in order to avoid the shame of their weakness, they simply stopped seeing each other.

this is a contest, which is hidden in countless things in this world. So the objective facts at the matter level become less important, and the contest of personal will hidden behind the facts becomes the main thing.

Mr. Zeng Qifeng mentioned repeatedly in the previous article is an expert in playing this game. He said that when he goes to a restaurant to eat, he sometimes feels very uncomfortable in the restaurant. This is why he will play a game when the service attitude of the restaurant is not good.

When paying the bill, he will deliberately find a very cheap dish and say, "Wow, your price of this dish is too cheap. Come on, let me make up some money for you."

actually, it's only a few dollars, and the waiters in this restaurant always want to take advantage, so they will definitely agree, but at this time, the control of the relationship will change, and finally the waiters will be a little confused.

At this time, neither the bakery owner nor Mr. Zeng Qifeng can be called goodwill, and even on the contrary, it is an obsession of "I want to have the final say".

Mr. Wu once saw such a thing. An 8-year-old man has been looking for his first girlfriend for 47 years, and finally he realized his dream through a newspaper and knew the whereabouts of his first girlfriend.

It turned out that he and his first girlfriend could not get married because of various objections. He has always been bitter about this, so he spent most of his life looking for his first love.

There are so many such stories. In the consulting room, Mr. Wu has also met several people who are over 5 years old and have similar obsession with first love.

what is this obsession? Is it love? Teacher Wu believes that there may be love, but according to this part of the mind position theory, this is a manifestation of being trapped in a paranoid position.

this part of the course is under the subject of "reality", and one of the biggest realities in life is that some of your wishes are doomed to be unfulfilled, so how to face these unfulfilled desires?

This involves another concept of psychoanalysis-grief process. Psychoanalysis believes that any loss will lead to sadness, let the sad emotions flow naturally, and finally accept the loss in the emotional process, physical process and mental process. This complete process is the grief process.

When the grief process doesn't go well, one's energy will still be stuck in the struggle with this loss. If too much energy is gathered in this event, one will have no psychological energy to do other things.

Let me give you two more examples, because the portrayal of characters in film and television dramas is more prominent, which can facilitate your understanding. These two movies are story of qiu ju and I am not Pan Jinlian.

All of them show this logic. The heroines in the movies are in different mental positions. In fact, the performance of the heroine in the film I am not Pan Jinlian is almost unanimously regarded as paranoid by psychological professionals.

story of qiu ju is different, because there is reconciliation in this matter. The simple summary of this story is that Qiuju's husband clashed with the village head and was kicked by the village head. Qiuju dragged her six-month pregnant everywhere to complain.

The village first sentenced the village chief to lose, and the village chief promised to pay the money, but when he gave it, he dropped it on the ground. Qiu Ju didn't accept it, and once again embarked on a long road of complaining, and she complained all the way.

On New Year's Eve, Qiuju gave birth to a baby boy. The village head and villagers sent Qiuju to the hospital together. Qiu Ju was so grateful to the village chief that she didn't mention the lawsuit. When the child was full moon, the city court sent a verdict that the village head was detained for injury.

why do people stay in a paranoid position? Because when "I" live in a monistic world, I feel that the other party in conflict with me is a hostile "it". At this time, I can't bow my head and give up. If I admit it, I will feel great shame and seriously attack myself.

Mr. Wu thinks that the two films won prizes, firstly, they were well shot; Second, it is because the heroines in these two films are not typical rural women with low eyes and pleasing eyes. They did not bow their heads easily, but fought indomitable against hostile forces. This spirit is respectable.

Qiu Ju finally reconciled with the village head because she felt the kindness of the village head. When a person really feels the kindness of another person, it means that at least at this moment, this person's mind has entered the level of binary relationship, and there is nothing to be ashamed of when he bows to a kind person who loves himself.

The key for a baby to enter the depression position after three months is that the baby fully feels his mother's love, and then he can't attack his mother in a paranoid way. Once he attacks, he will feel the torture brought by guilt.

Many experienced psychological counselors have experienced this. They often hear visitors say: I love you so much, how can I be willing to attack you seriously?

Of course, this is not a complete integration. A complete integration means that I can attack you or let go of my attacks. I can love you or hate you. These two things can happen at the same time.

Although it is often said that only paranoia can survive, and indeed, in some successful people, you will see the paranoia of "when I start something, I must pursue it to the end", but if only this feeling exists, I will lose my flexibility.

a young entrepreneur friend of Mr. Wu's, he suffered a setback in his business, which brought him great frustration.

When Mr. Wu discussed with him, he found that failure brought him a great sense of shame. At this time, he felt vaguely that there was a hostile force against him, and the onlookers seemed to be just waiting to see his jokes.

When aware of this faint hostility, when he looks at the reality again, he first sees that friends and family around him can give him all kinds of support.

Then, he thought that this kind of frustration was neutral, just experience. If not only did he actually get hit, but his ego became weaker because of it, it was really like a hostile attack.

But if he faces these problems well, or resolves them, or takes them as lessons, then eventually his ego will become stronger, and his enterprise will become stronger at the same time.

in this way, even if you are frustrated, it seems like kindness. So, fundamentally, it is constantly becoming stronger.

1. Psychoanalysis believes that any loss will lead to sadness, let the sad emotions flow naturally, and finally accept the loss in the emotional process, physical process and mental process. This complete process is the grief process.

2. When the grief process is not well carried out, one's energy will still be stuck in fighting against this loss. If too much energy is gathered in this matter, one will have no psychological energy to do other things.

3. The reason why people stay in a paranoid position is because when I live in a monistic world, I feel that the other person who is in conflict with me is a hostile "it". At this time, I can't bow my head and admit defeat. If I admit it, I will feel great shame and seriously attack myself.

4. Perceiving that there is love in this world is the key to letting go of paranoia. Although it is often said that only paranoia can survive, if only this feeling exists, you will lose your soul.

I feel very boring during this time, and it suddenly occurred to me, is it possible that I just went from paranoid schizophrenia to depression? So I feel depressed during this time, but I feel like I want to know the real world.

I just saw a question: "Did you buy the toys you wanted in your childhood?" The answer is none. I liked spicy strips best when I was a child, and I still eat them often. Probably mainly because I'm not tired of eating.

Loss will bring sorrow. If we don't deal with the loss, we will really face the loss and express the sorrow completely, and it will become a trauma.

If we can express grief completely, it will bring repair, which is normal grief. This can prevent sadness from recurring in later life and becoming a trauma.

I remember a happy cry that I remember deeply, that is, crying loudly and regardless of others' stop. It was an emotional and physical expression after my loss. Maybe the loss didn't become a trauma, because of that expression.

If the sadness is not expressed, it will recur. I thought of the couple who robbed the bakery again, and I thought of seeing a favorite dress without buying it. After three months, I went back to buy it again.

jagged polymorphism is the source of happiness. There is no fixed template for happiness, but the unified path is to respect your feelings, constantly exercise a strong cohesive self and grow yourself.

I think of the joke of the famous musician Wilde again. There are two great sorrows in life: one is that you can't get it; The other thing is to get it. I can persist or give up. This feeling is really good-comfortable.

Thank you for your appreciation. Your opinion comes from Psychology Class in Wu Zhihong. Do you have any other opinions about this article? Welcome to leave a message and discuss with me.