A joke that can be told with your mouth! Urgent!

1 Once on a bus, a beautiful MM got on the bus, took out her card and swiped it. She only listened to the reply from the credit card machine: Didi ~ old card ~! The whole car froze and looked at her. Her face was covered with black lines, and she said, What are you looking at? Tianshan Mountain is old. Haven't you seen him before? An uncle stood up and said, come, aunt, sit here.

Xiao Ming dropped a key while looking for his pocket, but he couldn't find it at that time, so he went back to look for it! There was a couple on the roadside, and the man suddenly said excitedly, Whose is it? Whose is it? Xiao Ming quickly said: mine, mine, mine! Later Xiao Ming learned that it was the pregnant woman ~

One day, two sisters were sleeping, and the elder sister said to her, "Sister, there are so many mosquitoes today." My sister said, "Turn off the light, the mosquitoes can't see us." Then my sister really turned off the lights, and suddenly a pair of fireflies flew in. Sister said nervously, "Sister is miserable. Mosquitoes come to us with lanterns." ...

I have a friend, a man, who asked his son: Do you love your father or mother more? Children will think and say: mom. At this time, my father stood up and said, you love my mother more. Look, you drank so much of me, and your mother still has so much. So the child was very moved and said, Dad is the best.

5. I heard a joke before, so how to make a sentence with ABCDEFG: A, this child of B, from family C, stands barefoot on D, without wearing EF, GG is still exposed. In fact, ABCDEFG means that a boy can do anything for a girl.

6. When surfing the Internet tonight, Wangwang suddenly jumped out of the window and said to me, "Honey, I'm pregnant." I was suddenly surprised and said I wasn't in any trouble, right? Just as he was stunned, the man said, "Go to the hospital for examination tomorrow." I want to know who you are. Do you want me to accompany you to check? Do you want to correct me? Just thinking, the man said, "I can only deliver the goods to you the day after tomorrow."

7. The teacher said to Xiaoming, "Milk means small. For example, a suckling pig is a piglet. Please make a sentence with the word milk. " Xiao Ming said: "My family is very poor and can only live in 40 square meters of breasts." The teacher fainted. "That won't do. Xiao Ming: I skipped a cleavage at home every day when I was at school. The teacher is dizzy: "No, change another one." Xiao Ming: "Teacher, I can't remember. I want to break my nipple! "

8. The Tang Priest and his disciples are going to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures. The Tang Priest wanted to take a shortcut and asked Wukong. Wukong replied, "I heard that the plane is much faster than the White Horse Dragon." Pig suggested, "Master, I heard that Shenzhou VI is faster." Then Friar Sand took out four bullet train tickets, pointed at the Tang Priest and said, "Master, I heard that this thing can take you to the Western Heaven at once!"

9. My QQ group names are "A", "B", "C", "D" and "E" ... My girlfriend Q is in "A", sitting next to me today, looking at my QQ and thinking, she suddenly jumped up and said angrily, "Are your QQ groups divided by bust? , give me a group "and then ... there really wasn't. ...

10. The classmate went to the city where the female classmate worked on business, and the female went to the hotel. Talking about personal income, the man asked the woman: How much do you pay after tax? The woman became red and weak. She replied: What do students pay for sleeping? Even if I go to bed today, I will invite you.

1 1. A woman has been single because of her small breasts. On a blind date, the woman told the object truthfully and asked: Is there a steamed bread big? A: Yes. Then, on the wedding night, the man rushed out of the new house, screaming: Wangzai steamed bread!

12. My five-year-old sister and my four-year-old brother are taking a bath together. My sister wants to play when she sees her brother's little brother. My brother said angrily, "You played yours and want to play mine again, no way!" "

13. One day, while Xiao Chen was at work, he received a phone call. After a few words, Xiao Chen hurried off. Xiao Chen: Manager! I want to ask for leave! My wife is going to have a baby. Manager: OK! You should go! So Xiao Chen left without saying anything, just like flying. Twenty minutes later, Xiao Chen came back, a little disheveled. When the manager saw him, he asked, "Why did you come back so soon?" A boy or a girl? Chen: I didn't know until ten months later ...

14. People often light candles downstairs in girls' dormitories to show their love, and then shout "I love you" to show their love. Jun A lost the game tonight and was fined for simulating the scene. He was shy by nature and refused to speak for a long time after lighting the candle. More and more people were found upstairs, and many onlookers cheered for him. As a result, he held back for a long time and shouted, "sell-wax-candles!" " "

15. A man accidentally fell into the water and passers-by tried to save him. Say: it is a civil servant! Passers-by split up The other said, it's public security! The other half. Others said: it looks like urban management! Passers-by dispersed. Suddenly someone said: It's the Red Cross! Passers-by flocked to throw stones at him to let him come up alive. Is it a lie! Suddenly a voice shouted: it's the Ministry of Railways ... everyone pees in the water. While peeing, he shouted: We are saving you. As for whether you believe it or not, I do.