Urgent for the funniest joke, suitable for girls to tell ~ ~ ~

I called my deskmate on the first day of school, and the teacher asked me to call my parents. I said: nothing, I can hit him myself!

Second, man: marry me! Do you think we will be happy after marriage? M: Of course. W: How do you know? Man: You are such a man. Even if love fails, friendship can last forever.

Third, the doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. One of them passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

Old classmate, long time no see. What's your annual salary now? B: Three million. A: Is there 200,000 to 300,000 that month? Yes, this is the basic salary. A: Not bad. What do you do? B: Dreaming.

6. On the way, I met my dad to buy lottery tickets. I asked him, "Dad, what are you going to do when you win the grand prize?" As a result, my dad glanced at me. "Why do you care so much? What is it to you? "

7. "Our manager said that selling insurance requires shameless spirit." "That's why you go to the ladies' room to sell insurance!" Asked the policeman.

Eight, one day, the phone rang at home, because I didn't answer it at my parents' door, and my parents didn't answer it either. I had to get dressed and get up to answer the phone, only to hear my dad say, Send me the TV remote control. ...

Teacher: Xiaoming, please do a sentence imitation exercise of "If every drop of water can represent a blessing, I will send you an ocean"! Xiaoming: If each flower represents a blessing, I will send you a wreath! In an instant, the whole class is sensational! ! ! Teacher: Go, go, go now! !

10. Today, an idiot asked his sister out and said, "Girl, I think you have a good eye and integrity. Can you bury in my ancestral grave to ward off evil spirits in a hundred years? "I guess this idiot may not find a girlfriend in my life.

XI. M: Lovely girl, why did you reject me then? Woman: Because my heart beats faster every time I see you, I blush and my heart beats. I thought I would get sick and die with you.

12. I have a classmate who feels a little possessed. School should do morning exercises in the morning, and he thinks that teachers must also get up early to do exercises, otherwise it is unfair. So I went directly to consult with the principal. The headmaster paused and said, "Where are you from?" My classmate said affectionately:

Thirteen, Xiao Li said to Xiao Zhang in the office, "Tell you good news and bad news, which one to listen to first?" Xiao Zhang: "Bad news." Xiao Li: "The good news I want to say is false."

Son: Dad, tell me a story. Dad: OK. Once upon a time, there was a frog. Son: No, I want to hear historical stories. Dad: OK. In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog.

15. The monitor asked: Who is the largest officer in our platoon? A: It's a platoon leader. The monitor asked again: Who's under the teacher? The recruit replied: The teacher rode the horse.

16. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, cucumber and watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?" The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" "

Eighteen, friends went climbing together, and when they reached the top of the mountain, a girl shouted at the beautiful mountains and rivers.

19. Bees chase butterflies, but butterflies marry snails. The bee doesn't understand: where is he better than me? Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, unlike you who live in a dormitory.

Twenty, my wife bought a dog, and if she has nothing to do, she will let the dog smell it with RMB. I thought it was strange, so I asked, wife, what are you doing, letting the dog pick up money for you in the street? The wife smiled mysteriously: "You will know later!" After a few days, my private money disappeared, so I stopped talking. I cried when I talked too much. ...

Twenty-one, the teacher suddenly talked about girls' accomplishment in class. Xiao Ming raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I know: take 3,000 selfies, only one." Teacher: Get out.