"What shadows do your parents bring to your childhood?" is a hot search topic. After reading the answers from netizens, it is very heart-wrenching.

Recently, a question on the Internet sparked heated discussion, the content of which was "What shadows did your parents bring to your childhood?" Netizens responded in a variety of ways, and one of the answers was thought-provoking:

Kind children always think My father was reluctant to eat wontons because he was short of money, so he was full of gratitude. But suddenly one day he found that his father was feasting at another breakfast stall, and his young heart was full of deception and confusion.

There are no bad parents in the world. This is the biggest joke in the world. The childhood shadow left by parents to their children is reflected in every aspect of life.

01 Parental behavior will affect children in a subtle way

1. The harm of parents’ quarrels is deep-rooted

This is a reply from two different netizens. Although the family Every family has its own set of challenges, but the harm every family brings to their children is similar.

The famous family therapist Virginia Satir said: "A person is inextricably linked to his family of origin, and this link may affect him throughout his life. Parents quarrel a lot. Time and again are key factors that affect children's personality differences.

Parents' ideas and personality traits all affect their children unconsciously. Parents often make noises over trivial matters. This kind of conflict has a profound impact on them.

Parents do not care about their children's feelings and quarrel over trivial matters in the family. The young children appear weak and helpless, so they cannot feel love in the family, which makes them feel weak and helpless. They become unconfident, sensitive, suspicious, and cowardly, and this character affects their children from beginning to end and is difficult to change.

Children should not pay for their parents' bad emotions, and parents should take responsibility for their own actions.

2. Parents’ distrust of their children is also a kind of harm

Coincidentally, different things, the same result. Both children did not open the door to their parents because they fell asleep. When parents come in, they may yell at them, or they may beat or kick them.

In fact, for children, the physical pain is easy to forget, but the psychological trauma is indelible.

Domon. Silo Nolte said, "If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn; if a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight."

Parents can give their children a lifetime. Supportive people, if the family is full of doubts, hurt, and indifference, then the child's entire world will become dislocated or subverted.

Parents will always use themselves as the starting point to make demands on their children, and when the children are different because of each other. When things don't go as they want due to force majeure factors, all these side effects are vented to the children.

Children do not receive care and consideration from their parents, and some only have distrust, blame and anger. Childhood shadows are painful and difficult to heal.

In the parent-child relationship, the most important thing for parents is to be the most trustworthy person in their children's hearts.

3. Parents. The selfishness of children is self-evident.

This netizen’s reply and the reply at the beginning of the article are self-evident. They all talk about the selfishness of parents. There is a saying that “people are not for themselves. "Heaven and Earth will be destroyed" In fact, everyone has a selfish side, and parents are no exception.

My childhood shadow also felt that my mother was a very selfish person.

I live in a relatively privileged family environment. Every once in a while, my parents would bring back free shopping coupons from the mall issued by my workplace. Since I was sensible, I have always watched others use the shopping coupons given by my parents to buy things, but I have never enjoyed it. This makes me sad. From then on, a hint of coolness emerged in my young heart.

Whenever my father secretly gave me shopping coupons, the sharp contrast in my parents' behavior made me feel that my mother did not love me, and even thought that I was not my mother's biological child. I also gradually became sensitive, suspicious, and extremely distrustful of my mother.

The famous German philosopher Jaspers said: "Real education is to use a tree to shake another tree, use a cloud to push another cloud, and use a soul to , to awaken another soul. ”

The best education for children is the example of their parents. Since I became a mother, I have realized that selfishness must not lead to a child’s lack of character.

Selfish parents will make their children have an increasingly low self-esteem and make it difficult to cultivate generous children. This may lead to the formation of bad character traits, such as sensitivity, a please-pleaser personality, and fear of setbacks.

Parents should take love as their starting point, not let narrow-mindedness and selfishness blind them, and let their children grow up in an environment full of love.

02 How to avoid bringing these shadows to children?

1. Avoid the harm caused by quarrels

Parents should be honest with their children. Parents should tell their children the reason for the quarrel and tell them in a good way that the quarrel has been resolved well.

Parents should reconcile in front of their children. Parents should recognize each other's shortcomings, and it is best to make conciliatory gestures, such as hugs, etc., which can give children a sense of security.

2. Avoid the harm caused by distrust to children

Parents should not belittle and question their children at will. Parents should affirm and believe in their children. Trusting their children can give them confidence to a large extent, and their children's minds will be normal and better.

Parents need to respect their children’s secrets. Everyone has secrets, and children are also individuals. Parents should fully respect their children's privacy to gain their respect.

3. Avoid selfishness and allow children to grow better

Parents should let their children feel more of the warmth of the family. As a parent, you should spend as much time with your children as possible and conduct more parent-child communication so that your children can truly feel the love from home.

Parents should communicate with their children frequently to let them feel that their parents still love them. No matter how busy they are, parents should express their love for their children, such as hugging and other gestures of love, so that their children can grow mentally and healthily.

03 Conclusion

Martin Buber said: “When I let go of all expectations and assumptions in a relationship and no longer regard you as my goal or the object of my goal, I may meet the complete 'you' in a certain moment."

Only children who firmly believe that their parents' love will always be with them will grow the most powerful wings, no matter what they face. Regardless of the storm, we move forward bravely.