Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Card 2 joke video
Card 2 joke video
2) It is said that an old farmer went to town and couldn't find a toilet, so he went to a high-end hotel and told the waiter that he wanted to borrow the toilet. The waiter said yes, but he had to pay 50 yuan money. The old farmer gritted his teeth and said, "Bingo!" Then run into the toilet. After going in, the old farmer found that there was no pit like his home in the toilet, so he found a newspaper to cover it and wrapped it carefully. Seeing a hole in the wall, I stuffed it in. When he came out, he said, "The toilets in this city are really strange. . . "Half a minute later, the waiter who went in to clean came out with a bill of 100 yuan and said," Grandpa, I'll give you one hundred yuan. Can you tell me how you pull it? "
-I saw a wall full of poop in the toilet. -The hole plugged by the old farmer is a toilet vent (with a fan). . .
3) The bear and the rabbit found a bottle in the forest. When they opened the bottle, a fairy appeared. The fairy said, thank you for letting me out. I can grant you three wishes.
The bear said, I hope all the bears in this forest are females except me. Well, the fairy helped him realize his wish.
The bear said, no, I hope the whole world is a female bear except me. Well, the fairy helped him realize his wish.
Finally, the bear said, I hope all these females love me. Well, the fairy realized his wish.
Next is the rabbit.
The rabbit said, I want a scooter. The fairy gave the rabbit a motorcycle.
The rabbit said, I want a helmet. The fairy gave the rabbit a helmet.
The rabbit finally said, I hope this bear is gay.
4) Marketer: Kid, do you have any dogs, kittens, rabbits or birds at home?
Child: No, my mother gave birth to me!
5) Q: What animal is the best?
A: Pigs, because pigs (pearls) are experts.
Q: What animal sticks to the wall most easily?
A: Sea (newspaper) leopard
Q: What happens when a fat man falls from 12 floor?
fat person
Q: Who will help you eat when you are full?
A: Feilong, because Feilong is added in units of (days).
Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and then died. How did he die?
A: He suffocated because there was no telephone pole to pee in the desert.
Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole, but it was still suffocated. Why?
A: There is a sign on the dotted pole, which says "No peeing here".
Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. Nothing stuck to it, but it was stuffy. Why?
A: Many puppies are waiting in line.
Q: A puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. There is nothing posted on it, and there is a queue. The result is still suffocating. Why?
A: Because there are two beautiful dogs MM behind him, he is very embarrassed.
6) The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."
"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.
The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"
Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"
"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.
On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"
The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "
The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "
7) What happened to a rabbit in the company?
The first company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: Not busy.
After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: I'm not busy because I can't work for the company more. What does the company want you to do?
* The second company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: Very busy.
After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: Because you are disorganized, you will be busy all day. What does the company want you to do?
* The third company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: Not bad.
After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: Because you are irrational, there are "yes" or "no" places. What does the company want you to do?
* The fourth company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: Just finished.
After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: Because you are so inefficient, can't you check it after you finish? What does the company want from you?
* The fifth company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: Some of them have finished the inspection, and now they are doing something else. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: Because you are not systematic, won't you do something together? What does the company want from you?
* The sixth company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: I have finished all the work and am helping others. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: Because you don't have a plan, won't you plan what to do tomorrow? What does the company want from you?
* The seventh company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: Today's work is finished, and so is tomorrow's work. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: Because you don't consider the whole, won't you help your colleagues solve problems? What does the company want from you?
* The eighth company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: I have finished today's work and tomorrow's work, and now I am helping my colleagues.
After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: Because you are too pushy, your help is likely to cause laziness or stress in others. What does the company want from you?
* The ninth company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: Wait a minute, I'll think about it before I answer you.
After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: You are very arrogant. I keep asking you questions. Why does the company want you?
* The tenth company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tu Tu: I ... I ... No, I don't know ... how to answer you.
After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.
Tutu: Why?
Boss: Because you don't even know whether you are busy or not, what does the company want you to do?
* the eleventh company
Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?
Tutu: Fuck you, I quit ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Boss: Hey! If you have personality, our company won't let you go!
● Wife: I really stepped on shit before I married you.
Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.
……
Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ...
A man went fishing by the river. He wore a leaf first, but no fish took the bait for a long time. He changed a piece of bread, but no fish took the bait for a long time. So he had to change earthworms, but no fish took the bait for a long time. ...
In a rage, he took out 100 RMB! Fall into the water!
Tnnd~~ What to eat! Buy it yourself! !
● An old woman stopped a bus in front of the bus stop sign.
As soon as the car door opened, grandma asked the driver, driver! Have you ever been to Xingtiangong?
The driver replied: Yes!
At this time, the grandmother didn't get on the bus, just nodded, answered "Oh" and walked on.
The driver felt strange. I have already answered you. Why don't you get in the car?
The driver realized that grandma was old, so he followed her and drove the car forward slowly without closing the door.
Driver: I went to heaven!
Grandma: Oh!
Driver: It's really here!
Grandma: Oh!
Driver: I'm really here!
At this time, grandma said impatiently, I know! I won't go until tomorrow!
"I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist.
"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?"
"The sun", the patient replied.
"Then how far do you want to see!"
● Teacher: If you have one day left in your life, what do you want to do most?
Students; I want to stay in the classroom most.
Teacher: 5555555, I didn't know you didn't like studying so much! Teacher 55555555555 is so touched! !
Student: Because I feel that I have been in the classroom for a year.
1. In the exam, someone struggled for an answer, and no neighbor was willing to help, so he thought of a coup. ....
Student A:
"ah! Classmate, tell you secretly! The answer to the first five questions is AAAAA. 」
Student B:
"Idiot! Is there the same answer? It should be BCDCE! 」
Student A:
"Oh .. thank you! 」
In the war, the general went to the front to boost morale.
The soldiers in front report to the general:
"general! There is a sniper in the stone pile 20 meters ahead, but his marksmanship is terrible.
Many guns were fired these days, but none of them hit anyone ... "
The general was very angry and said, "Since we found the sniper, why not kill him?" ? 』
The soldier listened and said, "General! Are you out of your mind? Do you want them to exchange it for a more accurate one? 』
3。 Xiao Ming asked his mother, "Where am I from? 」
Mother thought for a while before answering, "It's from songbirds. 」
That evening, Xiao Ming wrote in his diary:
"My parents have no sex life. 」
4. One day. Dumb and Agua are chatting while smoking in the department store. ....
Shop assistant: "Gentlemen, please don't smoke here. 」
Agua: "It's strange that your shop sells cigarettes, but guests are not allowed to smoke? 」
Shop assistant: "We also sell condoms in our shop. Do you want to have sex here? " ? 」
A person went to a Spanish restaurant to eat and saw someone eating a bullwhip, which was big and thick. He wants to eat it, too, but the waiter said it was just cut from the shelf. If he wants to make an appointment, he made an appointment for tomorrow. The next day, the man went to the restaurant and found that the bullwhip today was very small. He was angry and asked the waiter why. The waiter said, "Today, the cow killed the matador!" " "
6. The dialogue between the fortune teller and the lady: "Your life is not good." "Why?" "Because you have a bad omen."
"Then can I take off my bra?" "No, as soon as you take off the bad omen, there are two big waves in life.
7. When my father was at work, my three-year-old son suddenly complained to his mother, "Mom, when you were away yesterday, my father went upstairs with the maid ..." The mother stopped her son from talking any more. At dinner in the evening, the mother gently said to her son, "Honey, don't you have a story to tell your father?" You can talk now. "
So the son slowly narrated, "Yesterday, Dad took the maid upstairs and did the same thing that you and Uncle Wang did when they were on a business trip with Dad ..."
8. How to make the rooster lay eggs? "
(It is necessary to use the method of "anyone can do it without organ transplantation")
Answer: Bring a hen and name it "rooster" ...........
9. My son is in a gifted class at school, and his qualifications are by no means stupid.
As it happens, I just can't tell a rose from a carnation because my mother is worried.
I comforted her: "It is said that Hu Shi can't tell apples from pears. What does it matter? 」
She replied angrily, "It doesn't matter if you eat the wrong pear when you should eat the apple, but do you know the consequences of giving carnations on Valentine's Day?" 」
10. Two men and women who have never met each other have nothing to say all night.
Finally, the man was so bored that he secretly arranged for a friend to call him in the restaurant.
After answering the phone, he returned to his seat and said sadly to her:
"I received a bad news. My grandmother just died. I have to go back and deal with it. 」
"Thank God!" She replied, "If your grandmother doesn't die, my grandmother will die! 」
165438+
It won't start.
The traffic police standing by looked at her for a long time, watching the red light turn green and the green light turn red.
The young lady still stopped in the middle of the road, motionless.
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