Click on the funny jokes in the full text

Different artists sing the same joke, and the drum lyrics will be very different. What classic jokes will we come into contact with in our daily life? Next, I carefully prepared a "funny joke to open the full text" for you. Welcome to watch!

Click on the funny jokes (hot articles) of the full text (1). When I came back drunk in the middle of the night, I kicked my wife under the bed with all my strength while she was asleep, and then I swore angrily. Fuck you! I have a wife and children! ! ? Then fall back and continue to pretend to sleep. The next morning, my wife endured the pain and not only didn't blame her for drinking too much last night, but also brought steaming milk, half of which was moved tears.

2. The wife calls the husband who is a programmer: "Buy a catty of steamed bread and bring it back from work. When you see a watermelon seller, buy one. " That night, the programmer's husband entered the house with a steamed bread in his hand. . . The wife said angrily, "Why did you buy steamed buns? ! "The husband replied," Because I saw the watermelon seller. "

Someone bathed his 3-year-old daughter, and just put her in the basin, the daughter shouted:? Mom, look, dad is picking up girls. ?

4.？ How to drive roommates crazy? One of the strategies: buy a hamster and a juicer, release the hamster a few days later and tie tomato juice. Your roommate noticed that the hamster was missing, and when you were juicing, you said innocently, I'm just curious. . . .

5. Netease netizen: Who can kindly say, what is safe to eat now? A: It is safest to lose money. (@Apaizhang)

6. The furthest distance from Xiaogang in the world is not between life and death, not that you don't know I love you when I am in front of you, but that I invited you to Xiaogang and you went to Xiaogang.

7. One day fifty years later, Jing M.Guo died of illness. He never married. When the adopted son was sorting out the relics, he found a manuscript "Daming Lake 1.55 meters", which was almost out of stock after publication. "Han Han, I have been waiting for the rest of my life. Do you still remember Guo Simei by Daming Lake? " A week later, Han Han waved "Daming Lake: I want to talk to Fourth Sister" and suddenly died. Han Han's daughter Han Xiaohan should make a version.

8. I once went out to play and stayed at a distant relative's house for two days. There is a custom that children's urine is the cleanest. They use the boy's urine to cook eggs, eggs, and urine to cook them, saying they are gray and healthy. I dare not eat, but people are very enthusiastic and keep urging me to eat. I have no choice but to say: I don't like eggs. My relatives are cuter. Hey, have some soup.

9. In the final exam, a classmate who cheated in the senior high school entrance examination was caught. The reason is cheating with mobile phones. Based on his cheating level in BH, I went to ask why he was caught. He said indignantly? NND, it took too long to finish the test paper, so I took the food away. ?

10. The peasant woman who went to the market drove home with a dump truck dragging river sand. In the village, the driver actually overturned the peasant woman and the river sand together. The peasant woman got up and patted the sand. She said shyly to the driver, Sorry, I stepped on your car.

A funny joke (classic) 1. A fugitive broke into a house and saw the couple making out. He tied her husband to a chair, tied her to a bed, kissed her neck for a long time, and then went into the toilet. The husband said: Don't resist when he ravages you, or we will all die. You have to hold on, baby. I love you! ? The wife said: Just now he said in my ear that he was gay and asked me where the vaseline was. I said it was in the toilet. You must hold on, baby, I love you too! ?

Xiao Li's mobile phone was stolen soon after she bought it. With the mentality of trying, he sent a short message to his mobile phone. I can give you my mobile phone. Can I get my card back? After the short message was sent, the other party quickly replied:? Sure, you can bring me the charger of your mobile phone by the way. ?

3. I wish all boys to be as strong as Oracle Bone Inscriptions in the new year; Girls are as beautiful as Ubuntu; Peach blossom luck is as frequent as IE poisoning; Wallet is as big as Gmail; Promotion speed catches up with Microsoft patching; Chasing a girlfriend is as rampant as a trojan horse; Life is as happy as after reinstalling the computer; Writing programs and coding are as passionate as chatting. Happy new year to you all! (via:@chon2 19)

4. 1, first catch the thief, then curse the mother. 2, the crowd looked for him thousands of Baidu, suddenly looking back, the man was in the canteen at the door. 3. Ask what the world is like, and make people want to vomit as soon as they eat it. 4. The bright line at the foot of my bed, hey, there is a bottle of hand cream on the ground. If anything happens, I will become a meteor. 6. Strong women in business don't know the hatred of national subjugation, but also sing nunchakus across the river. Twitter, Mulan is playing video games! !

5. In a word, 1, there is no wood to burn. We have reached the front of the mountain, but there is no road. 3, the sale didn't close, and Renyi also ran away. I have experienced many storms, and I have never seen a rainbow. 5, thousands of miles to send goose feathers, gasoline costs are too high. 6, one hero and three gangs, I am afraid to become _. 7, the sky has not fallen on me, so I am still bitter and hungry, what a world! 8. There was a way to do things, but there were too many people leaving.

6. The Spring Festival Evening of the Year of the Rabbit is 1. N words are omitted here. 2. You buried it! 3. The eyes are black and the heart is red. Red eyes, black heart! Tuo (Tuo), you are more experienced than me. 5, I have talent, you are a genius, not just two more than me. 6. I have been much better since I got mental illness. 7. Don't thank the dam, but thank the Three Gorges. 8. Today's society pays attention to calmness! 9, pig farmers do foxes!

7. After the Spring Festival Gala, folk artists feel nervous on the stage; The powerful superstar broke his voice; Magicians mistreat small animals; Lin Chi-ling's figure was lost by magic; The host's clothing is out of Korean style; Children's kisses and hugs feel disgusting; The supporting role of playing pipa is commercial implantation; Foreigners' singing skills also began to shock; Grandma Cai Ming's laughter is chilling; Did the audience clap bricks in Weibo? Happy new year to you all!

8. Spring Festival Evening Summary 1. Dong Qing, a liar, made of steel. 2. The security check for the Spring Festival Gala is quite strict, and fillers can't be brought into the venue, even if you are Lin Chi-ling. 3. When Jay sings, the technique of beauty sitting in the air should be popularized in Spring Festival travel rush craze! It is said that the real magic of this year's Spring Festival Gala is to turn sister Lexus's breasts into sister Cai Ming's. Don't be afraid to write a paper next semester! Writing a book: Omit 10,000 words here!

9. Li Yong said he was a prostitute. ? Male prostitutes are also swearing words, referring to a small white face that men regard as a plaything. Especially in ancient times, this word is basically not used in modern times. Male prostitute Baidu: /49 UUEP

6. Hold out four fingers. How do you say this in English? Let's say four. Bend four fingers into a claw shape. What is this English for? Confused. I tell you: send this wonderful (bend four)!

7. While waiting for the bus at the station, I met a beggar with a piece of paper in his hand, which said: I am deaf and dumb, please give me some charity. I wondered if he was a liar, so I said, sorry, I can't read. Then he began to talk: Brother, my wallet was stolen and I have no money to buy a ticket home. Please lend me some money. I'm surprised: aren't you deaf? He was also surprised: can't you read?

Xiao Li's mobile phone was stolen soon after she bought it. With the mentality of trying, he sent a short message to his mobile phone. I can give you my mobile phone. Can I get my card back? After the short message was sent, the other party quickly replied:? Sure, you can bring me the charger of your mobile phone by the way. ?

9. When the old woman got on the bus, the children sitting next to her quickly stood up. The old woman said:? Sit down and don't give me your seat! ? After a while, the child stood up again, and the old woman patted him on the shoulder and said, you really don't have to give me your seat. Sit down! ? After repeated several times, the child finally couldn't help crying! The child cried and said: I have been to several stops. Why don't you let me off? ! ?