A joke about eloquence?

Eloquence is becoming more and more important to our life, and humorous eloquence can help us solve our daily embarrassment. Below, I have arranged some humorous paragraphs for you. Let's learn some humorous eloquence every day.

mood

Mood is a river, and its state depends on its depth: deep water is quiet and shallow water is noisy.

Brilliant, have nothing to say

Truth is like a cough, it can't be held back and then comes out; Lies, like lines, are often recited.

Tang Sanzang and Zhu Bajie

Tang Sanzang: "Bajie, run two steps for the teacher." . Pig Bajie: "Master, why do you suddenly want to see your apprentice run away?" Tang Sanzang: "Oh, what a shame! I have been a teacher in a temple since I was a child. I have never eaten pork or seen pigs run. "

drunkard

The drunkard went to the winery to apply for a job, tasted more than a dozen wines, and accurately told the year and degree. The examiners were shocked. The manager winked at the female secretary, who quietly took a cup of urine and handed it over. The drunkard said, "Female, 23 years old, pregnant for two months." Suddenly the whole audience was silent. The drunkard thought they were going to cheat, so he got angry and said, "If anyone wants to cheat, I'll tell my father." Unexpectedly, several leaders present said in unison: "Admission!

lifeline

On the mountain road, a MM stopped a car and asked for a lift. The driver said, "Let me see your lifeline." MM handed her her hand, and the driver looked at it carefully: "Well, your lifeline is very long, get on the bus." MM puzzled: "Why do you want to see my lifeline?" "The brakes are broken!"

Some people do this on April Fool's Day.

Robber: Six strong men with machetes forced a young man into a corner and said to him, Come on, we'll treat you to dinner tonight!

You are less than the upper level, but more than the lower level. You are satisfied.

Soymilk complained to soybeans: "You gave birth to me and tofu skin. Why is it more noble than me? " Soybean said to soybean milk, "Because people give essence, it is of course expensive. To put it bluntly, it is parallel imports, and it is good to be popular. Look at the treatment of bean curd residue and you will be satisfied. "

The reason for being single

I am single because I am so handsome that others think I have a girlfriend.

I dropped my card.

Mobile Customer Service: Hello, what can I do for you? Me: What if I lose my card? Mobile customer service: if the card is lost, it needs to be reissued as soon as possible, and it needs to be reissued in the business hall. Me: Can't I answer it? Mobile customer service:. . . . .

Why are you so tired now?

When we were young, we all grew up, so we were naive and happy. When you grow up, there is nothing to grow up, you will be long-minded and live very tired.

Why do children cry?

This classmate said that the child next door was crying again yesterday, probably because the baby asked, "Mom, what shall we eat in the evening?" Mother said, "shall we eat beef at night?" Braised! "Then the baby cried:" You lied to me again! I don't eat instant noodles! "

Good friend

My friend is infertile, so I went to comfort him: "What can I do for you?"

What should I do if I want to change careers?

"It's too difficult to do this. What if I want to change careers? " "Press the Enter key."

This surname is not good.

A screenwriter surnamed Yang went out to write a script, and the other party received it. The sentence "Yang Bian" was very affectionate. Dude, that sounds uncomfortable. Tell them to change their names. The next day, everyone changed their name to "Yang Drama", and Yang's screenwriter collapsed.

What we want is height.

Two engineers are measuring the height of the flagpole. They only have a tape measure, so they can't fix it on the flagpole because the tape measure always falls off. A mathematician passed by and pulled out the flagpole, so it was easy to measure the data. After he left, one engineer said to another engineer, "Mathematicians always do this." We wanted height, but he gave us length.

Ridiculously stupid and embarrassing things.

The man stood in front of the bus stop, laughing all the time. A man next to him was puzzled and asked him why he smirked like that. "I just fooled the conductor." "What's the matter?" "I bought a ticket and didn't get on the bus."

Is it Mr. Ivan's way?

Ivan wanted to drink, so he borrowed a silver coin from a Jew in the village. They discussed the terms: Ivan will pay twice as much money next spring, and at the same time, he will use the axe as collateral.

Ivan was about to leave when the Jews stopped him: "Ivan, wait a minute." I remember one thing. It is difficult for you to collect two silver coins before next spring. Wouldn't it be better if you paid half now? "

This made Ivan understand. He returned the silver coin, thought for a while on the road, and then said to himself, "Strange, the silver coin is gone, the axe is gone, and I still owe a silver coin-that Jew is quite reasonable."

The camera and the mirror are in love.

The mirror said to the camera, "I am so miserable." I don't know what it looks like to be photographed by others all my life. " The camera said, "Never mind, I'll just take your picture." After the photo was developed, the mirror burst into tears: "Why is the camera still in the photo?"

The difference between having a son and a daughter.

Having a son means having an enemy, and when you grow up, you bring back an enemy. Giving birth to a daughter means giving birth to a relative and bringing back a servant when you grow up.

Life is full of flavor.

You can't ignore the taste of life without adding something unpredictable.