"It is an obligation to help you with your children, and it is also an obligation not to help." The mother-in-law who loves to say this is poisonous.

A few days ago, a particularly bad thing happened to my best friend:

Their mother-in-law helps with the children, and both husband and wife go to work. Usually working overtime from Monday to Friday is very late. My best friend thinks it's hard for her mother-in-law to take care of her children, so she puts off all social activities to take care of her children at home every Saturday and Sunday and lets her mother-in-law rest for two days.

Because my mother-in-law helps with the children, although there are some habits in life that we can't go together, my best friend doesn't mind. She listens to her mother-in-law for fear of breaking her heart.

It's almost the end of the year. My best friend's company is very busy and has big projects to follow up. But my mother-in-law suddenly came to tell my girlfriend that she could ask her grandmother to come and take care of her for a few days. Her friend has made an appointment to travel to Hainan with the group for a few days. She needs one, so she wants to ask for leave.

Best friend sounds very uncomfortable:

First of all, the children's grandmothers are far apart, one is in the south and the other is in the north, what's more, it is very difficult to transfer temporarily. The children's grandmothers also have a little grandson, which is inseparable from them. Besides, children don't spend much time with their grandmother. How can they adapt immediately?

Then my mother-in-law used the word "leave". My best friend has always been grateful to her mother-in-law. As long as she had time, she quickly took over the burden of taking care of the children and let her mother-in-law rest. I thought her mother-in-law really wanted to share a piece of cake with her son and daughter-in-law, but I didn't expect that taking the children in her mother-in-law's heart was the same task as going to work!

Then I was worried about whether I could ask for leave from the company. I can't lose my project. Something goes wrong, which directly determines the salary and bonus at the end of the year. Family expenses are high, the mortgage and car loan for children's milk powder, plus the food, clothing, housing and transportation of a family of several people are all waiting for money. The human expenses of the Chinese New Year are also large. I can't support myself on my father's income. I'm a little depressed when I come back from giving birth, so I really can't delay my work now.

Seeing the reluctant face of my best friend, my mother-in-law complained: "My adopted son has finished his task, and now I have to take my grandson. That's not my job. What people say, helping you is an obligation, and I don't owe you anything. You can't give me any time. "

After listening to her mother-in-law's complaint, my best friend was really wronged, and I didn't know what else to say, so my heart was blocked.

I feel that this child is a daughter-in-law's business, and he is also working to earn money to support his family. Why don't you ask the father for this leave, and you have to pick this up with your wife? Isn't it related to her own son to take care of her grandson?

Mother-in-law's help is mutual affection, and it is her duty not to help. The child has nothing to do with the mother-in-law?

Therefore, having children is a daughter-in-law's business, and raising children is a daughter-in-law's business. Raising a family depends on the income of a daughter-in-law.

Daughter-in-law is not superhuman powers, and she is not born to work as a coolie for other people's families. Why, when you say it, you seem to be helping your wife.

Some mother-in-law are very good at absorbing foreign advanced experience, saying, "When their foreign mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have a clear distinction, they will quit raising their sons and have no need to intervene in raising their grandchildren. They can go wherever they want, and they are more free. " However, when these mothers-in-law absorb the advanced experience of others, they never think about why they can do this!

Yes, foreign daughters-in-law don't need their mother-in-law to take care of their children, but what about their welfare, their birth system and their nanny?

Daughter-in-law who doesn't need outside help, people don't have to worry about having no money to raise a baby, and they don't have to worry about maternity leave for only four months after giving birth. Most of their fathers will take care of their children in person and see Zuckerberg, the president of busy facebook, and the president of a listed company. After his wife gave birth to the child, he immediately took a few months off, just to go home and take care of the child.

And how many of our domestic daughter-in-law can stand this kind of treatment?

After having children, happiness is similar, even misfortune is similar. People often complain that the current family model is so consistent: an anxious old mother+an invisible father+a Xiong Haizi.

Please, everyone likes to explain to his daughter-in-law's mother-in-law that "it is a duty to help you, not to help you". When absorbing foreign advanced experience, don't be so half-hearted, just look at what is good for you and throw all the blood and tears behind you to her wife.

Theoretically, a daughter-in-law is afraid to take care of her children at home full-time. Isn't it because the mother-in-law failed to raise a son who can bear the responsibility of supporting the family?

If your adopted son earns enough money to pay for family expenses, and if your adopted son can give his wife full love and security, then which daughter-in-law doesn't want to spend time with her children?

I really want to say that when the mother-in-law helps with the children, she is only helping her son. She is paying the price for not cultivating a son who is competent and responsible enough. Why did she put all the responsibility on her poor daughter-in-law?

My friend Tang Xiao said an ironic sentence:

When she first got married, she went to her mother-in-law's house. Whenever the daughter-in-law of the next-door neighbor comes home, her mother-in-law gossips with her, saying that her mother-in-law is particularly unpopular now, because her daughter-in-law went home when she was a girlfriend before, and because she was not sure whether her son would marry her in the future, she didn't give her the kind of red envelope that the elders should give her in local customs. Since then, the daughter-in-law has never been enthusiastic about her mother-in-law's passers-by.

The implication of Tang Xiao's mother-in-law is that the neighbor's mother-in-law relationship is a joke to others, and friends also feel that it is very incomprehensible for her daughter-in-law to have bad feelings because of such a trivial matter.

A few years later, Tang Xiao's children reached kindergarten age, and his father worked outside. Tang Xiao gets off work at 5: 30 every night, but he has to go to the kindergarten to pick up the children at 4: 30. At first, Tang Xiao asked her grandmother to help her pack after school. Later, something happened at her grandmother's house. Suddenly, grandma refused to come and help her pick up the children, saying that her grandpa chicken and duck could not be lost.

Sugar didn't complain at this time. She felt that the child was her own business and could not blame her mother-in-law, so she resigned from the company. The boss asks your mother-in-law and husband, won't you answer? Xiaotang said that her mother-in-law had something at home, and her husband couldn't get away from work, so there was nothing she could do. Finally, the company made an exception and let Tang Xiao get off work at five o'clock. She pinched her watch at five o'clock every day and took a taxi to the kindergarten 10 minutes to pick up the children. However, children are still one of the last people to be picked up every day.

Because her mother-in-law wants to see her grandson, she calls Xiaotang every Friday and asks him to take the children to grandma's house by bus. Xiaotang didn't think much. She takes it for granted that grandma wants to see her grandson. Every Friday, she goes to pick up the children, and then goes to grandma's house by car for the weekend.

This kind of life lasted for several months until there was a company reform. The increasing work tasks during the day made Tang Xiao feel that she really couldn't finish it, and she was so tired that she would explode. She felt guilty for delaying her work, so she resolutely resigned. From then on, Tang Xiao took care of the children at home full-time and did some things part-time. Of course, the money she earns can only barely maintain her living expenses. Her father's income is unstable, and his family is basically self-sufficient. He has no debt, but no savings.

After more than a year, the financial crisis finally appeared in Tang Xiao's small family. It happened that one day, in order to be filial to his mother, his father gave his mother-in-law a small family with too much money without consulting Tang Xiao, on the grounds that he had owed his mother money before and didn't want to feel guilty.

Tang Xiao remembered that she had heard her mother-in-law complain: "Look who, whose parents' old-age insurance is bought by their sons. Look at us again, we can only rely on ourselves, and our son can't count on it. "

Tang Xiao's heart is cold. Mother-in-law is not unclear about the situation at home, and her husband's income is unstable. Sometimes she doesn't even make money for two or three months in a row. Sometimes she makes money for months at a time, and housework and her children's husbands are neglected. In the past, when she was still at work, the children picked them up by themselves and kept seeing her mother-in-law off every weekend. After she got married, all the money she earned was attached to her small family, but Tang Xiao never complained. She always felt that the day was coming.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not related by blood, nor do they hit it off at first sight. In the final analysis, a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to exchange hearts, help and worry.

If the mother-in-law gives her daughter-in-law a carefree son, then the daughter-in-law will naturally give back to her mother-in-law in her carefree old age; If the son raised by the mother-in-law can neither bear the burden of supporting the family nor take care of the children at home, then what is given to the daughter-in-law is a heavy burden, and it is also required to benchmark the good results of other sons. Is this white fruit really safe to eat?

Those mothers-in-law who have not raised a worry-free son should really stop paralyzing their daughters-in-law with "it is their duty not to help" and cheer themselves up. Chicken soup processors should also stop advocating this sentence to hurt those mothers who are overwhelmed by the burden of life. I don't know how many mothers are silently suffering from anxiety from society and family, but they are also severely condemning themselves for the poisoned chicken soup in public opinion.