How many children have been ruined by the "Hedong Lion's Roar" style of education?

01

I remember watching a program "Super Parenting". There was such a "grumpy" mother who usually "roared" to communicate with her children.

Parenting Shi Lanhai felt like she was always in a "screaming" state.

In the eyes of this mother, the child often causes unreasonable troubles and is an unreasonable "crybaby".

Later, the staff took my mother to a quiet cabin, a place for sound experience.

As soon as she entered, she was startled by a terrifying roar, which turned out to be her own voice.

Then, the staff continued to play the recording, and when she heard her usual roar coming, she collapsed instantly.

She squatted down, covered her ears and cried bitterly, unable to believe that this frightening, hysterical sound was actually made by her normal self.

The younger the children, the easier it is to lose control and yell, because children cannot understand what adults say, so they can only use yelling to intimidate them!

However, although a child cannot understand the adults' reasoning, he can see the way you yell out of control: like a terrifying monster, baring its fangs and claws, making the child so scared that he just wants to run away.

However, what the mother didn’t know was that her roar would be very scary to an outsider who just bumped into it by chance - a ferocious face and a fierce look, let alone a young child?

02

A few days ago, a friend and I went out for dinner, and she brought her two-year-old son.

During the meal, his son grabbed the vegetables with his hands, and then the food was all over the table and even got on my clothes.

At this time, his mother performed the "Hedong Lion's Roar", and the child was so frightened that he burst into tears.

When he was crying, he reached out and wanted his mother to hug him. His mother was very angry and ignored him.

I am thinking about a question: Why does my mother still need to hug him when my mother has already done this to him?

Because, except for his mother, there is no one else in his world that he can rely on.

When children are young, they will only look for security and love from their parents. Even if they cannot find it, they cannot leave. The more you scold them, the more they want to ask for help and the more they long for the arms of their parents.

Parents are the most trusted people for their children. Their roars undoubtedly trample on their children's trust and dependence, causing the child's heart to suffer indelible pain throughout his life.

The words of criticism and accusations that parents use to their children during their childhood years are better than the words of criticism and accusations that their children will receive in their adult lives.

03

I remembered that actor Sun Li once shared her parenting experience on Weibo.

She said that she would be praised by the sound engineer for her louder voice on the set, all of which "benefited" from her seven years of parenting experience.

Yes, it seems that yelling has become a "common problem" among mothers.

Let’s take a look at the discussion among netizens first

“I feel the same way. This requires a mother with high emotional intelligence and high IQ, who is also very patient. The child is more than 20 months old, and he himself His stomach hurts and he can't move. He still insists on going to bed. You can't coax him or talk to him. I really want to lie down for a while and let him go to bed, but he just keeps playing in his own world. It's too difficult to be a mother. !!”

“Yes, I won’t listen until I yell.”

“Hey, the main problem is , Now it’s like you can’t hear it when you say it well, you only hear it when you yell, you have to give orders before you do it, you just say it in ink, don’t take it seriously, and collapse!”

“No parent wants to! I yelled at my children and tried to talk properly, but it was of no use. Especially those who taught my children how to do their homework felt like they were going crazy.

”

“I can’t control myself even if I don’t yell at myself, and I hate myself for getting more and more irritable!” I just can’t change it.”

“Those who are not allowed to yell at children have never given birth to children.”

“I understand the truth, but when the anger arises, I can’t control myself. ”

I am also a mother of a child who understands mothers very well. Usually, many people do not listen to their children because they say many times. The children dawdle, talk back, do not do their homework, and are disruptive. In addition, in life or work, "You yell when you disagree and regret after yelling" has become a vicious cycle for many parents to educate their children.

For mothers who cannot control themselves and yell naturally, they must know. What kind of harm does yelling at children do to children?

1. Cowardly character

If parents are strong, children will be weak. In the children's hearts, parents are like savage beasts, trying to escape. Because of the yelling from his parents, he becomes cautious in everything he does and will not take the initiative to try new things. What he is afraid of is not failure or not doing well, but more fear of being yelled at.

< p> Due to being suppressed, they have a mentality of not daring to resist and resigned. Such children will also be resigned in their future life and work. Without any sense of resistance, the child's life will be full of haze. No one can pity the coward.

2. Rebellion

Parents use shouting to control their children. Due to fear, the children will be submissive in behavior at first, but they are not convinced psychologically. Parents feel that this Children are very obedient, so they habitually use this method to educate their children.

When the children grow up and have their own ideas, they will find the parents annoying and develop a sense of authority. A kind of rebellious psychology, this kind of character will accompany the child until he grows up.

For example, after entering the workplace, whenever the authoritative image of the elders or leaders has some requirements for him, what words should he say to the leaders. , he has an instinctive rebellious mentality.

You always go against your elders and leaders, so you will naturally make a mess in the workplace.

3. Timid and afraid of getting into trouble.

If you yell at your child loudly, the child's weak mind will be very nervous and fearful, and slowly, he will become very timid.

When he enters the society, he will find that kind of comparison. People who are outgoing and more courageous to express themselves, whether in love or in the workplace, can better express their voices and be seen and recognized by others.

And introverted and timid children. , it is easy to be ignored because of the inexpressive and introverted personality

4. Low self-esteem and suspicion

They are always yelled at by their parents, who think their parents are annoying. How can such a child be so confident?

They dare not express their thoughts, and they will keep things to themselves for fear of being punished for their own thoughts. A more serious reprimand.

Unable to trust others, unable to understand oneself, not knowing how to interact with others, and prone to interpersonal barriers.

Over time, it is easy for children to develop the habit of being suspicious, unable to concentrate on doing things, and even when they see others discussing, they always think they are talking bad about themselves.

If there is a backlog of everything on oneself, it is very likely that the slightest stimulation will cause psychological collapse and overwhelm the child.

5. Affects the parent-child relationship

Yelling has become a habit, and it does not necessarily mean that he has made any mistakes. The child will feel very unbalanced, but he does not dare to I resist you and don’t dare to say a word.

As you grow older, your child will begin to resist, unwilling to communicate with you, and unwilling to talk to you about anything. Your child will develop in an uncontrollable direction and become increasingly distant from you. Far.

6. Loss of shame

Children who are often yelled at are not controlled by teachers at school. They don’t care what the teacher says, so that the teacher feels that the child It's hopeless.

In fact, the teachers’ discipline is much kinder than that of their parents, so the children do not realize what mistakes they have made.

The deeper reason is that I gradually lost my sense of shame because I was often yelled at by my parents!

7. Irritability

Parents teach their children by example rather than words.

Your child will not listen to what you say, but he will definitely imitate your behavior.

For parents who often lose their temper and yell at their children, you will find that when their children grow up, their emotional control ability will be weaker.

When he has negative emotions, he will also vent them out by yelling. This is the only way he has learned. You will find that he is too much like you.

And he will slowly treat his children and relatives around him in the same way, including you!

8. Brain damage

Roaring not only causes psychological harm, but also physical harm.

Research by American psychiatry experts has found that children who have been exposed to verbal violence from their parents for a long time will have damage to their brain structure, their intelligence will also be affected, their memory will decline, and they will be unable to concentrate.

Have you ever noticed that when your child is doing homework and you yell at him, scold him for being stupid, scold him for being stupid, scold him for writing slowly, he will really become stupid, even the simplest questions I can't do it either, my mind is blank.

"Yelling" children actually brings such serious harm to them? How terrible!

A classmate of mine once mentioned in a chat: The criticism and yelling from her parents when she was a child has left her with a shadow now, including low self-esteem, cowardice, and never fighting for anything. How much she longs for her parents’ approval. recognized.

Stapen, a professor at the National Education Association, said: "Yelling at children, especially reprimanding them repeatedly, can cause children to be hurt more seriously than being hit."

Furthermore, No amount of love can make up for the harm caused to a child. This harm has been buried in the heart of the child. Do you think that after yelling and scolding the child, and then giving him some benefits and coaxing him, the harm will disappear? No.

Many scientists are now beginning to realize that benefits and disadvantages, positive and negative, cannot be offset by each other, and that the disadvantages have a far greater impact on the brain than the benefits.

For example, no matter how many times you have walked safely on this road, as long as you are bitten by a venomous snake once, you will be wary of this road in the future, and your legs will feel weak if you cross it again.

No matter how many benefits your parents have given you before and after, or how many times they have praised you, the hurtful words they have said may leave scars that cannot be erased in your lifetime.

Children will inevitably make mistakes throughout their growth process.

If parents only know how to reprimand their children, then the children will instinctively resist instead of reflecting on the mistake itself. What parents need to do is not to scold their children, but to guide their children to analyze the reasons and start from the source.

Carefully understand why you do this, and help him analyze the adverse effects of doing so, so that he can understand the serious consequences. When parents do this, they may find that their child's behavior is actually excusable. .

How should parents communicate with their children? Here are some suggestions for you.

1. First of all, respect of.

They are an independent consciousness that exists in this world. They have their own thoughts and are independent individuals. Their brains will remember all their life experiences. We must respect children from the bottom of our hearts.

2. Negotiate with children

Some parents always like to remain dignified in front of their children and are used to treating their children with a superior-to-subordinate attitude. However, doing so often intensifies conflicts, which At this time, parents might as well put down their posture and don't always order their children, but negotiate with their children. Taking a step back may be a good way.

3. Communicate frequently with your children

Chat with your children as friends, listen more to your children’s thoughts, understand your children’s current mental state, express your approval and understanding, and share yourself experience.

4. Set rules for yourself

No matter how angry you are, don’t get angry immediately. When you want to get angry, separate from your child first, shut yourself up and calm down for ten minutes, and then come out to solve the problem. , it is more rational to deal with the problem after calming down.

5. Bear the natural consequences

Some people are like this. You tell him 10,000 times that boiling water will scald your hands, but you don’t let him touch it. How can he feel the pain once? It's better to let him touch it himself, and then he will pay attention to it. If you yell at him every day to get up, dress and eat, it is better to make him late once and be severely punished by the teacher. He will be more anxious than you in the future.

6. Timely communication and apology

We are not saints, and parents will always be unable to control themselves. If you yell at your child, please be sure to explain and apologize to him. When your parents yell at you, it's not your fault. It's because your parents didn't control their emotions. Ask your children what they want you to do next time and what they will do in the future.

Although parents sometimes do not yell at their children on purpose, if they can control their emotions and calm down and listen to their children, many misunderstandings and traumas will be avoided.

If you want to make your children understand the truth, yelling is of no use to them.

In the tense environment at that time, I will only be stunned by the yelling, and I will only remember the expression and tone when you yelled at him. As for what my parents yelled, I will completely forget it afterwards!

"If roaring works, donkeys will control the whole world." Although many people regard this sentence as a joke, it is still very appropriate here.

Yelling is just a way for parents to vent their emotions. A loud voice will only frighten the child and only temporarily intimidate the child.

The mother sees the immediate effect, so that she is more "enthusiastic" about yelling, but ignores the long-term irreversible damage to the child.

Therefore, parents should not educate their children in self-righteous ways. They should encourage their children when they should be encouraged and praise when they should be praised. Encouragement and praise should be greater than scolding. Only children who grow up in this environment will Getting better and better.

You think your children are disobedient, but in fact, they long to be heard, understood, and embraced, so please don’t let your roar overshadow your children’s calls for love!

If you want to stop yelling at your children or change your irritable self, control alone is not enough. You must rely on continuous learning, continuous strengthening, and slowly settling your own parenting thinking. It is a shortcut to accompany your children all the way.

After reading the article, I suggest you keep it in your collection and take it out to read whenever you can’t control your children.