Who tells a few jokes (self-knowledge, boring people don't come)

Once upon a time, Americans went sightseeing in Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel. He digs a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on ... The American was curious and asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole just after you dug it?" Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 2. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If you don't have the train ticket you want, will you obey the adjustment? Me: Obey. After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! ! School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? 3. Motorcyclists like to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle their buttons at the back to keep out the wind. One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road. When the police arrived ... Policeman A: What a terrible car accident. Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back. Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back. Policeman b: ok ... one, two, push, it's back. Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ... 4. I got up in the morning and saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! ! Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him in the past ... 7. Before marriage:? 0? He: Long live, finally! I can't wait! ? 0? She: May I leave? ? 0? He: No! Don't even think about it! ? 0? She: Do you love me? ? 0? He: Of course! ? 0? She: Will you betray me? ? 0? He: No, why do you think so? ? 0? She: Will you kiss me? ? 0? He: Yes! ? 0? She: Will you hit me? ? 0? He: Anyway! ? 0? She: Can I trust you? ? 0? Read from bottom to top after marriage! ? 0? 2 8. Is this the smell? 0? Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. ? 0? But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such terrible soup! "At first, my daughter-in-law always submitted to humiliation, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. ? 0? She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! That's the smell! " ? 0? 2 9. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I am dead, God help me!" " "When the light came on, I saw a voice from the sky:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead." 10, interview failed; What is the retail price of windows 7 Professional Edition in Chinese mainland? Me: 5 yuan Examiner: Go out, the word "give up the next one" has never appeared in my dictionary. I voted again and again and finally got an interview with Google. However, I went to Google for an interview and was kicked out after answering a question ... Examiner: Where did you get the news of Google interview? Me: Baidu examiner: Go out, the brother next door is depressed, but I still have to support myself first. Drag a friend to McDonald's to find a job. . But the other person is very abnormal, let me sing McDonald's songs. At this time, my brother smiled. I have known McDonald's songs since I was a child. So I opened my mouth and came: with KFC, life will be fine! Examiner: Going out ~ ~ ~ ~ McDonald's failed in the interview. My mother dragged someone to find a job in mobile customer service. My mom says this doesn't require technology. You should try it first. I agreed without thinking. The interview went well and the other party appreciated me. Finally, the examiner said to me, you are very good. Please leave your phone number so that we can inform you to go to work. Me: "132 ..." Examiner: Get out. . . . My heart is broken. . . Being unemployed for so long, eating and drinking at home. My family looked at me helplessly. Walking to a shopping mall, I saw Artie looking for a clerk. I think I should try. Examiner: Please tell us our slogan. I: Just do it. Examiner: Get out, next. Repeated failures did not dampen my confidence. I settled down to study hard and finally got into our local civil servants with excellent results. Still, there is a fucking interview. During the interview, I answered questions and saw the examiner's face. I think there is no problem with this job. When I am happy. The examiner asked me, young man, which historical figure do you like best? I answered without thinking: Little Shenyang! Examiner: Get out. This failure, I have a very important life consideration. Looking back on everything before, I finally found that the most important thing is that I answered some questions wrong. However, I have made the best preparation for this interview. Nokia's product department informed me that it took me a week to finish all the work. Even the slogan is not wrong: science and technology are people-oriented. The examiner was very satisfied and said that if there were no accidents, he could come to work tomorrow. At this moment, the phone rang and a discordant voice appeared: "Hello MOTO". Report the questioner's question 2011-02-2221:13 Your answer is quite good, but can you give me some incisive, few words and extremely funny ones? Three is enough! Supplementary whistleblower 2011-02-22 22: 411. African black girls travel to Shanghai and stay in hotels. Fire in the middle of the night. The African woman ran out quickly. A fireman was surprised to see it and said, my god, it's all burnt, running so fast! ! 2. The leader of an education bureau went to a middle school to take an exam, and announced to the students at the meeting: "To be fair, I will take the exam in Grade One this year, Grade Two next year and Grade Three the year after." All beings collapse. 3, we are studying chemical drip, or we can distinguish the taste of drip and detergent. tnnd in the canteen uses drip! 1. A friend recently bought a car and took us out for a walk. My friend and sister suddenly asked, Brother, your friend drives steadily. G: Yes. Look, another bike has passed. 2.a: Lobster and sea crab are fine. I like to eat them with shells! The waiter brought melon seeds. 3. A woman complained to her neighbor: Your son actually called me an old sow. Neighbor replied: I'm really sorry. He has seen too many cold jokes and his description is very bad. I often warn him that all appearances are not gold. 4.a: My ex-girlfriend was pregnant and asked me to borrow money for an abortion. Should I borrow it? B: You tell her that Mercedes-Benz 4S shop doesn't repair BMW. I have nothing to do on the plane. I wanted to be a stewardess in Doby, but I was ruined by the stewardess. When I delivered the meal, I said, do you have a tissue? MM took out a tissue from her pocket and handed it to me. By the way, do you have a toothpick? She took it out of her other pocket. Brother depressed asked you if you have disposable chopsticks? MM handed me chopsticks and said something that made me petrified: Do I look like Doraemon? 6. Xiao Qiang: What about the old poisoning on the Internet? A Dai: As long as you uninstall the antivirus software, you won't see the poisoning … really … I tried this method! How energetic! I don't talk to him about ordinary people. 7. There was a beautiful stewardess who was very smart, but she had a bad habit of farting, which was especially smelly. In an air service, the stewardess farted again. In an instant, the whole plane was filled with unpleasant smells. A passenger couldn't stand it, so he asked the stewardess, "Miss, why is it so smelly?" The stewardess was embarrassed, but she was afraid to admit it. Awkward. So the stewardess had a brainwave and replied, "Oh, this is normal, because our plane is flying over the ozone layer."