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Qian Feng's Cold Jokes

Hunan Variety "Everyday Up"-Qian Feng's Cold Joke 2009-10-121:141. A man was fishing and caught a squid.

Then the squid said, "Don't kill me, don't kill me, please let me go."

The man said, "well, I'll test you a few questions."

Squid said, "Take the exam, take the exam quickly!" " "

Then the man baked it. ...

2. Qian Feng: "Why is the penguin's belly white?"

Everyone is at a loss.

Qian Feng: "Because penguins have short hands, they can only touch the front when taking a shower."

A cake got lost in the forest and couldn't get out. Guess who encouraged him to go out?

Pigs, because of chocolate cake.

4. Qiu Lin = 90

A boy said his nickname was Jolin, and everyone began to think about the reason. Wang Han: Is it because the vegetables grow taller as soon as they get wet? Qian Feng: I know, because he is 1.90 meters. After that, it's like a cold wind blowing, and the boy keeps nodding wildly (dude, you know me ~ ~).

5. Once upon a time, there was a bird. He passed a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield.

All the corn turned into popcorn. When the bird flew by ... it thought it was snowing, so it was very cold. ...

6. Customer: "Why doesn't the wine you sell smell of alcohol?"

The waiter smelled it and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to mix your wine."

7. There is a steamed stuffed bun. He was hungry and ate himself.

8. A match is walking on the road. It felt that its hair was itchy, so it scratched its hair and caught fire.

9. One day, Xiao Qiang came home crying and said, "Mom, mom, everyone at school says my head is a kite."

Then my mother said, "How come? Won't it? Come and run with me. "

10. Qian Feng: Do you know the name of the tiger?

OD: Tiger

Qian Feng: Wrong! !

Everybody: What?

Qian Feng: Dandan!

Everyone:

Qian Feng: Because the tiger is Dandan.

1 1 ... A madman got a pistol from somewhere. He walked in a black alley. Suddenly I met a young man. Without saying anything, the psycho pressed him to the ground and pointed a gun at his head! Question: What is 1+ 1=? The young man was frightened! After thinking for a long time, I replied with trepidation: equal to 2''? That psycho shot him without hesitation! Then I held the gun in my arms and said coldly, "You know too much."

12. There is a female math teacher from Sichuan. Her Mandarin is OK, but "kiss" and "question" are always confused. Once she finished a question for us and asked everyone, "Do you understand? If you don't understand, you can get up and kiss me. " The students were all surprised when they heard it. Everybody look at me, I look at you. Nobody got up. She added, "Why, I'm embarrassed to get up and kiss, aren't I?" Hearing this, the students were even more shocked. Nobody asked, but they said, "I'm too old to kiss." Well, I won't come to my office after class and' kiss' me when no one is around. "

13. An American, a Japanese and a China are exploring the jungle. As a result, they were all arrested by cannibal tribes. But the tribal leader said, "I'm in a good mood today. I won't eat you, but you all have to get a hundred boards, but you can have a wish come true before you get a board." "Americans are the first to get the board. He said, "Before hitting the board, put 1 mat on my ass. "Mat, boards rained down; In the past, 70 boards were ok. After the 70-board back cushion was smashed and there was blood on the board ... America always left. When the Japanese saw this, they asked for a 10 mattress. After 1, 2, 3 ... 100, the Japanese got up and patted their ass, nothing happened; Then he boasted about his imitation ability and re-creation ability with a smelly mouth, and wanted to sit in a Chinese drama. China people get down slowly and say slowly, "Come, give me a Japanese mat. "

14. Son: "Dad, are you free on Friday afternoon?"

Dad: "What is it?"

Son: "The school will open a micro-parent forum!" "

Dad: "What is a micro-parent forum?"

Son: "Just the head teacher, you and me!" " "

15. A child came to a toy store with a fake paper money and wanted to buy a toy plane. The buddy said, "Son, your money is not real." The child replied, "Is your plane real?"

16. According to the requirements of the new school, transfer students must fill in the "Transfer Self-evaluation Form". In the column "Have you ever been punished for cheating in the exam", fill in the word "No". The next column is "explain why", and Liang Liang continues to write: "Never missed it".

17. There are five people walking side by side in the street. A billboard fell from the sky, but only three people died. Why?

Because that's McDonald's ("M")

18. "The number you dialed cannot be connected", why?

Because Ningbo is far from Beijing.

19. There is a man climbing the mountain.

When he was about to climb to the top of the mountain, a wolf tried to burn the rope with a burning candle. The man said a word and the wolf blew out the candle.

The man said, "Happy birthday!"

20. In the first phase of the college entrance examination star class, two girls were admitted to Fudan Mathematics Department, but they all said that their dream was to make a movie.

Wang Han: "I'm sorry, Fudan teachers. Our children in Hunan are like this. They took the math exam, but their dream is to make a movie. "

Qian Feng: "Now it's a digital movie!"

2 1. How much does a star weigh? 8 grams, because the star is 8 grams (Starbucks)

22. Once a group of young scientists came, a Beijing baby said that there were five poisons in his house, and spiders were weaving webs beside his bed. Then Qian Feng said, "One good thing is that there are no mosquitoes ..."

A cold wind blew, and Wang Han and Ou Di immediately got out of the way. Come on, let me give you a private interview.

Qian Feng walked up to the little scientist and asked coldly, Are there any mosquitoes in your house?

23. There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked.

Wang Han: "Turn 360 degrees."

Qian Feng: "Wow, it's hot!"

25. Wang Han: "The tea is cold." Ou Di: "No, Qian Feng didn't tell cold jokes. How can tea be cold! " Ou Di nudged him and said, "Xiaofeng, let's have a cold joke. "。"

26. The joke last night was that astronauts used adult diapers. Qian Feng quickly responded: "Adult diapers are not wet, give someone a name." Wang Han said coldly that they were not interested in knowing the answer, so they ignored him. However, Ou Di couldn't help it later and said, "Sorry, brother, I want to know Qian Feng's answer."

Qian Feng immediately stood up with excitement and pride-adult diapers, and package ~ ~ ~ adult! ! !

27. There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked.

28. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice and began to pluck his own hair when he was really bored. One ... two ... three ... Finally, there are none left. Suddenly, he cried ... It's so cold! ! ………………

29. A patient came to see a psychiatrist. Patient: I always thought I was a bird. Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start? Patient: Because I am a bird.

30. A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient: What would you do if I cut off one of your ears? The patient replied, then I can't hear you. The doctor listened: mm-hmm. It is normal. The doctor asked again, what if I cut off your other ear again? The patient replied, then I can't see it. The doctor is getting nervous. How could I not see it? The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

3 1. There are two mental patients. They escaped from the hospital.

They run and run. They climbed a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree.

Go away, go away.

Then he looked up and said to the man above, hey-why don't you come down?

The man above answered him: no-good-ah-

I'm not familiar with it.

32. There is an old lady in a mental hospital.

Wear black clothes and hold a black umbrella every day.

Squatting in front of a mental hospital.

The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start from understanding her.

So the doctor was dressed in black, took a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

The two spent a month in silence.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Excuse me-

Are you a mushroom, too

33. Once upon a time there was a man named Cai Xiao who was abandoned and rotted overnight ~ ~

34. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?" (It's cold enough,,,)

35. Xiaohong asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?

Xiaomei said: right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon.

36. The little snake asked Brother Snake in a panic .. "Brother, are we poisonous?" The snake said, "Why do you ask?"

The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

Once upon a time, Tomato A and Tomato B went shopping together.

Then one day suddenly a truck rushed out.

Squeeze the tomato nails through.

Tomato b laughs at tomato a.

[hahaha ketchup ~]

38. Wife: I am blind and will marry you if I step on shit.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ..

39. Stretch four fingers,

What is this?

Four,

Bend four fingers,

What is this?

wonderful

40. Woman: Put it on!

Man: It's better not to wear it.

Woman: Wear it safely.

Man: Trust my skills.

W: I won't let you go without it.

Man: You look like a man without it.

Woman: Are you bored? Will riding a motorcycle and wearing a helmet kill you?

4 1, a hungry wolf forages and hears a woman lecturing her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn and sighed, liar, women are liars!

42. One prisoner was shot. Because the bullet was inferior, the first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired ... the third shot ... At this time, the prisoner cried: Brother, you strangle me, it's really fucking scary!

43. After watching the Black 100 meter race, an old lady wiped it.