Send a joke to a circle of friends every day

1. You said you were always behind me, so did you pick up the money I dropped last time?

God didn't give me any great responsibility, but it still made me heartache and tired.

I am no longer a little girl who will be moved by one or two concerned news, at least I should give her a red envelope.

If I had known that life was so hard, I shouldn't have won the first place in the swimming competition 20 years ago.

The meaning of a holiday lies in a morning you can't afford, a late night when you can't sleep, and a day when you can't go out.

6. After washing your hair, take a few selfies even if you don't go out, otherwise it's not a white wash.

7. The teacher said that students should not fall in love early. What you say now will be someone else's wife in the future. As soon as I listen to it, I get excited when I think about other people's wives.

People like me, you have no choice but to spoil them.

9. I spent all my luck meeting you and never got a chance to get multiple-choice questions again.

10. I asked my deskmate: If Ma Yun gave you 100 million yuan to eat, would you do it? Deskmate: I'm not bragging. I can eat Jack Ma bankrupt.

1 1. Someone asked me what is the first beauty in my hometown? I replied: it's me.

12. The air purifier is the most pretentious household appliance I have ever seen, especially when we pretend to have a class in the classroom.

13. Don't hang yourself on a tree, try more trees nearby.

14. When you are sleepy because of your homework, tell yourself: That's your memorial, that's your country and that's your people. Then suddenly wake up, I want to be a generation of wise men!

15. Whoever dares to disturb my homework again, I will play with him.

16. Girlfriend is beautiful, handsome, smart, naive, brilliant, romantic, kind, lovely, slim, smart, watery, elegant, sexy, diligent, exquisite, lively, naive, selfless, pure and filial. Does she have no faults? One drawback is that she likes to play mystery. In my eighteen years of life, she has never appeared once.

17. If I don't say it, you won't understand. This is the distance. If I tell you and you don't understand, it only means that you are stupid.

18. The story of Meng Mu moving three times actually shows that she has a good son. If it were me, it would be useless to move it a hundred times!

19. Any beauty that you are praised by people has traces of pS.

20. The final review of Xueba before the exam is called checking for leaks, the medium one is called Jingwei Reclamation, and almost it is called Goddess Mending the Sky. I call it creation.

2 1. Don't be a fat man who can only play mobile phones when you are the best and youngest.

22. My cousin is only 9 years old, but he is good at playing computer. He met a woman while playing games. I call my wife online every day. One day, he told me that his wife asked him to give him money for equipment, so he dumped her, saying that she was too bad at housekeeping! I suddenly feel that he and I are not in the same class!

23. Are you dating anyone? I can't even afford an elephant, let alone a pair.

24. attention, everyone Some experts pointed out that if you sleep at night, you must remember to charge your mobile phone, otherwise you won't be able to shit the next morning.

25. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right road will be crowded.

26. If you get married and the groom is not me in the future, I will move next door to be a quiet old king.

27. I am fat to make you look thin; Before I lose weight and make you look bad.

28. The three most tangled sentences in class: Why do you study? Look at the blackboard! Why are you looking at the blackboard? Look at me! Why are you looking at me? Read a book!

29. Why do you quarrel? Can't we just sit down calmly and cut each other a few times?

30. Xiaoming failed in the exam. When he came home, his father saw him and gave him a good beating. He complained to his mother: What would you do if someone hit your son? Mother immediately replied: I will hit my son who hits him. Tell me, who hit you? The son said: nothing, I'm just asking.

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Wechat classic joke: I can't tell you what's good about you, just want to see you take a shower.

Funny talk in a circle of friends: teacher, which parent do you like, just say it, don't always hold parent-teacher meetings. Sorry, I won't bother you again.

Many people, suddenly no longer contact,

It has nothing to do with the importance, but it has something to do with whether or not to have an affair.

We have to admit that people put their tea cold,

Even if you leave for a short time, you leave when you leave.

Not all turn around, there are people waiting for you in the same place.

When you care, you don't even care about yourself

I don't care. I don't even care about myself.

What difference does it make if you don't care?

Aren't they all desperate?

Love is conditional, as long as you love me,

Otherwise, what qualifications do you have to enjoy my efforts?

Speaking of the afterlife,

Then your fate will break up in your life.

Some things have nothing to do with responsibility,

When did it happen? That may be just your wishful thinking.

Flowers bloom and fall, just for the result.

Good or bad, we should face it calmly.

Because that's what you've been after,

It's just that you may be disappointed in the end.

Maybe everyone's good night to you will be warmer,

There are also many people who say good night to you.

Or maybe the word good night has been given the meaning of I love you,

As for good night, it will be special.

But who can give you good morning every morning,

Never more than two,

Even if the literal meaning of good morning is not so gorgeous,

But the person who says good morning to you must love you very much.

Wechat friends circle poison chicken soup funny jokes

1. If having money is also a mistake, I'd rather repeat it.

I never knew how natural it was to let nature take its course, but I knew how realistic it was.

3. A man, poverty is not terrible, pretending is not terrible, and the most terrible thing is poverty.

4. Believe it, don't believe it, the whole fucking WeChat.

I really love you. It's a big adventure to tell you.

6. Watching time in bed every morning is not to get up, but to see how long you can sleep.

7. Never take advantage of small things or big things.

8. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to our grandchildren.

9. Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart anymore!

10. You engage in art, I engage in you. This is called deep art.

1 1. Women are trouble, and men like to ask for trouble.

12. Stupid or not, mainly depends on whether you can play dumb.

13. Women conquer men with stockings, and men conquer banks with stockings!

14. Don't drag in front of me, the blacklist will tell you that you are more exciting!

15. Whoever delays me for a while, I will make him regret it for life.

16. Men are not bad, women don't love them, men don't care, it's purely a decoration.

17. Talking about money doesn't hurt feelings, but talking about love hurts money the most.

18. Only women and heroes are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find.

19. Be patient or cruel. I won't hit you, you don't know that I am both civil and military.

20. I am happy for you if you are doing well, and I am happy for the whole world if you are not doing well.

2 1. I will try my best to realize my dream to make up for the cow I boasted when I was a child.

22. If you treat women as clothes, you will run naked sooner or later.

23. Women are good at makeup, while men are good at camouflage.

24. There are not many backstage people, and there are many backstage people.

25. True love is like a UFO, only heard of it, but no one has seen it.

26. Maturity is mostly prude, and naivety is true temperament.

27. When God closes a door for you, he will release a dog for you.

Wechat friends circle funny talk about paragraphs

First, it's raining. It's too hot in the room. You want to go out in the rain for a while. As a result, the original light rain immediately turned into heavy rain after you went out. What would you do? Ordinary youth: Er, ........................... went back to the house to change clothes. Literary youth: God saw me so pitiful and cried even harder. 2 13 The youth shouted: You did it on purpose! As a result, he was struck by lightning.

One day, a professor went up the mountain to exercise and knocked down a killer. The killer said: 500 yuan for a bullet, I can help you kill a person. Recently, the professor happened to find something wrong with his wife, so he took a telescope and looked at home. He saw his wife lying naked in bed, next to his neighbor. The professor said, you did both. The killer said, ok, where are you going to hit them? The professor said: My wife likes to nag at ordinary times. Just hit her in the mouth. As for my neighbor, just hit his penis! So the killer posed and prepared to shoot, but after a long time, he was indifferent. The professor asked: Why didn't you shoot? The killer said, shh, I saved you 500 yuan.

Second, I found 20 yuan on the bus today, and another person saw it. If you have to share it with me, I have no choice but to share it. When I bought breakfast, I found that this 20 yuan was mine. ...

Third, female: "I am your god horse?" Scientist: "You are my formula!" " "Woman:" Huh? So I am a formula. . . "Science man:" I can play you with sauce purple! " " ……

On the bus, a sister sat next to me with a dog. I looked at the dog and it looked at me. I looked and looked at me again. Then I got excited and kept staring at it. Suddenly, my sister said that you two knew each other.

My wife went back to her parents' house, and I was the only one at home. Late at night, I was suddenly awakened by a knock at the door. Hearing this, the vertical ears can't help but be creepy. The voice came from the next room, which was an empty room. It is said that the neighbor who lives next door wanted to move in two years ago, and before moving, someone died at home. At this time, I only felt that ghosts from one hundred horror movies I had seen were coming at me. I shivered and covered my head with a quilt, so I couldn't sleep all night. Getting up in the morning to open the door startled me. I saw my wife's dark circles under her eyes, raised her swollen right hand and stood at the door yelling at me: "Bastard, you don't answer the phone, you don't open the door, what do you want?" ! "

Six, those two diaosi are worse than their feet. One said that if I took off my shoes, everyone here would run away. The other said with a long smile, if I take off my shoes, none of them can run away.

7. The teacher of the human resource management course in the university is a woman. In class today, she said, "When I was a human resource manager in an enterprise, the employees were too old to move, and the young ones were too fierce, so I couldn't stand it ..." All the students who listened carefully laughed, and I also admitted that I was evil. (I sent it for the first time, I asked for it. )

One day, I asked a classmate, "What was XXX (another classmate in the class) in his last life?" "Pig." "What about you?" "people." "A person's last life will not be a person." "That's God." "If you are a God and God won't die, then you are still a God." "hmm? Death! " "Well, speechless?"

8. A tourist came back from Mexico and told his friend his adventure story: "It's horrible! You can't even imagine: there are Indians on the right, Indians on the left, Indians in front, and even Indians behind me. " "Then what did you do?" "What can I do? I have to buy a wool quilt recommended by them. "

Nine, the dry and cold in the north is a physical attack, and you can easily defend yourself by wearing more clothes; The wet cold in the south is a magical invasion. It's no use wearing more clothes. You should be resistant!

Ten, damn it, I can't sleep! A mosquito buzzed around. My son is only five months old and dare not light mosquito-repellent incense. He can only watch all the time to prevent his son from being bitten. Then I secretly opened my husband's quilt, hoping to feed him. Honey, I'm sorry. Am I bad?

1 1. My boyfriend is playing dota, but he never pays attention to his girlfriend. His girlfriend took the initiative to chat with him. He replied that he had lost all night. His girlfriend said it was because you ignored me and only knew that playing dota would not let you win. The boyfriend replied yes. My girlfriend asked, and then what should you do? Boyfriend replied, and gay friends angrily played computer mode to wash away his shame!

12. A college student studying as a tour guide and some friends went to visit the museum. In the ancient weapons showroom, he explained all kinds of weapons to his friends, and he was very happy. "This was used to attack the city in ancient times," he said, pointing to a grotesque wooden frame. "Soldiers can climb the city wall and attack the city." At this moment, the librarian of the museum came over and said apologetically, "This is not an exhibit, but a carpenter just pieced it together for us to clean the glass."

Thirteen, a MM loves rabbits very much and buys one every day. One day I looked at the rabbit and said, "Is this rabbit ready soon?" Let's eat spicy rabbit meat ... "MM said loudly," Don't you dare! Such as fattening ... "

Fourteen, out of the airport, aviation cried in a big mess. People were shocked to see such a beautiful boy crying pear with rain. Regardless of other people's eyes, the high-speed rail grabbed him and said fiercely, "If you cry again, I will kiss you in public." Aviation cried even harder: "punctuality is difficult, we can't go to Beijing at the same time!" " ""Idiot, I knew you were late. I drove in the middle and the power went out! "

Fifteen, one is called Lu, and two are called Lu. One person goes to bed, two people go to bed. One person's happiness is called loneliness, and two people's loneliness is called happiness. One person's love is called base, and two people's love is called base.

16. Reporter: Senior Meng Po said that your soup is the most effective "water of forgetfulness" in the world, but you gave it away for nothing. Isn't it a loss? Meng Po: Yes! Thanks! Business Times, where can I get it for free? No, I have already marked the price-forget to cook Meng Po soup, 100 yuan a spoonful, authentic flavor, excellent effect! In addition, Naiheqiao advertises for rent, and those who are interested are interviewed.

17. The shortest science fiction story in the world: The last man on earth was alone in a room when he remembered the knock at the door. The shortest love story in the world: old man, I don't regret following you all my life. The shortest ghost story in the world: I played with rock, paper and scissors in front of the mirror and won. The shortest yellow joke in the world: michel platini, I want more!

18. Continue to send the story of going over the wall and surfing the Internet ~ Our junior high school is a private school, next to ordinary residents. When my classmate (fatty) and I climbed over the wall and went out to surf the Internet, we were the first to jump over and step on the roof of the house next door. The fat man walked behind for a long time, and I vaguely heard a bang. The fat man came out and I asked what was going on. He didn't say a word, as if he had stepped on something soft, and went out to play all night without paying attention. The next day, the aunt next door stuck her waist in the school square and scolded: Who trampled my pig to death! ! !

Nineteen, my husband and classmates are drinking tea at my house. One of his male classmates got up and said, I started drinking water and drank too much. I responded that there was no paper in the toilet, so I took a box of paper and sucked it in. He turned his head and replied viciously: I don't need paper, I just shake it ... The whole house laughed ... hee hee ... It's true, I pleaded. ...

Twenty, the first time, please! When I was in junior high school, my English teacher was a beauty. She often wears flesh-colored stockings and miniskirts. I sit in the front row with my deskmate. This is the background! Once in an English class, the teacher asked for leave and didn't come. As soon as I saw it, I told my deskmate decisively: "Look, there is blood in the middle of the teacher's leg." Who knows that Hall's deskmate took a look and said in a voice that the whole class could hear, "Teacher, your leg is bleeding. Do I have a band-aid? " The teacher said shyly, "Xiao Ming, come to my office after class and lie down for a while ..."

Twenty-one, "It's raining. Many fools in the mental hospital bathe in the rain with towel soap, and Tom is the only one watching on the windowsill. Someone asked curiously, Tom, what are you doing? Tom said, "Those fools are very stupid. I'll wait until the water is hot. "

22. I remember when I was in junior high school, I drank Sprite in front of my deskmate every time, thinking, look at me, Sprite costs 3 yuan, and my deskmate still drinks mineral water every day. ..... I didn't know until now that she had been drinking Kunlun Mountain.

Twenty-three Recently, it was a hit in ipartment. I: Sister, do you know that Ceng Xiaoxian is actually Chen Kaige's nephew? My sister gave me a particularly disgusted look and said, how is it possible? Zeng, Chen Kaige, Chen. What a good nephew! I froze instantly, and it took me half a minute to react. Damn it, the real name of the person who plays Ceng Xiaoxian is Michael Chen! I'm in a big trouble!

24. I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. Every day when I go out, I can't help but go back and check whether the door is locked. To overcome this problem, I'm going out of the window now. . .

25. My girlfriend sent me a short message on Singles Day, wishing me a happy holiday. I said, "I have a girlfriend, honey, I'm not single." The girlfriend said, "Now you are."

Twenty-six, seek to hide. On that day, the family had dinner at my uncle's house, and my uncle's son and my cousin were also there. My aunt is very kind to me. My father joked that I should call my aunt and mother. At that time, I didn't know why I said stupidly: close relatives can't get married ... the scene was quiet for three seconds.

Twenty-seven, how can we teach children to learn to be honest and clean? We can't even teach members of Congress.

Twenty-eight, take a taxi with your girlfriend. At the place of 16, my girlfriend began to rummage through her bag. I have a full 20 pounds here and gave it to the driver. Tell your girlfriend later; Keep the change. The driver said "thank you" ... Nima ~

Woman: Let's get started. What if my husband suddenly comes back? Man: It's raining now, and your husband won't come back. Besides, my horse is waiting for me downstairs. If your husband comes back suddenly, as soon as I whistle, God will meet me downstairs and I will jump out of the window, haha. Suddenly thought of knocking at the door, the man whistled and got up and jumped out of the window. The woman hurriedly opened the door, and when she saw it was a horse, the horse said, I'm sorry, please tell the master that it's raining too hard outside, so I came in to take shelter from the rain.

30. Taking the elevator on the same floor as a girl, she farted in a slightly exaggerated voice and then looked at me directly with puzzled eyes. I said angrily, "Is there a third person here? Who is it for? " Then she turned away. ...

Thirty-one, the husband said to his wife: Wife, let me discuss something with you! Wife: Honey, what's the matter? Husband: Your mother, can you keep your Fu Yan Jie away from my Head & Shoulders next time?

Thirty-two, Pig Bajie asked Yue Lao: "Why don't you let me marry Miss Gao Jia?" Old Yue replied, "She is a human being and you are a demon. I'm afraid you were born a shemale! "

Thirty-three, Daqiang has five in his thirties. He lives on the side of the road and has three wheels. He has no wife and children, but Daqiang has an upward heart and dreams of becoming an entrepreneur like Li Ka-shing. After a night of hard thinking, Daqiang thought of a way to realize his dream-raising chickens. So Daqiang kept a flock of chicks in captivity. In order to develop good habits for chickens, honk the car horn several times before feeding every day. Months passed, and as soon as Daqiang honked his horn, the chickens scrambled to find food. After working hard for half a year, the results are finally coming out, looking at the big Ben, BMW and Audi that roared past the door. . . Listening to the arrogant horns of those luxury cars, Daqiang showed a simple and honest smile and silently opened the door of the henhouse. . . . .

Cats and pigs are good friends. One day, the cat fell into the hole and the pig brought the rope. The cat told the pig to throw down the rope, so it threw down the whole bundle. The cat was very depressed and said, "How can I pull it up if I throw it like this?" The pig said, "What else can we do?" The cat said, "You have to hold the rope!" " As a result, the pig jumped down and said with another rope, "Now!" "The cat cried. ...

Thirty-five, during military training, a man fainted and many people surrounded him. There is an experienced boy outside, shouting, "Pinch someone! Stuffy! " The girl closest to the man thought for a long time, made great determination and accurately caught the man's penis.

Thirty-six, my nephew went to kindergarten and said to him, dad, you should be good to your mother in the future. I will give my girlfriend a piece of meat to eat when I have lunch at school! The whole family was fooled _

Thirty-seven, the mother bird burst into tears, and the male bird said angrily, "How many times have I told you that this ring was worn by the Bird Research Station, not a wedding ring! I'm not married! "

It is said that Gaddafi shouted after his arrest. He kept repeating a sentence: "I am fake! I am fake! " The soldier was somewhat convinced and casually asked, "Where is it really?" Gaddafi said something that he regretted for life: "It was really in China." The soldier's face was silent. He raised his gun and aimed it at Gaddafi. He said, "China has never seen the real thing!

At thirty-nine, the manager told a joke, and all his colleagues laughed, except one. His colleague asked him, why don't you laugh? He said: I have resigned.

Forty, after dinner, I agreed to go for a walk with my husband. When I was about to go out, I found that the crotch of the trousers he was wearing was cracked. Because I couldn't find a needle and thread and didn't mend it, I asked him to change it. Who knows that the husband confidently said in front of his son: "Who dares to look at my crotch?" I killed him. "Then casually and went out. ...

Forty-one, at the dinner party that day, one of my female colleagues dressed up in fashion and came to ask me if I looked good. I said: same as sunflower! She said: Are you saying that I am naive, beautiful or cute? My forehead is black, I mean, you find one day.

Forty-two, just now at my friend's house, her cat was sleeping behind my ass. I drank too much beer and farted on the cat's head. As a result, the cat stood up, slapped its front paws in front of its eyes and fell back flat! My friend rushed it to the pet hospital. Just called and said that the cat was poisoned by alcohol. Let me visit and apologize to the cat.

43. The dog said to the kitten, Guess how many sweets are there in my pocket? The kitten said, you guessed it. Can you give it to me? The dog nodded: well, I guess I'll give it to you two! The kitten swallowed and said, I guess five dollars! Then, the dog smiled and put the candy in the kitten's hand, saying, I still owe you three dollars.

Forty-four, I overheard three single girls chatting at the party. The dialogue is summarized as follows: a: I work in a wedding dress shop and every man has to get married; B: I am even worse. I worked in a kindergarten and met a man who was the father of a child. C smiled: What are you? I work in the emergency room, and everyone is dying. Sure enough, every older young woman has a difficult life circle.

Forty-five years old, I haven't seen my brother Huo Yier for several years. I happened to go to his place on business. He is so enthusiastic, eating, drinking and having fun. He also played cards with me until about four or five in the morning the next day! I started work after seven o'clock, but I came back before 1 1! He said: Mahler Gobi, I fell asleep by car when I went there, and I arrived at the terminal! Thinking about getting back to work, I fell asleep at the terminal again ... and took a fart class!