A humorous joke full of philosophy

0. Niu Ren was stopped by the traffic police: "Comrade, you pressed the line."

The driver looked down at the line and cursed: "I didn't run it over for you!" "

The traffic police fainted, and the cattle man refueled and slipped away.

Soon, another traffic policeman stopped the cow. After the cow got off the bus, the traffic police said, "Comrade, you drink and drive."

The driver sneered: "Does beer count as wine? So you say soy sauce is also oil? Japanese are human, too? "

The traffic police fainted again, and the cow ran away.

1. When a hungry wolf was looking for food, he heard a woman training her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn and sighed, liar, women are liars!

2. A prisoner was shot. Because the bullet was inferior, the first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired ... the third shot ... At this time, the prisoner cried: Brother, strangle me, it's really fucking scary!

3. After watching the black 100 meter run, an old lady said with tears that she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, but they fired without aiming. The children ran in fear, and the rope couldn't stop them!

Mr. Huang loves revolution. To commemorate the Red Army, he named his son Jun.. One day, he sent his son to class, and when he saw that the No.8 bus had stopped, he shouted to his son: Huang Jun, run, the No.8 bus is coming! ~~~

A bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer. When the bear came to the mountains, he met a tiger. He was so scared that he held a sickle and a hammer over his head. The tiger said, I didn't see it, but you are still party member!

6. Farmers carry feces. The foreigner looked at it and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce? The farmer didn't say anything. The foreigner put a little in his mouth with his hand and thought, I won't tell you how much it is a catty, and I won't tell you that your sauce stinks.

7. One day, Xiaoming put a plaster on his hand.

The teacher asked: What happened to your hand?

Xiao Ming said: It's broken.

The teacher said: Why?

Xiaoming said: Because I am too lazy.

The teacher said: Too lazy will break your hand?

Xiao Ming said: I was walking on the road and my shoes hit a stone.

But I'm too lazy to do it by hand,

Just shake your feet with a telephone pole and let the stone fall out.

Passers-by thought I was electrocuted and hit my hand with a wooden stick.

therefore .................

Teacher: ............

8. Party A, Party B and Party C went out together, and Party A caught a cold …

Everyone sleeps in a bed at night, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night ... A sniffled,

B-C's whole face is the crystallization of a.

Let us know next time ...

Half an hour later,

A: Attention. ...

Hearing this, B and C quickly got into the quilt.

And make sure there is no contact with the outside world. ...

As a result, a fart.

9. Once with several classmates.

Go to the high school teacher's house to see him,

An old man, and when he left,

We left some fruit for our teacher.

But the teacher held the monitor's computer bag tightly and said:

"Look, come and see what I brought. ...

Just leave it at the door. "

10. Take a taxi with friends to meet netizens.

When time is running out,

A friend pointed to an ugly girl not far away and said to the driver,

"See that woman?"

"See, stop here?"

"No, kill her! ! ! "

1 1. The manager of a company asked his secretary to forward the official document to his boss:

"Report the boss, there will be a batch of orders in Europe next month.

I think the company needs to bring someone to have a meeting with them. "

The boss simply signed "go to the head" at the back of the official document.

Upon receipt, the manager immediately instructed his subordinates to buy the machine.

I plan to travel. I'm packing.

On the day of departure, I was stopped by my secretary.

Secretary: "What are you going to do?"

Manager: "Go to Europe for a meeting!" " "

Secretary: "Does the boss agree?"

Manager: "Didn't the boss say to give me a head start?"

Secretary: "After coming to the company for so long,

Don't you know the boss's English level?

The boss means: go to the head! "

12. A brother likes fish.

Wal-Mart has a kilo of perch 9 yuan.

If you die, it's 7.20 on ice,

As fresh. A brother got off work,

I rushed to buy it, but I was often bought.

Some brother is waiting in front of the fish tank,

Sometimes they don't die for a long time.

A brother fished it in with a net and hit the fish on the head with his hand.

The waiter couldn't take it anymore,

To tell this brother:

"Sir, fainting is not ..."

13. I am an old woman in her fifties.

One day I visited the boys' dormitory,

It happened that a boy was running around in the field without anything on ~

Be seen by Ban Ren.

Jump on the bed with a loud cry at once,

Cover the quilt ~

Ban Ren left a word and went away:

I've never seen anything at my age,

What's your name? ~

This classmate is extremely cold-! ! !

14. One day, Mr. A took a shit in the toilet.

I don't think I can pull it out,

Scream in the toilet.

At this moment, Mr. B outside heard it.

So loudly sings:

"I can't pull it out!"

more importantly,

C jun immediately went on to sing:

"If you can't pull it out again, just dig it by hand!"

Since then, this song has become an indoor song in our dormitory.

15. The graduate campus and undergraduate campus in Peking University are separated.

Graduate students are in a campus called Wanliu.

On the undergraduate campus,

There is a bicycle parking lot in Xiaoximen, the headquarters of Peking University.

Specially prepared for graduate students,

The wall says "Wan Liu classmate parking place".

I used to live there with a friend,

Given his clumsiness,

Finally struggled along while, finally asked me doubtfully:

Who do you think this Wan Liu classmate is? That's awesome. There are so many bicycles! "

16. Just started school,

There is a new English teacher,

He asked us to answer all questions in English in the future.

Then he began to call the roll: 65438 +0.

He shouted.

Our class has arrived at 1,

Shout: Here we are! The teacher said:

Please use English! (Please answer in English)

My classmate scratched his head,

Suppressed along while answered a sentence:

Lead ~ ~ ~ (pronounce the second sound)