Tell some jokes.

1. Senior at university, studying educational psychology. Walk into the classroom late ... Glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked her to answer the questions on the blackboard. Senior sister hesitated for a long time: "This is too difficult to talk about." The whole class is nervous.

(note. Professor's original title:)

2. Listen to your classmates,

Once a girl in her dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins.

Say to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.

The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food?

Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. . .

3. One of my classmates has been reviewing the computer level 3 exam. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car! (in the middle)

4. When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and said, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable to that of the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..."

6. I ate slowly, and one day I was hungry in a rice noodle shop.

Finally, I couldn't bear to strike the table and roar. I wanted to say no to rice noodles, so I lifted the table!

The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "

The whole store was silent for 3 seconds, and then burst into laughter under the table ... shame. ...

7. When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I'll go out!"

8. I once went to buy mutton kebabs

Hold out four fingers and say "three kebabs" to the boss.

The boss received "How much?"

I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

9. Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

10. I once booked a hotel for my boss and wanted to ask him if he had free internet service. I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked him, "Do you have any special services here?" "

The other party: "What? Special service We are a regular hotel! "

-__-! ! ! !

1 1. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" (Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed until I sprayed the soup.

12. When cooking at noon, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!" "

13. A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't reacted yet ~ ~ ~ ~!

14. The physics teacher said, "This is a thick spring. I pushed it from both ends to see if it was thickened (constipation). "

15. Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card?

16. Our colleague went on a business trip, so the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating across the street, so it's free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet administrator, "I'm here for dinner!" " "

17. I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the festival. Because the holidays these days are too chaotic, I don't know the content of the order, so I ask: What are you?

18. A friend of mine has just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes, and he is very interested in "fighting the dog against the man" and often plays jokes on others.

One day, as usual, he. Kicked a man and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!" " "

19. I went out to work during the holidays in high school.

I want to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant.

I'm nervous because I'm a child, and this is my first job.

Originally I wanted to ask the manager if he needed a job, but I also wanted to say that it would be more subtle to ask him if he needed manpower.

The result said, "Manager, do you need a beater here?"

I almost found a hole to get into.

20. Once I went to the market to buy food for a dinner party, a Korean friend bought lettuce, 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change to the vendor, and he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-

"I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair."

The peddler was speechless, and it took a long time to answer-

I don't want your hair.

2 1. The manager usually tells smokers at the meeting that all smokers are strangled! !

22. I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The tie asked, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. The colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" I'm dizzy ~ ~ ~ ~

23. My colleague asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how can apes exchange it with Japanese yen?

24. Several guys in the dormitory watched Prison Break. A man took out a blade from his mouth to kill someone. The boss suddenly jumped out: "I am K, and I can still talk with my mouth hidden in the blade. I am convinced." . . "

25. One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the dining table to the side. My brother hasn't moved for a long time. When my mother was in a hurry, she said this:

"Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table two kilometers to the side. "

=_=! ! !

After the impassioned speech by the trade union chairman, the last sentence reached a climax: Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell.

27. I went to the cinema to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. There was a trailer for Transformers before the movie started. I can't remember Megatron when I see the dementor leader, and I can't remember that his team is called Decepticons. Because I was so excited, I was a little exclaimed, "How handsome! It's eight days in the south! "

What's terrible is that it was suddenly very quiet at that time without any movie sound effects, and many people stared at me and laughed ... what a pity!

29. Have dinner with a group of friends

One of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was depressed, drank a lot of beer, and then stood up with a loud cry.

Brother! Not for sale! ! !

I think what I'm trying to say is that brothers are not for sale

At that time, more than a dozen people at our table were lying down.

29. I'm so tired that I'm exhausted from eating shit ...

30. My colleague had just started eating when the phone rang. She said, I'm Kao Hua, and I'll come to dinner as soon as I finish the phone call.

3 1. A leader said, "I wish you good health ..." Hold your breath, and there is nothing more to say.

In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... class be quiet.

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate.

I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "

What's more, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "

34. Drink with leaders and others, raise your glass and say loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain was too hot. ......