Super funny jokes (read a few jokes that make you laugh)

First, people in our same office don't want to eat takeout for lunch, so we agreed that everyone should bring a dish so that we could taste other people's cooking. Needless to say, several dishes are fresh and delicious. But they didn't let me take part in it two days ago, so Nima mustard tuber is not a dish? ……

Second, at school, I liked a girl for a long time. She has too many suitors, and there seems to be no other confession to impress her. After raising the national flag on Monday, as the vice president of the Student Union, I should have read an inspirational article. But I still shouted out, "Li Jing of Class Three, I like you, be my girlfriend ..." In an instant, the playground was boiling, and soon the class teacher of Class Three said to her, "Stop shouting, she asked for leave today. ...

I met a car accident when I went out in the morning. A young man met an old man. The young man lay down directly. When the old man saw him, he lay down by himself. After a while, he stood up and said forget it. I won't correct you, so don't correct me. I left. At this time, the traffic police came over and said that you can't leave if you want to. You killed someone. . .

4. My mother said I was ugly, and I couldn't get married in the future. She thought her father would speak for me and looked at him piteously. He said, "I've been looking for you as a lover all my life, so don't count on me in this life." I am a man with a wife. "

I think I've drunk too much, old rice said to the waiter, bring me something to sober up! Ok, the waiter said, I'll get the bill right away.

6. My mother: "What can you do besides eating?" Me: "I will be hungry!" " My mother: "Get out. . . There is no food for you at home in the future! "

Seven, get up in the morning and brush your hair in a daze. My mother asked, "Do you have lip balm? Your dad's lip is cracked, I'll wipe it for him! " While talking, I handed a colorless lipstick, and it took me a long time to react. No, that lipstick seems to be a discolored lipstick ... When I hurried out, my father had walked to the elevator with a briefcase and a suit and tie, and the pink on his lips had surprised everyone. ...

8. Southerners say it's 3 degrees cold today, while Shandong people laugh: We are 3 degrees below zero. Beijingers also smiled: Our temperature is-0/3 degrees. Heilongjiang people smiled: Our temperature is 23 degrees below zero. After hearing this, the southerner sneered: "I said indoors!"

Teacher: Next, please communicate freely in English and think of yourself as an Englishman. Me: Hey, old chap. Deskmate: Hey. I said, what happened? Me: Not bad. I think it would be better if I didn't have to take such boring classes. Then the English teacher came to us. Deskmate: Oh, my God ... I swear that the angry expression of this old woman really scared me ... we were standing in the classroom.

10. There is a girl in the circle of friends who started to raise silkworms some time ago, and then began to dry silkworms every day, feed mulberry leaves, clean up silkworm droppings, and be as considerate as taking care of her own children. In this way, in her photo, she watched the silkworm baby from breaking the shell to spinning and cocooning. . . I'm looking forward to the moment when I turn cocoons into vegetables. Just yesterday, she baked a dish in a circle of friends: fried silkworm chrysalis! Me. . .

I am willing to be bullied by my wife every day. Do you know why I don't scold back? Let's just say that my father-in-law had seven brothers, and then she had 12 cousins. She is the only girl in this generation. By the way, she has a younger brother. So, if she kills me, I won't fight back, because this is love.

Twelve, take the bus, next to a beautiful girl, because of sitting for a long time, the weather is hot, my sister and I are sleepy, watching her sleepy head keep burning down. I summon up courage: Sister, are you sleepy? Sleep on my shoulder. Don't tell me, this trick really works, sister is not sleepy at all!

Thirteen, I went to dinner with my brother yesterday and saw a notice saying that 8 yuan was enough 13 yuan. My brother pulled me in without saying anything, and then the boss came over and asked us something. My brother directly took out 21 yuan and said that I should eat well. I was struck by thunder on the spot.

14. My husband came home from school with his son, and when he saw me sitting on the sofa crying, he rushed forward to care. What happened? This is ... I carefully cover my stomach: my stomach hurts, it hurts ... My husband looks distressed and my son disdains to say, Dad, don't be fooled. My mother's hand is not my stomach at all, and she may not want to cook at night. ...

Fifteen, cousins are typical idiots! At the family reunion that day, I saw my cousin holding a splint with one hand and asked her what was wrong. She looked at her husband indignantly and said, domestic violence, domestic violence, domestic violence ~ yo-ho! We two brothers couldn't sit still, so we brought my brother-in-law for trial and asked him, "Come on, which hand did it?" I have a big temper! "My brother-in-law covered his face and said," I hit him in the face. "