Ask jokes about "shit"

"What else?"

"Bullshit."

"What else?"

"Is there anything else? ..... ah! Hello rogue! " (blushes)

"What do you think? I mean, you can also clip off the stool! "

One night, a soldier got up to take a shit at night, and there was no light in our toilet. He had to go to the toilet in the dark. When he was halfway through the solution, he found someone touching his ass, which scared him to run to the security sergeant without wearing pants and shouted, "An Guan! An Guan! Someone touched my ass in the toilet! "

An Guan: Is there such a thing? ! Don't tell anyone, I'll take care of it. Go back to sleep first! "The next day, the security officer told the monitor about it. The squad leaders were afraid of affecting the morale of the troops and decided to catch ghosts together next time.

I haven't been haunted for a week. ......

One night, another soldier went to the toilet. When he squatted down, he felt someone touching his ass. This time, he shouted even louder. All the monitor got up to flush the toilet, some with sticks and some with brooms. There are seven or eight people around the door of the urinal, and the door is full of lights. Everyone wants to see what's inside. Just then, one monitor opened the door and the other monitors looked in. All the squad leaders were dumbfounded, stunned for about three or four seconds, only to hear the squad leader say, "XXX is happy!" ! What the hell? Touch your ass! It's all shit! ! !

Make an appointment to relieve yourself.

One day, Zhang, a company employee, suddenly had a stomachache and wanted to relieve himself, but he thought it was too boring to go to the toilet alone, so he asked his colleague Xiao Li to go with him. Xiao Li didn't want to go, so Xiao Zhang sent a QQ to Xiao Ali, and wrote:

Brew it. It's all shit. Squatting for a while every day can keep you healthy.

Xiao Li also wrote a poem:

Although I have no desire, I am willing to go with you. Although shit doesn't come out, it can pull the large intestine.

Xiao Zhang was very happy, so he went on to write:

True brothers, thank you for your tears. Don't feel that shit stinks, which shows high righteousness.

Xiao Li immediately replied to a poem:

There's so much nonsense, don't be wordy, get up quickly and finish your spirits.

Xiao Zhang had a little work at hand, so he hurried to do it and replied:

Shit makes people anxious and can't help it. Hold my breath again ~ ~ ~ "Poof ~ ~" is coming.

4. It's embarrassing to shit at a friend's house.

Finished, no paper;

Finished, there is paper, but there is no water;

After pulling, there is paper and water, but it can't be washed;

Finished, there is paper and water, washed down, but fucking floated up again ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

5. demonstrate! I can't be happy to die.

Because of the hot weather, I took a cigarette and went to the toilet (large). As soon as I squatted down, my stomach crashed, which made me proud. ...

Suddenly I found that I didn't bring toilet paper, and I didn't even have the newspaper I liked to bring to the toilet ... and because it was too hot, I only wore NK and my coat to the toilet. This is called sweating and cold! ! !

Fortunately, God gave me a thinking brain. So a helpless and unprecedented idea was born: I will teach you how to survive! How to wipe PP with cigarette butts;

Put out the cigarette first (otherwise it will burn pp drops ...)

Then carefully pull out the cotton sliver of the filter tip (a little yellow …) and carefully divide it into three parts.

Then grab one end of the first torn tampon with your fingertips, carefully wipe off the larger residual poop particles on pp with the other end, and then repeat this action with the other two (be careful and gentle so as not to get the poop on your hands ...)

P.S. GM may feel a little stinging in the process (because GM never smokes ...)

Finally, cover the cigarette end with yellow paper outside the filter tip (spread area is 2× 2 cm >: GM surface area, don't say you still have it, don't let you die ugly) and stick it on your index finger for the last time.

Okay, it's almost clean. You can go back and get the paper and wipe it again (if the technology is not in place or you are not at ease).

6. Pig blood cake

Xiaomei especially likes to eat pig blood cake. Every time I see a stall selling pig blood cakes on the roadside, she will definitely buy them. One day, she saw a woman in her sixties selling on the road and went to buy food. After eating, she found that the pig blood cake was extremely delicious, so she wanted to pay her highest respects to her grandmother.

(Answer in Taiwanese)

May: "Grandma, why does your pig blood cake smell so good?" 」

Grandma: "the materials are very expensive, and they can only be sold for a few days a month." 」

America: "Wow! Where did you get such precious materials? 」

Grandma: "Alas, mine has been used for decades, and now it's old and gone." Now it's my daughter's turn. 」

Beauty: "*&; Percent @

7. Hell

When a person dies and goes to hell, children will guide him to choose his own cell.

In the first room, a group of men and women were soaked in boiling water. They were all raw. A won't go in even if he is dead.

The second room was not much better. The people in it were separated by the head and feet bitten by wild animals, but A refused.

When they came to the third room, a group of people were drinking tea in a waist-deep cesspit. A thought it was acceptable and went in.

After a while, the kid came in and announced, "Please resume your handstand posture after tea time."

8. Swimming pool for help

A friend of mine.

He said, "Go! Please go swimming! "

I said, "No!"

He said, "Why?"

I said, "The water is so dirty that they all pee in it."

He said, "Then let's pee in it!"

I said, "No."

Then he went by himself.

Call me after playing for less than half an hour.

He said, "Give me that 300 yuan. I was caught peeing.

I said, "How can anyone arrest me?"

He said: "People pee in the water and I pee on the platform."

The next day, I had no face to sneak in again. Call me again in half an hour.

He said, "Give me that 300 yuan, and I'm caught peeing again.

I said, "I caught it again."

He said, "Don't mention it. I pee in the water. Yesterday, I was fined 300 yuan and was ignited. I have a yellow line when I pee! "

On the third day, I went again. Call me again in half an hour.

He said, "Give me that 300 yuan, and I'm caught peeing again.

I said, "I caught it again."

He said, "Don't mention it. I caught a cold yesterday and took a shit when I peed."