Who has Asakusa Chiba's Possible Events of Youth? Published in "bud"

one

At that time, I really didn't know who she was or why I fell madly in love with her. On a rainy night in late summer, when I was bored looking up at the night sky, she was lying in my arms. Her lips will touch me, and then she says, "Are you tired?"

"tired"

Then sleep like this.

I clearly understand that this is a love poem copied from Japan, but no one will stand up at that time. I held her face in my hand, tears flowed gently, and my red eyes seemed to accuse. She dried everything for me and smiled and said, "Silly child, it's not worth it for an old woman."

Really, senior?

As soon as I entered the university, the surrounding environment was very different. There is no pure one, and a terrible depression is coming to me. No one can rely on and no one will help you. Everyone is like a boat in the wind and rain; Or, young sailors, sailing carefully in the deep sea with dense reefs.

"Is it that terrible?"

The seniors always laugh at me for saying this. Then patted me on the head and shook my head with a smile. Then we said nothing and reclined in the golden sunset. I feel like a baby in my arms.

There are many tall palm trees in my university, which once stood so thick on my shoulders. They stood in my silly youth, trying to steal all my good memories. The only time I remember them is when I think of those years with my seniors. Senior fell in my arms, and I lay beside her face. We temporarily forgot the damn calculus and linear algebra, and finally forgot the ridiculous English Band 4 and Band 6. We just sat there and did nothing. I just want to lie there all the time, just like two koalas.

However, one morning when cherry blossoms were in full bloom, she asked me to talk under the tree. I went to the appointment in high spirits, but she punched me. I just want to lie on her cheek as before, but she turns her face away and faces each other coldly. This makes me puzzled. "Senior, what's wrong with you?"

"It can't go on like this."

"What's the matter?"

She said nothing, as if the sky were falling. I didn't say anything, but it seemed that I was in a passive position and she was going to eat me alive. After a while, she was in tears, but she smiled and said to me seriously: "How is it possible? How could this happen! ? "

To this day, I don't understand how this is possible or how it happened. I deceived myself with the idea of eternal reincarnation and said to myself, how could such a thing happen to anyone? Just like winning the lottery, God attracted me. So Satan came to my heart. He lurks in every corner of my heart. Finally, one day, he will occupy my fragile soul for a long time and make me inexplicably depressed for life.

two

I don't know exactly how I met my senior.

The school was a mess all day. The university campus with mixed crowds is like a hypermarket full of fragrance and vitality. Everyone is selling their smiles and flattery. Everything is new, which undoubtedly caught my attention. Carrying a heavy bag, walking silently in the lonely and noisy campus, the zoo is of course nothing more. My parents waved goodbye, but I was alone. Are you used to being alone? I asked myself calmly.

"Brother, can I help you?"

I shook my head and refused the help of good people. Everyone refused to help, from getting off the plane to looking for a school, everything was done by one person. Don't involve anyone else at all. I shook my head, shook my head again and refused everyone's help.

"Brother, what can I do for you?"

Subconsciously raised his head and saw the smiling senior in front of him. However, I still silently shook my head, and I was used to that strange self. "Junior, let me help you."

I don't know when she took my hand. Subconsciously, I began to struggle and get angry. I even cried and said, "I told you I didn't need your help!" " "

Everyone around me turned to look at me, whether it was a smiling freshman or a smiling senior.

Every time I think of it, my mind is always full of empty images, and the past is unbearable. Whenever I fall asleep after eating instant noodles, whenever I am in the study room where I can see the football field in the distance, the pink smile of the teacher elder sister immediately appears in front of my eyes. I remember her face from far and near, from small to large, clearly pressing in my eyes. She ordered me in a rude tone: "Give it to me."

"Give it to me."

The tone is completely non-negotiable, as if I must obey her, otherwise it would be a big mistake. Then I reached out to show my surrender, and then she smiled to show her victory. I have never told anyone about this past. For the teacher elder sister, it seems that from that moment on, she smiled and won all the victories for me. She said to me, "From that moment on, I was destined to conquer you. Anyway, I have decided. "

three

As boring as I thought, I started my college life. Living in a strange dormitory, the communication between boys and girls is extremely active. Through the thin wall, I seem to hear the sound of girls taking a bath. Hide quietly, motionless. Then a person cried quietly.

So the Shandong man who I later called the old demon stood in front of me and smiled at me with surprise. He must be thinking, is this boy choking? Never seen a woman. In fact, I was embarrassed and had to smile at him. He turned to look at no one. It sounded like he was with me.

Our dormitory and girls' dormitory are together. When taking a bath, we can often hear the sound of running water next door. How happy the girls over there are. But we can only listen to the sound. It's disgusting to think that my first communication with my college classmates began like this. Sometimes I think, why am I so dirty However, the old demon said to me, it's not dirty, boys are like this, it's not dirty.

Later, my senior and I talked about this topic, and she said, this is normal. Men are all a virtue, not vertical, not too much. All men have an ideal of three wives and four concubines, otherwise, how could the Duke of Lushan strike again and again? The teacher elder sister said, if you think this is not good, then you are a good person; She also said that if you think this is normal, then you are a man. Sister Shi was so frank, I thought, maybe that's when I began to like her.

When I first started school, I wanted to talk to you about life and ideals. But it turned out to be really impossible. Anyone who talks about life and ideals is a fool. Only the old demon talks to me about life and ideals. He said that his dream is to go to Paris, and go to Paris to watch Paris Saint-Germain. Then wives and concubines swarmed and the whole family wandered around the Champs Elysé es. Then, we talked about the sky and the ocean, from probability theory to architecture, from Wang Mingyang to Hegel, and from all over the world. It's just that no one can talk to me like that except the old demon.

So I regard him as my only friend. In this inexplicable university, we exist inexplicably I don't know where it came from, and of course I don't know where to go. My roommates laughed at me and the old demon and said it was useless to think about life all day. Might as well practice picking up girls and boxing. They entered the Internet cafe in droves, in sturm und drang on campus. That's cool, but I don't like it, but I don't like it, but girls like it. Everyone in my roommate is changing girlfriends except me and the old demon.

In summer, they threw their damn textbooks in an unknown corner of the dormitory, rolled up their trouser legs and started online battles. Games are not fixed, but they can only be games. Online games are either stand-alone or simply games. I can't get a word in with the old demon, and I'm always arranged to do laundry for everyone. At that time, perhaps only peeing in the toilet could let me find myself for a moment.

Because of my personality, I don't like being with too many people, and I don't even like attending hometown parties. A group of fellow villagers got together inexplicably, everyone paid money, had a cordial conversation in a strange dialect, and then got drunk. It looks beautiful to others, but for me, it's easy to evoke homesickness. Beyond the sunset in the distance, it is my hometown. This hometown is different from this reinforced concrete city, at least it doesn't make me so sick, at least it can make me sleep well. I seem to be isolated by this senior, and only the senior's phone can save me back to earth. The rest of the time, I spent in drowsiness and anxiety. I am sleepy because my roommate always plays games all night, which keeps me awake. I'm nervous because I don't know what I should do. Therefore, it looks like a turtle. Only when it receives a phone call from its senior sister will it lazily stick out its head and accept the light of the day from the night.

Sleeping with my head in my arms, playing online games with my neck up, and reading novels with my head down are my three ways of existence. But I don't read novels that others like, I don't play popular games, and I don't sleep when others sleep. Walking in an empty campus, I don't know anyone. I don't know who the other person is after greeting. The whole life is a mess, but it is extremely relaxed and carefree.

I wanted to live like this at that time. Then find a job, get married and have children. Living in a dark company, I go out to play games or attend parties with my colleagues on weekends and spend my life in a hurry. It was not until I met my senior that I swore at her like I hit Reservoir Dogs: "Why are you so ambitious? Come with me to study for yourself. "

So I took a book casually and followed the teacher elder sister like a poor dog. Then the teacher elder sister told me about youth, life and the value of existence. She wants to discuss Nietzsche and Freud with me. If I can't answer, she will punch me in the head with powder: "what are you thinking, smelly boy?" Read more books for me! " Then pretend to be angry and funny. At the teacher elder sister's place, I made witty remarks, as if I had something to say to her. But back in the dormitory, I couldn't say a word. I don't want to stay in the dormitory for a moment except to greet the old demon symbolically and wash clothes together. An inexplicable sense of disgust arises from the deep heart. At that time, I was pretentious, as if everyone ignored me. However, some people seem to be modest and act like a good gentleman.

In college, I learned nothing. What I have learned will be returned to the teacher and textbook after the exam, and then I will be in a daze for no reason. This senior and I seem to be out of place, but we have to find the meaning of existence in a meaningless life. Everyone in my roommate laughed at me: "What a fool! What do you think of those? " Then continue to disdain to start your own game. Then go to play ball, and then sleep with a smile. But I can't sleep for a moment. Only under the gentle hypnosis of senior sister can we fall asleep slowly.

Take a closer look at the relief. What a stunning beauty. A pair of bright eyes like autumn moon, half exposed red lips stained with shyness. I'm fascinated by her. At this time, she will stare at my eyes and wait for a while before getting angry: "What are you doing? You are shameless. " So I had to turn my face away and continue to look at my high number. Sometimes the teacher elder sister will study with me with PSP, and when she is tired, she will lie on my lap and play games.

I wasn't her boyfriend at that time, and I don't understand why she did it. I feel puzzled. I don't think she should have no boyfriend. If she has a boyfriend, it will trap me in injustice. How can she not have a boyfriend? Walking on the road, groups of boys stared at her undulating chest. Nice face, very lovable. I really can't figure it out.

She said nothing when I asked her. Smile at me, pat me on the forehead and take out a piece of Dove chocolate like city zoo: "Eat, don't talk nonsense."

I still don't understand why senior sister doesn't have a boyfriend. But this matter is easily forgotten in the surging torrent of college life.

Standing under the broad and bright sky of the campus, I feel a little scared and sad. I can't say anything, tears flow easily.

"Yo, you're still playing with me." Whenever I see this situation, my sister smiles at me. Then she took my hand and went shopping with me. I was embarrassed to refuse, so I had to say, "I don't pay for things."

"Good, good, my little miser." So they walked out of the school gate crazily and came back drunk when the lights were dim in the middle of the night, which aroused the suspicion of the school security guards. I remember one time, my sister and I didn't bring our student ID card. The security guard grabbed my collar and scolded me: "Is your boy from our school?" I brought a drunk girl. "The tone is very rude. I know I can't stand it. I can't say anything. I just stood there and said nothing.

"What's the name of your counselor?"

But I really don't know her name. I only remember the counselor's surname is Liu, but I really don't know her name. Just as I was helping her, the senior sister came forward and shouted, "Why are you so full of shit, and you won't let me in?" Is it easy for us to take the postgraduate entrance examination? Is it easy to go out for a drink? Can't you just relax once in a while? "

"Shit, it's really unreasonable." Tears came down, especially when I was lonely. The security guard looked like a newcomer. Seeing this posture, he was startled and didn't know what to say at the moment. Then we took advantage of a little sky and hid like thieves at night.

Later, I once asked my senior sister how she could become so fast. Innocent girls dress well in the first 1 second, but in the last 1 second, they are worse than the murderous beasts. She smiled. In college, anyone who can get ahead should pay attention to putting on airs. Serious scholars are the most bullied. Sister, I was born a few years before you. This simple truth is understandable.

four

From then on, I fell in love with her, which is indisputable and illogical. For the senior, the pledge of eternal love is no longer important. In her words, after many years, we will look back and not be sad for our mediocrity; In front of our graves, noble people will cry. When I hear these confusing words, I want to find out the source of these two sentences. But all this is in vain. When my sister held me in her arms, everything was in vain. Sister is as clear and silent as a vacuum.

Years later, when I think of this past, I regret it. I can't help crying at the thought of my sister's red lips and sparkling talking eyes. My girlfriend around me asked me strangely, what's wrong with you?

I can only say that it's nothing. I think of some people and things. Sad and warm.

Later, the old demon learned the guitar and played the piano and sang in the dormitory all day. Melodious melody and noble style. Sitting on the balcony of the dormitory every day, listening to melodious music. I don't know what to do or how to move on with my life. I'm not interested in doing anything, and my senior didn't call during the day. I just stare out the window and sometimes I suddenly cry. Because I have always felt that such youth is not worth mentioning.

At that time, my relationship with the whole dormitory was normal. I don't have the same language or physical conflict. Just like a guest. I dragged my heavy head like a ghost on a quiet campus all day, and I didn't know what was going on in my mind. Did I read books and study by myself? Or reading a novel? Or play games online? What else can we do? The whole university is like a fantasy. No one knows what he is doing and has no thoughts. Except for freedom, it's no different from prison. Everyone is dragging their heads in the quiet campus, and no one knows what they are doing. Like animals in zoos and patients in madhouses, they are just not like a group of college students.

"How do you feel? I will go to college with a bunch of gangsters? "

I asked the teacher elder sister softly. She smiled. Many years later, thinking of this smile, I was almost intoxicated in the fog. I was squatting in a toilet in Shanghai with a newspaper. At that time, I was discussing with my girlfriend the trip to leave Shanghai and return to Chongqing next summer. At that time, tears were about to fall when I thought of the teacher elder sister's smile.

Sister Shi told me at that time that college students nowadays are a bunch of hooligans. This statement is correct. They can do anything but study. Not only that, they are dirty. This is what Shi Jie said, and I can't change it. Even though I have worked in other places for several years and read countless classic sentences, I still can't get a penny from Sister Shi.

The teacher elder sister is dead, and the deceased is gone.

five

Five years later, I met the old demon again. At that time, he was already a husband and a father. We meet again. In the first year of college, we never talked about eavesdropping on girls taking a bath again. He is not a hooligan. In a university with many hooligans, we are not hooligans. At least we didn't do anything

As time goes by, youth is gone forever. The old demon no longer plays the guitar, and he can't understand the music of young people now. He said that he was living comfortably now, as if his youth was far away from him. He lost the feeling of his first love when he was over 30. He stood in front of me and told me with a smile that his favorite now is AC Milan, not Paris Saint-Germain. He said that time is a cycle, which can make people feel better.

For many years, I have been dreaming a dream on and off. I dreamed that a girl in white was lying naked in front of me. This is not a good dream, at least I think so now. But many years ago, I liked this dream very much. At that time, I dreamed that countless girls prostrated themselves under my jeans and knelt down to sing conquest to me.

Over the years, the process of that dream has always been the same. I opened the door that never seemed to open, and there was a quiet girl in white. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. A man passed by her and was tidying up his clothes. I don't know if I'm in the wrong place, so I quickly said I'm sorry and returned. At this moment, there was a sad cry in my ear. That woman seems to be shouting, "Help me!" Help me ... "and I'm indifferent. Because I don't know what I can do. I developed a chaotic magma-like brain in this chaotic university and was indifferent to everything. No wonder some people say that indifference is the most deadly thing for students now. So I walked in the door. Outside the door is a grassy field, and the sun is particularly bright.

I remember, I once told the teacher elder sister about this dream. She scolded me repeatedly, and then suddenly broke down. "Why, aren't all men like this?" She wiped away her tears and looked into my puzzled eyes.

Shi Jie said that she once longed for a solid shoulder to avoid the wind and waves like hiding in a fjord. However, now she is disappointed. She said men are all the same, so she didn't choose again. Then she fell in love with me. For many years, she has been haunting me in her dreams, like a fairy sister. Over the years, the people sleeping next to me don't know how many times they have changed, but in my dream, it will always be just Sister Shi and the girl in white.

six

Whenever I am alone, I always think of those years with my sister. It's just that I don't understand why she doesn't meet me during the day. I can't find her because the line is always busy when I dial her during the day. Fortunately, I was occupied by boring courses during the day, and I could see her face in my dream. Whenever I am alone, I always suddenly remember why I broke up with my sister.

Later, in a public toilet in Shanghai, I finally remembered that my senior called me seriously that morning and said to me with a serious face, "How about we break up?"

"Why?"

"Don't you think I haven't seen you during the day?"

"That's nothing."

"Don't you feel strange?"

I was just about to go back and do something when I was shocked by a group of people and screamed. I turned my head. There was a flash of lightning in the sky, like a flying swift, which quickly landed on this vast land. I saw a man fall. I saw a dead man. I leaned forward and almost freaked out. She looks just like a teacher elder sister. I just wanted to turn to talk to the teacher elder sister, but I found that the figure was gone, Xian. Where are you? "

"who?"

"A teacher elder sister who was with me just now and has always been good with me."

"Who are you with? Isn't it always just you and me here today? "

seven

A few years ago, I knew nothing. I hid in a remote corner of the campus and didn't know what to do. At that time, if anyone came up to me and told me that he loved me, I would repay him. And that person is the teacher elder sister. When other men are keen on picking up girls and chatting online, they seduce girls irresponsibly. I met my senior sister. It was she who rescued me from loneliness and prevented me from falling into the abyss of perdition. Later, none of my roommates came to a good end. Some went to prison, some committed suicide, some failed in the postgraduate entrance examination, and they were crazy. Only the old demon and I live well and become brilliant. Those who once defeated us need our help now. Those who once laughed at our life ideals stopped playing games and began to think about their own life ideals. But we no longer think about the meaning of life. Time seems to have passed, like a Rubik's cube.

For many years, no matter who I am with, I can't forget my sister. Later, the old demon went to the academic affairs office to check, and she was dead. After living together with an irresponsible boy, he was ruthlessly abandoned and then jumped to his death. As for the girl who jumped off the building that day, although she died, the school refused to say a word.

Since then, I have never seen my senior at school. She once told me that I looked like a person. I didn't understand it at that time, but later I did. Now, after so many years, I naturally forgot. I am now shuttling around all corners of Shanghai with my heavy head all day, leading a meaningless life. If it weren't for my little pause, I would have continued in this calm silence for a long time. It's just that why senior chose me is the same as why I chose senior. Whether you like it or not, in short, I loved her. Whether she is a person or a ghost.

Later, I remembered the teacher elder sister, and remembered that she used to look at me with that smile. She said that people who don't think about life are sad. But you think too much. This is the whole of life. Others think too little and you think too much. If you want to get the full meaning of life, you can't figure it out even if you break your head. Instead, in such a boring era, being a meaningful person is no matter what. If you want to be a meaningful person, others will undoubtedly regard you as an idiot. I didn't understand it then, but I figured it out later. It turns out that everything the elder sister said was an irrefutable truth then and now, and no one can change it!