Who has a joke story!

1. When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."

On the bus, the standing pregnant woman said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine!

melon vendor: "come and eat watermelon, it's not sweet, it's free!" " Hungry passerby: "Wow! Great, boss, have a sweet one. "

I'll build your happiness, make up for your confusion, give in to your willfulness, and care for you is mine. I'm a pig farmer! It is not easy. Angry? Ha. Pigs get angry, too, real god pig!

Hey, nowadays, almost all people use keyboards instead of pens. In fact, there will be a strange thing when typing with keyboards. If you don't believe it, look at your keyboard and there will be a pig's hand on it!

There are six kinds of pigs in the world, those who are kept at home are called domestic pigs, those who are born in the mountains are called wild boars, those who read information are called stupid pigs, those who are laughing are stupid pigs, those who are angry are stupid pigs, and those who ignore me are dead pigs. Even pigs who don't reply to information are not as good as ~ ~

Jianghu people know that you are skilled in martial arts, but you can't be proud, so that people have swords, and people and swords are one. Sword man! Sword man!

"I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist. "Please come with me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?" "the sun." The patient replied. "Then how far do you want to see!"

the dog is talking to the cat with a sad face: archaeologists have found a lot of bones in the master's garden! Cat: That's a new discovery! Why are you so sad? Dog crying: that's my private money!

The company held a meeting and introduced myself: the first said I was CEO, the second said I was CGO, the third said I was CFO, and the last one was excited: I was Mrs. UFO

looking for clothes. She wore a dress that she had not worn for a long time, and looked in the mirror: Ouch! Like dumplings! Sir: that's the stuffing, not the leaves of the bag.

A village woman wants to go to the toilet for the first time in town, but she hasn't met for a long time, so she has no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the mother toilet?

I'm lonely without you. I'm lost without you. I'm not qualified to say I love you. I miss you so much, a little too much! I saw you and touched you hard-Nanfeng. Hu!

A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again, so he had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head?

The teacher said, "A fool's question can't be answered by ten wise people."

The student said, "No wonder I always failed in the exam."

The suicide note of mosquito

In the morning, you woke up with a dead mosquito lying beside your bed, and there was a suicide note next to it: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. It was thick. Please forgive him, I committed suicide.

Filial son

Son: "What would you do if I came first in the class? Father: "then I'm really happy!" " Son: "Dad, don't worry, I won't let you die!" "

I have known you for a long time.

A young man proposed to a girl, and the girl said, "However, we have only known each other for three days. Do you know me?"

The young man quickly said, "Yes, yes, I have known you for a long time."

"Really?"

"Yes, I have worked in a bank for three years. I know exactly how much money your father has."

who dares to touch me! ! !

A man had a toothache, but he was afraid that it would hurt even more if his tooth was pulled out ...

So he was afraid to go to the dentist ...

But this time he really couldn't stand it ...

So he got up the courage to go to the dentist ...

But when he saw that the pliers were going to stick into his mouth ... he was afraid not to let the doctor do it! ! ! ! ! !

So the doctor asked the assistant next to him to get whiskey and give him a glass ... and then asked him:

Are you brave now? He honestly replied: No! !

so I gave him a second cup ... a third cup ... and so on! ! !

The dentist asked him: How is it now ... Is it full of courage? ! ! !

The patient stood up and said, Now I want to see who dares to touch my teeth!

Dad is chatting with guests, and Xiaoqiang has something to say. Dad saw it and said, "Don't be so secretive. Speak up." Xiaoqiang said loudly: mom asked me to tell you not to leave guests for dinner!

Not every flower can represent love, but roses do. Not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplar can; Not every pig can read short messages, but congratulations! You did ～< ~ <; /P< p>

It rained one day in a mental hospital. Many fools took a bath in the rain with soap towels. Only you watched alone on the windowsill. I asked curiously, What are you doing? You said: those fools are so stupid, I'll wait until the water is hot ~

The blind man stutters when riding a bike, and when he looks at the road, he suddenly sees a deep ditch, and stutters and exclaims: Gougougou! The blind man sang back: "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" So they fell into the ditch.

You were practicing in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psychopath came after you with a kitchen knife. You turned around and ran until you reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, "Here's your knife, it's your turn to chase me!"

The defendant promised his defense lawyer: "If you have the ability to make me go to prison for only half a year, then you will get an extra reward of 1OOO." As a result, he finally got his wish. The lawyer said while collecting money, "This is really a tough job. The judges originally wanted to be acquitted."

There is a tacit understanding, a feeling of wonder, a happiness of being with you, a longing of longing, and a fool will finish reading the short message.

A jet fighter roared past in the sky. The bird was surprised when it saw it. The bird said, "Mom, how did that bird fly so fast?" Mother bird: "Try putting a fire on your ass."

In the evening, in the park, the young man was chatting with the girl. "You are my sun, my moon, my star, my brilliant constellation ..." The girl couldn't help laughing. "Are you telling me your love or taking an astronomy class?"

A wolf from the northwest passed by the door of a farmer's house and heard a woman inside admonishing the child: "Stop crying, and then cry and throw you out to feed the wolf."

The child cried all night, and the wolf waited all night in the cold wind.

at dawn, the wolf shouted, "liar, women are all liars."

A man stayed a guest at home for dinner, and several dishes on the table were all tofu.

while eating, the host said to the guests, "Tofu is like my life. I don't think any other dish tastes as good as it." After a few days, the guests invited him back. The guest remembers that he likes tofu very much, so he added tofu to all the fish in the meat, but when eating, the man ate big fish and meat, but the tofu didn't even touch it. The guest was very surprised and asked him, "didn't you say' tofu is your life'?" Why don't you eat a piece of tofu today? "

The man said, "Tofu is my life, but if I meet fish and meat, I will die!" "

The fruit grower found a child stealing apples: problem child, wait, I'm going to tell your father! The boy looked up at the tree and shouted, Dad, someone is looking for you.

There is a beggar on a street who begs for a living every day.

one day, someone suddenly found that there was an extra bowl beside the beggar, but no one was there?

curious. He went up and asked, "Why did you put two bowls?".

The beggar smiled and said, "I don't know how things have been so good recently. So I opened a branch. "

The ant is lying lazily in the soil, stretching out a leg. What is your friend asking you? Ant: Later the elephant comes and stumbles him.

Xiao Ming told his mother that my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair when he came home to play today, and I saw it. Mom said, "Then how did you do it?" Xiao Ming said, "I stood by, and when the guest was about to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him."

When Yan Er got married, the bride said to the groom, "We will not say' mine' in the future, but' ours'."

The groom went to take a bath, but he didn't come out for a long time. The bride asked, "What are you doing?" "Honey, I'm shaving our beards."

wife: "I've been married for more than half a year. Why don't I see you doing literary creation?"

husband: "I don't have that genius!" "

wife: "before you got married, didn't you write in" personals "that you published your works in the provincial evening paper? "

Husband:" I mean the personals. "

there is a man who likes to take advantage of small things and go to the market to buy grapes. He stopped at the first grape

stand, twisted a few and put them in his mouth.

The seller said, "Is it sweet? Not sweet, no money! "

he shook his head and came to the second booth. After eating a few grapes, he came to the third booth ...

Finally, he burped and came to the sixteenth booth:

"Is this grape sweet?"

"Don't charge if it's not sweet!"

"Then give me a catty of unsweetened!"

A young agricultural college graduate said to a farmer, "Your planting method

is really old-fashioned! I would be surprised if you could harvest 1 pounds of apples from that tree. "

"that's right." The farmer replied, "It's a pear tree."

A girl who thought she was gorgeous had an accident, lying in the hospital and sighing in front of the mirror that "beauty has been unlucky since ancient times".

The clinical counterpart says, "Don't worry, you will live a long life."

two colleagues got drunk after drinking. One of them dragged his tongue and said, "Everything I see now is double-decked."

The other quickly took out a ten-dollar bill from his pocket and said, "Here's my twenty dollars back."