Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - How did the cancer patients around me find out they had cancer? Viagra detected it through the instrument, and now they are cured
How did the cancer patients around me find out they had cancer? Viagra detected it through the instrument, and now they are cured
Several of my friends with cancer were diagnosed during physical examinations. Surprisingly, most of them had tumors that developed rapidly and felt uncomfortable, but Viagra did not feel uncomfortable at all. , I didn’t expect to find out just through the instrument, but now I still feel very strange whether it was a misdiagnosis, but after one year of treatment with Viagra, all the indicators are now normal.
01 Painter
Viagra has been a good friend of mine for nearly 30 years. He is a great painter who was the vice chairman of the city’s Artists Association and a director of the province’s Artists Association many years ago.
His paintings were very good, and one of his students, Jianguo, became the chairman of the city's Artists Association.
Jianguo is also very interesting. He graduated from the Chinese Department and worked as an editor at a daily newspaper in this city. He writes very good articles and is a very good person.
But he was very helpful to the development of calligraphy and painting in this city. It was precisely because of his deception that the Chinese Painting Festival was successfully held in this city for ten times. He eventually became the secretary of the Provincial Artists Association. Chairman of the Artists Association of Changhe City.
I think it is necessary to briefly describe Jianguo. He wears suits and ties, has a slicked back hair, and has fair skin.
He has a round face, small eyes, a pair of gold-rimmed glasses, a bulbous nose, a square mouth, and a pair of very blessed ears.
The first impression Jianguo gives is that of a bandit, not a scholar at all.
Jianguo is very good at deceiving and bluffing. He likes to drink quickly.
When I had dinner with Wei Wei, when we met him at the dinner table, Wei came over and insisted on toasting me with two and a half glasses of white wine, and drank it all in one gulp.
I thought his drinking capacity was okay at the time, so I followed him and drank the first glass of liquor.
Unexpectedly, Weibo was a little embarrassed when he saw me drinking. He felt that my drinking capacity was not good enough, so he came over and insisted on having a second glass of white wine with me.
So I held my nose and drank the second glass of wine with him.
He saw that two glasses of wine had not done anything to me, so he came over and drank the third and fourth glasses of white wine with me
In less than 10 minutes , after drinking 4 glasses of wine, I saw that Weiguo was a little unable to hold on, so I poured him a fifth glass of white wine.
I saw that Jianguo was coming for me, so I drank the fifth glass of white wine with him.
Unexpectedly, Jianguo's drinking capacity is only the first 4 drinks, and he can drink in a hurry, which is very bluffing. Most people are intimidated by people like him who drink in a hurry.
He didn’t expect that I could drink too much, so after drinking the fifth glass of wine, he ran to the toilet, picked his throat and spit out the white wine he had just drank.
I saw that he was not feeling well after drinking 5 glasses of wine, so I followed him with great concern, fearing that something might happen to him.
After Jianguo vomited his wine in the toilet, he turned around and saw me standing behind him. He was so frightened that he lost his mind and shouted: "It's wonderful, it scared me to death. It turns out you are standing there." Behind me, I didn’t notice that you spit out the wine just because you were watching a joke.”
I said, “Brother Jianguo, you have to give me a drink. I will sacrifice my life to accompany you as a gentleman. Let’s go back. Keep drinking."
Jianguo said: "I really can't drink anymore. You didn't see that I was already vomiting wine. I really can't drink anymore. If I drink anymore, I will die. p>
When it comes to drinking, you are my grandpa, so I’ll call you grandpa, please forgive me.”
When I saw this Jianguo, he was just a paper tiger and a person with no bottom line. I couldn't help but laugh and cry.
I said: "Actually, drinking with others is the most harmful thing to your body.
Last time I drank with Brother Gao, but I didn't expect that his drinking capacity was higher than mine. Several times, the more he drank, the more sober he became. Brother Gao used beer to sober up.
In the end, I was so drunk that I drove my car and hit the curb several times. In the end, nothing happened to the other party. In the end, Brother Gao treated me as a joke.
So if you don’t have a natural ability to drink, don’t drink with others. In the end, you will be hurt. "
Jianguo said: "This time I have a better memory, and I will never drink with others again. ”
After drinking this time, Jianguo and I became very good friends.
Jianguo himself did not study painting, but joined the industry through Viagra.
But he was very perceptive and realized that painting was a better industry very early, so he learned painting from Wei Wei.
In the beginning, Jianguo had a great teacher. The teacher called him short, bragging to everyone that Viagra was his teacher, and he was proud of it.
In the end, when he became the chairman of the Artists Association of this city, he stopped calling Viagra the teacher and just called him Viagra. Finally, I called him Lao Wei.
So I teased Jianguo about this in person, and Jianguo was embarrassed and called him Teacher Wei.
02 PEN Club
p>Wei Wei is the head of a tertiary industry office under the city's Science and Technology Commission, and is a deputy county cadre. Painting is just his side job.
But Wei Wei's paintings are very good. The land is good and he is very popular in this city. Reputable people feel very proud to be able to collect Viagra's paintings.
In addition, he is also a very good person. He is a well-known Viagra in the city's art circles. , everyone gave a thumbs up, and everyone went to support all the activities he organized.
Under the influence of Viagra, I also became interested in calligraphy and painting, and gradually became interested in calligraphy and painting.
But collecting costs money. I don’t have a lot of money myself. Viagra also knew about my situation, so he said to me:
“Let’s do this, it’s wonderful, you see. Viagra will organize an event for you, and then I will ask the chairman and vice-chairman of the city's Artists Association to each draw a fighting square for you. The fighting square is a painting that is 2 feet times 2 feet, totaling 4 square feet. ”
There happened to be a time when a relative of mine who was in business needed Viagra to draw some paintings for him as gifts, so Viagra organized a pen meeting through his personal relationship.
A PEN meeting is when one person comes forward to organize painter friends, and the painters sketch and paint together in an occasion such as a conference room.
The organizer organizes these painters to come together at noon. Let’s have dinner together.
At that time, everyone who participated in this sketching session was paid about 2,000 yuan for retouching.
The painters who came to the pen meeting gathered together and splashed ink on each other. , showed off his skills, and soon made a painting and placed it with the organizer, who would pay 2,000 yuan to the painters. This operation was called a pen meeting
In this way, the painters gathered together We discussed and discussed the skills and fun of painting together, and at the same time received a brushstroke fee, and also attended a dinner party with friends.
The person who paid for the painting got a lot at once. The painter's calligraphy and painting works
Weibo told me: "I told my painter friends, most of them are the vice-presidents of the Artists Association of this city, and the artists of the previous and current sessions. The chairman of the association is also among my invitations, totaling 7 people.
In this way, I will ask them to draw one more painting for you, and people will see my face, so you can get their calligraphy and painting works without spending money.
I widened my eyes and said, "I can't even think of it. It turns out that I can do calligraphy and painting like this." "
Wei Wei said: "I usually don't do this kind of thing. They just looked at my face and drew an extra picture for each of you. That was given to you as a gift from me.
In addition, you also provided such a good opportunity to my painter friends, which can be regarded as helping each other.
”
In the end, I got a calligraphy and painting for each of the two presidents and vice-presidents of the city’s Artists Association without spending a penny.
Jianguo had not yet become the official The chairman of the Artists Association, who is only the vice-president of the Artists Association, gave me three large calligraphy and painting works, which were paintings of plum blossoms, and one of them was a three-foot-long piece of paper.
This is what I have. A very strange thing I have experienced is that if netizens have friends like Viagra, they can also mention it to each other. In this way, they can get the calligraphy and paintings of very famous celebrities in the city without spending any money.
03 Physical Examination
It’s a bit incredible that Viagra found that he had cancer. Until now, I still doubt whether Viagra really has cancer.
Viagra comes to the market every year. Going to the People's Hospital for a physical check-up has become a habit of Viagra
But when he went to the People's Hospital for a routine check-up last spring, he suddenly met an old friend who was the director of the Hematology Department of the People's Hospital. Brother Zheng.
Brother Zheng kindly said a few words to Viagra:
"Now our blood test technology is very advanced, and one of them is called tumor cancer factor. Examination can detect some bad tumor indicators in advance. Do you need to check it out? "
At that time, Viagra was also curious, so he casually said: "Then let me check the tumor marker you mentioned. ”
Therefore, Viagra suddenly and accidentally added such a tumor marker test, of course, this is in addition to ordinary blood tests.
However, After the test results of Viagra's tumor marker came out, it was found that his indicator was higher than that of ordinary people.
Brother Zheng saw that Viagra's tumor indicator was a bit high, so he ran away worried. I went to my good friends, Brother Chen, director of the minimally invasive surgery department, and Brother Xu, director of the respiratory medicine department, for consultation.
The three of them are veteran directors who have been practicing medicine for nearly 30 years. After seeing this indicator, they felt like it. It's not quite right.
The three of them initially judged that it might be carcinogenic, so they suggested that Viagra undergo a detailed examination.
Viagra heard that he was waiting for a blood cancer factor test. There was a problem, so I was very nervous. Before the People's Hospital could give a conclusion, I went to the provincial cancer hospital for further examination.
In fact, the instruments used in this city and the provincial cancer hospital were all the same. It was the same, and so were the test results. At that time, Viagra's friend was looking for an academician named Wang who was the chief physician at the cancer hospital.
04 Chemotherapy
Dr. Wang did the diagnosis and treatment. After the result, Viagra said: "It seems that there are indeed cancer-causing tumor markers in your body, so you must undergo chemotherapy immediately.
However, this chemotherapy treatment costs a lot of money, and you have to pay part of it yourself. You should make a decision after discussing it carefully with your family. "
After Weibo heard what Dr. Wang said to him, he was very scared, so he said to Dr. Wang: "Okay, I will continue to stay in the hospital for chemotherapy treatment. "
As a result, after Viagra injected these chemotherapy injections, the effect was very obvious, and then all the hair fell out and became a big bald head.
Afterwards, Viagra told me: "Actually, this Dr. Wang also told me that everyone has cancer-causing tumor markers in their body.
However, some develop quickly and some develop slowly. If the equipment can monitor it now, chemotherapy for this disease will definitely be beneficial.
If the tumor has grown very large before surgery, it is possible that the tumor has spread and will die soon.
My wife and I discussed it and decided that we should listen to Dr. Wang and undergo chemotherapy as soon as possible.
However, this chemotherapy is indeed a very painful thing.
After taking these chemotherapy drugs, the good cells and bad cells of the body will be killed together, leaving the body very weak.
For a while, I couldn’t even get out of bed because of the chemotherapy drugs.
It turns out that I was out drinking and playing cards with my friends all day long, and I was very energetic.
After such chemotherapy, I just lay in bed and couldn't get up.
My legs usually tremble when I walk and I have no energy at all.
The chemotherapy drug itself has side effects, and the side effects are quite serious.
The first and most obvious thing was that all my hair fell out, and then my body suddenly became weak. Walking became a problem and I could only lie in bed.
In the early stage of chemotherapy, these imported chemotherapy injections were taken almost every day. As the chemotherapy was prolonged, it became one injection per week, and then gradually lengthened, until half a month, and finally It’s another injection a month.
However, because my original physical fitness was very good, I finally overcame the side effects of these chemotherapy drugs.
However, at this time, I still feel that my eyelids are a bit heavy, I always like to lie on the bed, I am unwilling to move, and I am not very energetic. "
After I heard that Viagra had such a strange disease, I called him every day and talked nonsense on the phone, just to cheer him up and distract him.
However, with the end of the treatment, Viagra's physical condition has improved step by step.
From the time when I was dizzy when I stood up and couldn't walk, now I am getting better step by step. Dian's health gradually improved, and he was able to walk back and forth in the house.
He was even able to stay in such a small circle in the yard under the protection of his wife, and his health gradually recovered.
I told Viagra: "Actually, I think your so-called tumor marker may have been misdiagnosed, because everyone has tumor markers.
In fact, cancer cells are cells that have lost control. Other normal cells will divide to a certain extent and no longer decompose, but this cancer cell has lost control and may develop and divide very quickly, so It becomes a tumor.
You don’t actually have any big tumors in your body now, but you only have tumor markers in your blood test.
In fact, people should not attach too much importance to the problem of inspection indicators.
According to the hospital examination indicators, many people have several incorrect indicators, but they live very well.
You are like our friend Xiao Fei, who is the same as me. His blood lipid value once reached 24.9. For ordinary people, the total cholesterol is about 2.8-5.7 mmol/L, but he does not have any burden.
In the end, Xiaofei lost 200 pounds to 170 pounds through exercise, and his blood lipid levels returned to the values ??of ordinary people.
Therefore, people cannot always look at this physical examination indicator. If they pay too much attention to this physical examination indicator, it will affect their quality of life and judgment of their condition.
Therefore, I think the indicators you checked last year may have been misdiagnosed. "
Viagra said: "I have also considered this situation, but once I believe the doctor's words, I will not be able to stop taking this chemotherapy drug.
Otherwise, I won’t take these chemotherapy injections, or my test indicators may become normal in the future.
But I have already received these chemotherapy injections, and I can only force myself to finish the chemotherapy process.
In fact, my tumor indicators are now normal, so I don’t panic anymore.
At that time, I was very panicked when I found out, so I followed the doctor’s advice and got chemotherapy injections.
In fact, if I don’t take chemotherapy injections, it’s possible that nothing will happen.
Now I can’t regret my choice. Anyway, that’s the way it is now, but I did suffer a lot.
However, my experience is also a reminder to my friends that formal physical examinations can also carry out other things, and do not look for trouble to check some indicators or the like.
I was just looking for trouble. I went to increase the test for cancer factors, but I suffered a lot.
I am also very entangled. Sometimes I tell myself that I must believe in science. Scientific things cannot be adulterated.
But sometimes I feel that I have nothing to do, so I check for tumor markers this time, but the result is that I still need chemotherapy.
If I hadn’t been diagnosed with this condition, I might never have received chemotherapy, but after I found out that I had this tumor marker, I still felt that there was something worrying about me all day long if I didn’t go for treatment. With.
In the end, I had to undergo chemotherapy because I was afraid of death.
After undergoing chemotherapy, I thought it might be a misdiagnosis.
Anyway, people are a complex of contradictions, and they often regret back and forth.
But what’s the use of regret? It’s not like I suffered the consequences of chemotherapy in the end.
However, friends can use the cancer situation I encountered this time as a reference.
In addition to routine examinations, if you don’t feel any discomfort, do not make your own decisions and expand the scope of examinations.
Because it is impossible for hospital inspections not to detect some results that exceed the standard.
If something goes wrong during a normal check-up, and I have to undergo chemotherapy in the future, I might as well not go for a check-up. ”
05 Others
Last year, a female colleague in the unit, Xiaohua, died due to improper treatment of her breast cancer, which delayed her condition.
The year before last At that time, Xiaohua discovered a small lump on her breast during her usual physical examination.
The doctor who examined her told Xiaohua: “Based on my experience, this may be a tumor that is not benign. Ah, you'd better go for further tests. "
At this time, Xiaohua happened to meet Xiaofang, who specialized in moxibustion business and opened a moxibustion living center.
Xiaofang brainwashed Xiaohua and said: "I Moxibustion can cure various diseases in women, but this moxibustion must be persisted all year round.
I saw your breast lump. Many of my previous clients had suffered from this disease, and they were all cured in my moxibustion studio. There was no need to go to the hospital for surgery or chemotherapy. . ”
Xiaohua was deceived by Xiaofang, so she spent tens of thousands of yuan on Xiaofang’s moxibustion parlor for moxibustion treatment.
But after about a month, Over the years, Xiaofang's breast lump suddenly grew very large. When she looked for Xiaofang, Xiaofang disappeared.
So Xiaohua went to the province for a check-up. A puncture biopsy was performed, and the tissue was taken out and examined under a microscope. The result was breast cancer.
Xiaohua still refused to give up, and finally went to Beijing for an examination to confirm the diagnosis. The results were the same as those from the provincial hospital.
In the end, several hospitals diagnosed Xiaohua with breast cancer, and she had to undergo surgery to remove it. Only then did Xiaohua believe that she did have this disease.
But the location of Xiaohua’s lesion was strange. It was close to the heart, so she ended up going to a very famous hospital in Beijing for the surgery. The hospitalization fee cost 500,000 yuan, and it was the first period.
It was impossible to come up with so much money at once. It was through her family and several close classmates that she finally managed to raise enough money for the surgery and finally had the surgery at Beijing Hospital.
No. 1. In the first operation, three pieces of her ribs were removed in preparation for the second tumor removal operation.
The lowest treatment plan given by the doctor is more than 5,000 yuan per day, and the highest is more than 15,000 yuan per day.
For this reason, Xiaohua failed to save his life after selling her two houses. She died before receiving her retirement salary, leaving her husband and children with huge debts.
Another friend, Xiaobo, got esophageal cancer. When he felt uncomfortable swallowing, he went to the Municipal People's Hospital for examination. Cancerous.
At that time, the doctor removed Xiao Fei’s esophageal cancer tumor, but it recurred again. Xiao Fei’s esophageal tumor grew very fast, and after less than 3 months, the second surgery was for esophageal cancer. Operation.
However, Xiaofei's tumors grew very fast after the operation, and Xiaofei died before the third operation.
06 Feelings
The essence of cancer is actually the unrestricted growth of cells.
The cells in our body each have their own jobs. Normal cells divide in an orderly manner. After aging or damage, they will die and be replaced by new cells.
However, cancer breaks this program. Cells grow uncontrollably, constantly growing and creating new cells and expelling normal cells, and then gradually causing various problems in the body starting from the site where they appear.
Cancer cells are normal cells that have lost the control of division. As a result, they divide without restriction and become tumors.
Cancer cells can also spread and metastasize to other organs through lymph nodes, eventually leading to advanced cancer.
Don’t be sick if you have anything.
As the saying goes, illness comes like a mountain falling, and illness goes away like a thread
Once a person gets sick, his whole body will first be mentally affected.
My idea at this time is to give up on everything, throw away all fame and fortune, and just want to cure my illness.
After many people get a serious illness, their personality and world view of dealing with others have undergone great changes.
But once the disease is cured, all kinds of desires come again.
You still have to fight for what you have to fight for, and you still have to fight for what you have to fight for, just like you are not sick.
In fact, it is a very normal thing for people to get sick and die. It depends on your mentality and how to deal with it.
In addition, being sick is also a kind of insight into life. Through being sick, you can calm down your busy mood and think about many things.
In fact, the same is true for cancer.
If you figure it out, you can avoid the pain of chemotherapy.
If you are really diagnosed with cancer, the best way is to drop everything and go on a one- or two-year trip on a supertanker.
Put down everything in your hands and just do one thing, eat, drink and have fun, because the cruise ships provide 24-hour entertainment.
Maybe a year or two later, everything will be back to normal after I come back.
Even if you finally reach the end of your life, having this last happy time is always better than lying in bed undergoing painful chemotherapy.
Of course, it is best to exercise well to stay away from various diseases including cancer.
Friends, how do you deal with such problems? If you have any other feelings and thoughts, please feel free to discuss them together.
Art comes from life and is higher than life. This story is purely fictitious. Any similarity is purely coincidental. Please do not take it personally, otherwise we will not be responsible.
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