Who can tell me some jokes?

(1) The ghost killed them.

Once upon a time there was a man who had a girlfriend. He loves her more than anyone in the world.

But one day, his girlfriend left him mercilessly without even giving him a reason. look

His girlfriend went shopping arm in arm, and he was in pain and lost his mind. Finally, one day.

He killed his girlfriend. He was going to kill her and then kill himself.

But when I was dying, I felt the value of life. Since then, he has been plagued by nightmares every day, in which he

Girlfriend naked, with long hair, red tongue hanging down, fingers like hooks to kill him.

Nightmares tormented him like needles, and one day he found a Taoist priest and begged to get rid of him.

The Taoist priest asked him to do three things:

First, give his girlfriend a good burial.

Second, burn the pajamas that his girlfriend wore before her death.

Third, wash away the hidden bloody clothes.

Everything must be finished before midnight, or you will be killed!

He did everything carefully according to the orders of the Taoist priest, but he couldn't find the bloody dress.

Not here.

It's almost midnight. Beads of sweat dripped from his face and wet the carpet.

He found the bloody clothes in the middle of the night, but no matter how he wiped them, he couldn't wash them off.

At this time, there was a sudden strong wind, lightning and thunder. The window was shaken from side to side by the strong wind, and the glass was broken.

This crack is even more terrible. Suddenly all the lights went out and the whole room was dark. lightning

In the middle, I saw his girlfriend wearing bloodstained pajamas, her eyes dripping with blood, and her expression was ferocious.

He snapped, "Do you know why the blood won't wash away?" He was too scared to say a word.

The girlfriend went on to say, "Because you didn't use Prynne washing powder, you idiot."

(2) Meet a female ghost at night

It was late at night, and a taxi driver decided to take another passenger home, but the road was already closed.

There are not many people left.

The driver drove aimlessly and found a white shadow shaking in front of him, waving to him. It was very quiet.

There are people overnight, and this situation has to remind people of one.

Kind of, what people don't want to think, that's a ghost! ! !

But in the end, the driver decided to give her a hand. The man got on the bus and said in a sad hoarse voice:

"Please go to the cremation factory."

The driver trembled with excitement. Is she really ... he can't think of further, and he dare not go further?

Yes, I did.

He regrets it, but now he must send her to him as soon as possible.

The woman's face is comely and pale, and she has nothing to say all the way, which makes people feel creepy. The driver really can't hold on.

Driving down, close to where she was going, he made an excuse and stammered:

"Young lady, I'm sorry. It's hard to turn around ahead. Go by yourself. It is already very close. "

The woman nodded and asked, "How much is that?" The driver quickly said, "Forget it, forget it, you are alone."

Woman, it's so late, it's not easy to come. Forget it! "

"How dare you?"

"That's it!" The driver insisted.

Women can't help it. "Well, thank you!" Say that finish, opened the door. ...

The driver turned to start the car, but didn't hear the sound of closing the door, so he turned around.

……

How did that woman disappear so quickly? He looked and sat down, no! The front, left and right sides of the car

No side, no back!

Did she just disappear?

The driver's curiosity, so he wanted to find out. He got out of the car and came to the open door.

"Did that woman walk too fast, or did she just ..." He was about to collapse.

Just about to leave here,

A bloody hand patted him on the shoulder. He looked back and saw the woman standing there with blood all over her face.

He spoke in front of him.

"master! Please don't stop at the ditch next time you stop ... "

(3) There are two people.

In a remote village, there is a straight telephone pole on a narrow path, which is strange to say.

People often have accidents there.

Soon a man and a woman were accidentally knocked down by a bicycle and died on the spot. One night, five-year-old Xiao Zhi and him.

Mom passed by on her way home. Xiao Zhi suddenly said, "Mom, there are two people on the telephone pole." mother

Take him by the hand, walk away quickly and say:

"Don't talk nonsense, son!" But it soon spread, and one day, a reporter came to collect it.

Visit Xiao Zhi and ask him to show him where the car accident happened. Xiao Zhi generously led him, reporter.

Ask: "Where is it?" Xiao Zhi pointed to the top, and the reporter looked up?

Look, there is a sign hanging on the telephone pole.

It says: everyone is responsible for traffic safety.

(4) three ghosts complain

One day when they were shopping, they met God! They said to god, they all died miserably,

I hope they can go to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full.

But there's another place!

You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven! So, the first ghost began to say ...

He was a cleaner before his death. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night! One day, I was in a building.

Clean the glass outside the building!

It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude!

On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! but

Survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously!

Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to wait.

Slow down and climb up!

Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again!

I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be decided, and a tent caught me below.

I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life!

I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said ...

I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure!

But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work and went home.

I see.

As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be an adulterer.

So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. On the balcony, I found two.

Holding the railing in one hand, I thought: adulterer! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if it falls.

Fuck you!

As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched the house and went into the kitchen.

Room, found the refrigerator big enough, so I threw it down. Finally smashed him to death! I am too tall.

Xing! Laughing a lot.

Who knows, laughing so hard, laughing so hard!

The third ghost said ...

I was a punk before my death, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house.

Shake it!

Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So the kitchen also found the toilet.

I also looked for it, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it! I don't know.

Bai, how did her husband know I was in the refrigerator? He threw the refrigerator from 13 floor! I just

This even crushes the refrigerator!

(5) The toilet is haunted

Chuyang visited the countryside. When chatting with relatives, relatives told him that there was a toilet here.

Ghosts, however, if you don't accept ghosts, ghosts won't hurt you. May be the original acclimatization.

Because, at night, Chu Yang's stomach hurts badly.

There is no way out. Chu Yang should be afraid?

Z crustily skin of head went to the toilet.

As soon as Chu Xiangyang squatted down, he heard a ghost's voice:) n Red toilet paper or white toilet paper? "

Knowing that ghosts are unacceptable, Chu Yang replied, "I always use newspapers."

Well, it seems that Chu Yangxiang has dysentery. After a while, Chu Yangxiang ran to the toilet again. number

This time, however, he was no longer afraid.

Seeing Chu Yang backward, the ghost held out his hand and said:) n Youth Daily or Central Day?

Newspapers? "

"I always use sports newspapers."

In the evening, Chu Yang went to the toilet for the third time. ) n Youth sports or central sports

? "asked the ghost.

"... I ... I just want to sprinkle X. "

(6) Ghost mobile phone

I used to call, but I didn't press the number like this. I inserted my finger into a perforated disk and dialed it.

Yes

Once upon a time ......

Xiaoming's home phone number is 444-4444, and strange calls often come in. .....

One night at midnight 12, the phone rang and Xiao Ming picked up the receiver.

The other end of the phone said in a sad voice, "Is this 444-4444?" Can you ...

help me

Call the police 1 19? I am so miserable! .......」

Xiao Ming: "Go find someone else to help you, not me!" " ! 」

Man: "I can only call 444-4444, but I can't call O."

Xiaoming was scared to death. Hang up the phone quickly, only.

Hey, GuoGuoGuo w4444? Is it?

Ghosts? ! !

After a while, the phone rang again. Xiaoming didn't dare to answer it, but the phone kept ringing ... Xiaoming had to put it down.

Pick it up.

Man: "Excuse me, is this 444-4444? Can you call 1 19 for me?

I am so miserable!

.............., my finger is stuck in the telephone dial! 」

damned

After the Halloween masquerade, two men walked home ... when they passed a cemetery,

On a whim, they wanted to go through the cemetery. When they were halfway through, they were frightened by the sound of drumming.

Stop. The sound came from somewhere in the dark. They trembled with fear.

Then they found an old man chiseling a tombstone with a chisel in his hand. One of them said, "I

Oh, my god.

Sir, we thought you were a ghost,

It's so late. What are you doing here? "The old man scolded:" * * *, they spelled my name wrong. ! ! ! ! "

(8) Jack-o 'lantern

On a dark night, a man drove through a graveyard at night. The breeze blows, and the surrounding sounds

Rustling, straight hair stand up, scalp hair suddenly. Just then, he suddenly found a little red in the distance.

The color of the fire is flashing.

His first thought was "jack-o'-lantern". So he carefully picked up a stone and pointed it at the light.

Throw it here.

I saw flames swaying behind another grave. He was even more afraid and picked up another one.

Throwing a stone at the fire, I saw the light fly to another grave. At this point, he has been

Close to collapse So he picked up another stone and threw it at the lamp.

At this moment, I heard a voice from behind the grave: "Shit, who is it?" Even pulling x is not happy.

So ...

A pack of cigarettes cut me three times. "

(9) Dolls

There is a taxi driver who works in a taxi company. Late one night, he drove past a very

A desolate place, surrounded by darkness; Suddenly I saw a building on the wasteland ahead, bright and dim.

That lamp.

When he saw a lady waving to him by the roadside, he was wondering when it was built.

Go home in his car. After the lady got on the bus, he closed the door and started driving.

After a while, he wanted to know why the young lady didn't speak, so he looked back at the mirror.

Listen, there are no young ladies here.

There is a doll sitting there. He was scared to death and grabbed the doll.

Thrown out of the window, went home and was seriously ill for three months.

...

...

...

...

...

After his illness, he returned to work in a taxi company. As a result, his colleague said to him, "You really don't want it!"

That's interesting. A beautiful lady came to complain that she wanted to take your car last time, but she just took it.

When the doll was thrown in, you closed the door and drove away.

(10) On a dark and windy night, on the longest ... most terrible road.

……

The taxi driver drove there ... a woman waved to get on the bus by the roadside. ...

Well ... it was quiet all the way ... until the woman spoke. ...

She said, "Apple A is delicious ..."

The driver thought it was great ... so he took it ... and took a bite. ...

The woman asked, "Is it delicious?"

The driver said, "Delicious!"

The woman replied, "I liked apples very much before my death ..."

Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... Hearing this, the driver suddenly braked with fear and turned white. ...

I saw that woman slowly turn her head forward, ....................................................................................................................................................................

Want to know what she said? ………………………………………………

"... but I don't like it after giving birth! …& lt； ! -dv news _ AD _ BEGIN-& gt；