Seek classic humorous jokes

In the army, at the end of a shooting competition, at the end of a bombing competition and at the end of a comprehensive competition.

Their company commander was very angry and asked, "As your company commander, I am very angry. What do you say? " ! ? "

All soldiers: "Change the company commander! ! "A brief history of time

Do you have a brief history of time?

B: Psycho, I don't pick up shit when I have time.

One day, the pig said to the bear, "Guess how many sweets are in my pocket?"

The bear said, "That's right. Can you give it to me?"

The pig must nod: "well, I guess I'll give it to you two!" " "

The bear swallowed and said, "I guess there are five pieces."

Will you die for me?

A couple in love: The woman asked: Are you willing to die for me?

The man looked embarrassed, and the woman kept asking: If you don't want to die for me, then you just don't love me. Let's break up.

The man hesitated for a long time and finally made a difficult decision. He took out his ear and fed her ear wax. . . Mr. millionaire

The child asked a rich man, sir, why are you so rich?

The rich man said: I had nothing like you when I was a child. My father gave me an apple, so I sold it, bought two more apples with the money I earned, and then sold it to buy four more apples.

The child said thoughtfully, sir, I seem to understand. . .

Mr. millionaire said, you know your sister. Later, when my father died, I inherited all his inheritance.

What are you eating?

Man: Honey, I'm back. Let's eat chicken wings tonight.

Woman: You still want to eat chicken wings. I just read a news in the newspaper that chicken wings are the place with the most hormones in chickens!

Man: Then eat pork.

Woman: Great. I still eat pork. Yesterday, I just heard that there are illegal traders selling fake meat!

Son: It's not good to eat vegetables without meat.

Woman: I heard that there are too many pesticides on food to wash off!

M: Then you can only eat rice.

Woman: Rice? How can there be rice without bleach now, huh? !

M: It seems that we can only drink the northwest wind.

Son: Yes.

Woman: Northwest wind? It is said that all the blowing is automobile exhaust.

Son: ......

Man: ... Little bitch, I'm back.

At noon, my son and I took a nap. When he was half asleep, he suddenly said, "Little bitch, I'm back!" " "

After listening to this, I immediately petrified and quietly told my daughter-in-law not to let her children watch messy TV.

Daughter-in-law laughed wildly, saying that it was the line of Big Big Wolf in Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf: "Lamb, I'm back!" " "

A computer that can't lie.

A general-purpose computer is on public display, and a lady is visiting. The shop assistant said to her, "You can ask any question, and this computer will give you the correct answer."

The woman then wrote down her question: "Where is my father?"

The salesman entered this sentence, and soon the answer came out: "Your father is fishing at the seaside."

"Nonsense!" The woman said, "My father has been dead for ten years."

"The computer can't make mistakes." The salesman insisted, "Why don't you try asking in another way?"

So the woman asked again, "Where is my mother's husband?"

The computer replied, "He has been dead for ten years, but your father is fishing by the sea."

Approaching science

There is an episode of "Approaching Science", which is about several pieces of ice falling from the sky and hitting a rural area in Hebei.

Onlookers have come forward to taste it, which is said to be "quite delicious".

An old man took two pieces and put them back in the refrigerator for freezing, saying it was called rootless water. If you lick it every day, you can cure all diseases. Finally, the program consulted civil aviation experts, only to know that it was "Lan Bing" who fell from the plane bathroom.

-that is, the feces after chemical treatment. ...

So everyone petrified. . .

Why did you kick me?

One day, the rabbit was watching TV and went to a great place.

Suddenly I heard a knock at the door and went to open it, but there was no one inside.

"Hello, can I have some water?"

The rabbit found a snail at the door.

"no!" The rabbit kicked the snail away angrily with its foot.

A few years later, the rabbit watched TV at home alone.

The knock on the door rang again.

The rabbit ran to open the door,

The snail said, "Why did you kick me just now? !