Do you have any funny but profound stories?

One day the devil kidnapped the princess, and the princess kept shouting

The devil: "You can break your throat by screaming... No one will come to save you..."

Princess: "Broken throat...broken throat..."

No one: "Princess...I'm here to save you..."

Devil King: "Say Cao Cao, Cao Cao will be here..."

Cao Cao: "Devil King...what did you ask me to do..."

Devil King: "Wow...I saw a ghost"

Ghost: "Damn! I've been discovered..."

Damn: "Ghost, you can see me..."

Devil: "Oh, My God!"

God: "Who called me?"

Who: "No one calls you..."

No one: "I Where can I be? You're just pretending!"

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me?"

Who: "Me again? Are you looking for trouble?"

Trouble: "Which one is looking for me?"

Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't... Hey, there are so many people here."

Many people: "I just Yeah...who are you?"

Which one: "I am not who."

Who: "He is not me."

Princess : "Are you all here to save me?"

Everyone: "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the excitement."

Excitement: "What do I have? Good-looking?"

God: "It's none of my business, let's go first."

Devil: "You answer one question before you leave. Why are so many people saving the princess? I How can you continue to play this devil?"

Go on: "If you don't want to play the devil, why do you want to play me?"

Princess: "If no one plays the devil, I can leave. "

No one said: "If I played the devil, how could I let you go..."

How could it be: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the fun. "

Lively: "What are you watching me do?"

What: "You actually want to "fuck" me? Rogue!"

You actually: "I Where?"

Me: "What does it have to do with me?"

Devil: "Damn! I'm going crazy..."

Fuck: "Why are you calling me!..."

Crazy: "What do you want me to do?"

You want me: "I don't know anything!"

I don’t know anything: “I didn’t know!”

I didn’t know: “I’m here! Is someone calling me?”

Someone: "I didn't call you!"

I didn't: "Who called him?"

Someone: "It's unfair...I didn't..." < /p>

I didn’t: “I didn’t accuse you wrongly...”

You: “I’m sorry you don’t dare either.

”

Forgive you: “Who said I dare not!?”

Who: “Please...I didn’t say anything”

Me Nothing: "What do you want me to say?"

I have nothing: "...You...aren't you my long-lost brother?"

My long-lost brother: "Hao... even if I have such a long name... I will be called too

ah..."

Who: "I want Hurry up and leave this place of right and wrong"

Right and wrong: "So this is my territory"

I have nothing & nothing: "Don't make any noise, Allah is talking"

p>

Don't make any noise, Alas: "I'm not talking..."

I'm not: "I'm not talking!..."

What am I? Neither: "-_-\\\"...Let's go...go outside and chat..."

Go: "I'm sorry...(cowardly)"

p>

I have nothing: "It's none of your business...flash..." (The two brothers walked out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Ugh... Why did you drive me away..."

Why: "I didn't drive you away...be good...don't cry"

I didn't: "Oh... What does it have to do with me?"

What does it have to do with me: "What? Does anyone want to call me?"

Someone: "Who wants to call you..."

Who: "I really have to leave...T.T"

Leave: "I'm really sorry...*V.V*" (\\\"Who\\\ "Fell to the ground)

None of your business: "...Aren't you my cousin?"

None of my business: "...Cousin...it's been a long time" Missing..."

A long time: "I'm not here..."

Devil King: "Are you finished?"

Are you finished? : "He doesn't have me"

You: "I don't have him"

I: "Who said that?"

Who: "Call me What?"

You: "You actually want to fuck me?"

You: "I won't fuck him"

I: "Who said I don't know how?"

Who said: "It's unfair! I didn't say..."

Say: "What do you want me to do?"

Who said: "You two How shameless!"

Both of you: "I want it! I want it!"

Face: "Who wants me?"

Who: "I don't want it! Ah."

Devil: "Hurry up, I'm going to drive you out."

People: "Drive me out? Find K."

K: "Who is looking for me?"

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name. If you mention me again, I'll kill him! "

Him: "Don't kill me"

Me: "Who wants to kill me?"

Who: "Finally let me catch one, kill him "Yeah..."

One said: "Don't catch me"

Me: "I've had enough. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go!" ”

Who: “Look at my Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms!”

Me: “Look at my Nine-Yin White Bone Claws!”

Ten Dragon-Subduing Palms Eight Palms: "What's good about me?"

Nine Yin White Bone Claw: "What's good about me?"

What's good about me: "Brother, I finally found you La! ”

What’s cool: “Brother, let’s go out and talk.”

Devil King: “Damn it...this is a wedding ceremony...”

From then on, the devil really suffered from schizophrenia...

What cartoon character likes to help others

Answer: Doraemon

Reason: Like to extend a hand (helping hand)

What cartoon character’s world is dark

Answer: Doraemon

Reason: I can’t see my fingers

The architect

said her bed would shake every time a train passed by.

"That's nonsense." The architect replied, "I'll take a look."

”

After the architect arrived, the lady suggested that he lie on the bed and experience the feeling of the train passing by.

As soon as the architect got into bed and lay down, the lady’s husband came back. He Seeing this, he shouted and asked: "What are you doing lying on my wife's bed?

The architect replied tremblingly: "I said I was waiting for the train. Would you believe it?" ”

Epiphany

Some words are true, but they sound false; some words are false, but there is no doubt about it.

2. Temptation

The English gentleman and the French woman were riding in the same box. The woman wanted to seduce the Englishman. After she took off her clothes and lay down, she complained that she was cold. The gentleman gave her his quilt, but she kept talking. Cold.

"How else can I help you? "The husband asked frustratedly.

"When I was a child, my mother always used her body to keep me warm. ”

“Miss, there’s nothing I can do about this. I can't jump off the train and go find your mother, can I? ”

Epiphany

A man who understands style is a good man, and a man who does not understand style is even better.

3. Spoon

< p>Mike walked into the restaurant and ordered a soup, and the waiter brought it to him immediately.

As soon as the waiter walked away, Mike yelled: "I'm sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter brought him another soup, but he still said: "I'm sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter had no choice but to call the manager.

The manager nodded respectfully to Mike and said, "Sir, this dish is the best in our store and is very popular among customers. Could it be that you ..."

"I mean, where is the spoon? ”

Epiphany

It is of course a good thing to correct mistakes. But we often correct the correct ones and leave the wrong ones, and the result is more mistakes.

4. Wrong Wear

In the dining room, an unusually humble man timidly touched another customer, who was wearing a coat.

“I’m sorry. Are you Mr. Pierre? "

"No, I'm not. "The man replied.

"Ah," he breathed a sigh of relief, "Then I'm not mistaken, I am him, and you are wearing his coat. ”

Epiphany

It is not easy to be righteous. People who are righteous are often groveling, while people who are arrogant are as arrogant as cattle. < /p>

5. Call back

A Scotsman went to London and wanted to visit an old friend, but he forgot his address, so he sent a telegram to his father: "You know Thomas's address? Quick Report 1

On the same day, he received an urgent call back: "Yes."

Epiphany

When we finally found the most correct answer , only to find it to be the most useless.

6. Sad Story

Three people went to New York for vacation. They booked a suite on the 45th floor of a high-rise hotel.

One night, the elevator in the building broke down, and the attendant arranged for them to spend the night in the lobby.

After discussion, they decided to walk back to the room and agreed to take turns telling jokes, singing and telling stories to reduce the fatigue of climbing the stairs.

The jokes were told and the songs were sung. After finally climbing to the 34th floor, everyone felt exhausted.

"Okay, Peter, tell me a humorous story."

Peter said: "The story is not long, but it is extremely sad: I gave the key to the room. Forgot in the hall. ”

Epiphany

We are miserable, so we are humorous; we are humorous, so we are happy.

7. Selling books

A very famous writer wants to visit the bookstore. The bookstore owner was so flattered that he quickly removed all the books and replaced them with the author's books. After the writer came to the bookstore, he was very happy and asked: "Does your store only sell my books?"

"Of course not." The bookstore owner replied, "Other books are selling very well, and they are all sold. It's over."

Epiphany

"Flattery" is a strange word: you seem to be flattering him, but also seeming to be insulting him.

8. Help

In the post office lobby, an old lady walked up to a middle-aged man and said politely: "Sir, please help me write the address on the postcard. Okay?"

"Of course." The middle-aged man did as the old man asked.

The old lady said again: "Write a short paragraph for me, please? Thank you!"

"Okay." After the middle-aged man finished writing according to the old lady's words, , and asked with a smile: "Is there anything else that I can help with?"

"Well, there's just one more little thing." The old lady looked at the postcard and said, "Help me add this sentence at the bottom: The writing is illegible. , please forgive me."

Epiphany

If you refuse to help, people will hate you for a week; if the help is not perfect, it is better to...

After thirty years of drinking, a dish was served: "Stewed Bastard!"

Everyone was happy, but they did not forget the rules. Someone poked Bastard's head with chopsticks and said: "The leader moves, the leader moves!" < /p>

The leader looked at the trembling turtle's head and felt unhappy in his heart. He did not want to harmonize the end of his words and did not want to violate the good wishes of everyone

so he continued to Taking a spoonful of soup, he said: "Okay, okay! Please feel free to do whatever you want."

Someone said: "Yes - the bastard should drink the soup!" The leader was so angry that he almost spit out his rice.

Not long after, when the soup was almost gone, something round appeared and asked: "Miss, what is this?"

The lady hurriedly replied: "It's a bastard." Surprise: "The leader eats first, the leader eats first!"

This leader did not hear the "unlucky" words, he was very happy, and called the lady: "Give everyone a share!"

For a long time, the lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily: "Why, can't you tell the difference?"

The lady said in embarrassment: "Seven people, six bastards, how do you want me to separate them? "

After everyone heard this, they all stretched their necks and stared. Their mouths were full of delicious food and it was difficult to swallow.

Once upon a time, a man named Ah Shuang died. On the day of the funeral, his family cried and called his name: "It's so cool... it's so cool... ....It feels so good…" At this time, a passerby passed by and saw this scene and asked: "What makes you feel so good?"

Shuang's family suddenly burst into tears: "It feels so good. Got it!"

A certain beauty decided to spend a lot of money to lose weight. After spending more than 100,000 yuan, she felt very satisfied!

On the way home, she bought it at a newsstand When she was looking for money, she asked her boss: "Excuse me, how old do you think I am?"

The boss said: 32.

She is so happy: 47!

Then she went to sell pawns and asked the lady at the counter the same question.

The lady said: I guess 29.

She was so happy: No, she is 47!

Exuberantly, she went to the Uni-President Supermarket on the corner to buy a pack of chewing gum, and couldn't help but ask the lady at the counter there. The lady said: Well, I guess 30.

She was so proud: 47, thank you!

While waiting for the bus, she asked the old man next to her again.

The old man said: I am 78 years old and my eyesight is bad and I cannot see clearly. However, there is a way to be sure when you are young. If you let me put my hand in your bra, I can definitely tell your age!

There was silence for a long time, and on the empty street, she finally couldn't help but be curious: Okay! You give it a try.

The old man put his hand into her shirt and then into her bra, and began to explore slowly and carefully.

A few minutes later, she said: Okay, how old do you think I am?

The old man squeezed it one last time and took out his hand. Say: Madam, you are 47 years old.

The beauty was taken aback and asked in surprise: How amazing! How did you know?

"Promise not to be angry?"

"Don't be angry!"

The old man's answer made the beauty faint:

The old man said: I stood behind you in line at McDonald's

A man saw a sale at a store and walked in. "What are you buying?" "I want to buy dog ??food." "We have a rule that you have to prove that you have a dog." "Where is this rule?" "That's what's on sale.

"The man spent a long time with the salesperson, but the salesperson still refused to sell it to him. He had no choice but to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food." Give me two boxes of cat food. “We have a rule that you have to prove you have a cat. "It was the same salesperson. The man spent a long time with her, but in the end he had to go home and bring the cat with him before buying cat food. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole dug out. , find the salesperson. "What do you want to buy?" "You'll know when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in and said, "What is it? It's sticky." "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper." "

My younger brother doesn't like the food my mother cooks, but he likes to eat instant noodles. One day, my mother didn't cook, and my brother wanted to eat instant noodles again. My mother scolded him: "Mom didn't cook." You don’t know how to go out and buy a bento when cooking? Eating instant noodles is not nutritious! !

My brother said: "I just like to eat, what do you think?" ! "

"Oh...Mom told you, instant noodles are really not a good thing. Your father used to have a young lady in the company. In order to save all the money and send it home, So I eat instant noodles in the morning, instant noodles at noon, and instant noodles in the evening. After eating instant noodles every day, she died three months later! ”

(Shocked): “Real or false?” "

"How could mom lie to you? ”

”Really, how did she die? "

Well, there was a car accident while buying instant noodles...

A young man received a gift on his birthday, which was a talking parrot. But he soon discovered that this The parrot was full of dirty words, very rude, and not polite at all. He was determined to change the parrot by speaking polite words to it, teaching it elegant vocabulary, and playing soft music, but it was of no use. The parrot was still full of dirty words.

He shouted angrily at the parrot, and the parrot shouted at him even louder. Once, he was so angry that he threw the parrot into the refrigerator. After a few seconds, he heard the parrot flapping inside. , shouting, cursing. Suddenly, there was no sound at all. Half a minute later, there was still no sound. He was worried that the parrot was frozen, so he immediately opened the refrigerator. , stood on his arm obediently, and said in a very sincere tone: "I'm sorry that I made you angry. I did something wrong before. I decided to change my ways and never say bad words again. Please forgive me." "

The young man was surprised by the transformation of the parrot. Before he could say anything, the parrot continued: "Can I ask what the chicken inside did wrong? "

Title: Thriving - a metaphor for growing up beautifully.

Children wrote: My brother is growing prosperously.

Teacher's comment: My child, your brother is Is he in a vegetative state...

There is another one who is even more blind...

The child writes: Xinxing Rongrong Confessions

Teacher’s comment: Don’t watch too many TV series~~

One day, the teacher walked into the classroom, and the students stood up and shouted: "Good morning, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily: "Just say good morning?" What about my afternoon? Isn't it bad? ”

So the students shouted again: “Good afternoon, teacher!”

The teacher said angrily: "What about me at night?"

The students shouted again: "Have a good evening, teacher!"

The teacher nodded and said, "That's enough. Now shout it again!"

The students shouted in unison: "Good morning, teacher, good afternoon, and good evening!" "

The teacher said: "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. We practice like this. I say one thing and you say the antonyms out loud. Start now. "

Teacher: "The weather is very good today. ”

Student: “The weather is very bad today. "

Teacher: "The sun is shining everywhere. ”

Student: “There are clouds everywhere. ”

Teacher: “There are huge crowds of people on the road. ”

Student: “There is no one on the road. ”

Teacher: “Young. ”

Student: “Old. ”

Teacher: “Stand. "

Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road.

”

Student: “There was a young man lying down on the road. ”

Teacher: “I picked up one yuan.” ”

Student: “I lost one dollar.” "

Teacher: "I picked up one yuan and gave it to the teacher. ”

Student: “I lost one yuan and went to steal the teacher.” ”

Teacher: “Wrong, you can’t say that!” ”

Student: “Correct, that’s how it should be said!” ”

Teacher: “Wrong. ”

Student: “Correct. ”

Teacher: “This is not okay, this is illegal!” ”

Student: “That’s okay, it’s legal!” "

Teacher: "I said it was wrong. ”

Student: “We said it is correct. "

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher says is correct! "

Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong! "

Teacher: "You are stupid. ”

Student: “We are smart. "

Teacher: "Stop! ”

Student: “Continue!” ”

Teacher: “Stop now!” Stop talking! ”

Student: “Let’s continue now! More to say! ”

Teacher: “You stupid pigs, I say stop!” ”

Student: “We are all geniuses, we say continue!” ”

Teacher: “You listen to the teacher!” ”

Student: “Teacher, listen to us! ”

Teacher: “Students must listen to the teacher!” ”

Student: “Teachers must listen to their students!” ”

Teacher: “Stop practicing now! ”

Student: “Now let’s continue practicing!

Teacher: "Are you done?" ”

Student: “We have a beginning and an end!” ”

Teacher: “Then stop!” idiot! ”

Student: “Then we should continue!” genius! "

....Then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily holding the book in his arms

It made your whole family laugh to death

The school started roll call, and there was a class teacher who had an ingenious idea. He said to the students: "I'll give you my student number, and you can tell me your name so that everyone can get to know each other, okay?" ”

“No. 001! "

"Teacher, my surname is Jiao, and my name is Jiao Pei. The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who got this for you?" "

"My dad. "What does your father do?" ”

“Open a breeding pig factory! ”

“No. 002!

A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my surname is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai." ”

“No. 003! "

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang Bukai. "Who gave you this name?" "

"It's my dad. He sells pliers. "The teacher quickly took a sip of water.

"No. 004! "

"Reporting to the teacher, my surname is Ou (the character is pronounced "Ou") and my name is Ou Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said she happened to have a baby when she gave birth to me. A computer game was played. "The teacher's heart felt a little uncomfortable.

"No. 005! "

"Report to the teacher, Ganniang! "Why are you swearing?" ! ”

“No! Teacher, I mean my surname is Gan, my name is Gan Ni Niang, and my father is a wine maker. "The teacher took a pill.

No. 006!"

"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and my name is Goubuli."

"Your father is You open a bun shop?”

“Teacher, you are so smart!” The teacher was already a little unsteady.

“No. 007!”

“My surname is Kuai (pronounce it quickly, pronounce it in the third tone.) and my name is Kuai Huo.”

“Don’t tell me Your dad runs a warehouse."

"Teacher, you are so old-fashioned. My dad is a pimp." Blood oozed from the corner of the teacher's mouth.

"No. 008!"

"Teacher, go to hell!" "What? What did you say?!"

"I mean my surname is Ni , called Ni to go to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist, isn’t my name interesting? ”

“Interesting, interesting” The teacher almost burst into tears.

"No. 009!"

"Teacher, I'll tell you next time." "Why do you have to tell me next time? You tell me now!"

"No. La! Teacher, my surname is Xia, my name is Xia Huishuo, and my father is a storyteller." The teacher was already feeling dizzy.

"No. 010!"

"Teacher, my surname is Gao, and my name is Gao Wan."

"My surname is Mei, and my name is Mei Liangliang."

p>

"My surname is Wu, and my name is Wu Qing."

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong."......

The teacher looked up to the sky and roared: "Oh my God "What kind of students did I meet!" The teacher spit out blood and collapsed to the ground.

A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report:

"Rabbits , shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! "

(Translation: Comrades, villagers, please don't talk, it's a meeting now!!)

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: "Pickles, sausages and pickled melons!"

(Translation: Now invite the township magistrate to speak!)

The township magistrate said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today's meal, and we are all big bastards!"

(Translation: Comrades, today's meal is enough, let's all use big bowls!)

"No pickles, I'll pick up dog poop for you to lick..."

(Translation: Don't talk, I'll tell you a story...)

Taoyuan dialect is very peculiar, with a very high ending sound, such as "bureau", which is pronounced as "pig".

First go to the Propaganda Department of the County Party Committee and contact the Personnel Bureau for an interview. Someone from the publicity department called me to make an appointment on speakerphone.

Propaganda Department: "Hey, are you a pig? (Personnel Bureau)"

The other party: "No, you are mistaken. I am not a pig (Personnel Bureau) , my mother is a pig (grain bureau). "

I tried so hard to hold back my laughter that my stomach hurt.

The next day, I attended a county government report meeting. Roll call before the meeting.

Moderator: "Which units have arrived?"

So the participants reported their homes one by one:

"I am a male castrate (Public Security Bureau) ). "

"My name is Pig (Education Bureau). "

"I am a bit of a pig (Post Office). Telecommunications Bureau)

Although the husband is old, he insists on working. One day he was almost late for work, so he quickly took medicine, but the water was very hot.

What? Why did you put two hundred yuan in the refrigerator?