Collect humorous jokes from all over the world! ! I’m offering a big reward! ! Bonus points if the quality is good! ! Hope everyone will participate enthusiastically! ! !

Title: Tooth extraction

The beautiful lady walked into the dentist's office excitedly. After the doctor prepared the equipment, she sat restlessly

on the chair.

The doctor was about to examine her, and she said: "Oh, doctor. I am most afraid of dentists. I would rather have a

child than have my teeth extracted."

The doctor said patiently: "Okay! Miss, before I adjust the chair, please make a decision!"

--

Title: Churchill- So decisive

Churchill disagreed with some of the views of feminist Nancy Astor. This made the lady very angry

"Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee"

"If I were your husband"? Churchill replied without hesitation? "I will drink it without hesitation

Drink it!"

--

Title: Churchill - Such an accident< /p>

Churchill asked the taxi driver to wait outside for a while before taking him back. Unexpectedly, the driver replied firmly

?

"No, I have to go back and listen to Churchill's speech."

Churchill was secretly pleased and immediately gave him a A nice tip. The driver was overjoyed and said immediately,?

"Sir, I think I'd better wait for you here instead of listening to Churchill's speech"

--

Title: Churchill - So Dissatisfied

Churchill disliked his acrobat son-in-law very much. One day the son-in-law asked his father-in-law who he most admired during the Second World War.

Unexpectedly, Churchill said: "Musolini". Then he added?

"He had the courage to shoot his son-in-law!"

--

Title: Churchill-So Ambitious

In Churchill's later years, an American film studio planned to make a biopic about him, and hired movie star Charlie Flotton to play the leading role with a large sum of money. Churchill was furious when he learned that Flotton would receive a huge fee for playing him. ?

"First of all, Flotton is too fat, and secondly, he is too old. Since I can get so much money for acting, I might as well let myself act."

< p>After being strongly discouraged by his family, Churchill gave up his dream of becoming an actor.

--

Title: TV anchor’s joke

Recently there is such a joke circulating among peers:

A TV anchor The female news anchor, because she lacks common sense but loves to make her own decisions, often makes jokes. One day, this beautiful female anchor saw an article about Taoyuan Airport

Because the weather did not allow the plane to land, the article read... China Airlines Flight No. xxxx also hovered over the airport because the tower was unable to arrange landing in time

< p>One week..." This great and beautiful anchor felt that "one week" was too chatty, so when reporting the news, she very cleverly changed "one week" to "one week" .

He was still muttering

"I don't want to speak more clearly when I write a manuscript..."

Another time, during Arbor Day, the TV station planned a A small topic about the resume of the Founding Father,

This hard-working and attentive anchor, of course, read the press release silently several times with trepidation, but

only saw the expression on her delicate face. One question after another, finally she raised her head and said: "Don't we have only one founding father, and he is also a Cantonese? When will there be another one named Zhongshan Qiao?

Japanese? .....

Dear friends, don’t think I’m talking nonsense, this is true!

--

Title: Miracles

A and B are arguing about whether there are miracles in the world

A: If someone Falling from the third floor, but being safe and sound, what else is it but a miracle?

B: That’s lucky

A: What if that person fell again but was not injured?

B: That’s a lucky star

A: What if it falls again and nothing happens?

B: Oh! That means you are well-trained!

< p>--

Title: Connotation

When looking at the marriage notice,

Brother: This is good, female, 23 years old, delicate, with connotation!

Sister: What does it mean to have "connotation"?

Brother: There is something in the belly!

Sister: ...unmarried mother... .

--

Title: 3 Jokes

< 1. >

Title: Chinese Teacher’s Couplet

When MONO was in junior high school, there was a substitute Chinese language teacher who was very funny. During one class, he told an interesting couplet joke

that MONO still remembers:

Talk about Su Dongpo There was a little girl, known as Su Xiaomei, who was smart and talented.

One time, Su Xiaomei was reading historical records with great interest. Sister Su saw it and teased the little girl:

"Sister Reading historical records makes me think of Han."

After hearing this, Su Xiaomei couldn't think of the appropriate couplet for a while, so she had to keep it in mind.

One day, Sister Su was drying clothes in the courtyard, and the sun was very strong. , Sister-in-law Su raised her hands to cover the sun.

When Su Xiaomei saw this scene, she took off her breath and said to her:

"Sister-in-law is afraid of the sun coming to shade me!"

< p>< 2. >

Title: What should I give to my girlfriend’s dad on Father’s Day?

What should I give to my girlfriend’s dad on Father’s Day?

A: "Tie"

B: "Shaving razor"

C: "Shirt"

D: "Little grandson!!!"

< 3. >

Title: Give up your seat

A Shu took his five-year-old son Xiaoqi and just returned home after taking the bus...

"Mom", Xiao Qi said to her mother A-ling: "When I was taking the bus just now, my father asked me to get up and give up my seat to a very

beautiful woman."

"Dad is right to do this," A Ling said: "This is to teach you etiquette. Men should give up their seats to

women.

”

“But I’m sitting on daddy’s lap!”

--

Title: Would rather die than die

California A bank robbery occurred in a small town in , and the robber was arrested by the police chief just after he hid the money.

Since the robber smuggled over from the other side of the Pacific, it was difficult to He could speak English, so the police chief had to ask MacArthur

to be the translator.

After a period of fatigue bombing-style torture, the robber insisted on refusing to tell where the money was hidden. There was no other way. , the sergeant had no choice but to put on a black face and roared at MacArthur to tell the robber: "If you don't say anything, shoot him!" MacArthur faithfully conveyed the sergeant's message

Go out. Probably the translation was so good that the robber was so frightened that he uttered incoherently: "The money is in the well in the center of the town. Please tell him to spare my life."

MacArthur transferred He turned around and told the police sergeant with a solemn expression:

"This guy has the guts and would rather die than be killed. He asked you to shoot him."

--

Title: Picking a team name....

During the trial teaching in the kindergarten, teams must be divided into groups to compete.

For the convenience of cheering, each team is asked to come up with a team name. It's easier to cheer this way...

Teacher: What should your group be called?

Group 1: Teacher, we want to call it the Hero Team...

< p>Teacher: Well... very good, you are all heroes (give positive praise)

(Go to the second group)

Teacher: The first group was just called the hero team. What about you?

Group 2: Teacher, teacher, we are going to call Chibi Maruko-chan Team

Teacher: Well...that’s great! You are all as cute as Maruko-chan ( Give affirmation)

(Go to the third group)

Teacher: Children, what team do you want to call?

Third group leader: Teacher, we .............

Teacher: It doesn’t matter, think about it slowly....

The leader of the third group: Teacher, our name is "Cheerleading"

Division:...

--

Title: Clinton's Joke....

< p>It is said that after Clinton was elected President of the United States and after celebrating all the celebration banquets, he and the First Lady

Hillary drove out from the back door of the White House for a walk to relax!

The car was almost out of gas halfway through the drive, so I went to a gas station to refuel. After arriving at the gas station, in order to avoid being recognized as the President of the United States, Clinton asked Hillary to go to the gas station while he stayed in the car! Unexpectedly -

Hillary and the gas station owner were talking and laughing, and they were very happy. At this time, Clinton couldn't help but feel jealous

After filling up the tank, Hillary returned to the car. ． ． ．

"Who was that person who was talking and laughing with you just now?" Clinton asked jealously.

“Oh~ she’s my high school classmate!” Hillary replied.

"It's a joke! If you had married him, you would be just a gas station lady now, and you are

the first lady of the United States! Huh!" Ke! Linton said a little proudly.

"You have to understand that if I had married him, the current president of the United States would not have been you, but him.

Yeah~" Hillary replied seriously.

--

Title: Classroom Inscription Reprinted

If you don’t get a high grade, you will be fine, if you don’t learn well, cheating will be useless

This is the only classroom My leisure time

Novel spreads quickly, magazines are flipped through, I play chess, think about movies, and watch movies

I can write love letters to my girlfriend without the sound of books, no need to review, and no need to review

Although it is not a dance hall, it is comparable to an amusement park. My thoughts are: mixed diplomas

--

Title: Parking spaces

If there are 100 parking spaces

The parking space for Americans can accommodate 80 cars---because Americans have big cars

The parking space for Germans can accommodate 100 cars---because Germany People are the most disciplined

If you park for Japanese people, you can park 120 cars---because Japanese cars are small

If you park for Taiwanese people, you can only park 2 cars....because there are two One for each exit

--

Title: Junior High School Student

A joke from a long time ago:

There was a foreigner When buying movie tickets, I stood behind a junior high school student. Since the ticket sales lady didn't speak English, she asked the junior high school student standing in front to tell the foreigners behind her: "There are only standing tickets left." See if he wants to buy it,

As a result, the junior high school student said to the foreigner, "No seat, you see no see, if see stand see."

(There is no seat, Do you want to watch it? If you want to watch it, stand and watch it.) After the foreigner listened, he said to the junior high school student:

"I don't understand your English." The junior high school student listened to the ticket sales The lady said, "He

said he didn't understand English

--

Title: Joke

Graduate students are not allowed to translate a fable Laugh. Non-graduate students, well... probably won’t laugh either!

In a cave, there was a rabbit typing, and a fox came from a distance.

I was very curious, so I asked the rabbit: "Rabbit! What are you hunting for?"

The rabbit replied: "I am writing a paper, and the topic is: How does the rabbit eat the fox?" "

The fox laughed after hearing this: "What a big joke! How could the rabbit eat the fox? "

The rabbit said: "Since you don't believe it, please come with me and I will prove it to you!" So the fox followed

the rabbit into the cave.

< p>Soon, the rabbit came out of the cave alone and continued typing.

Soon, another wolf came and asked curiously: "Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?"

Rabbit replied: "I'm writing a paper on how rabbits eat wolves. "

The wolf laughed and said: "Absurd! Ridiculous! How can such a ridiculous question be passed? "

The rabbit invited the wolf to the cave again. Soon, the rabbit still I came out of the cave alone and continued typing.

The camera returned to the cave and saw two piles of bones on one side of the cave. On the other side, a lion was crushing bones. Picking between its teeth

Moral:

1: It doesn’t matter what the title of your paper is.

2: What is the content of your paper? It doesn’t matter what you do.

3: What matters is who your thesis boss is