Seek a script for a middle school student's cross talk sketch, which is healthy and absolutely hilarious.

(stand-up comedy)

The hardest part of crosstalk is "speaking", because you don't know what everyone likes to hear. Some people like to listen to literature, others like to listen to martial arts. Because everyone has different preferences, this is the most difficult place to "talk". People not only have different likes and dislikes, but also have different temperaments. Some people have a bad temper, stare and can't say good things, which makes people uncomfortable. Some people are chronic, no matter how anxious you are. If a bad temper meets a chronic child, it will be out of luck! He can vent his bad temper. Chronic child, he has nothing to say: "Just arrived?" I don't care about him with a bad temper: "Ah, just arrived!" "wow! Why are you so angry? " "ah! I don't want to talk to you! I get angry when I see you. " "won't you stop looking at me?" "I talk to you? If you talk to me again, I'll hit you! " "hey! Hit someone? I have heard of it, but I haven't seen it yet! " "Do you believe I hit you today?" "I don't believe it. Look, it is flat here. Try it for a while! " He was angry with Zhou long hair and gave him a big mouth. If you want to leave others, you must fight. He can make this grumpy second son fail. He laughed at his bad temper: "I don't believe it when I say you can hit people." As soon as I look at it today, you can hit people. Call again here, so as not to be biased! " The grumpy man raised his hand and said, "Wow! I really haven't seen anyone like you. " Avoid him in a rage!

There is also a kind of person who likes to take advantage of small things. If he doesn't leave some time for shopping, he will panic from the heart. He took a copper coin to the grocery store and bought six kinds, but others couldn't even buy two kinds. After buying something, he said, "Boss, why don't you eat early?" The people at the counter didn't bother to see him, and they couldn't help but ignore him: "What to buy?" "I eat noodles today." "I don't care what you eat, I'll get it for you!" "You give me half a penny of soy sauce and half a penny of vinegar." They gave it a good beating. "You take that oil pier and add some sesame oil to me so that I can taste it." They gave me some sesame oil, that's all. "You pinch some onions for me, Ye Er." These are four things; "Please cut me some more parsley." These are five things; People brought him coriander, but he ignored it. He copied two cloves of garlic to make it look like six cloves. Nobody is tired of watching people like this!

There is a story about this. Once upon a time, there was a newly appointed magistrate. On his first day in office, he was promoted to the lobby, and all three classes of officials put down their hands to wait on him. At that time, two squad leaders were called for questioning, and the old man said, "Why are they on the ground?" "Come in, sir. The ground is quiet. There are no thieves or robbers." The old man said, "well, I want three cases from you." In the first case, you need a grumpy one; Example 2 1, I want a chronic child; Sanyi case, you give me one who likes to take advantage of small things. I'll give you seven days. If you can't do it, I will blame you. Go on! " The more the two leaders come down, the more embarrassed they think about it. A person who is easy to lose his temper. Where can we do it? You can't go into the street and stop people. "Stop, are you grumpy?" "How do you know I have a bad temper?" "You are chronic!" "Do you like to take advantage of petty gain?" "You love Xiao!" I can't do it! Seven days passed, but nothing was done. Everyone got forty boards and gave them seven days. I didn't do it again, and everyone got another forty boards; After another seven days, the two leaders were annoyed and went out of the yamen. One called that one: "Big Brother, we can't do this job. Now you have to ask him for leave to resign, and he will never allow it. Let's stay with him and have a drink. " Two men were drinking in a restaurant when they saw a group of people walking west. The two leaders asked, "Boss, why is the street so busy today?" A manned Le Er said, "Well, you two are still working in the yamen! When people handed over their official duties at the yamen, they rushed to the west gate to pay homage to the young crops and sing a thank-you play, all of which belonged to the drama. " When the two leaders heard this, they called it "Big Brother, let's go to the theatre." The man said, "forget it, in a few days, you will be exposed again." How can you worry about going to the opera? " This article says, "If you are worried, you will be happy. Let's go and play for a while. " Two people paid the money, out of the restaurant. They walked and talked and went out of town.

At that time, there were no seats in the countryside, and they all stood and listened. If you want to sit, you must move the bench at home. After the play, you have to recite it. Everyone is watching the play there, and the two leaders have arrived. The stage is singing Pulling Pulley. While Gao Chong was choosing a car, two people were fighting in the crowd. A child who has been ill for a long time stood in front of him and applauded him. This gesture of clapping for him made him feel sad. He crossed his waist, shook his head and said, "OK, OK ... OK ..." Behind him stood a grumpy man, whose voice almost scared him down. "good!" Chronic children look back; "You are here desperately! Well, it's over, isn't it? Why is there such a loud noise? " "Oh, do you mind if I call you that?" "I can't help it. Can't I avoid you? " We were going to the opera. A child ran in from the outside, ran to the chronic child, grabbed his hand and said, "Dad, Dad, our house is on fire!" " "ah! Is there a fire? Go back first, I won't be too late after the play. " Hearing this, the grumpy temper became grumpy. The big mouth made the chronic child stumble. "Where are you from? What if you don't hurry back when the house is on fire and add it after the play? " Slow-tempered lying on the ground to deal with him: "Burn me, what's it to you?" I'm glad I'll go back after the performance. If you are unhappy, don't go home for half a month! "wow! You really make people angry. Do you believe I killed you? " "Well, then, you are a good man, so I don't have to get up! "Two people are arguing here, and a man standing next to them says," Are you two arguing here, and others still listening? "I looked up and saw two heads of the yamen:" Hey, boss! Come and see here, they are quarreling here! " The two leaders came over and asked, "Why? "Tell him to talk," he said angrily. Seeing the chronic patient still lying underground, the two leaders said, "Get up!" "I can't get up." "Why?" "I got up and he knocked me down." "Never mind, he didn't dare to hit you. We are here. "The chronically ill child stood up and patted the soil on his body. The boss asked, "Because of what?" The slow man said, "I'm here to see the opera." My child wrote to me that my house was on fire. I said it's not too late to go back after the play. This man hit me with his big mouth and almost killed me. " "Strange as you are, why don't you hurry back when the house is on fire? What should I do if I go back after listening to the play and connect people and neighborhoods? " "You don't know, I was born so chronic. Hearing this, the two leaders said, "Well, I have prepared eighty boards for you! "Take out the chain and smash it, and lock him up at once. I turned to my temper and said, "You didn't raise your hand to hit someone." "I am angry." "Then you shouldn't hit people!" "Oh, I'm too grumpy. "These two bosses also locked him up." Ah! What's going on here? I don't care, okay? ""If you don't care, you can't do it. We have your business with this eighty-year-old board of directors! " The two leaders took two people away, thinking that this trip was not in vain. We have two. No way! There is still a lack of one who loves to take advantage of small things! Walking, I saw a grocer's pick, and two people were grinding things. The buyer said, "boss, is this watermelon stewed in oil?" "Grab two and put them in your mouth." Are you drunk? Does peanut skin count as skin? "He tasted everything. The vegetable seller said, "Don't buy it, it's full of miscellaneous vegetables?" "You see, why don't I buy it? How much do you charge for this candy? " "A penny." "Do you want to sell two pieces for a penny?" The shopkeeper said, "Not for sale." "Don't sell, don't sell. Why are you glaring? "He gave a penny, stretched out his hand and took a piece with these two fingers, and the three fingers behind him took another piece. You see, he has been here for a long time, and people have long been fascinated by eating this and that. He picked up two pieces, and the seller reached out and grabbed his wrist: "You can't take two pieces." He turned his wrist and put both pieces of candy in his mouth: "No? I swallowed it all. " "If you swallow it, you have to give money." "If you want money and have no money, do what you want!" Both of them were annoyed. These two bosses dragged them here. The vegetable seller looked up. "Come here, two bosses!" "The two leaders went to the edge of the pole:" What's the matter? " The vegetable seller said, "Have you seen this master? He bought nothing, but he tasted everything. He gave a penny a candy and ate two. " The two leaders said, "People can't make that much money in small businesses. Can you make money by taking two pieces of candy from others? " "I tell you, I am not only buying him, but also buying a person. I am so embarrassed if I am not hungry. " "Why are you such a leader?" "I was born so fond of taking advantage of petty advantages." The two leaders were so happy that they took out the chains and locked him up. "Boss, can I change it tomorrow?" "You can't change it, just follow!"

Two men with ties went into town, went to the yamen, took them to the cell, and met them inside. Hearing this, the master hurried to the hall, with three classes of officials standing on both sides. The master sat in the hall and said, "Bring them all up." Someone brought these three people here and knelt down. The master pointed at the slow temper and said, "What's wrong with you?" The chronic child looked at his master with his eyes and said, "sir, I'm going to the opera house outside the city." My child wrote to me that my house was on fire. I said it's not too late to go home after the play. This man hit me with his big mouth and almost killed me. " Hearing this, the master said, "The house is on fire. Why don't you hurry back?" "You see, I am so chronic." The master pointed to his temper again: "There is no one like you. Do you raise your hand and hit people? " "Sir, do you think that if the house is on fire and he doesn't hurry back, where should he pick up others?" "Then you shouldn't hit people!" "My temper is so grumpy." The master pointed to this bitch again: "Where are you?" "Sir, as far as I'm concerned, I have to save some money when I buy things. If I don't spend some money, I will be unhappy from the heart. " The master said, "OK, I'll give you three. Do you know anything? " The three men said in unison, "I don't know." "You three are here with me when the police? Hearing this, the two leaders were angry: it took a lot of effort to find him! All right, give him a job! The master pointed to his temper and said, "If you are my waiter, you won't miss anything. Chronic child, show me, young master, how the child grinds you. Don't worry, you love cheap children. You buy me something, buy me something to catch my breath. "As soon as everyone listens, I dare say that this master also likes to take advantage of small things."

It's bad luck for this master to keep these three men as policemen! One day, the master went to take an errand and called a horse with a bad temper. He took the saddle to the horse's back, but he couldn't, because it wasn't usually him. This horse looks unfamiliar. He put the saddle on the left and the horses lined up on the right. He put the saddle on the right and the horses lined up on the left. He was angry: "Hey! I don't think I can do it! I see if you can do it! " He went to the hut and brought the lawn mower. He pointed a hay knife at the horse's neck and cut off its head. As soon as the horse lay in the trough, it fell down and put the saddle on it. He was happy: "Ah, it's a shovel!" " The master changed his clothes and took a look here: "Hey! How did you cut the horse? " "This saddle can't be installed. Look, it's loaded! " "Yes, you are on it. Where am I going to ride? You are so useless. If you delay your business, I will be punished. You are killing me! " "ah! This is my temper. Use it if you like. I'll go by myself. " The master listened and said, "I admit it. Who told me to recruit people today, then why don't I set up a car? " The owner is in a car, and he is in a hurry. As soon as he left the city, there was a river. The mule waded along without moving forward. The master kept complaining in the car: "look, how do you delay things?" If the horse goes there, the mule will have to go around for miles, so it will delay business. " "Don't complain about mules," he said. "I don't care about it. I'll take you there. You are on a business trip. I'll drive around and wait for you there. " The master said, "Good". He squatted down, carrying his master's back, and walked to the middle of the river. The master thought that he was afraid that I would miss something, and no matter how deep the water was, he would carry me on his back. Walk through the water I lost my temper with joy and said, "I don't blame you for cutting the horse." You carry me across the river and I'll give you twenty taels of silver. " "Thank you, sir." As soon as he gave up, he threw his master into the river! I almost drowned my master. The master said, "Hey! Why did you throw me into the river? " "Thank you, master." "cross the river and thank you!" "Yes, you won't cross the river and enjoy it again!" The master said to himself, I admit it. I haven't finished my business. I'm a rat! "Don't go, let's go back!"

At the yamen, the master went into the back room to change clothes. When he went out, he saw the chronically ill child sitting there in the sun. The master said, "Slow!" He rolled his eyes and looked at the silence of his master. The master said, "I called you, did you hear me?" "I heard it." "I heard why you don't agree?" "Didn't I look at you with my eyes?" "Oh, look, even if I said yes! Young master? " "Which one do you ask?" "Where is Sir?" "Isn't that gentleman at school?" "Second young master?" "I fell into the well." "ah? How much did you lose? " "I fell in early in the morning." "Why didn't you say so earlier?" "You ask very urgent. Don't ask in a hurry. I'll tell you after three or five days. " "Hey, it's killing me. Go get it! " Looking for someone to fish out the child, the master cried and said, "Only this child is smart, and only he can deceive people." Alas! Buy a coffin! "You let others buy, he just let cheap to buy. When he arrived at the coffin shop, they all asked, "How much is this?" The shopkeeper said, "This is 162." "What shall we do?" "That's 280." "Where is this?" "This is eighty." "What about this?" The shopkeeper said, "How many people died there? How can I ask all this? He pointed to the box: "How much is this?" The shopkeeper said, "This one sells for twenty taels. Hearing this, he said, "Twenty taels? How much is this firewood? " The shopkeeper said, "A coffin is different from chopping wood. Do you want to buy it? " "You see, why not buy it? Do you sell it for twelve dollars? "The shopkeeper said," The coffin shop doesn't charge. " "How about twelve?" The shopkeeper said, "You can buy it somewhere else." "Give thirteen." "Didn't I tell you not to sell?" "Fourteen." "Not for sale." "Fourteen, two, five." "Didn't I tell you to buy it elsewhere?" "Simply, fifteen? "He worried the shopkeeper:" Fifteen taels, I'll sell it to you. He took out twenty taels of silver and said, "Give me my change." . "The shopkeeper went into the cupboard to find money. He took a small box and put it in a big box. The shopkeeper came back with money and a set of two boxes under his arm after finding the money. The master is saying, "It's so annoying to buy things. I haven't come back for a long time!" "At this moment, he came in from the outside:" Come back, come back. " Put the box underground for a while, and the master flew into a rage when he saw it. "Why did you buy such a big one?" How many things can this last? If you don't insist, you'll wear out the children's skin! ""Don't worry, master, here's a small one! "The master is even more angry." Why did you buy two? ""yes, I'm busy when I'm idle. The gentleman is dead, let's not buy it! "