Ask for jokes

1. The passenger asked, "Miss, there are flies in the cabin. Why don't they buy plane tickets? " ! "

A: "They are the crew!"

2. stewardess: "hello, what would you like to drink?"

The passenger said awkwardly, "No,no."

So the stewardess whispered, "Free."

Passenger: "Ah? Free! I want a glass of orange juice, a cup of coke, a cup of coffee and so on. . . "So he took out a bottle from his bag and said," Give me some more soy milk! " ! I want to drink my plane ticket back. "

A passenger with a clean plate (not even a leaf left) said, miss, your food is terrible, it's just dog food! !

Guangzhou tourists like to ask: Do you have milk tea?

Hainan: bud juice (coconut juice)

North: wine

Children; Ice bullying

Girls; yogurt

People who make us speechless; Miss, do you have bird's nest?

5. stewardess: "which do you want, chicken rice or pork rice?"

Passenger: "We are pigs and he is a chicken!" " "

6. A three-or four-year-old English girl came running from the front cabin as if looking for something. The stewardess asked enthusiastically.

"Hi, how are you?"

Unexpectedly, the little girl turned around and shouted, "Mom, come on, there are seats here."

7. One day, a flight attendant and a flight attendant greeted the guests. A foreign black stewardess whispered to the stewardess, look, that foreigner is really black! (Laughter) In the second, the black foreigner turned around and said to the stewardess, it was all for nothing.

Before the stewardess asked, the passenger shouted, "Tell the chef that I don't eat pork and don't cook it for me!

8. Passenger: Miss, why is this plane like a toy?

Take the baby behind you and answer, "Do you have any toys at home?"

Passengers are speechless.

9. One day, while serving drinks, the stewardess said, What would you like to drink? Passenger: Is there any milk? Stewardess: Yes. Passenger: Do you have yogurt? Stewardess: Only the milk has expired!

10. On that day, a black man with pigtails sat in front of the seats of two flight attendants. Before taking off, the flight attendant discussed in Shanghai dialect: "This hairstyle looks really dirty. It must have been washed for a long time. "

I didn't expect the lovely black friends to answer them in Shanghai dialect: "Please, it's expensive and easy to cut!" "

1 1. Flight attendant: "Hello, we have chicken rice and beef noodles. Which one do you want? "

Passenger: "I ... want to eat ~ ~ ~"

Passenger: "I want a coke."

The stewardess asked uncertainly, "Are you coke?" "

Passenger: "No!"

Stewardess: "And you are?"

Passenger: "I am human, I want coke!" " "

13. One day when welcoming guests, a gentleman came to me with his boarding pass and asked me, "Miss, can you open the trunk?" I'm a little cold, I want to wear a dress! "

14 ... Passenger: Miss, why is it so smelly in your plane?

Stewardess: Sir, because our plane is crossing the ozone layer. ...

Result: Complaint ...

15 ... one day, in flight.

A security guard watched a passenger turn on his mobile phone and immediately went over and said seriously, "Don't hit the plane with your mobile phone!" " "

16 .. Passenger asked: Miss, what type of Boeing is this?

A: Airbus 320.

G: I asked you what model it was.

A: 320

Passenger: (loudly) I asked you what the Boeing number is.

A: It's Airbus 320.

G: Why are you so stubborn? It's Boeing! !

A: 320

Passenger: Let's say Boeing 320. The flight attendant doesn't even know this!

17 ... More than 30 hat groups came up, almost all of them were old people, with a man in his thirties in the middle. After coming up, I looked at the plane and shouted, it's windy in front, and all the people sitting behind are old people!

18. There was toilet paper in the toilet, and Little Red Riding Hood went in. When he came out, he hung toilet paper around his neck, very proud. Excited elephant members ran over and said, go to the toilet to get this, so it won't drip on you after eating! In an instant, the plane was full of toilet paper ~ ~ ~

A guest sitting next to the 767-300 bathroom called a stewardess: "Hey, miss, ask the chef to fry a fish-flavored shredded pork."

A: Excuse me, sir. Our meals on the plane are all prepared in advance, so we can't cook on the plane. "

The passenger shouted angrily "Don't lie" and pointed to the direction of the bathroom. "I can hear the sound of cooking in the pot."

.......

One day at 3:40 pm, flying time 1 hour.

A passenger was delivering water and said to the young flight attendant, Miss, may I eat? I'm hungry. "

The young stewardess looked at her watch and said, "What time is it? Are you a little hungry at home? If you are not hungry at home, how can you be hungry here? "

At the same time, the old flight attendant who delivered water suddenly fainted.

The guests were calm. ...

Everyone was surprised. ...

19 a day! A passenger came up with a blanket on the plane and asked, "Miss, can I take this away?"

A: "I'm sorry, this is a blanket provided to passengers on the plane and can't be taken away."

The passenger immediately said with a dissatisfied face: "My cousin took two beds home by plane last time!" "

Mr. 203, we have two kinds of rice and noodles. Which one do you want?

Want!

Which one do you want?

What's there?

There are two kinds of rice and noodles. Which one do you want?

After thinking for a long time, I asked: What is rice made of and noodles made of?

A: Rice is made of rice and noodles are made of flour!

Then, rice!

Pour! ! ! !

The most popular cow now.

People don't call people, they call them-slutty.

I don't call me. My name is Ping.

Young people are not called young people, they are called-little P children.

Cockroaches are not called cockroaches, they are called cockroaches.

What don't call what, call-shrimp.

Don't, don't scream, don't scream-watch.

Like is not like, but porridge.

This way is not called this way, it is called-sauce purple.

What's up?-strong.

Whether you are strong or not is called-although you bow your head.

Card games are not called card games, but-killing people.

Being bitten by countless mosquitoes is not called being bitten by countless mosquitoes-~ ~ ~ New mosquitoes even bang ~ ~

Porn is not porn, it's AV.

Chasing girls is not chasing girls, it is called-mm.

Looking at MM is not called looking at MM, it is called-recognition.

Beautiful is not beautiful, but beautiful.

Xx is not called xx, but -day.

Excitement is not excitement, but excitement.

Eating and drinking is not eating and drinking, but corruption.

Inviting people to dinner is not a treat, it is anti-corruption.

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, eat cucumber and pull watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

The blind man stuttered when riding a bike, stuttering to see the road, and suddenly saw a deep ditch, stuttering and exclaiming: ditch! ! ! The blind man sang back, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" " "So they fell into the ditch.

A swimming coach is shopping in the mall. A beautiful lady greeted him. He looked intently and found that it was one of his students. He then said loudly, "You really didn't recognize you when you put on your clothes!"

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know, just arrived!

It is said that on a dark night, on the longest and scariest road, a taxi driver drove there and a woman waved to get on the bus by the roadside. It was quiet all the way until the woman spoke. She said to the driver, "Apples are delicious for you …" The driver thought it was great, so he took it and took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it delicious?" The driver said, "Delicious!" The woman replied, "I remember I liked apples before my death ..." Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... When the driver heard this, he was scared into an ambulance, and his face turned white ... Only the woman slowly tilted her head to the front and said to the driver, "But I don't like eating after giving birth! ……"

Yesterday, I dreamed of God, who said he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I want this person to look good. He pondered and said, take the globe and let me have a look.

Do you remember when we ate roast duck together? You like eating duck's ass. As soon as the food is served, you grab it and stuff it in your mouth like an arrow. I whispered: why can't I see the duck's ass? You proudly pointed to your mouth and said, this is your ass!

Piggy set up a club and said, members should call me piggy's nickname! Dog: Call me puppy! Kitten: Call me kitten! The chicken blushed and said calmly, it's really boring. Go first!

College entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in air, and D has.

The smell of rotten eggs. What is ABCD?

My answer: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg! (this group of XX! )

Beijingers, French and Americans are walking in the desert together. They are dying of thirst. Suddenly, three people found a magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. He said, "I can grant each of you three wishes." The Americans said first, "I want a box of dollars", "There are two more", "Well, another box of dollars", "The last one" and "Well, the last one is to send me back to America". Whew, the Americans disappeared and the French were anxious. I want a beautiful woman, well, I want another beautiful woman, another one, give me a bottle of Erguotou, make two more wishes, another bottle of Erguotou and another one. Beijingers saw that it was boring for a person to drink two bottles of wine, so they said, "bring them back and drink with me." Hoo, the Americans and the French are back.

So the three of them walked on, but fortunately they found the magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. "Ha ha, I am the younger brother of the magic lamp just now, and the magic is not that high. I can only satisfy two wishes of each of you. " The French and Americans thought about it this time, but it was useless to say anything. If they let him get it back, they will die. Let him speak first, so they pushed Beijing to the front. Beijingers say, "First." Beijing touched his head with wine and thought for a while, but didn't speak for a long time. The French and Americans were anxious and urged him to say, "Speak quickly." So the Beijinger suddenly said, "Well, I have nothing else to do. Go home." Whew, the ghost went back.

Rookie: Please be my master!

Prawn: You're welcome. Just discussing ~ ~ ~

Rookie: I have a puzzle.

Prawn: Go ahead.

Rookie: I'm a vegetable. Get off my back!

Prawn: I swear to God, absolutely not.

Novice: oicq means "I love Chongqing"?

Prawn: ... can I take back my oath just now? ! (In the spittle ...)

Rookie: I like a MM. She asked me if I had a Yi Meier, but I said no. Why are you laughing at me, old-fashioned?

Prawn: You should apply for a …

Rookie: weak water is 3 thousand, just take one spoon! I will never apply for another mm again!

Prawn: I feel dizzy. ...

Novice: I heard that there are two ways to start a computer, cold start and hot start.

Prawn: Yes, that's right.

Rookie: Cold start means pressing the power switch directly, but I can't do anything about warm start.

Prawn: Hot start means pressing alt+ctrl+del.

Rookie: I did, but there was no response.

Prawn: Did you press it at the same time? It is only useful to press these keys at the same time.

Rookie: It's a little hard to press … Meanwhile …

Prawn: Try it and you'll get used to it.

Rookie: I tried several times, but it still didn't work.

Prawn: Really? It's simple.

Rookie: Yes, A-L-T-C+C-T-R-L+D-E-L ... But first, how can I press the "L" key three times at the same time?

Prawn: ... dizzy ~ ~

& lt This stone looks familiar >

A, B and C went shopping and found the slogan of a new store: "The latest technology-accurate computer IQ test". After watching it, they were attracted together. When I walked into the store, I found a big chair connected to a helmet, and there was a wire behind the helmet connected to the computer.

A first sat in a chair and put on his helmet. The computer reacted for a while and typed a line. "Your IQ is very high: 275 points." A I was very happy after reading it.

B sat in the chair again, and the computer rang for a while and typed a line: "Your IQ is medium: 75 points." B was unconvinced after reading it.

It's C's turn. C is nervous. His face turned blue when he sat in the chair, and his computer kept buzzing. Finally, he typed a line: "Don't make fun of stones." C collapsed in the chair for a while.

Both B and C are not satisfied, and they are determined to compare the level after practice.

Five months later, the three men came to the shop again. A still got 275, and B also got 125. C's turn again. C sat in a chair trembling, and the computer rang for hours. Finally, he typed the following sentence: "This stone looks familiar."

Move the boss to the toilet

One morning, a mobile boss suddenly felt very urgent outside and had to find a public toilet.

"What do you do?" Cried the aunt looking at the toilet.

"I am a mobile boss, in a hurry. \"

"Don't you know that everything is charged now?" Auntie.

"Okay, how much is it? \"

"50 cents in, 30 cents out." Aunt looked at him.

"Out of things will charge? "The boss stared.

"What are you looking at? We implement two-way charging here. If you set up a bathroom package, you can charge one way.

"Well, I'll pay. "The boss took out ten dollars.

"Shit or pee?" Aunt asked with money.

"Mama of, hurry up. \"

"Well, do you need a set meal? There is a discount for 50 stools and 30 stools at a time. " Aunt said.

"Stop it, I'll go in first and pay immediately." After the boss went in, he chose the last pit and went out for a long time.

"Sir, you chose the No.5 pit, and you have to pay fifty cents for the selection. When you were in there, you didn't say you wouldn't choose to let it go.

Music, so 60 cents each time. Besides, you spent fifteen minutes and one second in it, and the first minute was charged at fifty cents per minute.

And then charge 40 cents per minute. Less than one minute is charged by one minute. Besides, because your excrement occupies our

The sewer is broadband, please pay RMB for another month. Finally, you can see other people entering the toilet through the small hole.

Please pay the caller ID fee 1 yuan. "The boss has been staying there.

"So, Mr. Boss, we don't charge cards here. You have to pay 59.4 yuan in total. If it is overdue, it will be paid per thousand points every day.

We won't notify the late payment fee for the third fee, and we will collect it by legal means when it reaches 1000 yuan.

As soon as the aunt finished speaking, the mobile boss fainted in the urinal with a splash! !

The mobile boss said in a daze: Is there a king's law?

Aunt said: my site, I have the final say.