A funny and speechless joke story

People who love to laugh are never too bad luck, so do you like to laugh? Here, I collected a lot of funny and speechless joke stories. Let's have a look! Maybe I can beat your laughing blood!

Funny and speechless joke story 1 1, flies and mosquitoes are lovers.

One day, the mosquito suddenly vomited blood, and the fly said anxiously, "dear, what's wrong with you?" I will send you to the hospital quickly! " "

Mosquito said indifferently, "Nothing, nothing, don't make a fuss. I just ate too much and threw up!" " "

Another time, the fly forgot his key at night and rang the doorbell to let the mosquito open the door. The mosquito opened the door and saw that the place where the fly stood was full of shit. He exclaimed, "Honey, what's wrong with you? Are you incontinent? I'll take you to the hospital! "

"Don't make a fuss," said the fly. "I just drank too much and threw up!"

2. Fly to the home of bees and bring gifts.

The bee said, "It's good to be here, what gift to bring!" " "

"Nothing," said the fly. "Just some chrysanthemum specialties!"

The bee said happily, "Oh, the specialty of chrysanthemum, is it chrysanthemum honey?"

I opened the present in a hurry and almost died of smoking. The result is a piece of shit. Bees want to cry and say, Nima is really a specialty of chrysanthemum!

3. Female mosquitoes use computer software to choose their spouses.

She meets all kinds of requirements: first, I hope he has a long mouth. After all, he is a guy who eats. It is better to be hard, and it can also be used to add interest to the boudoir. Hee hee, by the way, because he is black, Cinderella, so I hope he is white, a prince charming, slender and strong enough to make people feel safe. Also, the most important thing is to have a stable job, preferably in a national institution!

After pressing OK, the computer gave her a completely qualified answer: syringe syringe!

4. Dad peeked at the photos in his daughter's mobile phone.

The daughter was furious when she knew it, and said, "Dad, how can you peek at other people's photos? This is a private photo! ! "

Dad said, "A family has no privacy. Just like my dad's private kitchen, I don't eat it alone, but the whole family enjoys it! "

At this time, my mother sneered at the side: "According to you, should your private money be used?"

Dad, I'm sorry!

Funny and speechless. Joke story 2 1. The young man suddenly met the priest who presided over his wedding when he was in the street a few months ago. Ask the priest face to face: "didn't you announce on behalf of God that all my troubles with my wife were over at the wedding?" But now I'm worried! ""Yes, that's what I said. The priest replied unhurriedly: "Trouble begins and ends;" I didn't say which side you were on. "

2. A man and a woman fell in love, and one day they kissed for the first time. Man: "Tell me, who else has kissed you like this except me, dear?" The woman did not answer. "You say! I won't blame you. " The man is impatient. The woman smiled: "I'm counting!" "

3. A woman was on the night shift and saw a man following her. This woman is afraid. She passed by the cemetery and had a brainwave. She said to the grave, "Dad, open the door, I'm back". The man ran away screaming in fear. The woman was about to leave when suddenly a gloomy voice came from the grave. "Daughter, you forgot your key again?" The woman was terrified and ran away screaming. At this time, a grave robber emerged from the grave and said, "Shit, it delayed my work and scared me to death." As soon as the grave robber's voice fell, he saw an old man carving a tombstone with a chisel next to him and asked him out of curiosity. The old man said angrily, "Damn it, they carved my name wrong." The grave robbers were so scared that they ran away crying. The old man sneered, "Damn it, dare to rob me of business." Just then, the chisel accidentally fell to the ground and the old man was about to pick it up. He found a chisel in his hand in the grass. The old man was shocked, and suddenly a voice said, "You are dead, and you changed my house number." The old man rolled down the hillside when a scavenger climbed out of the grass and scolded, "Damn it, it takes such a big god to make a piece of scrap iron."

Mark Twain, a famous American writer, once put an advertisement in a newspaper because he couldn't stand the fact that members of Congress passed a bill in Congress, which said, "Half of the members of Congress are assholes." As soon as the newspaper was sold, many protest calls followed. These congressmen don't think they are bastards and ask Mark Twain to correct them. Mark Twain then posted a correction notice: "I was wrong, Congressman, half of them are not assholes."

Once upon a time, there was a private school teacher who taught a dozen primary school students, one of whom was the son of a rich man. He has read a hundred surnames, but he has never read them. One day, my husband got angry and said, "It's useless that you can't even remember such a simple sentence of Qiansun Zhaoli. I will enlighten you again. " Aren't you surnamed Zhao? Isn't your family very rich? Isn't your son your grandson? My name is Li Wannian. Explain it to you in such detail. If you still can't remember, really clap your hands! The next day, student Lang Lang recited: "My name is Zhao, I am rich, and my grandson is called." . "The students laughed when I heard that.

6. A lady is very insecure. She wears jewelry like a Christmas tree and often asks her husband, "am I so beautiful?" The husband told her impatiently, "Beautiful! Beautiful! " One day, he asked, "am I perfect?" The husband replied, "You are the only one who is perfect." The wife said angrily, "What are my two beautiful things?" Husband honestly said: "There is no inner beauty and external beauty."

7. A lady as beautiful as flowers and pure as jade, one day dating three men at the same time, wanted to choose the ideal husband from them. Shortly after dinner, the lady accidentally farted. A man volunteered: "I'm sorry, I let go, I'm sorry!" " Seeing that Jia saved him, You Shi didn't like it and added a lot of points. "。 Unexpectedly, after a while, the young lady farted again. This time, Mr. B quickly stood up and apologized: "I'm sorry, I let go this time, please forgive me!" " "the heroine is ashamed and happy, and she looks at Mr. b with special respect. At this time, Mr. C was anxious and determined to find a chance to compete with his two opponents. Sure enough, when the meal was almost finished, the young lady farted again and blushed with shame. I saw Mr. C immediately stand up and say, "I'm sorry, I'll take care of this fart and the rest."

During the holiday, we went to a remote mountain village to teach. After writing the words "Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge" on the blackboard, the students asked, "Does anyone know?" The student sitting at the bottom shook his head. Just about to explain, a boy suddenly stood up and said, "I know who the mayor of Nanjing is!" " "My classmate was surprised:" Really? who is it? The boy replied, the mayor of Nanjing-Jiang Bridge! "

9. A novice went to collect usury. He took out the IOU and smiled and said, "It's written clearly in black and white. You owe me 1 10,000!" Do you want to deny it? People really don't have that much money, he threatened: hum! Don't be surprised I didn't warn you! If you can't pay back the money tomorrow, your house will be just like it-he took out his lighter and burned the loan …

10. A small passenger plane had an accident in flight. The captain urgently announced that the plane would crash in five minutes. Unfortunately, the five people on board only had four parachutes, so the captain took the first parachute to escape immediately after the broadcast. The first passenger is a lawyer. He said to himself, "I studied hard at a cold window for twenty years and finally got a lawyer's license." I must go back alive. " Say that finish, he quickly grabbed a parachute and jumped. The second passenger is a businessman. He said, "I still have a lot of big business to do, so I'll go first." Similarly, he jumped with a second parachute. There is only an old man and a pupil left on the plane. The old man said to the pupils, "My children, the old man is old and has no contribution to society. You have a bright future. I will leave you the last parachute." The pupil said, "Grandpa, we can escape together because there are two parachutes!" " "The old man was puzzled:" Is there only one left? " The pupil replied, "Just now, Uncle Lawyer, in a hurry, carried my schoolbag down. "

Funny and speechless joke story 3 1, the teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution?

Make the lunch box blue.

2. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" " "

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

4. American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

China: No!

American: Then why is the Chinese character "cup" beside the wooden character?

China people: Isn't there a word "no" next to the word "cup"? In other words, it is not made of wood.

One day, when the national war was in full swing, the guild leader came to the grassland front to boost morale. ...

The guild leader asked: What's the situation?

Report to the member archers: report to the head! There is a Bezos archer beside the tent 20 meters ahead, but his accuracy is poor. He has shot many times these days, but he didn't hit anyone.

After listening to this, the colonel asked: Since we have found the enemy archer, why not kill him?

The archer said: Report to the team leader! No, don't you want them to exchange it for a more accurate one?

6. Soldier: "Thirst … Thirst …"

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place once, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. After a short walk, I may come to the soldiers and say, "Oh … there are plums to eat … Oh …"

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

7. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello?

because ..

Because they are not familiar with each other! Ha ha laugh

8. The little snake asked the big snake brother in a panic: "Brother, are we poisonous?" The snake said, "Why do you ask?"

The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

9. In the tortoise-rabbit race, the rabbit quickly ran to the front.

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly and said to him, come up, I'll carry you.

Then the snail came up.

After a while, the tortoise saw an ant again. Say to him: You come up, too.

So the ants came up.

When the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said hello to him.

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said, "Hurry up, this turtle is so fast."

10, bad news: a pilot fell off the plane.

Good news: He brought a parachute.

Bad news: the parachute is broken.

Good news: There is a haystack below.

Bad news: There is a dung fork on the haystack.

Good news: he didn't fall on the dung fork.

Bad news: He didn't fall on the haystack either.

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