Funny joke phrases

1. Facing the empty room and the cake ordered by himself, Xiaoming closed his eyes and made his 30th birthday wish: "God, I have been unhappy for the first half of my life, but let me be happy for the second half!" Xiaoming opened his eyes and found himself sixty years old.

2. jiaozi just got into the pot, and he wanted to scoop a spoon before he cooked it. Jiaozi scolded at the bottom of the pot: "I don't float, do you catch me?"

3. At the age of 60, Huang Zhong and Liu Bei and Jiang Ziya became prime ministers at the age of 80, the Monkey King went to the West to learn Buddhist scriptures at the age of 500, and the White Snake 1000 fell in love. Young man, what's your hurry? Gates became the richest man in the world at the age of 39, Sun Quan 19. According to Jiangdong, Kangxi became emperor at the age of 6, Beethoven composed music at the age of 4, and Huluwa was born to fight monsters. Oh, mom, do you think we can relax?

4. During the Chinese New Year, my relatives finished eating and walked home with my cousin. On the way, I drove a motorcycle with two beautiful women on it. It doesn't drive very fast. Because those two women are good-looking, I have been staring at them. Unexpectedly, the beautiful woman in the car waved to me. In this case, I didn't respond, so I waved to them. My brother turned his head and said to me in wonder, classmate, what are you waving?

If you have a girl who likes to sleep in class in college, marry her. First, she definitely doesn't snore; Second, it can be admitted to the university, indicating that her IQ is high; Third, sleeping without a quilt does not catch a cold, which shows that she is in good health; Fourth, I just sleep in class and have no time to send messages to handsome guys. Conclusion: Girls who love to sleep are all good girls.

6. When I was in primary school, my teacher asked me to write a composition about housework, repeatedly stressing that it should be true. I don't know if everyone will ask for this. On Monday, the teacher asked a classmate to read. He read: I will help my mother wash clothes when I get home. My mother said to go away and play. I said the teacher told me to do it. My mother said that your teacher has a lot of things to do ... This is the truest composition I have ever heard.

7. A couple is newly married, and there is a "family rule" in the bridal chamber, which reads: Rule 1: The wife is always right. Article 2: If the wife is wrong, please refer to Article 1.

8. The mother took her son to kindergarten for the first time, fearing that her son would be wronged. She said to the teacher, "If her son makes a mistake, please don't punish him." The teacher said angrily, "You will spoil a bad boy like this." Mother said, "Well, if my son makes a mistake, you should punish the child next to him and scare him!" "

9. My wife spent a lot of money on plastic surgery and turned into a beautiful woman to go home in a few days! When he came in, he said to his puzzled husband, "What's the matter? Don't know me? " The husband paused, then said in surprise, "Come in quickly, my wife is not at home."

10, dad saw Xiaoming doing something wrong and wanted to beat him up. Mother pleaded, "spare him this time!" It's not too late to punish him next time! " Dad asked, "That's easy for you to say. What if he doesn't succeed next time? "

1 1. What if I don't want to wash my clothes? Just bring a wife. If the daughter-in-law is virtuous, she will wash your clothes. If your daughter-in-law is tough, you should learn to wash clothes.

12, I was surprised to see your bones, a rare martial arts wizard in September 1st! ~, will be a great cause in the future.