The complete works of curses and jokes

1, my friend recently bought a camera, and my friend said that this kind of camera can remind you whether you blink when taking pictures. I thought it was fresh, so I borrowed his camera. I tried to take a selfie with it first, and the camera really showed: Did you blink just now? I quickly switched to preview. No, obviously I'm wearing glasses.

I complained to my friend: What a stupid camera you are! I obviously opened my eyes. It said I blinked. ?

My friend took the camera, looked at the pictures on the screen, and looked at me again. I said, your eyes are too small. ?

Me: @ # $ @! @*^#。

2. A foreigner eats hot pot alone in a Chinese restaurant. His husband ate all the dishes, then drank the soup in the hot pot and ate it with relish. Finally, he said to the waiter. This dish is good, much like our western food. ?

Lao Wang in the city wrote it on the wall for the inconvenience of the people behind the house. Cattle shit here. ?

The next day, he found a farmer holding cattle and horses in the back row of the house, and said, people in the city are really particular, and animals also have places to shit. ?

4. China people? Where is it? Where is it? It means modesty as a response to a friend's praise. Foreigners unfamiliar with China attend the wedding of a young couple in China. He praised the bride's beauty politely, but the groom said modestly. Where is it? Where is it? ?

Foreigners think that the groom thinks he is unclear, so they continue to speak in blunt Chinese. The bride's eyebrows, eyes, nose and mouth are beautiful! ?

Call names and jokes 2:

1, the farthest distance in the world is not the ends of the earth, not where you will go, but I am standing at the door of a bus, but you can't get on?

2. All three brothers in the family have successful careers. The eldest runs a private enterprise, the second is a state-owned enterprise, and the third works in the National Development and Reform Commission. On his deathbed, the old man said he had a last wish. He hoped that everyone would put 10 thousand yuan to accompany him on the road when he was cremated, and all three brothers agreed. When the old man died, the three brothers stepped forward in turn: the boss put in 10 thousand cash, the second put in 10 thousand check, and the third put in 30 thousand check while crying, and exchanged the cash with the second check.

3, the bridge collapsed, experts say that quality has nothing to do! High housing prices, experts say it has nothing to do with land prices! Debris flow, experts say it has nothing to do with vegetation! Early development, experts say it has nothing to do with milk powder! The expert's wife is pregnant, and everyone says it has nothing to do with the expert?

4. Drinking is the bottom of society, and drinking cards is the top of society;

It is the bottom of society that wants a wife, and it is the top of society that wants a lover;

Farming is the bottom of society, and buying and selling land is the top of society;

Pigs are the bottom of society and dogs are the top.

5. The old man went to buy vegetables and was picking vegetables. Suddenly, the seller said, Hurry up, the official is coming soon. ?

The old man said: I want to hurry, too I am late. I'm afraid the house will be demolished. ?