Close the joke 3832

The mobile phone alarm clock didn't go off recently in the morning, and it still didn't go off this morning. Three minutes later, I set an alarm clock, and then I lay down to see what happened. So I found the problem. Three minutes later, the phone was about to make any noise. The cat sleeping on my pillow patted me, slipped off the alarm, gave me a contemptuous look and went back to sleep. I'm in a mixed mood now. 、

I saw Weibo last night, a female netizen. She wore makeup contact lenses and false eyelashes, painted delicate makeup, and took a selfie in bed. Weibo's words: "Insomnia! What should I do? " I replied, "If you can't sleep, take off your makeup first?" I found myself passed out this morning …

The benefits of bad math 1, people who are bad at math love to laugh, because without math, there is no trouble. 2. People who are not good at math are naive, romantic and emotional. People who are not good at math are humorous, full of fun, rich in feelings and imagination. 4. People who are not good at math are straightforward, practical and won't beat around the bush. People who are not good at math are more beautiful/handsome.

Drinking with my buddy, he asked me, "Everyone says you are poor. You can make me feel desperate in one sentence? " "Your wife has a mole on her left hip" ... His face suddenly changed: "Yes, I am in pain and despair now. Can a word rekindle my hope? " ........ "She and I are deskmates in kindergarten." ......

The reporter interviewed passers-by in Beijing: If you win 5 million yuan, how are you going to spend it? Passers-by said: Pay off the mortgage first. The reporter asked again, what about the rest? Passers-by said: the rest will be returned slowly. . . . . .

You should cherish the people who talk to you, chat with you, send you text messages, or even talk after you say "well", because no one will be full to please someone who doesn't care. . . ? _? like this

On the eve of military training, the officer said to all the instructors: In order to ensure that military training can be carried out in an orderly manner, all the soap in the toilet should be replaced with shower gel.

You are too noisy! Everyone is bored, you know! Why don't you go to hell! "This kind of words from your mouth, even if the other party ignored, also appear your quality is not high. In the future, please express it in another way: "I dare not ask questions when I am happy, and I am afraid." However, this is a problem of cleanliness, and it is a big deal. I am eager to hurry to die. Fortunately, it's even awkward. "

Chatting with a friend on her mobile phone, she said that she was in a car and sat next to a handsome guy. I said, let's make a sound, and she agreed. . . My voice was empty 10 seconds, and then I shouted at the top of my lungs, can the handsome guy next to me leave a phone number? (turning)

When will the waiter's food be served? ""I'm already doing it, and it'll be ready soon "; At the opening ceremony, the headmaster cleared his throat: "Students, let me say something briefly ..." When the bell rang, the teacher said, "Let's talk about the last question ..."; " Mom, where am I from? ""You picked it up in the trash can. "Girlfriend: Will you love me forever? Boyfriend: Yes. -All the above personnel were reported as rumors.